One month until I was supposed to be a Mommy

[theyoda]

I found out I was pregnant and was given a due date of approx. Jan 8.

Then, at 12 weeks, I found out the baby's heart had just... stopped. Justlike that.Just stopped.

I had to have a d&c. I remember wishing my heart would stop too. That was July 3rd. I'm sorry my thought train is really broken right now.

Everyone thinks I moved on. From the day I found out, Ijust KNEW it was a boy. I always knew. I cant explain that one. My husbandhad the same gut feeling. We were going toname him Nikolai Daemon. Months later..and I still grieve. How do you grieve someone you didnt know? Or am I grieving formyself? Ive never been one to feelsorry for myself. That doesnt seem tofit. Why do I still remember everydate...every thing... i stillhave the pregnancy tests. the stuffed animals my husband compulsively bought so hecould say he bought the first teddy bear or whatever are haunting to me... they used to give mejoy.

I just dont understand whyI still cant sleep. its 115 am... sleep isnowhere in sight.

-Z

 

[Coralie]

Oh hon.

I'm so sorry.

I just wanted you to know that I read this, and that I understand, and that I'm so so so sorry that you're hurting right now.

 

[Coralie]

Have you been to counselling?

 

[RuthD]

It is normal to grieve for such a terrible loss and for as long as you need to. Grieving is healing from the loss and we all do it, there is nothing wrong with it. Please be good to yourself, too, so your life will have balance. I am praying for you.

 

[ark_angel]

I know that this is a really late reply, but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! Right now I'm dealing with that as well. I should've been 8 months pregnant now...yet I'm not. I also lost my baby around 12 or 13 weeks and it sucks. It still sucks. It was hard to deal with then and it's still just as hard to deal with now. Healing from these things are definitely a long hard process, but it is possible. Just give yourself time. Also remember that nothing happens for no reason, so good shall come from this...even when that seems impossible

 

[NormanLUnderwood2010]

oh Maam.. Im so sorry.. =(
As what said Coralie "Have you been to counselling?"

 

[Just4Jesus]