Ocd related accidental vows

[DeerGlow]

Hebrews 7 is a great chapter which shows (7.12) that the New Testament believer is not under the law and that (7.19) what we have now is "better" (an operative word in Hebrews) than the law.

The OP didn't say we were under the law, I drew from a concept in the OT about voiding vows which some people say no longer is relevant because we are under the new covenant. Maybe I'm wrong, I don't know, but that is something that helped me before.

 

[Kywy]

I heard that vows only count if its with all your heart and u mean it and u and trying to make a vow. This makes sense to me so i am dont think my vow was really a valid vow. But the bible makes vows seem VERY serious and this causes much anxiety and doubt about any thing relating to vows, especially ones involving stuff i enjoy.

 

[Mari17]

The way OCD works is that you will always have another question about your concern. If you get this question "solved," your mind will bring up another question, because your OCD doesn't want you to be at peace. Right now you are continuing to feed into the OCD loop by asking for reassurance. I think you know (on a non-OCD level) that you are overthinking this. I read somewhere yesterday - now I can't remember where - that the root of the problem is anxiety, not this particular issue. Basically, our brains (as people with OCD) are predisposed to anxiety, so if your brain weren't ruminating about this, it would likely jump onto something else to worry about. At the risk of sounding repetitive, I would strongly encourage you to stop asking people about this. Deep down, your brain knows the truth, it's just making you feel like you're confused. If you stop worrying and asking about it, you will stop the cycle. Whatever you do, do NOT stop doing your hobby. That would definitely be giving in to OCD! Let yourself live with the anxiety of not knowing for sure whether you really made a vow or not. If you really want to kick OCD in the butt, you can even purposely try to ratchet up your anxiety. Instead of "running" from your fear by trying to reason from it, do an about-face and stare it straight in the eyes. Tell yourself, "My OCD is telling me that I may have made a vow I didn't want to make. I don't think that's true, because I recognize this as OCD. BUT for the sake of squashing OCD, I'm going to face my fear by telling myself, maybe I did make a vow I didn't want to make! That would be horrible, wouldn't it? To never be able to do my hobby again?" Make up a whole sob story to feed to your OCD. It sounds weird and illogical to do so, but it's like reverse psychology. When you actually TRY to get your brain to be afraid, it starts to see the silliness in your fears. You may feel anxious for awhile, but if you stick with it, your anxiety will actually go down and you will be able to see more clearly. Does that make sense?

 

[Kywy]

Yeah i will try your advice thank you.

 

[Mari17]

If you have any more questions or concerns just let me know! These are ERP tactics, which is said to be the best way to actually uproot OCD. I know it sounds way easier than it actually is - trust me, I've had my share of religious obsessions, including one similar to the one you're going through now. I wish I'd learned about these tactics a long time ago, but at least I know them now! As painful as it might be, hang in there and do the work. Your freedom is worth the fight!

 

[A313931]

Kywy - I've struggled with OCD and vows for well over 30 years (experiencing everything you decribed multiple times).

It touched me that you were concerned about these vows being unforgiveable and losing your salvation (we share that in common). But nothing could be further from the truth since Jesus chose you before the foundation of the world (please read Ephesians chapter 1). We both are trying to hang on to our salvation without realizing Jesus has already bought and purchased your salvation and no one can can pluck us out of the fathers hand (please read John chapter 10 and Romans chapter 8).

I know this is tough but we both have to change our focus from ourself hanging on (something we can't do) to Jesus who will never leave us or forsake us (no matter how broken we are). Please remember you are very loved (put your faith in Christs death and resurrection to pay for all of your sins, past present, and future). Even concerns about these OCD vows.

God bless,

John

 

[Kywy]

You dealt with vows about giving things you enjoy up for God too?

 

[A313931]

Yes many times.

 

[Kywy]

Did u ever have a time when u were imagining making a vow to God and you had like a whole scenario playing in your mind and then afterwards u started worrying that you actually did make a vow and it wasnt just a daydream/imagination? This is the new one i am dealing with. What helped me with past ones was that God knows my heart and that i dont want to make promises. But the daydream ones are harder to figure out because daydreaming feels so close to praying in your head in a way.

 

[A313931]

Kywy - I'm a slow learner and I've experienced OCD in about everyway Satan could throw it at me (much more than vows).

May I tell you now this is not about vows, this is about your need to know Jesus loves you unconditionally (even if you fail). Please read Galatians 3:23 - 26. Do you know why the law was given (and vows are a part of the law)? It was given to show us we are sinners. That we can't earn our way to Jesus. The fact that you can't keep the law (vows) is no suprise to God. That us why He sent His Son Jesus to pay for all of your sins (not just past but future as well).

Kywy - the law kills but Jesus brings to life. Turn from self effort (vows) and and put your complete trust in a faithful Saviour. Kywy, Jesus didn't promise the road would ever be easy but He did promise to be with us and never leave or forsake us.

Kywy, Jesus loves you and others are praying for you. There is no mistake so many people have responded to you cry for help. Could it be that God is saying you are very loved? Could it be that He is worthy of your trust? Coud it be that you can cast all these cares on Him? I hope you will.

Your friend in Christ
John

 

[Mari17]

I agree with John - this is about more than just vows. OCD is (still!) trying to trick you. It will ALWAYS come up with a new angle to try to discourage you. Don't believe it!

 

[Kywy]

I know but this new one is too confusing. I was just imagining myself making a vow. Sometimes i have like imaginary converstations with people in my mind. It just happens, i dont consiously try to do it. But its its an inssue when my mind starts having imaginary converstations/vows/prayers to God because it actually IS possible to talk to God in your mind. My mind wanders so much and my mind just started wandering about a hypothetical vow until it started to feel so real because i started consiously interarting with my vow, and then when i finally realized it i panicked again. I know its all in my head, but this vow seems SO real compared to all of the other ones, even though i wasnt actually trying to make this vow because it was a stupid one.

 

[Kywy]

Also, i know many have gotten through OCD vows by just ignoring it, but i really don't feel comfortable doing that in this particular situation, mainly because my thoughts arent just intrusive. If they were, then i could just brush them off. I think im just going to just trust in God to show me the answer to these vows and i have been praying about it. I feel as if i already know these vows arent real, but i still want to be sure i am acting inside God's will. I have too much doubt to just go ahead and break these fake vows. I know this method works but i prefer to have a definite answer. I just have a question though, is it wrong to seek confirmation of an answer from God? Like you already have an answer made up in your mind and you are just seeking from God to confirm it? Or should i be coming to God looking for a yes or no answer?

 

[Mari17]

I'm headed out the door but I know how difficult it can be to wrestle with an obsession so I'll try to answer quickly. I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer these questions, but I can tell you that from the outside looking in I can tell this is OCD. I think your next step needs to be to take a leap of faith and assume that it is, even if you don't know that it is. If you haven't already, please check out this article:
The Problem with Seeking Reassurance
Sorry I can't post in more detail right now. If you still have more questions, ask them and I'll try to answer later! Praying you will be able to fight this!

 

[Kywy]

I sooo wish i could use the ERP method but it doesnt work in my situation. I'm just going to separate my reasons why i think i should or shouldnt continue doing my hobby so you can understand more what im talking about.

Reasons for:

• I never purposely made a promise to God to stop doing my hobby permanently.
• I have also vowed many times TO continue with my hobby (as a type of counter vow)
• It might be showing a lack of faith if i stop with my hobby and also affect my relationship with God possibly.
• God knows my heart and that i dont WANT to make the vows

Reasons against:

• Neither of the vows i am worried about were exactly split second intrusive thoughts
• One vow was done as a reactionary vow to a negative thought(which i immediately rejected after i said it, but still worry about)

• The other vow was like a vow i was purposely thinking about(kind of imagining myself making the vow in a hypothetical/daydream way and afterwards i felt so CONFUSED and started worrying if i actually made the vow)
• I previously vowed (im sure this was a real vow) to take my pastor's advice on the situation which was to stop my hobby if i have any doubts, but to continue if my thinking on the situation ever changes.

The problem here is the last bullet because i must have all doubts (reasonable doubts) removed before i can continue my hobby.

 

[A313931]

Kywy - OCD is driven by fear and endless analysis. All OCD needs is a weakness any weakness to focus on (vows in this case). But OCD would be just as happy to focus on something else in the future.

You already know in you heart of hearts that God dosn't want these vows He wants your heart. Did you know Christ came to set you free (Galations 5:1), to remove your bondage (Colossians 3:20 - 23). And made you just as you are (please read Psalmsn 139). Trust Him (please know I struggle as well).

Also recognize you need support from othrers. FYI: I personally see a councellor once a week. Do you have a good Church to love you? Christian friends and family to hang out with? Are you reading God's word and praying (letting God love on you)? God dosn't want us to be Lone Ranger Christians. And when we are Lone Rangers we are easy prey for Satans attacks.

God bless my friend,

John

 

[A313931]

Correction to above: Colossians 2:20 - 23

 

[Mari17]

I appreciate the struggle you're going through. What is happening is that your mind is so honed in on the possibility of making a vow (or not) that you're WAY over-analyzing. You're thinking at such an intense level that you can't see clearly - which is exactly what OCD does. It sounds like your pastor wants to help you, but these doubts are NOT reasonable. Please believe me when I say that you must try, for the sake of overcoming OCD, to stop figuring out this problem. Refuse to engage with it anymore. Because as soon as you've solved this current question, your mind will come right at you with another. It will be a never-ending cycle, unless you choose to stop it. I'm curious about why you say ERP doesn't work with this. What exactly have you tried doing, in the way of ERP? In any case, I personally don't think full-on ERP is always necessary. Sometimes just resisting the compulsion can be effective (in my opinion). I'm not an expert - I only have my own experience to draw from - but this is what I would recommend:
1. Stop asking questions about this particular issue and trying to "figure it out." Of course it's great to be conscientious about matters like these, but you're going way over the top. I think you can tell that by the "OCD feel" of it, and you can also go by the opinions of me and others on this board, who can recognize OCD all over this issue.
2. Live with the uncomfortable feeling of not having this figured out. Maybe you did make a vow. That thought probably strikes fear into your heart right now. Live with that fear. Look it in the eye and say, "I don't know for sure if this is OCD, but I'm going to trust that it is. Therefore, I'm going to treat it like OCD, and refuse to get caught up in its maze of questions, reassurance seeking, and what ifs."
3. Stick with the discomfort for as long as necessary. It's scary, I know. It's scary because right now you can't see the truth. It takes a GIANT leap of faith to say, "I don't know that this is OCD, but I'm going to assume that it is and act as though it is." I'm just coming out of an obsession right now, and it is one of the most courageous things you'll likely ever have to do. The amazing thing is, though, that if you can actually stick it through, your anxiety decreases. You start to see and think clearly again, without OCD in the way. I would strongly urge you to give "facing your fears" a try. I'm passionate about it because I know how debilitating OCD is - and yet, in the end, it is a coward. If you can look it in the eyes for long enough - instead of "running from it" by doing whatever it asks (in this case, letting yourself think and ask questions about vows) it will somehow, magically shrink. It means temporary discomfort for you. But in the end, freedom. If you can't bear the thought of doing it for an extended period of time, just tell yourself you'll try it for a week, even a day. The more often you resist OCD, the weaker it becomes. Zap its strength by resisting its demands. Let it fizzle out and die!

 

[Steve Petersen]

Hi,
I just wanted to know what other people thought about accidental or unintentional vows. I have OCD and i get a lot of vows tormenting my mind to give up hobbies that I enjoy. I still struggle with this but have gotten better at knowing that God knows my heart and that these are just intrusive thoughts. But what if the thought isnt exactly intrustive? For example, what if u use your vow to counter a negative thought but u didnt mean the vow? What I mean is one time when i was praying a thought popped in my head while i was praying that said, "i'm not giving this (hobby) up for you." I immediately panicked because it was negative thought towards God and i said in my mind immedialetly, "yes i do!" This of course cause more anxiety and i started repetitively telling God i didnt mean to make a promise to give up my hobby for him. I know we arent supposed to make vows and i know I didnt want to make that vow. I know you are probably thinking what reason would i have to make that promise and i have no idea why i did it. Would a unintentional vow like this still be binding? In Eclessiastes 5 it says not to call your vow a mistake and not to speak rashly or quickly with your mouth or heart. I feel as though this thought/vow was prettt rash with my heart. Please help

Do you think that God is so harsh that he would punish you for something you did as a result of a medical condition that he gave you? Why would you want anything to do with a God like that?

 

[Kywy]

I am actually really frustrated also. Because i have said that i AM going to my hobby many times but i keep getting thoughts in my head that those promises dont count and only the promises to stop my hobby count.