ocd??? please reply...

[BeccaLynn]

Thanks Shannon! I hope you have a good night as well. I used to focus on the scripture that scared me. I would try and try to "get right" with God when I would read them, but it seemed to just twist my view of Him. I seem to be able to hear messages more now that would used to have torn me inside out it seemed. But, I still try to focus on the verses that help me to see the real character of my heavenly Father, not the ones that OCD will cause me to distort. It has taken me a very long time to get to this place. Now, OCD seems to be rearing it's ugly head in other ways. But, I know that God has brought me so far. In fact, that is what I prayed about for probably almost a year ago. I prayed that I would be able to look back and see where God had brought me from. Often times, it's as if I've moved forward, only to have fallen back further. But, God has never let me go. I like that song that talks about us not holding on to God, but Him holding on to us. So, that means we can let go of this merry-go-round we feel we're trying to control, yet it's still spinning way out of control. God really is more than enough. He revealed that to me one time during a sermon. The words El Shaddai came to my mind one morning during church. I had spoken to a lady earlier who had told me she had struggled with her own personal salvation and having security in it. She told me her breakthrough came when she told God that whether she was saved or not, she was just going to praise Him. Well, that Sunday morning I said the same thing to Him, that I was going to praise Him. I did and that's when El Shaddai came into my thoughts. I told God that I didn't know what the words meant (I had heard them before though). There was a special speaker at church that morning and close to the beginning of his sermon he said that he had seen a tag on someone's car that said "El Shaddai". He then proceeded to say that it meant 'God who is more than enough'. He is. No matter how we feel, He truly is. When I start getting scared or feeling very far away, I start praising Him. That has helped so much. Well, I will "talk" to you soon. Have a blessed night/day!

Rebecca

 

[marcb]

Awesome testimony, BeccaLynn! Thank you for that. I like the conclusion "I'm going to praise God no matter whether I'm saved or not." That's sometimes what it comes down to....

In His grip,

Marc

 

[slguthmuller]

Thanks Shannon! I hope you have a good night as well. I used to focus on the scripture that scared me. I would try and try to "get right" with God when I would read them, but it seemed to just twist my view of Him. I seem to be able to hear messages more now that would used to have torn me inside out it seemed. But, I still try to focus on the verses that help me to see the real character of my heavenly Father, not the ones that OCD will cause me to distort. It has taken me a very long time to get to this place. Now, OCD seems to be rearing it's ugly head in other ways. But, I know that God has brought me so far. In fact, that is what I prayed about for probably almost a year ago. I prayed that I would be able to look back and see where God had brought me from. Often times, it's as if I've moved forward, only to have fallen back further. But, God has never let me go. I like that song that talks about us not holding on to God, but Him holding on to us. So, that means we can let go of this merry-go-round we feel we're trying to control, yet it's still spinning way out of control. God really is more than enough. He revealed that to me one time during a sermon. The words El Shaddai came to my mind one morning during church. I had spoken to a lady earlier who had told me she had struggled with her own personal salvation and having security in it. She told me her breakthrough came when she told God that whether she was saved or not, she was just going to praise Him. Well, that Sunday morning I said the same thing to Him, that I was going to praise Him. I did and that's when El Shaddai came into my thoughts. I told God that I didn't know what the words meant (I had heard them before though). There was a special speaker at church that morning and close to the beginning of his sermon he said that he had seen a tag on someone's car that said "El Shaddai". He then proceeded to say that it meant 'God who is more than enough'. He is. No matter how we feel, He truly is. When I start getting scared or feeling very far away, I start praising Him. That has helped so much. Well, I will "talk" to you soon. Have a blessed night/day!

Rebecca

hi rebecca. I am still really struggling. I cant wait to get some help. but i really do like your writings. I am so afraid my view of God is how i always think of Him, as scarey. If I continue seekiing Hiim though do you think I can get to the point you are at. It feels so hopeless, like i am treading water. please forgive me for being so down. I just need some reassurrance today. thanks -shannon

 

[OptimisticSmile]

he is treading water with you. You just have to trust he is there and he will bring you out of this in his timing. In the psalms we see david in what seems top be of cycle of treading water , followed by Gods rescue , back to treading water, back to Gods rescue.

God Promises to come through for us. This does not mean he will intervene once and it will all be over as we all seem to expect and desire. all I know is we will all likely tread water for the rest of our lives but that God will rescue us when we start to go under each time. His way is the way of life, not death. I see this in my life as God pulled me out when I bacame suicidal. Each time I start to tread water again God holds my head above the water so that I can breath. I have seen him bear me up on eagles wings and I can tell you that although he sometimes leads us down painful paths he is trustworthy.

It is such a leap of faith to just say "I will trust what I cannot see , when its so scary and my thoughts and feelings tell me otherwise" you may believe that after saying that , the problem will be all over and you will immediatly feel secure and feel positive emotions etc. I can testify that it is not that way. You may start to trust and feel no difference but God promises to deliver us, to make our desert places as the garden of eden. In his timing he will allow you to see that your trust in him is not in vain. Do not allow the thoughts to become an Idol.

 

[marcb]

he is treading water with you. You just have to trust he is there and he will bring you out of this in his timing. In the psalms we see david in what seems top be of cycle of treading water , followed by Gods rescue , back to treading water, back to Gods rescue.

God Promises to come through for us. This does not mean he will intervene once and it will all be over as we all seem to expect and desire. all I know is we will all likely tread water for the rest of our lives but that God will rescue us when we start to go under each time. His way is the way of life, not death. I see this in my life as God pulled me out when I bacame suicidal. Each time I start to tread water again God holds my head above the water so that I can breath. I have seen him bear me up on eagles wings and I can tell you that although he sometimes leads us down painful paths he is trustworthy.

It is such a leap of faith to just say "I will trust what I cannot see , when its so scary and my thoughts and feelings tell me otherwise" you may believe that after saying that , the problem will be all over and you will immediatly feel secure and feel positive emotions etc. I can testify that it is not that way. You may start to trust and feel no difference but God promises to deliver us, to make our desert places as the garden of eden. In his timing he will allow you to see that your trust in him is not in vain. Do not allow the thoughts to become an Idol.

OS,

That is profound. Do we trust God or the thoughts? When I am so dependent on my own thoughts to feel secure or rescued, I have, in part, made these thoughts an idol. I have never looked at it that way.

Thank you for this wisdom and insight. I pray that you continue to pursue God in the desert, or wherever you may find yourself. I also pray that we all would sense His presence as an added blessing.

Marc

 

[BeccaLynn]

I agree with what Marc said Optimistic! We can definitely bow down to them, our thoughts, as people do an idol by allowing them to be more real than what God says. I've never seen it that way either. Shannon, I've definitely not "arrived", so to speak. I don't ever expect I will in this lifetime. The constant need for reassurance is one I surely understand. But that reassured feeling is so fragile and temporary. Yes, there is such hope for you. But, not to be where I am, but to be where and who God wants You to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm just cold to Him because I've learned to block out the thoughts. I now fear I block out hearing Him at all. It's always a new battle. But it doesn't have to be debilitating. I want to hear God tell me that I have "fought the good fight of faith", which is what I truly hope I am doing. Also, 1 Samuel says that "the battle is the Lord's". It can be confusing, but I think it means that we are to keep on keeping on, regardless of our thoughts and fears. God is fighting for us in the spiritual realm in ways we cannot fathom. When you speak of treading water, that image is nothing new to me either. I remember, many years ago, crying out to God in my bedroom and telling Him that I felt like I was in an ocean and I was drowning. I opened my Bible to just any spot, and it fell on Romans 8. The version of Bible I was using stated it something like this, (verses 38-39) - For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, no matter where you are, in the highest sky or in the DEEPEST OCEAN (emphasis is mine), nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." When I have been my lowest and have feared there is absolutely no hope, sometimes I have grabbed onto this verse, knowing that He has heard me and hasn't abandoned me. I even question whether in encouraging you with my testimony is in an effort to lift up me or to exalt Jesus. But, I cannot give in to the doubts like I used to. I question my motives, whether I have real faith or trust in God, and the list can go on and on. I pray for God to change anything in me that isn't Christlike, and I just go on and try not to give in to all the doubts anymore. Sometimes I think I've become too laid back, but I desire and seek balance in my life. I understand how you're feeling, and I'm not beyond feeling like that too. Sometimes, when I feel I'm doing so much better, I can seem to slide back again. We cannot give up though. Life is truly meaningless without God, so we must help each other to fight the good fight of faith. You are in my prayers!

Marc, your encouragement means a lot to me. When I read your posts, I truly see a Christian who loves Jesus with a passion. Thank you for being honest with us and being such an inspiration!

Rebecca

 

[OptimisticSmile]

Right now I am doing pretty well. A good day is a day I pray and it just flows and I dont have any doubt that God hears me.

a bad day is when I lack the energy to pray and I have these thoughts of wether or not God really hears me or is in my life.

back when it was really bad there was a passage in Galatians that I showed my pastor and said "see this is telling me that Im condemned, without hope, I have crucified christ again and again and put him to an open shame and as a result I am under the law and Christs salvation is without effect in my life"

I recently read through Galatians and I had never thought I'd ever be able to read that passage again. When I did I laughed because nowhere in it did I see how it could have possibly applied to me at the time. Tonight when I lead the youth at my church I will be starting a study on Galatians.

that is an indicator of how far Christ has taken me. I repeat this because it is so important: do not seek reassurence, do not do research, do not even venture into other parts of christian forums.com it will only lead you down a downward spiral.

for several weeks I woke up with the thoughts, I spent every waking hour reading books on assurence, listening to sermons, reading non-ocd peoples testemonies, looking for someone just like me , asking strangers for prayer for my salvation online, asking my mother to pray for me everyday for my salvation that God would draw me with his holy spirit (how illogical is that), visiting my pastor compulsivly, reading the gospels, praying a sinners prayer compulsively (even though I know salvation is not in our praying a prayer but in the complete work of Christ on the cross)

I guess the biggest slap in the face was going to a christian counselor who did not understand ocd and who took me through the basics of salvation and treated me as if I had just picked up a bible for the first time. OCD christians know the bible well through seeking assurence. unless there are bad doctrines regarding the ability to lose salvation , or a misunderstanding of salvation going through the basics with an OCD christian is really a rehashing of something we've already done a hundered times over in our minds.

my point is, any attempt to remove the thoughts and discomfort will likely make it progressively worse. It is extremly hard at first to just let the thoughts be there but that is what you must do. Do not fight it or argue.

medication may be needed. I believe it was in my case though I did not go on medication. I tried to just let the thoughts be there but they always stayed at the forefront of my attention, couple that with depression and it becomes extremly hard to get your mind clear. I learned that you can serve God and continue on in the spiritual walk with the thoughts being there, it is difficult to grow or experience joy with them there, but eventually God will allow you to grow because he desires a closer relationship with all his children. If we draw near to him he promises to draw near to us. for us, the really difficult time is a time that perhaps God is waiting for us to reach a certain point of drawing near to him before he comes near to us.

I hope that encourages you. I did not believe I had OCD at first. It was scary accepting that its OCD and not a spiritual problem. Had I not accepted it was OCD I would most likely be either dead or in a hospital now with little left of who I am.

you are on the right track by coming to this forum. God knows what he is doing and he sees the plans he has for you, plans to give you a hope and a future, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. It may feel as though you are being harmed. I felt that way, but God will show you in his timeing that you are prospering in him and you were never harmed.

 

[OptimisticSmile]

I like to remember the last words of hymn writer william cowper who doubted his salvation and believed he was condemned most of his life. He died lacking assurence but is believed to have said as his last words "heaven has not shut me out afterall"

though the thought of standing before Christ is at times very frightening , I like to believe that Jesus will pat us on the back and acknowledge, verify, approve of the faith , hope , love, endurence, lonsuffering, and patience that we never saw in ourselves.

we may not have much by way of joy and positive emotions (i.e. sensing the presecnce of God) in this life but when we gain the approval of Christ in heaven we will be compensated in that, where others are expecting to hear "well done thy good and faithful servant" we will be taken by surprise and will be leaping for joy and busting at the seems times ten because we were not sure and finally found that certainty.

at that moment we will be cured!!!!

 

[slguthmuller]

I agree with what Marc said Optimistic! We can definitely bow down to them, our thoughts, as people do an idol by allowing them to be more real than what God says. I've never seen it that way either. Shannon, I've definitely not "arrived", so to speak. I don't ever expect I will in this lifetime. The constant need for reassurance is one I surely understand. But that reassured feeling is so fragile and temporary. Yes, there is such hope for you. But, not to be where I am, but to be where and who God wants You to be. Sometimes I feel like I'm just cold to Him because I've learned to block out the thoughts. I now fear I block out hearing Him at all. It's always a new battle. But it doesn't have to be debilitating. I want to hear God tell me that I have "fought the good fight of faith", which is what I truly hope I am doing. Also, 1 Samuel says that "the battle is the Lord's". It can be confusing, but I think it means that we are to keep on keeping on, regardless of our thoughts and fears. God is fighting for us in the spiritual realm in ways we cannot fathom. When you speak of treading water, that image is nothing new to me either. I remember, many years ago, crying out to God in my bedroom and telling Him that I felt like I was in an ocean and I was drowning. I opened my Bible to just any spot, and it fell on Romans 8. The version of Bible I was using stated it something like this, (verses 38-39) - For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, no matter where you are, in the highest sky or in the DEEPEST OCEAN (emphasis is mine), nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." When I have been my lowest and have feared there is absolutely no hope, sometimes I have grabbed onto this verse, knowing that He has heard me and hasn't abandoned me. I even question whether in encouraging you with my testimony is in an effort to lift up me or to exalt Jesus. But, I cannot give in to the doubts like I used to. I question my motives, whether I have real faith or trust in God, and the list can go on and on. I pray for God to change anything in me that isn't Christlike, and I just go on and try not to give in to all the doubts anymore. Sometimes I think I've become too laid back, but I desire and seek balance in my life. I understand how you're feeling, and I'm not beyond feeling like that too. Sometimes, when I feel I'm doing so much better, I can seem to slide back again. We cannot give up though. Life is truly meaningless without God, so we must help each other to fight the good fight of faith. You are in my prayers!

Marc, your encouragement means a lot to me. When I read your posts, I truly see a Christian who loves Jesus with a passion. Thank you for being honest with us and being such an inspiration!

Rebecca

Wow. Thanks Rebecca and thank God. You have a way of putting things that makes me understand. I guess I can just really identify with you and your encouragement and bible verses help me alot. I hope you haave a good night and I will pray for you too. -Shannon

 

[slguthmuller]

Right now I am doing pretty well. A good day is a day I pray and it just flows and I dont have any doubt that God hears me.

a bad day is when I lack the energy to pray and I have these thoughts of wether or not God really hears me or is in my life.

back when it was really bad there was a passage in Galatians that I showed my pastor and said "see this is telling me that Im condemned, without hope, I have crucified christ again and again and put him to an open shame and as a result I am under the law and Christs salvation is without effect in my life"

I recently read through Galatians and I had never thought I'd ever be able to read that passage again. When I did I laughed because nowhere in it did I see how it could have possibly applied to me at the time. Tonight when I lead the youth at my church I will be starting a study on Galatians.

that is an indicator of how far Christ has taken me. I repeat this because it is so important: do not seek reassurence, do not do research, do not even venture into other parts of christian forums.com it will only lead you down a downward spiral.

for several weeks I woke up with the thoughts, I spent every waking hour reading books on assurence, listening to sermons, reading non-ocd peoples testemonies, looking for someone just like me , asking strangers for prayer for my salvation online, asking my mother to pray for me everyday for my salvation that God would draw me with his holy spirit (how illogical is that), visiting my pastor compulsivly, reading the gospels, praying a sinners prayer compulsively (even though I know salvation is not in our praying a prayer but in the complete work of Christ on the cross)

I guess the biggest slap in the face was going to a christian counselor who did not understand ocd and who took me through the basics of salvation and treated me as if I had just picked up a bible for the first time. OCD christians know the bible well through seeking assurence. unless there are bad doctrines regarding the ability to lose salvation , or a misunderstanding of salvation going through the basics with an OCD christian is really a rehashing of something we've already done a hundered times over in our minds.

my point is, any attempt to remove the thoughts and discomfort will likely make it progressively worse. It is extremly hard at first to just let the thoughts be there but that is what you must do. Do not fight it or argue.

medication may be needed. I believe it was in my case though I did not go on medication. I tried to just let the thoughts be there but they always stayed at the forefront of my attention, couple that with depression and it becomes extremly hard to get your mind clear. I learned that you can serve God and continue on in the spiritual walk with the thoughts being there, it is difficult to grow or experience joy with them there, but eventually God will allow you to grow because he desires a closer relationship with all his children. If we draw near to him he promises to draw near to us. for us, the really difficult time is a time that perhaps God is waiting for us to reach a certain point of drawing near to him before he comes near to us.

I hope that encourages you. I did not believe I had OCD at first. It was scary accepting that its OCD and not a spiritual problem. Had I not accepted it was OCD I would most likely be either dead or in a hospital now with little left of who I am.

you are on the right track by coming to this forum. God knows what he is doing and he sees the plans he has for you, plans to give you a hope and a future, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. It may feel as though you are being harmed. I felt that way, but God will show you in his timeing that you are prospering in him and you were never harmed.

wow. again. yeah. I struggle with accepting big time that it may be an OCD and not just spiritual despite numerous ppl telling me its not just spiritual. So how do you guys mean just let thoughts flow thru??? Seems that is all I ever think is the negative.

 

[slguthmuller]

Right now I am doing pretty well. A good day is a day I pray and it just flows and I dont have any doubt that God hears me.

a bad day is when I lack the energy to pray and I have these thoughts of wether or not God really hears me or is in my life.

back when it was really bad there was a passage in Galatians that I showed my pastor and said "see this is telling me that Im condemned, without hope, I have crucified christ again and again and put him to an open shame and as a result I am under the law and Christs salvation is without effect in my life"

I recently read through Galatians and I had never thought I'd ever be able to read that passage again. When I did I laughed because nowhere in it did I see how it could have possibly applied to me at the time. Tonight when I lead the youth at my church I will be starting a study on Galatians.

that is an indicator of how far Christ has taken me. I repeat this because it is so important: do not seek reassurence, do not do research, do not even venture into other parts of christian forums.com it will only lead you down a downward spiral.

for several weeks I woke up with the thoughts, I spent every waking hour reading books on assurence, listening to sermons, reading non-ocd peoples testemonies, looking for someone just like me , asking strangers for prayer for my salvation online, asking my mother to pray for me everyday for my salvation that God would draw me with his holy spirit (how illogical is that), visiting my pastor compulsivly, reading the gospels, praying a sinners prayer compulsively (even though I know salvation is not in our praying a prayer but in the complete work of Christ on the cross)

I guess the biggest slap in the face was going to a christian counselor who did not understand ocd and who took me through the basics of salvation and treated me as if I had just picked up a bible for the first time. OCD christians know the bible well through seeking assurence. unless there are bad doctrines regarding the ability to lose salvation , or a misunderstanding of salvation going through the basics with an OCD christian is really a rehashing of something we've already done a hundered times over in our minds.

my point is, any attempt to remove the thoughts and discomfort will likely make it progressively worse. It is extremly hard at first to just let the thoughts be there but that is what you must do. Do not fight it or argue.

medication may be needed. I believe it was in my case though I did not go on medication. I tried to just let the thoughts be there but they always stayed at the forefront of my attention, couple that with depression and it becomes extremly hard to get your mind clear. I learned that you can serve God and continue on in the spiritual walk with the thoughts being there, it is difficult to grow or experience joy with them there, but eventually God will allow you to grow because he desires a closer relationship with all his children. If we draw near to him he promises to draw near to us. for us, the really difficult time is a time that perhaps God is waiting for us to reach a certain point of drawing near to him before he comes near to us.

I hope that encourages you. I did not believe I had OCD at first. It was scary accepting that its OCD and not a spiritual problem. Had I not accepted it was OCD I would most likely be either dead or in a hospital now with little left of who I am.

you are on the right track by coming to this forum. God knows what he is doing and he sees the plans he has for you, plans to give you a hope and a future, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. It may feel as though you are being harmed. I felt that way, but God will show you in his timeing that you are prospering in him and you were never harmed.

Thank you. it did. I really am not doing great but I d hate to think of where Id be without this forum here. Thanks. Please keep up the good encouragement and I hope too contribute someday soon. - Shannon

 

[BeccaLynn]

I fought for so long against believing I had OCD. I just knew it was a spiritual problem. I even wondered if I was possessed. I hope I can say that on this website, but it's true. I felt I was different than any other person on the face of the earth, and that for some reason I was excluded from God's grace. It's not true, but my feelings told me it was. When your feelings tell you something, it's so easily your reality, and no one can tell you otherwise because in your mind YOU know the truth inside. You know and live with the horrible thoughts, they don't. You know that whenever someone talks about having the peace of God which surpasses all understanding when your saved, your heart convicts you and seems to sarcastically say, "You've not got that. I told you that you weren't a Christian", but they don't. You know the horrific fear that swells up in your heart when you pray the sinner's prayer repeatedly, yet feel no inner release. They don't. So, it's hard to listen when they are telling you it's OCD and not spiritual. Don't we know ourselves better than they do? When I say "you", maybe this has not been you're experience, but it has been mine. But, I've got to tell you that, for me, it was as if I was beating my head against a wall. I fought and fought to break through this spiritual wall I seemed up against, only to be devastated time and time again. It's had to have been prayer, not just mine but the faithful prayers of family and friends even more I'm sure, that has led to me to accept that I do have OCD. My minister made a statement from the pulpit once that led me to finally seek godly counsel in another pastor friend. He said something like, "Someone can't expect to go about things the same way and expect different results." So, I decided it was past time for things to change in my life. I've made many, many mistakes and it took me a long time, even after going to counseling, to believe me friend when he said I had OCD. I would politely listen, but inside I still felt like if I could get things right with God, then I wouldn't have these problems anymore. Maybe it's part of a humbling experience to accept that this is what I have been dealing with practically my entire life. I feared that I would just be making excuses for myself if I "blamed" the OCD. But, if I want my life to be different than in the past, I must accept it as fact. I know that formerly you said you weren't officially diagnosed with OCD and I definitely cannot give a diagnosis, but maybe you can relate to some of the things I've said. When I found this website ( I do believe God led me here), I cried at some of the things I read because they sounded so familiar to me. I felt like I wasn't so alone anymore. Please remember that you aren't either. Actually, we never have been.

Rebecca

 

[slguthmuller]

I fought for so long against believing I had OCD. I just knew it was a spiritual problem. I even wondered if I was possessed. I hope I can say that on this website, but it's true. I felt I was different than any other person on the face of the earth, and that for some reason I was excluded from God's grace. It's not true, but my feelings told me it was. When your feelings tell you something, it's so easily your reality, and no one can tell you otherwise because in your mind YOU know the truth inside. You know and live with the horrible thoughts, they don't. You know that whenever someone talks about having the peace of God which surpasses all understanding when your saved, your heart convicts you and seems to sarcastically say, "You've not got that. I told you that you weren't a Christian", but they don't. You know the horrific fear that swells up in your heart when you pray the sinner's prayer repeatedly, yet feel no inner release. They don't. So, it's hard to listen when they are telling you it's OCD and not spiritual. Don't we know ourselves better than they do? When I say "you", maybe this has not been you're experience, but it has been mine. But, I've got to tell you that, for me, it was as if I was beating my head against a wall. I fought and fought to break through this spiritual wall I seemed up against, only to be devastated time and time again. It's had to have been prayer, not just mine but the faithful prayers of family and friends even more I'm sure, that has led to me to accept that I do have OCD. My minister made a statement from the pulpit once that led me to finally seek godly counsel in another pastor friend. He said something like, "Someone can't expect to go about things the same way and expect different results." So, I decided it was past time for things to change in my life. I've made many, many mistakes and it took me a long time, even after going to counseling, to believe me friend when he said I had OCD. I would politely listen, but inside I still felt like if I could get things right with God, then I wouldn't have these problems anymore. Maybe it's part of a humbling experience to accept that this is what I have been dealing with practically my entire life. I feared that I would just be making excuses for myself if I "blamed" the OCD. But, if I want my life to be different than in the past, I must accept it as fact. I know that formerly you said you weren't officially diagnosed with OCD and I definitely cannot give a diagnosis, but maybe you can relate to some of the things I've said. When I found this website ( I do believe God led me here), I cried at some of the things I read because they sounded so familiar to me. I felt like I wasn't so alone anymore. Please remember that you aren't either. Actually, we never have been.

Rebecca

Wow again. That part where you are describing howw your heart condemns you about inner peace...that kind of thinking is exactyly what I go through. I feel sometimes when you guys speak that I am speaking. I have problems too with being able to accept it may be OCD and not spiritual. Plus I am worried how to approach it with my therapist and doctor. I am afraid they will think I am self diagnosing myself or something. I mean, if you all have OCD, then this is what I haave. I know that much.

 

[PARCmd]

Exactly! Whenever I read the posts here, it feels as if I'm the one who wrote them, especially the ones concerning unpardonable sin. So far, I had read only one who had obsessions renouncing God (and I hope no one would have such obsessions) because its' far more worse than the unpardonable sin obsessions - there's a feeling of being really, really condemned whenever I obsess or pre-empt about renouncing God.

 

[slguthmuller]

Thank you. it did. I really am not doing great but I d hate to think of where Id be without this forum here. Thanks. Please keep up the good encouragement and I hope too contribute someday soon. - Shannon

I was just wondering how am I going to know when I am sinning and when I am not. It worries me that I dont know like I am not listening to God and consumes my time with these thoughts. I am worried that I ask for forgivesness of sins but like I keep on sinning the same. Please help.--Shannon

 

[slguthmuller]

I was just wondering how am I going to know when I am sinning and when I am not. It worries me that I dont know like I am not listening to God and consumes my time with these thoughts. I am worried that I ask for forgivesness of sins but like I keep on sinning the same. Please help.--Shannon

I am not doing so good. I was just wondering if there was some support or encouragement someone could offer me. Part of my dilemma is this, that I have not officially been diagnosed with OCD, yet I can identify with others such as Marc and Rebecca. I am afraid its just me doing this to myself. please help. - shannon

 

[BeccaLynn]

I wonder too when I'll know if it's sin or the OCD telling me it is. It tells me everything is wrong, and I would wait for the FEELING that things were okay so they wouldn't be a sin then. But, those feelings were very rare. I get concerned that I won't hear God because I block out so much now that I might actually block things out He is convicting me of. What seems to help, and I often get off track with this, but is to have a prayer time every day. A time when I read a chapter in Psalms or scripture that is encouraging to me (I really like to read the Psalms. David sure had his highs and lows!). I spend time praising God for who He is and tell Him I love Him. There's the conviction in my heart that I'm lying, but I choose to go on. It's like if I can make myself do what I know I should, my feelings eventually will follow. I can't let them lead the show. I confess things that I KNOW are sins, yet tell God I want to be open for Him to change me and to help me be that way. Also, when you talk about being afraid to talk to your therapist and doctor, it makes me wonder about your therapist. Maybe he/she is wonderful, but not every therapist is for everyone. I think we need to have someone we can be open with without fear or intimidation. Some of the things we need to share can be embarrassing or intimidating enough without worrying how they are going to respond. Is this the only therpist you have seen? How do you feel about past sessions with him/her?

Rebecca

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I was just wondering how am I going to know when I am sinning and when I am not. It worries me that I dont know like I am not listening to God and consumes my time with these thoughts. I am worried that I ask for forgivesness of sins but like I keep on sinning the same. Please help.--Shannon

OCD is treatable, so it's important to share with your therapist/doctor what is happening to you. The difficulty with message boards like this is that sometimes the symptoms we see here are like us (I have many of these too), but that isn't always the total picture, but can definitely give us a direction to go. That's where the doc comes in. If your therapist isn't a Christian it may be something difficult to discuss when trying to look at what may be OCD and what may be spiritual issues.

I believe that it is possible that OCD can make it more difficult to stop some sins that we know are sins.

 

[slguthmuller]

I wonder too when I'll know if it's sin or the OCD telling me it is. It tells me everything is wrong, and I would wait for the FEELING that things were okay so they wouldn't be a sin then. But, those feelings were very rare. I get concerned that I won't hear God because I block out so much now that I might actually block things out He is convicting me of. What seems to help, and I often get off track with this, but is to have a prayer time every day. A time when I read a chapter in Psalms or scripture that is encouraging to me (I really like to read the Psalms. David sure had his highs and lows!). I spend time praising God for who He is and tell Him I love Him. There's the conviction in my heart that I'm lying, but I choose to go on. It's like if I can make myself do what I know I should, my feelings eventually will follow. I can't let them lead the show. I confess things that I KNOW are sins, yet tell God I want to be open for Him to change me and to help me be that way. Also, when you talk about being afraid to talk to your therapist and doctor, it makes me wonder about your therapist. Maybe he/she is wonderful, but not every therapist is for everyone. I think we need to have someone we can be open with without fear or intimidation. Some of the things we need to share can be embarrassing or intimidating enough without worrying how they are going to respond. Is this the only therpist you have seen? How do you feel about past sessions with him/her?

Rebecca

I have only had one session with this therapist. I am just so nervouse this is a complietely spiritual issue and they wont hear my cries when I suggest maybe it is OCD. I really dont know if it is, I only know I really really identify with you Rebecca and I am being driven crazy with these thoughts.I am scaared most of the time like I am not ready or really saved. and my appt. are still a week away and they currentlyhave me diagnosed as bi polar and the meds dont help. not with my thoughts any ways. please pray for me.

 

[BeccaLynn]

I will and do pray for you. Actually, I went to a well-known psychologist in my area on the advice of my doctor's nurse practitioner a while back. He diagnosed me as being bi-polar without the mania. My minister friend, who definitely agrees with the diagnosis of OCD ( I was diagnosed about 6-7 years ago), isn't so sure that is accurate. Some medicines work better for some people than they do for others. I know that it can be tricky trying to get the right one. I've heard that it takes a good 6 weeks to get into the system well enough to notice if it's working or not. Is your therapist a Christian? I've read that some prefer to see a counselor who is not a Christian because they deal with mental disorders from a completely medical perspective. Others prefer a Christian counselor because he/she should know what they are talking about when they talk about worrying over not being saved, etc. Personally, I didn't talk to the psychologist I saw the last time about my struggles with salvation at all. I am someone who needs Christian counseling by someone who understands the medical side as well. I know how very terrifying it is to be hounded by the doubts about being truly saved. You can tell people that you are a Christian, but inside, the doubts make you feel as if you are a liar. I have called church prayer lines and asked for prayer, gone to the altar repeatedly, and prayed probably hundreds of times to be saved when I've been alone, but no internal breakthrough was reached during any of this. I've talked to some who've told me it's the devil, some who've told me that I'm not really a Christian, and some who have sympathized and wanted me to have the peace I so desperately wanted for myself. I've been beyond feeling convicted to the point to where I felt condemned. When someone feels conviction, it is God drawing them to Him to turn them away from the wrong path to the right one. Condemnation has no hope. That was absolutely me, no hope. Shannon, there really is hope. As I said in an earlier post, I still don't feel secure, but I choose to praise God and go on. This is the one way of keeping my sanity and hopefully, breaking this cycle which kept me bound in invisible chains for so very long. I just have to take God at His Word. That's what faith is anyway. I want the feelings to go along with them, but I just don't have them. Sometimes I think I might have some, but I can't tear scripture apart like I used to, seeing me in every verse that talked about someone who was eternally lost. I encourage you to read the scriptures that talk about God's love for you. Read the Psalms. That's about my favorite. I mostly read the Psalms. Many times David felt as if God had abandoned Him, but he usually ends out declaring his faith in Him regardless. At other times, he's singing God's praises because He has seen him through. God isn't an evil tyrant like we so often have pictured Him. He wouldn't have sent Jesus to die on the cross for us if He had no interest in our lives. Again, I do pray for you and I understand.

Rebecca