OCD issues...warning possible trigger

[SoldierOfSoul]

I have been suffering from this disorder sense I can remember and I have never sought professional help, I hope to one day soon. My problems seem so strange, I guess everyone feels like that but mine seem very weird. It is very hard for me to pray, when I am praying I think I don't say a word right or especially Gods name right and I feel like I am sinning or He won't here me or something I get so anxious and then I end up repeating it multiple times sometimes for up to an hour, the same word over and over again, it drives me crazy! Its gotten to the point where I just pray in my head sometimes instead of actually saying the words so I don't have to deal with the craziness. Please if you have any words of encouragement for me, maybe something you could say that would ease my fears of not saying God's name right would help me. I mean I think I am saying it right, but then I feel like I might have missed a syllable or something and then that starts the train rolling. This is my main trigger, I have others but I can deal with the symmetrical needs of my OCD, I just can't stand this, I just want to be able to pray to my Saviour without having to worry about how I say a word!

Joshua

 

[Caty]

I try to pray when I first wake up in the mornings and sometimes when I say "in Jesus name I pray...." where I'm sleepy my speech is slured and it says his named slured and I always feel bad. But that is nothing to worry about, just try to ignore it and finish saying your prayer out loud, don't let ocd handicap you from that.

 

[pjspara]

you must remember that HE isnt causing you to feel that way.... HE doesnt care how you say things.... HE wants you to come as a child.....right?? then i totally believe that HOWEVER you pray, HE doesnt expect perfection... if HE did.. we would all be in a heap of trouble!!!

HE hears and knows everything joshua...HE is just so glad you even talk to HIM...

lets say you had a child who said things the wrong way (or a friend, brother.. whatever....) would you hold that against them.. or turn away from them if you knew that in their heart alll they wanted to do was to please you??? OF COURSE NOT..
how much more our FAther loves and understands and KNOWS our confused bruised hearts.... he said COME to ME... not COME to ME perfectly....


sometimes when im finding it hard to pray or stay forcused.. i just admit it... tell HIM i love HIM and.... go about my day.....

then later i find the words flow more freely when im not so obssesed in saying everything rite....


love

pj

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Thank you both, your posts have helped, but as you both know it is very hard to shake these irrational fears of not doing the ritual, it is very difficult, I have been doing this for years, somedays its not as bad as other days, right now its very bad. You are guys are basically the first people I have ever told, other then a 1 or 2 pastors online. My family and friends know nothing about my OCD, although a few have seen me engage in some bizzare behaviour...God help me!

Thank you again for your support.

 

[RobertZ]

I have been suffering from this disorder sense I can remember and I have never sought professional help, I hope to one day soon. My problems seem so strange, I guess everyone feels like that but mine seem very weird. It is very hard for me to pray, when I am praying I think I don't say a word right or especially Gods name right and I feel like I am sinning or He won't here me or something I get so anxious and then I end up repeating it multiple times sometimes for up to an hour, the same word over and over again, it drives me crazy! Its gotten to the point where I just pray in my head sometimes instead of actually saying the words so I don't have to deal with the craziness. Please if you have any words of encouragement for me, maybe something you could say that would ease my fears of not saying God's name right would help me. I mean I think I am saying it right, but then I feel like I might have missed a syllable or something and then that starts the train rolling. This is my main trigger, I have others but I can deal with the symmetrical needs of my OCD, I just can't stand this, I just want to be able to pray to my Saviour without having to worry about how I say a word!

Joshua

Brother if you makes you feel any better your not alone. I often times repeat prayers because I dont think I prayed it right the first time or something.

 

[annrobert]

SoldierofSoul,
Jesus does not care if you stumble or having problems praying,He knows your heart and love for Him.He welcomes you just how you are.Look how God used Moses who had trouble with his speech and was slow of tongue and Moses was the friend of God.Jesus just wants us to come to Him and spend time with Him and He takes us under His wing like a hen does her chicks,He leads us beside still waters , he restoreth our soul,Jesus loves us coming to Him and spending time with Him ,He does not care if we stumble with our words.When our children are little toddlers we do not care if they speak perfectly, we just love having them climb up on our lap and cuddling them while they try to talk and if they want something sometimes they point because they do not even know the word yet.We would never stop loving them if they were slow in speech or if they did not pronounce mommy or daddy just right,we just want to hold and protect them and meet their needs and care for them tenderly and have time with them.Jesus loves us even way more than we love our children.
Jesus Bless You
annrobert

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Do you think it could be blasphemy if you don't say His name just right?

I know I sound ridiculous but this is how my OCD ridden mind is working....I feel as though if I can get some reassurance that I can convince myself that I am not sinning and I might be able to get myself to stop doing this. Thank you for your kind words annrobert, your post has helped me more than you know.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Do you think it could be blasphemy if you don't say His name just right?

I know I sound ridiculous but this is how my OCD ridden mind is working....I feel as though if I can get some reassurance that I can convince myself that I am not sinning and I might be able to get myself to stop doing this. Thank you for your kind words annrobert, your post has helped me more than you know.

This is simply another flavor of OCD. I do think you should seek some help with it. In the meantime, this is my suggestion~determine to simply move on through your prayer. If you make a mistake, so be it. Do not go back and correct it. If it makes you feel better, tell the LORD ONE time only that this is what you are doing. He knows anyway but this may make it easier for you to stick to this regimen. Then just pray. Resolve that you will not go back.

As a side note, I do believe God knows our thoughts and hears silent prayers. (in our thoughts alone) Another thought...my husband always writes out his prayers in his journal just like he was writing a letter to God. But for you, you probably need to train yourself to move past it because it is an OCD issue for you I believe.

 

[keryakos]

Joshua ,,, do you ever wonder where theses ideas of rituals come from ..

of course ocd is there but is this partly a learned behavior for example i was taught you must say the sinners prayer in order to be saved one of my first religious obsessions i had was did id say the right words ..that will drive you crazy i know its not exactly what you mean but i hope you understand what im saying

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

Joshua ,,, do you ever wonder where theses ideas of rituals come from ..

of course ocd is there but is this partly a learned behavior for example i was taught you must say the sinners prayer in order to be saved one of my first religious obsessions i had was did id say the right words ..that will drive you crazy i know its not exactly what you mean but i hope you understand what im saying

Yes it is partially a learned behaviour, I guess my OCD just took over my prayer life because I used to ask for forgiveness a lot. I don't know, OCD has affected almost every aspect of my faith, if its not worrying about being unforgivable ( I am over that, thank God!) it is something else, but this has been with me sense I was very young, the anxiety I face when I try to stop the rituals is unbearable, I know you guys know what I mean. I don't know if my OCD is as severe as others, but it has always been a major problem in my life, it feels good to open up about it now though.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

This is simply another flavor of OCD. I do think you should seek some help with it. In the meantime, this is my suggestion~determine to simply move on through your prayer. If you make a mistake, so be it. Do not go back and correct it. If it makes you feel better, tell the LORD ONE time only that this is what you are doing. He knows anyway but this may make it easier for you to stick to this regimen. Then just pray. Resolve that you will not go back.

As a side note, I do believe God knows our thoughts and hears silent prayers. (in our thoughts alone) Another thought...my husband always writes out his prayers in his journal just like he was writing a letter to God. But for you, you probably need to train yourself to move past it because it is an OCD issue for you I believe.

Thats what I have been doing now for a few months sense it has gotten really severe lately, but now I have to repeat the words in my head multiple times, if you know what I mean, its like I'm not saying words right that I'm not even saying!

But I hear you, I need to just resolve not to do it, and just deal with the anxiety, pray for me that I will have the strength to try and overcome this. Thank you all, you are all so very kind.

 

[annrobert]

SoldierofSoul,
Your coming to Jesus to pray is just what Jesus calls us to do,Jesus says come to Me all ye that labour and are heavy laden and I will give you rest.We would never think our child was being offensive if they stumbled or pronounced words the wrong way,no we would be happy that they felt free to come and spend time with us and we would love on them.Moses was a friend of God and he had problems with speech,yet he was free to talk with God and was God's friend.SoldierofSoul it is not blasphemy, not anywhere near blasphemy not even close.Coming to Jesus to pray is the complete opposite of blasphemy regardless how well we talk or pray, just because we do not say Jesus or God etc,just right.That is no problem to Jesus at all.He loves you just the way you are SoldierofSoul and wants you to come boldy to Him and freely spend time with Him while He tenderly cares for you and loves on you and meets your needs.You do not have to be scared at all for any reason.Being able to pronounce words just right or His Name just right does not matter at all to Him,what does matter to Jesus is You,He loves you and cares for you ,you can trust Him,Jesus is there for you,He wants you to know you can always come to Him just the way you are.OCD is trying to trick you into thinking pronouncing words or God's name just right is an issue or something,it is not.Jesus just wants us to come to Him freely ,able to trust Him ,knowing He is safe we can come freely to the throne of grace anytime we want.
Jesus takes us under His wings like a mother hen her chicks, He leads us beside still waters and restores our souls.

Thank you for your kind words annrobert, your post has helped me more than you know.

yourwelcome SoldierofSoul,I am happy they helped you


Know always you are safe and loved in Jesus all merciful compassionate and powerful and tender hands and you always will be, and He loves it when you come and spend time with Him ,He is not worried about how well any of us can pronounce words.
Jesus Bless You
annrobert

 

[keryakos]

to answer youre question yes and no regarding blasphemy
actually when one says OH MY GOD in amazement that could be considered blasphemy .. but honestly ... its not that much too worry about it

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

That makes a lot of sense annrobert, but can I ask you one more question why do you think the Israelites in the old testament would not pronounce Yahweh but instead would just say YHWH, they did it because they thought they would be blaspheming if they said the whole name. I am just so confused with this. What you are saying makes so much sense, but then I think of that and it makes me not able to accept what you are saying completely.

 

[annrobert]

SoldierofSoul,
I remember something about that ,yet not enough.
I think it had to do with them believing they were too sinful to actually say the Lord's Name fully, but not sure.
This has nothing to do with a person like you or Moses having trouble with speech.
Another thing, if some law about this was set up in the old testament we are not under the law anymore , Jesus already fulfilled the law for us and we are not under law we are under grace.We do not have to worry about what meats we eat or circumcision etc,we are not under law, we are under grace.Again Moses was a friend of God despite his speech problems.Again Jesus welcomes you to come and spend time with Him just as you are while He loves on you and cares for you.You are always welcome to come boldly to the throne of grace just as you are, because of Jesus sacrifice,and , because of Jesus all powerful love and tenderness .He says always come to Me .You are safe SoldierofSoul,always safe and welcome to come boldy to the throne of grace just as you are.
Jesus Bless you
annrobert

That makes a lot of sense annrobert, but can I ask you one more question why do you think the Israelites in the old testament would not pronounce Yahweh but instead would just say YHWH, they did it because they thought they would be blaspheming if they said the whole name. I am just so confused with this. What you are saying makes so much sense, but then I think of that and it makes me not able to accept what you are saying completely.

 

[SoldierOfSoul]

I think I might be on my way to fighting this, I just need to learn to live with my mistakes in my prayers, there is nothing I can do about it, and its not like I am doing it on purpose, God understands my heart, and He knows I would not intentionally try to mispronounce His name. It will take some time but you have all helped me very much. I love this forum and all of you that are apart of it, it is really being used by God, thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

 

[annrobert]

I think I might be on my way to fighting this, I just need to learn to live with my mistakes in my prayers, there is nothing I can do about it, and its not like I am doing it on purpose, God understands my heart, and He knows I would not intentionally try to mispronounce His name. It will take some time but you have all helped me very much. I love this forum and all of you that are apart of it, it is really being used by God, thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

Amen SoldierofSoul,
God knows your heart and understands everything about you and loves you coming to Him and trusting Him and spending time with Him while He cares for you.Jesus loves you with an everlasting love
Jesus Bless You
annrobert

 

[pjspara]

we are or have been right where you are in some way or another.... and it does help to talk about it....






stay strong in the struggle

pj