LovebirdsFlying
My husband drew this cartoon of me.
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Some years ago I remember posting in this very forum because I was annoyed that my husband would shoot down my suggestions, and then act as if he thought of it himself when he ends up doing it later. I just want to report that I've moved past letting things like that bother me. If he wants to think it was his idea, let him. I just laugh, silently and inwardly.
It usually plays out something like this.
Me: *makes a suggestion*
Him: No, I don't want to do that.
---a short time later---
Him: Hey, I've got an idea. *makes exactly the same suggestion*
There's even a trope for this, for anybody who is into tropes. It's called "Glad I Thought Of It."
It happened just that way last night, when we were trying to make room in our freezer. The door kept popping open because the freezer was too crammed full of stuff. Hubby had gone shopping by himself, and frankly I sometimes think he overbuys, but that's another discussion. I suggested saving space by taking things out of their boxes and putting them in bags or wrapping them in foil. He said maybe later, he's too tired now, and he doesn't really want to spend the energy. He then shuffled a few things around, with little to no effect, before saying, "Hold on. I have an idea." Whereupon he opened a carton of taquitos and placed them, bagged, in the freezer before throwing away the carton. I suppose he wasn't wrong. It was "later," if only by a minute or so. Also, granted it was only the one item, and not everything that came in boxes. But still, it was exactly what I had suggested. I said nothing about it being my idea in the first place. The freezer door closes now, and that's the main thing.
On the same theme, we bought a new litterbox for our older cat. We placed fresh litter in it and bagged up the old one, contents and all. In the process, we used up one of the plastic buckets we buy litter in, which we usually put in the recycling bin, but we have been known to reuse those buckets for other purposes. Hubby took the discarded litterbox and its contents out to the garbage bin, forgetting about the empty litter bucket. Two days later, it is still sitting there in the bathroom. I've been down with a bug and would rather not step outside in the cold if it's possible not to. That's what stopped me from carrying it out there myself. But I didn't want anything I said to sound like bossing, nagging, or criticizing. "You forgot to take the empty litter bucket out. It's been sitting there for two days." So I simply observed that the bucket is still in the bathroom, and "What do you want to do with it?" In effect this gave him the option to recycle as we usually do, or suggest another use for it. He opted to put in in the recycling bin, and as far as I know, didn't feel bossed, nagged, or criticized. If I had simply told him to take it out, or even asked him to, it may have seemed like he was obeying me, rather than making the decision himself.
How do you validate your spouse? Do you ever just let them think it's their idea, when it was yours?
It usually plays out something like this.
Me: *makes a suggestion*
Him: No, I don't want to do that.
---a short time later---
Him: Hey, I've got an idea. *makes exactly the same suggestion*
There's even a trope for this, for anybody who is into tropes. It's called "Glad I Thought Of It."
It happened just that way last night, when we were trying to make room in our freezer. The door kept popping open because the freezer was too crammed full of stuff. Hubby had gone shopping by himself, and frankly I sometimes think he overbuys, but that's another discussion. I suggested saving space by taking things out of their boxes and putting them in bags or wrapping them in foil. He said maybe later, he's too tired now, and he doesn't really want to spend the energy. He then shuffled a few things around, with little to no effect, before saying, "Hold on. I have an idea." Whereupon he opened a carton of taquitos and placed them, bagged, in the freezer before throwing away the carton. I suppose he wasn't wrong. It was "later," if only by a minute or so. Also, granted it was only the one item, and not everything that came in boxes. But still, it was exactly what I had suggested. I said nothing about it being my idea in the first place. The freezer door closes now, and that's the main thing.
On the same theme, we bought a new litterbox for our older cat. We placed fresh litter in it and bagged up the old one, contents and all. In the process, we used up one of the plastic buckets we buy litter in, which we usually put in the recycling bin, but we have been known to reuse those buckets for other purposes. Hubby took the discarded litterbox and its contents out to the garbage bin, forgetting about the empty litter bucket. Two days later, it is still sitting there in the bathroom. I've been down with a bug and would rather not step outside in the cold if it's possible not to. That's what stopped me from carrying it out there myself. But I didn't want anything I said to sound like bossing, nagging, or criticizing. "You forgot to take the empty litter bucket out. It's been sitting there for two days." So I simply observed that the bucket is still in the bathroom, and "What do you want to do with it?" In effect this gave him the option to recycle as we usually do, or suggest another use for it. He opted to put in in the recycling bin, and as far as I know, didn't feel bossed, nagged, or criticized. If I had simply told him to take it out, or even asked him to, it may have seemed like he was obeying me, rather than making the decision himself.
How do you validate your spouse? Do you ever just let them think it's their idea, when it was yours?
