Huddle up...because if there's an area where this mature girl, whom folks often call wise, feels unschooled, new and possibly from another planet, I think this would be it. So, I'd appreciate your wise opinions.
Just when I was thinking I had this thing down, a conversation with a friend has caused me to question it. I've spoken to the Lord, and I'm not yet sure what He's saying, and I think considering other peeps opinions can sometimes help discern that. So what I thought I had down was that the healthy, mature, accepting, even holy way to handle the somewhat regularly repeating pattern of meeting an interesting man, thinking he's interested, being approachable and friendly enough to help him be at ease--and then never being asked out, was to assume he was not interested, that I'd mistaken a friendly brother for a possible suitor, to live with that, and still be kind and friendly, keeping him in the he's-not-interested-in-me-on-that-way catagory. and I even thought I was applying some humility in thinking maybe I need to accept that I'm not as great a catch as I thought I would be.
The holy part, I thought, was to be accepting and trust that God has His reasons for this extended time alone. The part that last night's conversation has me re-thinking is that my friend brought up that one or more of these guys may actually be interested but so bruised from divorce or othe life events that they don't dare to pursue or have been left feeling like they have nothing to offer. Well, part of me wants to just toss it all into the very easy compartment, a statement that I've heard said, "Men go after what they want." It's actually gotten rather easy to accept. And so I put it together with the other point and added my own addendum, "If they really found me interesting or worth it, they'd pursue me, in spite of their bruises."
Having said all that, the friend who brought this up is currently in a crisis of faith, so her relationship with the Lord is nominal. I know I can't take her counsel as gospel, but truthfully, I think I kind of want to believer her, at least the part about me not being invisible to men. And I'm not sure how I feel about the rest of it or what a girl is supposed to do with.
Meanwhile, one of them moved far away on a temporary assignment. Before he left he hugged me a bunch of times and told me his contact info was on facebook. Admittedly unfamiliar with dating rules, I took that to be a bit of a testing of the waters on his part. I, being rather shy, thought this might be an easier way to get to know him better, you know less risky for each of us. While on a layover on his way out of the country, he responded to my facebook friend request and sent a note again saying that his contact info was posted on fb. So, a big move for me, I sent him an email a few days after he'd have reached his destination. He responded a week later and among other things asked if I could get the pastor's email. I had it and sent it immediately, and told him I'd be back in touch and say more when I had more time. But then when he didn't respond even briefly to the second email, I just let it go, feeling like I might be a pest. I mean he didn't acknowledge getting the email address, and it seems to me that that would have been a good opportunity for him to maintain contact. I'm not offended and thought the mature and brotherly love thing to do is accept it. So he went in the he's-not-interested category, where he remained until my friend said that last night. Now, he's filed under h for "Huh?"
So, right now I'm very grateful for the Bible verses that remind me that the things I go through lots of other peeps do too. I feel, well, like I dropped in from another planet and the map incinerated on contact. How does one know how to navigate the world of mature Christian dating and mating? Could it be that we've all had bad experiences that left us all frozen in time, so no one's doing or saying what they really would like to do and say? And if so, what's a girl to do with that.
Any thoughts, gang.
Just when I was thinking I had this thing down, a conversation with a friend has caused me to question it. I've spoken to the Lord, and I'm not yet sure what He's saying, and I think considering other peeps opinions can sometimes help discern that. So what I thought I had down was that the healthy, mature, accepting, even holy way to handle the somewhat regularly repeating pattern of meeting an interesting man, thinking he's interested, being approachable and friendly enough to help him be at ease--and then never being asked out, was to assume he was not interested, that I'd mistaken a friendly brother for a possible suitor, to live with that, and still be kind and friendly, keeping him in the he's-not-interested-in-me-on-that-way catagory. and I even thought I was applying some humility in thinking maybe I need to accept that I'm not as great a catch as I thought I would be.
The holy part, I thought, was to be accepting and trust that God has His reasons for this extended time alone. The part that last night's conversation has me re-thinking is that my friend brought up that one or more of these guys may actually be interested but so bruised from divorce or othe life events that they don't dare to pursue or have been left feeling like they have nothing to offer. Well, part of me wants to just toss it all into the very easy compartment, a statement that I've heard said, "Men go after what they want." It's actually gotten rather easy to accept. And so I put it together with the other point and added my own addendum, "If they really found me interesting or worth it, they'd pursue me, in spite of their bruises."
Having said all that, the friend who brought this up is currently in a crisis of faith, so her relationship with the Lord is nominal. I know I can't take her counsel as gospel, but truthfully, I think I kind of want to believer her, at least the part about me not being invisible to men. And I'm not sure how I feel about the rest of it or what a girl is supposed to do with.
Meanwhile, one of them moved far away on a temporary assignment. Before he left he hugged me a bunch of times and told me his contact info was on facebook. Admittedly unfamiliar with dating rules, I took that to be a bit of a testing of the waters on his part. I, being rather shy, thought this might be an easier way to get to know him better, you know less risky for each of us. While on a layover on his way out of the country, he responded to my facebook friend request and sent a note again saying that his contact info was posted on fb. So, a big move for me, I sent him an email a few days after he'd have reached his destination. He responded a week later and among other things asked if I could get the pastor's email. I had it and sent it immediately, and told him I'd be back in touch and say more when I had more time. But then when he didn't respond even briefly to the second email, I just let it go, feeling like I might be a pest. I mean he didn't acknowledge getting the email address, and it seems to me that that would have been a good opportunity for him to maintain contact. I'm not offended and thought the mature and brotherly love thing to do is accept it. So he went in the he's-not-interested category, where he remained until my friend said that last night. Now, he's filed under h for "Huh?"
So, right now I'm very grateful for the Bible verses that remind me that the things I go through lots of other peeps do too. I feel, well, like I dropped in from another planet and the map incinerated on contact. How does one know how to navigate the world of mature Christian dating and mating? Could it be that we've all had bad experiences that left us all frozen in time, so no one's doing or saying what they really would like to do and say? And if so, what's a girl to do with that.
Any thoughts, gang.
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