Hey guys I can understand your frustration, truly I can and I sympathize with you. Check out something on this fb page called "Susans Story".....she also came from CF and her life has dramatically changed. Dont throw me off the bus lol.....just check out her story
www.facebook.com/SolomnsPorch/
==her story==
I am 44 years old. My whole life I have suffered from depression and anxiety. My father was an alcoholic and abandoned the family when I was 12. At 13 I witnessed a horrific car accident involving my best friend and her 6 month old nephew, who died in my arms. I did things most teens and young adults at that time were doing to escape - alcohol and drugs, mixed with self-harm. After a breakdown at the age of 24 I descended into a deep abyss of torment, suicide attempts and a score of psychiatric medications. I spent many a night in the hospital's psych ward after attempts to kill myself and suicidal ideations.
I'd like to give some background at this point. I grew up in a family that was Roman Catholic for generations. We never went to church (due to a falling out between my mother and the priest over tithing) but from my earliest memories my mom always talked about God and Jesus. She taught us to pray, read us Bible stories, raised us to do the right things and talked about God as her best friend. There was no "religion" here, it was just relationship, between each one of us and God. I never had a "conversion experience" because I don't remember a time when I wasn't not only fully aware of God being in and around my family, but I myself always knew Him.
I am now 45 years old. I have been suffering loss of time and the appearance during that loss of time of a little girl. She first appeared during a late night talk with a friend on the internet about 9 years ago, and I hadn't a clue until he asked me if I was D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder). I didn't know what that was, but once learning and hearing him tell me of his conversations with this other personality, I was convinced and I was freaked out.
Over time nights became a scary time for me, for it was after the sun went down that I would begin to not "be myself". Something would come over me and I would feel this darkness of emotions penetrate me, bringing to me feelings of despair, loneliness so deep it physically hurt, desires to abuse drugs and alcohol, desires to watch pornography (and the things that go hand in hand with that), desires to harm and even kill myself. Every. Single. Night. Then I met Solomons Porch after replying to a thread on deliverance. I posed the question that, could these "symptoms of oppression and torment" just be mental illness? That started me on a journey. We began to message back and forth and she asked me many questions, some didn't make sense and seemed off the cuff or random, but I answered them as best as I could. As we talked that first time, it became dark, nighttime moved in and I began to feel very uncomfortable talking with her. This was not due to her or anything she was saying, it was this reaction inside me that brought intense panic, nausea and the desire to run, use drugs, hurt myself, anything to get away from this. But she kept me with her and I pushed through it because I knew there was no logical reason I was feeling this way. As I neared a dead panic, Amanda told me to say the name of Jesus out loud over and over, and I did. At first I couldn't get the word out of my mouth, like something was tying up my tongue. Then it came out in a croak. Then it came out full force. As I lay in bed saying, "Jesus!" (not too loud, mind you, as I didn't want to wake my household), I felt a calmness spread over me like a warm blanket. My anxiety subsided, my panic left, and my brain was no longer going 100 mph like it was banana time in the monkey cage. I just sort of laid there for a few minutes and I began to go over in my mind what had just happened. (Understand, I knew demons were real, and I knew of possession...like The Exorcist...but I never really understood the reality of spirits of 'oppression', 'harassment', 'torment'). I came to the realization that these spirits were real and had just gone through a very physical and psychological fight with them.
The knowledge that these 'things' had been doing this to me my whole life kind of ticked me off. The next day I saw a video by Derek Prince on how to get delivery from these spirits, so I watched it. I was nodding my head throughout the whole thing in agreement with the underhanded deceiving nature of these spirits. At the end there was around a 10 minute or so prayer session of deliverance. I prayed along and as he started naming them, my body would tense up, my chest would tighten and I decided that I was done with being a punching bag for these demons. I said the prayers along with him and with each deliverance of a spirit I would exhale with my whole body, I mean it felt like the air was coming from my toes! I didn't hinder it, I just let it go, time after time, spirit after spirit. At the end I was spent - I was tired, my muscles ached and my face was wet with tears. I had been delivered from many, many oppressive, tormenting demons, praise God!
Whether you are a believer or not, this can happen to you (I thought as a believer I was exempt, but I was not). The true life in this world is not lived through the body, but through the spirit. Becoming a disciple of Jesus is not just about the eternal life, it is about the life we have here and now. We can live through Christ, in His strength, blessed by His grace. I'm not saying I am no longer psychologically attacked, I am every single day, but now, in Christ, and by the blood of Jesus, I am able to resist, and the devil does indeed flee. When Jesus said that He came to set the captives free, this is what He meant! Not only did He free us from sin and death and their consequences, but He came to free us from the evil influences that use our minds and hearts as chew toys.
You don't have to live a tormented life. You don't have to struggle and suffer with negative emotions and mental anguish. You can be freed, and if Jesus sets you free, you are free indeed!
(Just a side note: I don't go to church and I am not 'religious'. That brings to mind, for me and others, of a building of holy hypocrites. I prefer "follower of Christ" and it is a personal relationship with Him, not "do this, don't do that" but rather "I love you, so I want to do this and that".)
