long story - either Ive been cursed or its the devil but im at my whits end. no amt of prayer helps. i even have a priest coming to do another blessing and possibly getting an exorcist.
I have had trou le getting a good job that pays well. when i do get a job each time it pays less and less. i habe lost all my "friends" i have trouble keeping friends.
the ridiculousness of how hard it is for me to get anything done is over whelming. i had to buy three light bulbs for my car and still the head lights wouldnt work until i finally spent my entire afternoon driving far to my dealership in high time traffic just to find out that the lights id bought were no good, it too a mechanic to fix one headlight afterthree months. i finally started a job through a temp agency they said in three months id get hired on and paid more. its been 6 months of getting paid 9.85 an hour only to finally get onboarding work done which is still processing and get paid the same $13 an hr - with taxes and ins. taken out it will be $9.90 an hour - i speak three languages btw and cant get hired at any more.
i have been dealing with this for 10 years. first it was depression so bad i was put in psych twice in 2012 and 2013, in 2013 i tried to kill myself to get it to stop and instead was brought back to life and told by God that i could either stay in limbo or come back...i didnt want to come back. he said go forth and love.
in my life i have done nothing but help people. giving roofs to friends and family who will later bad mouth me or betray or steal from me. helping people get jobs, food or a home but no help comes to me.
i will buy brand new clothes and try it on in store inspecting it thoroughly. by the time i get home there will be holes or they will suddenly not fit properly.
as im writing this my phone started crashing trying to prevent me from writing this out. i have been wanting to start a podcast of bible readings to help send prayers to those who need it as i recorded it my dog and my neighbors dog which never barks started barking like crazy, i got up from my computer and i have no idea how but my foot managed to pull the entire computer to the floor thankfully nothing was destroyed.
i literally cannot do anything. i had to quit school because i couldnt get my work done having to drop classes left and right. if it wasnt my computer that didnt work it was the schools computer that would suddenly crash, or the printer would shut down.
my emails my bank accounts have all been hacked into which took a few months to fix. once i over came depression this began to look up i had friends for a bit and my family was back to being with me. now my brothers wife had a misscarriage and my brother has again taken his anger out on me after 10 years of this cycle i told him its 2020 things are going to change i will not allow you to ruin the work ive done you need to pray about this.
again we are not speaking, and again i have no friends because the friends i had made things went well for while celebrating their birthdays and me always making the effort to see them because they all live far from me and do not call me on my birthday. then on my birthday month i had to go to the doctor four times in one month to get someone to listen to me that i had sinusitis AND the flu, the doctor insisted it was only sinusitis. after missing 1 full week of work I go back for the fourth time only to be told that i was right. i missed two weeks worth of work on my birthday with no pto.
i kept praying i kept begging God to speak to me what did he want from me? what can I do to just get a break?
nothing.
then this year i began seeing synchronicities and signs that things would get better but was led to astrology and tarot. i said no this isnt from God so I began reading my bible. the sunday i was reading my bible it had just finished raining and suddenly it was as if the wind was howling in pain in my back yard.
i found a "god bless this house" pan buried in my back yard like someone had tried to bury or curse the home im living in.
i have been trying to save money to get out of this house because i feel oppressed there but each time i save just a bit a disaster occurs - car breaks down, dog gets sick, computer breaks down its always something.
its been 10 years i kept begging my parents to get a priest and my mother tried to gaslight me saying i never asked for that.
An old friend who is haitain her mother said i have a demon attached to me and that its a person who has placed this on me. she said that it is possibly my mother. though my mother is extremely catholic but when i was little she constantly lied and abused me. i was made fun of alot and when i would tell her she would say that i started it. she would comb my curly hair while it was dry and if i said it hurt she would smack my mouth with the brush. when i got my period she told me to pray and God would take it away.
i believe my mother is very evil inside but no one but me and my brother see it.
she even tries to force feed my nephew when he doesnt want it knowing full well that doing so is not right and that my brother and his wife would not like that.
i feel she has cursed me so I cannot leave this town or get a better job. when i was a teen she said i couldnt move away to college because i was a woman and women do not leave their parents house until they are married. Im afraid all this has traumatized me to the point where i am afraid to marry i am 35 years old. i was going to get married once at 26 but she kept putting doubts then suddenly my bf went from being the best man ever to a liar and theif and angry all the time. he didnt know why either. all my friendships fell apart and my life after that.
most recently she tried to tell me everything is my fault. that i attract it.
i went from being so depressed chainsmoking cigarrettes and not leaving my house due to fear. as a child i slept all the time. then the depression made me sleep again from age 28 to 34. Now the depression feels like its gone but things still do not work i have to do things two or three times - logging in, clocking into work, etc. that its now morphed into frustration and anger.
the only time things were good was this brief period between age 17 to 26 when i had finally moved away into an apartment. but then the rent got so high i couldnt afford it and so my parents let me stay in a house they had which is the one im currently living in which is 5 houses down from theres. Since then I havent been able to save any money and each year i get paid less and less almost like shes ensuring that i stay under her clutches.
i finally got a job interview last week for a position in another state i was so excited. the min. i told my mom she put doubts in my mind "are you sure? what about cost of living?" this job would have paide me $17 hour. Then i get an email saying wed love to hire you but we need someone in one week.
she filled me with doubts and frustration and made sure I wouldnt get hired.
then she cries that she never meant for any of thos that shes not doing anything but i cant help but think the devil is making her curse me to control me.
please i need some help. ive been to therapy, counseling antidepressants. i have over 10k in medical debt because I kept trying to figure out if it was just me going crazy or was i cursed and I cant do it anymore. 10 years is too long to live like this. i need more than prayers i need an army.
this is not - there is a time for good harvest and bad this is more.
ive had dreams of rosaries being turned upside down, my bed shakes, demons waking me up, shadow figures standing over me, when i was 14 i saw the hatman with glowing red eyes....i just cant do this any more.
I have had trou le getting a good job that pays well. when i do get a job each time it pays less and less. i habe lost all my "friends" i have trouble keeping friends.
the ridiculousness of how hard it is for me to get anything done is over whelming. i had to buy three light bulbs for my car and still the head lights wouldnt work until i finally spent my entire afternoon driving far to my dealership in high time traffic just to find out that the lights id bought were no good, it too a mechanic to fix one headlight afterthree months. i finally started a job through a temp agency they said in three months id get hired on and paid more. its been 6 months of getting paid 9.85 an hour only to finally get onboarding work done which is still processing and get paid the same $13 an hr - with taxes and ins. taken out it will be $9.90 an hour - i speak three languages btw and cant get hired at any more.
i have been dealing with this for 10 years. first it was depression so bad i was put in psych twice in 2012 and 2013, in 2013 i tried to kill myself to get it to stop and instead was brought back to life and told by God that i could either stay in limbo or come back...i didnt want to come back. he said go forth and love.
in my life i have done nothing but help people. giving roofs to friends and family who will later bad mouth me or betray or steal from me. helping people get jobs, food or a home but no help comes to me.
i will buy brand new clothes and try it on in store inspecting it thoroughly. by the time i get home there will be holes or they will suddenly not fit properly.
as im writing this my phone started crashing trying to prevent me from writing this out. i have been wanting to start a podcast of bible readings to help send prayers to those who need it as i recorded it my dog and my neighbors dog which never barks started barking like crazy, i got up from my computer and i have no idea how but my foot managed to pull the entire computer to the floor thankfully nothing was destroyed.
i literally cannot do anything. i had to quit school because i couldnt get my work done having to drop classes left and right. if it wasnt my computer that didnt work it was the schools computer that would suddenly crash, or the printer would shut down.
my emails my bank accounts have all been hacked into which took a few months to fix. once i over came depression this began to look up i had friends for a bit and my family was back to being with me. now my brothers wife had a misscarriage and my brother has again taken his anger out on me after 10 years of this cycle i told him its 2020 things are going to change i will not allow you to ruin the work ive done you need to pray about this.
again we are not speaking, and again i have no friends because the friends i had made things went well for while celebrating their birthdays and me always making the effort to see them because they all live far from me and do not call me on my birthday. then on my birthday month i had to go to the doctor four times in one month to get someone to listen to me that i had sinusitis AND the flu, the doctor insisted it was only sinusitis. after missing 1 full week of work I go back for the fourth time only to be told that i was right. i missed two weeks worth of work on my birthday with no pto.
i kept praying i kept begging God to speak to me what did he want from me? what can I do to just get a break?
nothing.
then this year i began seeing synchronicities and signs that things would get better but was led to astrology and tarot. i said no this isnt from God so I began reading my bible. the sunday i was reading my bible it had just finished raining and suddenly it was as if the wind was howling in pain in my back yard.
i found a "god bless this house" pan buried in my back yard like someone had tried to bury or curse the home im living in.
i have been trying to save money to get out of this house because i feel oppressed there but each time i save just a bit a disaster occurs - car breaks down, dog gets sick, computer breaks down its always something.
its been 10 years i kept begging my parents to get a priest and my mother tried to gaslight me saying i never asked for that.
An old friend who is haitain her mother said i have a demon attached to me and that its a person who has placed this on me. she said that it is possibly my mother. though my mother is extremely catholic but when i was little she constantly lied and abused me. i was made fun of alot and when i would tell her she would say that i started it. she would comb my curly hair while it was dry and if i said it hurt she would smack my mouth with the brush. when i got my period she told me to pray and God would take it away.
i believe my mother is very evil inside but no one but me and my brother see it.
she even tries to force feed my nephew when he doesnt want it knowing full well that doing so is not right and that my brother and his wife would not like that.
i feel she has cursed me so I cannot leave this town or get a better job. when i was a teen she said i couldnt move away to college because i was a woman and women do not leave their parents house until they are married. Im afraid all this has traumatized me to the point where i am afraid to marry i am 35 years old. i was going to get married once at 26 but she kept putting doubts then suddenly my bf went from being the best man ever to a liar and theif and angry all the time. he didnt know why either. all my friendships fell apart and my life after that.
most recently she tried to tell me everything is my fault. that i attract it.
i went from being so depressed chainsmoking cigarrettes and not leaving my house due to fear. as a child i slept all the time. then the depression made me sleep again from age 28 to 34. Now the depression feels like its gone but things still do not work i have to do things two or three times - logging in, clocking into work, etc. that its now morphed into frustration and anger.
the only time things were good was this brief period between age 17 to 26 when i had finally moved away into an apartment. but then the rent got so high i couldnt afford it and so my parents let me stay in a house they had which is the one im currently living in which is 5 houses down from theres. Since then I havent been able to save any money and each year i get paid less and less almost like shes ensuring that i stay under her clutches.
i finally got a job interview last week for a position in another state i was so excited. the min. i told my mom she put doubts in my mind "are you sure? what about cost of living?" this job would have paide me $17 hour. Then i get an email saying wed love to hire you but we need someone in one week.
she filled me with doubts and frustration and made sure I wouldnt get hired.
then she cries that she never meant for any of thos that shes not doing anything but i cant help but think the devil is making her curse me to control me.
please i need some help. ive been to therapy, counseling antidepressants. i have over 10k in medical debt because I kept trying to figure out if it was just me going crazy or was i cursed and I cant do it anymore. 10 years is too long to live like this. i need more than prayers i need an army.
this is not - there is a time for good harvest and bad this is more.
ive had dreams of rosaries being turned upside down, my bed shakes, demons waking me up, shadow figures standing over me, when i was 14 i saw the hatman with glowing red eyes....i just cant do this any more.
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