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OCD, Scrupulosity, Apathy, depression, intrusive thoughts...

Mari17

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Thanks for your concern.
The indifference has bottled up my emotions and placed me in a position where I seem to just be existing but nothing more. But trapped in a nightmare thaht I can't wake up from. Evil thoughts come and it feels like I'm the one thinking them, like my mind purposefully tries to "check" if I react to them. If not, it must mean that it's me and I try to snap out of it. Seems like an impossible endeavour. It's like my mind has been rewired to "think" a certain way, a total reverse of what once was. These associations I guess in a sense were built on fear and when the fear subsided, indifference filled it's place once I was beyond anxiety. I even lost the fear of heights which was always a problem for me.
I'm sorry for the delayed reply. I think it's common for people with OCD and/or people who have been really struggling mentally to experience indifference. With OCD, it's common to feel anxious about not feeling anxious - a back-door spike is what it's called by Dr. Stephen Phillipson, I believe. In my opinion, the most effective option for both anxiety and indifference is to pay it as little attention as possible. Be indifferent about being indifferent, if that makes sense. :) You don't have a whole lot of control over your feelings, but you can control your actions. Choose to follow God and to do the things that go along with that, no matter what your mind is telling you. Do your daily activities, do productive things with your time, even when you have the urge to fill in the time with ruminations and compulsions. Obviously all of this is way easier said than done, and if you simply can't seem to do it on your own, perhaps some kind of medication would give you a little boost? I'm not an expert on meds but I know that quite a few people with OCD take them, even if only temporarily. I do think physical problems and stress can exacerbate OCD, so as you mentioned, those things could also be impacting your mental health. I wonder if you could find access to a therapist who specializes in treating OCD. Perhaps that would give you some tools to move forward and have success in dealing with your OCD?
 
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Z3AL

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I'm sorry for the delayed reply. I think it's common for people with OCD and/or people who have been really struggling mentally to experience indifference. With OCD, it's common to feel anxious about not feeling anxious - a back-door spike is what it's called by Dr. Stephen Phillipson, I believe. In my opinion, the most effective option for both anxiety and indifference is to pay it as little attention as possible. Be indifferent about being indifferent, if that makes sense. :) You don't have a whole lot of control over your feelings, but you can control your actions. Choose to follow God and to do the things that go along with that, no matter what your mind is telling you. Do your daily activities, do productive things with your time, even when you have the urge to fill in the time with ruminations and compulsions. Obviously all of this is way easier said than done, and if you simply can't seem to do it on your own, perhaps some kind of medication would give you a little boost? I'm not an expert on meds but I know that quite a few people with OCD take them, even if only temporarily. I do think physical problems and stress can exacerbate OCD, so as you mentioned, those things could also be impacting your mental health. I wonder if you could find access to a therapist who specializes in treating OCD. Perhaps that would give you some tools to move forward and have success in dealing with your OCD?
Thanks for the informative answer Mari. I'll try and remind my self of being indifferent about indifferent, I really like the sound of that idea. Yeah, I've already wasted so much time ruminating and to what avail? It has only made me sink deeper into the pit. Not sure what kind of medication that would be...In all honesty I've always had a sense of hesitancy when it comes to medication(both out of experience and what I've learned over the years), but at the same time I have to admit I haven't taken the best care of myself lately. I do think that has also contributed immensely to this condition. Maybe I should take better care of myself...Once again thanks.
 
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