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ocd??? please reply...

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slguthmuller

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Hi. I am new here. I am a Christian. I struggle with ongoing and looping thoughts that really torture me. Like thoughts such as... "do I really believe" or do I believe in my heart. or do I really have faith. I know I believe that I am a sinner, I know Christ died for sinners. I just get tortuted and I mean tortured with the thought, Have I put my trust in Him. I know I want to and I have cried out to him but I cannot relax in Jesus. I keep having repetitive thoughts about not being saved somehow because I might not secretly be trusting Him. Its like a nagging little thought cycle that wants me to always question my salvation. Also because of this I am afraid of Jesus coming back lest I not have all this figured out. Please help me. I have not gone to work in a month, been hospitalized for 2 wks, and been diagnosed with bi polar but sounds laately like more like an ocd that I have. I jusst want to trust Jesus and know I am and grow in Him. My thoughts are terrible.
 

QUannie

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Slguthmuller,
I am sorry for what you are going through! And Wiggsfly is right, you are not alone. Welcome to the forum!
Are you in counseling or any kind of help?
I too have those horrible thoughts. I am just learning to know how to handle my OCD.
If you have asked Jesus to be your Savior, by faith, no matter if it is small or weak faith, He has become your Savior!He cannot lie or betray you. His Word, the Bible is 1000% TRUTH! If He says anyone who comes to Him will by no means be cast out! That would mean you and me and everyone else who has asked Jesus to be their Savior!
Feelings will betray you. You will not always feel saved, that is why we are saved by grace {Jesus death and resurection it is already done!}through faith{belief and trust, not matter how small or weak it is}!!
I am so grateful we do not have to rely on our merit, our Wonderful Savior has done it all!!! Continue to believe in Him, and find counseling that can help you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
I prayed for you!!!

Love,
Q
 
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slguthmuller

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Slguthmuller,
I am sorry for what you are going through! And Wiggsfly is right, you are not alone. Welcome to the forum!
Are you in counseling or any kind of help?
I too have those horrible thoughts. I am just learning to know how to handle my OCD.
If you have asked Jesus to be your Savior, by faith, no matter if it is small or weak faith, He has become your Savior!He cannot lie or betray you. His Word, the Bible is 1000% TRUTH! If He says anyone who comes to Him will by no means be cast out! That would mean you and me and everyone else who has asked Jesus to be their Savior!
Feelings will betray you. You will not always feel saved, that is why we are saved by grace {Jesus death and resurection it is already done!}through faith{belief and trust, not matter how small or weak it is}!!
I am so grateful we do not have to rely on our merit, our Wonderful Savior has done it all!!! Continue to believe in Him, and find counseling that can help you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
I prayed for you!!!

Love,
Q
thank you. I dont know how to use this post site well. so i am just wanting to say thanks. if you haave any other encouragement i am open for it!! not that what you saaid isnt enough. my mind just races alot and i cant keep up with all the doubts and fears. and having learned that it could actually be an illness further confuses me a little.
 
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slguthmuller

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I will keep you in my prayers. My own OCD gives me repetitive thoughts as well, and although it has never kept me out of work for more than a day at a time dealing with it gets extremely tiring after a while.

One thing is for certain, you're not alone.
thank you. do you actually have the same thoughts that I mentioned? wow. if you do. i thought i was weird. How can i tell if I truely trust Jesus. I know I can and I believe him. Is that faith? Any insight on ocd would be helpful too. I have been diagnosed bipolaar not ocd yet so I have to bring it up to my therapist on the 20th.
 
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BeccaLynn

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Please know that you are by no means alone. I have struggled with being a "real" Christian my entire life it seems. Sometimes I have awakened with an overwhelming fear of Jesus' return, and my thoughts that I haven't truly accepted Him as my own Savior have tortured me. I have prayed so many times to be saved, even marking it down on my calendar that This is the day I became a Christian, only to do it again because I didn't feel any different or didn't believe as I should. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but I get caught up in the fear that if I was right with God, then I wouldn't have the struggle that I do. I will write more when I have the time. I felt I just needed to respond to you about this to let you know that there is hope. For so long, I felt like an island (isolated) and that nothing I could do would change the fact that I just couldn't seem to trust in Jesus as others do. I am beginning to see a light at the end of this seemingly endless darkness though, and I will pray for you.

Rebecca
 
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slguthmuller

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Please know that you are by no means alone. I have struggled with being a "real" Christian my entire life it seems. Sometimes I have awakened with an overwhelming fear of Jesus' return, and my thoughts that I haven't truly accepted Him as my own Savior have tortured me. I have prayed so many times to be saved, even marking it down on my calendar that This is the day I became a Christian, only to do it again because I didn't feel any different or didn't believe as I should. I have been diagnosed with OCD, but I get caught up in the fear that if I was right with God, then I wouldn't have the struggle that I do. I will write more when I have the time. I felt I just needed to respond to you about this to let you know that there is hope. For so long, I felt like an island (isolated) and that nothing I could do would change the fact that I just couldn't seem to trust in Jesus as others do. I am beginning to see a light at the end of this seemingly endless darkness though, and I will pray for you.

Rebecca
Thanks. ALOT. I am sooo glad you answered me. I think that it would be nice if we could talk some more. I think I am at the very beginning of my journy into figuriing out maybe that I have OCD. I would LOVE to hear more from you since you seem to be farther ahead in yours. Thank God He has put you people and this forum here. It (overwhelming doubts fears and thoughts, ocd) seems to be at my side all the time making my life miserable, at least if I am seeking God. I have run from this and God before for years and pushed it all away but thank God he didnt let my heart be hardened and He sstill forgives me when I come back. But I need to get through this stuff. Its on my mind all the time. please write back. thanks. --Shannon
 
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BeccaLynn

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Shannon,

I still have lots of days when I just feel as if I'm pretending that my relationship with God is real. That I'm not genuine. But, I'm trying to learn to just let it go. Before, I would read the Bible, pray repeatedly for God to rescue me from what I felt was a hardened heart to Him, cry ALOT because I felt hopeless, etc. My very first post on this website was probably around several months ago. It was all about salvation and my fear that I wasn't really saved. A torturing fear, as your mentioned previously. A fear that would greet me every morning, be on my mind seemingly all of the time (and if I wasn't thinking about it, it was still in the background keeping me from enjoying life or telling me that I must really not care about having a relationship with God since I wasn't addressing those thoughts by reading the Bible or praying or getting serious about my getting right with God at that very moment), harass me during my waking hours and, often, make my sleep restless. My heart would feel as if it was going to beat out of my chest during church sermons talking about salvation. I honestly felt many times that I must be some truly evil, hard-hearted person who would just not submit to God. Although I still do struggle with being genuine, having TRULY repented ( I never have FELT as if I could mean it), having the faith needed, trusting Jesus, knowing that I know that I'm saved, etc., I'm believing that God led me to this website to show me I am not alone, that He's heard my cries and prayers, and to offer me hope when I've felt there was no hope for me. I also have seen a pastor friend I've known all of my life for counseling. He has counseled with my mother in the past (she actually had a nervous break-down because of thoughts she had), and knows my family very well. He is compassionate and understanding and has been a huge encourager to me. He doesn't judge or condemn, but listens and offers godly advice for me to live by. I try to read and pray every day. I tell God sometimes that His word says that "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved", and even though I don't FEEL it, I've done all I know to do. I often feel distanced from Him, but I try not to go by feelings so much anymore, because doing so just messed with my mind all the more. I try to go by what I know, what the Bible says, and not by what I feel. For a long time, I would come to this website just to see if anyone else was struggling with certain things as I was. When I start panicking about being saved, which I do not do as often, I just tell myself that I may have faith that is small, but it is placed in a big God (someone else on this sight said that and it has encouraged me greatly). Before, I would try to deal with every fearful thought, but it only led to greater frustration and hopelessness. Now, I just don't go down that road. I take a different path in my mind, so to say, than I used to take. Sometimes it's as if I've hardened my heart to God because I brush the thoughts away and don't tend to them, but it has actually been conditioning me to letting the thoughts go so that I can actually live my life. Before, I was just existing pretty much. I've had to tell myself a lot that God understands. He made me and I'm of value to Him. So many others on this website have encouraged me and offered me wise advice since they do understand so well. Feeling as if I was so different from "normal" people who could love Jesus only added to the paralyzing fear that consumed me. I tried to battle it alone, crying mostly out to God instead of verbally seeking help from anyone since they surely wouldn't understand and would think I was crazy, or so my mind told me. I often saw myself as a picture on a poster I remember. The kitten was hanging by its claws onto a branch and the wording above it said, "Hold on baby!" I felt as if I was trying to hold on and pull myself up, because if I fell it would all be over with. But I never seemed to get a better grip, just kept dangling and trying to claw my way to safety. When the Bible says that we are to encourage one another in the faith, I believe that this website is a tremendous example of that. It's taken a long time for me to take some of the advice I've received. But then, I practiced trying to deal with every thought for so long that it was as if I had to reprogram my mind to not attack every fear. Whenever you get discouraged, don't lose heart. No matter what our fears may say, our God says He will never leave us or forsake us, and He cannot lie.

Rebecca
 
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slguthmuller

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Shannon,

I still have lots of days when I just feel as if I'm pretending that my relationship with God is real. That I'm not genuine. But, I'm trying to learn to just let it go. Before, I would read the Bible, pray repeatedly for God to rescue me from what I felt was a hardened heart to Him, cry ALOT because I felt hopeless, etc. My very first post on this website was probably around several months ago. It was all about salvation and my fear that I wasn't really saved. A torturing fear, as your mentioned previously. A fear that would greet me every morning, be on my mind seemingly all of the time (and if I wasn't thinking about it, it was still in the background keeping me from enjoying life or telling me that I must really not care about having a relationship with God since I wasn't addressing those thoughts by reading the Bible or praying or getting serious about my getting right with God at that very moment), harass me during my waking hours and, often, make my sleep restless. My heart would feel as if it was going to beat out of my chest during church sermons talking about salvation. I honestly felt many times that I must be some truly evil, hard-hearted person who would just not submit to God. Although I still do struggle with being genuine, having TRULY repented ( I never have FELT as if I could mean it), having the faith needed, trusting Jesus, knowing that I know that I'm saved, etc., I'm believing that God led me to this website to show me I am not alone, that He's heard my cries and prayers, and to offer me hope when I've felt there was no hope for me. I also have seen a pastor friend I've known all of my life for counseling. He has counseled with my mother in the past (she actually had a nervous break-down because of thoughts she had), and knows my family very well. He is compassionate and understanding and has been a huge encourager to me. He doesn't judge or condemn, but listens and offers godly advice for me to live by. I try to read and pray every day. I tell God sometimes that His word says that "if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved", and even though I don't FEEL it, I've done all I know to do. I often feel distanced from Him, but I try not to go by feelings so much anymore, because doing so just messed with my mind all the more. I try to go by what I know, what the Bible says, and not by what I feel. For a long time, I would come to this website just to see if anyone else was struggling with certain things as I was. When I start panicking about being saved, which I do not do as often, I just tell myself that I may have faith that is small, but it is placed in a big God (someone else on this sight said that and it has encouraged me greatly). Before, I would try to deal with every fearful thought, but it only led to greater frustration and hopelessness. Now, I just don't go down that road. I take a different path in my mind, so to say, than I used to take. Sometimes it's as if I've hardened my heart to God because I brush the thoughts away and don't tend to them, but it has actually been conditioning me to letting the thoughts go so that I can actually live my life. Before, I was just existing pretty much. I've had to tell myself a lot that God understands. He made me and I'm of value to Him. So many others on this website have encouraged me and offered me wise advice since they do understand so well. Feeling as if I was so different from "normal" people who could love Jesus only added to the paralyzing fear that consumed me. I tried to battle it alone, crying mostly out to God instead of verbally seeking help from anyone since they surely wouldn't understand and would think I was crazy, or so my mind told me. I often saw myself as a picture on a poster I remember. The kitten was hanging by its claws onto a branch and the wording above it said, "Hold on baby!" I felt as if I was trying to hold on and pull myself up, because if I fell it would all be over with. But I never seemed to get a better grip, just kept dangling and trying to claw my way to safety. When the Bible says that we are to encourage one another in the faith, I believe that this website is a tremendous example of that. It's taken a long time for me to take some of the advice I've received. But then, I practiced trying to deal with every thought for so long that it was as if I had to reprogram my mind to not attack every fear. Whenever you get discouraged, don't lose heart. No matter what our fears may say, our God says He will never leave us or forsake us, and He cannot lie.

Rebecca
I dont know how to thank you Rebecca. Please keep chatting with me for a while. I have more too say but have to go to an appt. I am seeking med. help. did you ever do that for ocd?. just wondered. thanks again. talk to yoou soon.
 
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BeccaLynn

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I battled with the fears of being eternally lost and feeling like I was different from others ever since childhood. Although they became more embedded and fearful as I got older, I didn't seek help or even open up to anyone about the thoughts (and believe me, I've had some horrid thoughts!!) until I was around 21. I first told my mother, and was so surprised to hear her say that she had hoped I would never go through anything like she had. I'm not glad my mother experienced anything similar, but I was glad she understood. I tried several anti-depressants that my general practitioner had prescribed when I was in my early 20's. I knew that I was depressed, but felt like if I could get in right relationship with God, that all the JUNK I was dealing with would be taken care of. Which, of course, proved even more to me that I was lost because it wouldn't go away. None of the anti-depressants really worked and I didn't tell my GP much at all of what was really going on with me. Finally, after the birth of my son, I really knew I needed help. I was referred to a psychologist who was also a Christian. He told me I had OCD and sent me to a psychiatrist who could prescribe me something specifically for OCD. The medicine, Luvox, helped in some areas, but seemed to make my thoughts worse in other areas. I took myself off after about 1 or 1 1//2 years on it. I seemed to get angry really easy the longer I was on it. It is the only medicine that I tried that actually did help in some areas though. I tried something that I found online that said it could treat OCD the natural way. I did't purchase it online but went to a drugstore and bought some. It did nothing to help me. Currently, I am not taking anything to treat it. What I have been doing though is going to my minister friend about once a week. Although I've not seen him for about a month now to actually sit down and talk, he has been so understanding and patient with me. He has also given me wise advice for things in my life that seem to be so much harder due to the OCD. Especially when it comes to my son. When I felt I was being a terrible parent, the OCD became really bad and I would zone in on trying to be a better mother to him, etc. But everything in my life would seem so out of balance. When I focus on one thing, it seems that that's where ALL my attention goes, and I cannot accomplish anything else. He has helped me to learn how to seek God for balance. One thing that has truly helped me also, of course I did tell you that this website has been a real blessing, has been to understand that God isn't angry with me. That He does understand and He's not tired of fooling with me. That's what the OCD would tell me, which would make me feel even more alientated from Him. Now I try to see Him as He is, a loving Father who cries with me when I cry, laughs when I laugh, picks me up when I fall, and is eager for me to spend time with Him. The more I've tried to relax and not work on "earning" His affection or approval and focus on His truth, the less I place importance on the unwanted thoughts and feelings. Do I still struggle as to whether I'm truly saved or not? Yes! But I don't give it the front seat in my life anymore. I even say out loud to God that He understands even when I don't, and I'm just going to praise Him regardless. That has made my life more like a life being lived instead of feeling like a lone figure in the darkness. God has heard you as well and He does understand.

Prayers,
Rebecca
 
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slguthmuller

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I battled with the fears of being eternally lost and feeling like I was different from others ever since childhood. Although they became more embedded and fearful as I got older, I didn't seek help or even open up to anyone about the thoughts (and believe me, I've had some horrid thoughts!!) until I was around 21. I first told my mother, and was so surprised to hear her say that she had hoped I would never go through anything like she had. I'm not glad my mother experienced anything similar, but I was glad she understood. I tried several anti-depressants that my general practitioner had prescribed when I was in my early 20's. I knew that I was depressed, but felt like if I could get in right relationship with God, that all the JUNK I was dealing with would be taken care of. Which, of course, proved even more to me that I was lost because it wouldn't go away. None of the anti-depressants really worked and I didn't tell my GP much at all of what was really going on with me. Finally, after the birth of my son, I really knew I needed help. I was referred to a psychologist who was also a Christian. He told me I had OCD and sent me to a psychiatrist who could prescribe me something specifically for OCD. The medicine, Luvox, helped in some areas, but seemed to make my thoughts worse in other areas. I took myself off after about 1 or 1 1//2 years on it. I seemed to get angry really easy the longer I was on it. It is the only medicine that I tried that actually did help in some areas though. I tried something that I found online that said it could treat OCD the natural way. I did't purchase it online but went to a drugstore and bought some. It did nothing to help me. Currently, I am not taking anything to treat it. What I have been doing though is going to my minister friend about once a week. Although I've not seen him for about a month now to actually sit down and talk, he has been so understanding and patient with me. He has also given me wise advice for things in my life that seem to be so much harder due to the OCD. Especially when it comes to my son. When I felt I was being a terrible parent, the OCD became really bad and I would zone in on trying to be a better mother to him, etc. But everything in my life would seem so out of balance. When I focus on one thing, it seems that that's where ALL my attention goes, and I cannot accomplish anything else. He has helped me to learn how to seek God for balance. One thing that has truly helped me also, of course I did tell you that this website has been a real blessing, has been to understand that God isn't angry with me. That He does understand and He's not tired of fooling with me. That's what the OCD would tell me, which would make me feel even more alientated from Him. Now I try to see Him as He is, a loving Father who cries with me when I cry, laughs when I laugh, picks me up when I fall, and is eager for me to spend time with Him. The more I've tried to relax and not work on "earning" His affection or approval and focus on His truth, the less I place importance on the unwanted thoughts and feelings. Do I still struggle as to whether I'm truly saved or not? Yes! But I don't give it the front seat in my life anymore. I even say out loud to God that He understands even when I don't, and I'm just going to praise Him regardless. That has made my life more like a life being lived instead of feeling like a lone figure in the darkness. God has heard you as well and He does understand.

Prayers,
Rebecca
Hi Rebecca. Should I still seek medical advice? I am a little confused if medicine will maybe help me. Have you heard it helping others before? I hope so. Because I have no church to go to really where I know someone like that. So God (Jesus) knows that I want to trust Him and do you think it really is an ocd that makes me constantlly question Him or rather that I trust Him. I feel better talking to you but I dont know what to do with all these questions in my head. I feel like if I stop worrying then Ill will not feel my need for God anymore. Is that weird.? I feel like I am suffocating. I just want too be normal. It really will get better, Rebecca? Please pray for me. These things are on my mind constantly and the only way to shut them off is like I have in the past when I would just give up and run from God and I dont want to do that ever again. thanks again. -Shannon
 
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BeccaLynn

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I understand what you mean about feeling like if you don't deal with the questions that you're afraid you won't feel a need for God. Also, I know what you mean about "running away" from God. I still get those feelings. It's like if I'm not in the heat of battling thoughts, I'm just being lazy in my faith or feel like I must not care if I'm saved or not since I'm not attacking the thoughts anymore. But that is what keeps OCD going. Fighting every single question and fear that results from those questions. The fact is that with OCD, the questions never stop. The same ones pop up over and over again, and even if they seem to be new questions they can easily all revolve around the same theme. i.e.-salvation. I've found that temporary relief may be found for them when someone reassures me, but it is fleeting. They always attack again. That's why it is so important for me to not try to figure everything out. I can't do it. It really can get better. I am proof of that. As many others have stated before in other posts, a professional is the only one who can accurately diagnose you. I have heard of quite a few others, my mother being one of them, who have benefited from taking prescribed medicines. A general practitioner will not know as much about mental health as a specialist, but a GP did tell me once that everyone responds to medicines differently. He said it is like perfume or cologne. It smells one way in the bottle, but due to a person's chemistry, it will very easily smell different on different people. What works for one may not for another. I did not do well on the medicine my mother is on now, but it works for her. I react differently to medicines than a lot of people though, so don't let my experiences with them scare you. Although I have someone now whom I counsel with and trust, it took me a long time to be willing to trust him enough to talk to him as openly as I do. I remember reading on a post before that a person went through quite a few counselors before they found the one they thought was right for them. I don't have insurance presently, so I didn't feel as if I could go searching around for the right person. I prayed for help, and I believe God finally led me to see that this family friend has been right there for me for a long time and that I could trust him. I still have a hard time believing everything he tells me because I often see things so differently than he does, but I think God is helping me to be open enough to finally realize I'm not in this alone and wasn't made to be. Just because you feel you have run from God in the past doesn't mean you necessarily did. I felt that way for a very long time, and sometimes I still do. It seems to stem more from the fearful thoughts that were more real in my mind when I did try to pray and read and have a real relationship with Him, not that I really wanted to run from Him. As I've said on another post, if there is hope for me, there is hope for anyone. The tormenting fear was ruling my life. I felt so lost and alone. I so wanted to be "normal" and to experience what I heard others talk about experiencing with God. I would look around church and see the love people had for God on their faces, and I would envy them. I didn't understand why I was such an outcast. I didn't really want to be out in the world partying or cursing or the like, but I didn't "fit in" at church either because I thought I wasn't like them either. Just a misfit. But my perception of things is often not reality, even though it seems my reality. What I've had to do and will continue having to do is spend time with God, continue to ask Him to help me see myself as He sees me, and if there is anything within me that doesn't want to serve or know Him, to please continue to work His change in my life. I have to sit back and trust that He's doing that because He does love me so much. If you could read some of my other posts, where the fears and doubts are leading the show, you could probably see evidence that God has had to be working in my life. I would encourage you to check out counselors in your area. There can be many, so don't get overwhelmed. Pray for God to open the doors and direct you to where to get the help you need. Just be open and honest with Him. He is gentle and is not going to turn you away, no matter how you feel. Although it took me a long time to see it, He has heard me from the very first time I cried out to Him for help. Maybe I wasn't willing to let anyone in yet and He had to wait until I was so sick and tired of trying to juggle all of the balls that OCD threw at me that I'd be to the point of receiving advice from someone. I am praying for you.

Rebecca
 
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slguthmuller

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I understand what you mean about feeling like if you don't deal with the questions that you're afraid you won't feel a need for God. Also, I know what you mean about "running away" from God. I still get those feelings. It's like if I'm not in the heat of battling thoughts, I'm just being lazy in my faith or feel like I must not care if I'm saved or not since I'm not attacking the thoughts anymore. But that is what keeps OCD going. Fighting every single question and fear that results from those questions. The fact is that with OCD, the questions never stop. The same ones pop up over and over again, and even if they seem to be new questions they can easily all revolve around the same theme. i.e.-salvation. I've found that temporary relief may be found for them when someone reassures me, but it is fleeting. They always attack again. That's why it is so important for me to not try to figure everything out. I can't do it. It really can get better. I am proof of that. As many others have stated before in other posts, a professional is the only one who can accurately diagnose you. I have heard of quite a few others, my mother being one of them, who have benefited from taking prescribed medicines. A general practitioner will not know as much about mental health as a specialist, but a GP did tell me once that everyone responds to medicines differently. He said it is like perfume or cologne. It smells one way in the bottle, but due to a person's chemistry, it will very easily smell different on different people. What works for one may not for another. I did not do well on the medicine my mother is on now, but it works for her. I react differently to medicines than a lot of people though, so don't let my experiences with them scare you. Although I have someone now whom I counsel with and trust, it took me a long time to be willing to trust him enough to talk to him as openly as I do. I remember reading on a post before that a person went through quite a few counselors before they found the one they thought was right for them. I don't have insurance presently, so I didn't feel as if I could go searching around for the right person. I prayed for help, and I believe God finally led me to see that this family friend has been right there for me for a long time and that I could trust him. I still have a hard time believing everything he tells me because I often see things so differently than he does, but I think God is helping me to be open enough to finally realize I'm not in this alone and wasn't made to be. Just because you feel you have run from God in the past doesn't mean you necessarily did. I felt that way for a very long time, and sometimes I still do. It seems to stem more from the fearful thoughts that were more real in my mind when I did try to pray and read and have a real relationship with Him, not that I really wanted to run from Him. As I've said on another post, if there is hope for me, there is hope for anyone. The tormenting fear was ruling my life. I felt so lost and alone. I so wanted to be "normal" and to experience what I heard others talk about experiencing with God. I would look around church and see the love people had for God on their faces, and I would envy them. I didn't understand why I was such an outcast. I didn't really want to be out in the world partying or cursing or the like, but I didn't "fit in" at church either because I thought I wasn't like them either. Just a misfit. But my perception of things is often not reality, even though it seems my reality. What I've had to do and will continue having to do is spend time with God, continue to ask Him to help me see myself as He sees me, and if there is anything within me that doesn't want to serve or know Him, to please continue to work His change in my life. I have to sit back and trust that He's doing that because He does love me so much. If you could read some of my other posts, where the fears and doubts are leading the show, you could probably see evidence that God has had to be working in my life. I would encourage you to check out counselors in your area. There can be many, so don't get overwhelmed. Pray for God to open the doors and direct you to where to get the help you need. Just be open and honest with Him. He is gentle and is not going to turn you away, no matter how you feel. Although it took me a long time to see it, He has heard me from the very first time I cried out to Him for help. Maybe I wasn't willing to let anyone in yet and He had to wait until I was so sick and tired of trying to juggle all of the balls that OCD threw at me that I'd be to the point of receiving advice from someone. I am praying for you.

Rebecca
Thank yoou Rebecca. please know that I really like your feedback and support. although I havent been diagnosed yet, hopefully someone will understand this and help me. in the meantime your encouragement means alot. I am overwhelmed and feel I dont have any faith and therefore may not be saved. Thats where I am today...most days like you said it gets in one way or another, traced back to this question.
 
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slguthmuller

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Thank yoou Rebecca. please know that I really like your feedback and support. although I havent been diagnosed yet, hopefully someone will understand this and help me. in the meantime your encouragement means alot. I am overwhelmed and feel I dont have any faith and therefore may not be saved. Thats where I am today...most days like you said it gets in one way or another, traced back to this question.
so there is a way to know if you have faith or not in whaat Jesus says? I pray He will tell me or show me that I do have a small amount.
 
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BeccaLynn

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Shannon,

Surely we wouldn't even try and seek a relationship with one whom we didn't have faith in. I've said before that I remember seeing in a post that our faith may be small, but it is in a big God. The thing is that faith is unseen, but it takes faith to even believe there is a God. If I tried to reassure myself that I knew I had faith, I would honestly get all caught back up again in the horrible OCD cycle. That's where we just have to go by what God says and leave it at that. I still bring my questions and fears to Him, like, "What if I'm just pretending and living my whole life convincing myself that I'm saved, and it's been a lie all along and I'm not, and because I'm convincing myself I am then I won't try to and break through this inner wall that really is keeping me from You?" But I have to let it go and know He's heard my concerns, understands them, and that I will hopefully one day have the peace I so desperately want to have about it. My only real reassurance is God's word. He says, "Those who come to me, I will in no ways cast out", and, "Confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead and you will be saved". There are many others, and yes, the OCD can make me wonder, "what if I've not really believed though" and can lead to one question after the other. But God has led me to this site where others have experienced what I have, He has led me to a counselor, and done many things to help me with this that I'm not even aware of right now. But in looking at it, the Bible is really the only reassurance that we need. OCD will tell us otherwise, but faith goes on regardless. That is what I'm choosing to do. I'm glad that my experiences are offering you some comfort, but I'm also believing it is God using others to let you know how precious you are to Him and that He wants you to get the help that you need. He wants us in right relationship with Him even more than we do, so He's not going to leave us.



Rebecca
 
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slguthmuller

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Shannon,

Surely we wouldn't even try and seek a relationship with one whom we didn't have faith in. I've said before that I remember seeing in a post that our faith may be small, but it is in a big God. The thing is that faith is unseen, but it takes faith to even believe there is a God. If I tried to reassure myself that I knew I had faith, I would honestly get all caught back up again in the horrible OCD cycle. That's where we just have to go by what God says and leave it at that. I still bring my questions and fears to Him, like, "What if I'm just pretending and living my whole life convincing myself that I'm saved, and it's been a lie all along and I'm not, and because I'm convincing myself I am then I won't try to and break through this inner wall that really is keeping me from You?" But I have to let it go and know He's heard my concerns, understands them, and that I will hopefully one day have the peace I so desperately want to have about it. My only real reassurance is God's word. He says, "Those who come to me, I will in no ways cast out", and, "Confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead and you will be saved". There are many others, and yes, the OCD can make me wonder, "what if I've not really believed though" and can lead to one question after the other. But God has led me to this site where others have experienced what I have, He has led me to a counselor, and done many things to help me with this that I'm not even aware of right now. But in looking at it, the Bible is really the only reassurance that we need. OCD will tell us otherwise, but faith goes on regardless. That is what I'm choosing to do. I'm glad that my experiences are offering you some comfort, but I'm also believing it is God using others to let you know how precious you are to Him and that He wants you to get the help that you need. He wants us in right relationship with Him even more than we do, so He's not going to leave us.



Rebecca
Once again. THANKS. I needed that encouragement sooo much. I hoope I dont bring you down. I am glad there is this post thing going on...esp since you understand me and I felt very alone and now I dont. I think that is true whaat yoou said to that THose who come to Him He will in no wise cast out. Thank God for that verse. Cause I do know thaat I have come to Him and I can conclude that He will never turn me away. What a wonderful Lord we have. Please keep writing me. These post are a life saver! -Shannon Have a good night!!
 
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slguthmuller

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You're very welcome. I'm glad you feel comforted. Remember that you are never alone.

Rebecca
I was just wondering if you were nearby me. prolly not but figured I ask just incase. I live in Binghamton NY. It seems likee forever until I go to some of my appts. that I hope are going to help me. Have a good day. --Shannon
 
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BeccaLynn

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Actually, I live in Weber City, VA. It is very close to the Northeast TN state line. Kind of far away, huh? But, the website can make the miles not matter. I'm glad you are going for counseling. I really didn't for the longest time. And I did confide some things to a few people who were not very understanding. It's definitely not always been an easy path finding people I can trust with this. On this website, we can be honest about ourselves and be sure we will receive encouragement. It's good to know that we all can be here for each other, regardless of the distance in miles.

Rebecca
 
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slguthmuller

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Actually, I live in Weber City, VA. It is very close to the Northeast TN state line. Kind of far away, huh? But, the website can make the miles not matter. I'm glad you are going for counseling. I really didn't for the longest time. And I did confide some things to a few people who were not very understanding. It's definitely not always been an easy path finding people I can trust with this. On this website, we can be honest about ourselves and be sure we will receive encouragement. It's good to know that we all can be here for each other, regardless of the distance in miles.

Rebecca
thank you rebecca. it is not easy to trust for me either anyone with this as far as professional help. I keep thinking ocd like with the whole thing. but i will pray and trust the best i can and hope medicine will work for me. thanks again...hope to still talk too you. have a good night. I liked that verse by the way the one where he says the ones who come to him He will no wise cast out. Good good night verse to think of!!!
 
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