ocd? or am I evil? :(

[abelle87]

Hi, my name is Anna. I'm new here. I've been having these awful thoughts. I know it's probably ocd but part of me doubts it and thinks that I'm a horrible person. I have thoughts about killing others and its especially painful when it's about harming my family members. I have "reasons" to think so, like when I was younger I got into a big fight with my dad and told him I was gonna kill him and really awful things..that was a long time ago and words said in the heat of an argument, but to me right now that's like "proof" that I'm gonna kill him or someone else because I said that in the past. Everytime I get angry I feel like a bad person that will go do something bad so I try not to get angry. I'm also afraid of getting posessed by demons. "bad" numbers are 6 and 13..3, 7, and 12 are good ones. If I see sixes or if I do something six times, or something happens six times I feel like it's a sign that I'm evil or cursed or doomed to hell or doomed to get posessed.

I was diagnosed with ocd a year ago. Last winter was just about the worst time in my life...I felt suicidal and everything was just bad but it brought me a lot closer to God. It went away mostly and I've been fine..but a few months ago I began having obsessive thoughts about being a lesbian and what if I am one (I'm not). I don't have those anymore, but these thoughts about killing people and being an evil murderer are plaguing me again

I'm sorry that this is so long and pointless but I guess I feel like I really am a bad person and it's not just ocd and it's scaring me..and telling most people about this they would laugh or think I'm a complete basket case..which I might be

 

[seajoy]

Hi, my name is Anna. I'm new here. I've been having these awful thoughts. I know it's probably ocd but part of me doubts it and thinks that I'm a horrible person. I have thoughts about killing others and its especially painful when it's about harming my family members. I have "reasons" to think so, like when I was younger I got into a big fight with my dad and told him I was gonna kill him and really awful things..that was a long time ago and words said in the heat of an argument, but to me right now that's like "proof" that I'm gonna kill him or someone else because I said that in the past. Everytime I get angry I feel like a bad person that will go do something bad so I try not to get angry. I'm also afraid of getting posessed by demons. "bad" numbers are 6 and 13..3, 7, and 12 are good ones. If I see sixes or if I do something six times, or something happens six times I feel like it's a sign that I'm evil or cursed or doomed to hell or doomed to get posessed.

I was diagnosed with ocd a year ago. Last winter was just about the worst time in my life...I felt suicidal and everything was just bad but it brought me a lot closer to God. It went away mostly and I've been fine..but a few months ago I began having obsessive thoughts about being a lesbian and what if I am one (I'm not). I don't have those anymore, but these thoughts about killing people and being an evil murderer are plaguing me again

I'm sorry that this is so long and pointless but I guess I feel like I really am a bad person and it's not just ocd and it's scaring me..and telling most people about this they would laugh or think I'm a complete basket case..which I might be

You are not a basket case, you have ocd. Wow, your thoughts are very classic ocd, by the way. The kind you find in books. That should help you to know that others have had the same thing.

Glad you are doing a bit better, but please remember that even the thoughts you have of being a horrible person, are ocd. God loves you!

 

[mbrob]

Another angle is that even if those thoughts are not ocd, which clearly they ARE, being "evil" is not your primary identity in Christ. God has made us "oaks of righteousness" (Isaiah 61:3) through Christ's blood. Sometimes it's helpful to know you have "double coverage" 1. knowing these thoughts are merely symptoms, and 2. knowing you God sees you as righteous regardless of what you feel.

Peace,

Marc

 

[Blackness]

Hi, my name is Anna. I'm new here. I've been having these awful thoughts. I know it's probably ocd but part of me doubts it and thinks that I'm a horrible person. I have thoughts about killing others and its especially painful when it's about harming my family members. I have "reasons" to think so, like when I was younger I got into a big fight with my dad and told him I was gonna kill him and really awful things..that was a long time ago and words said in the heat of an argument, but to me right now that's like "proof" that I'm gonna kill him or someone else because I said that in the past. Everytime I get angry I feel like a bad person that will go do something bad so I try not to get angry. I'm also afraid of getting posessed by demons. "bad" numbers are 6 and 13..3, 7, and 12 are good ones. If I see sixes or if I do something six times, or something happens six times I feel like it's a sign that I'm evil or cursed or doomed to hell or doomed to get posessed.

I was diagnosed with ocd a year ago. Last winter was just about the worst time in my life...I felt suicidal and everything was just bad but it brought me a lot closer to God. It went away mostly and I've been fine..but a few months ago I began having obsessive thoughts about being a lesbian and what if I am one (I'm not). I don't have those anymore, but these thoughts about killing people and being an evil murderer are plaguing me again

I'm sorry that this is so long and pointless but I guess I feel like I really am a bad person and it's not just ocd and it's scaring me..and telling most people about this they would laugh or think I'm a complete basket case..which I might be

You are not evil at all, I have bad thoughts, not about hurting others, but evil sexual thoughts, I think I am bad at times, but hey there are lots out there with OCD, we are just people with struggles.

 

[thelordsprincess]

Hi Anna,

I agree with seajoy, Christ loves you, confess your fears to the Lord and just keep praising Him.

He will help you over this. Get into a great Bible Study Group.