OCD and PTSD

[HighRyzr]

I've been tormented a different way the past few weeks. Prior to this I was only having blasphemous thoughts and trying to stop them but all the while I was seeking God. Then I went though a period where things were pretty good except salvation doubts. Since then I've had thoughts pop in that make me question if or how much I actually love God. This of course then spirals into salvation questions which I have daily. Worst of all I had a thought that felt like I "realized" I didn't believe in Jesus which led to me weeping for 30 minutes and asking God to save me. That thought felt so real but it hurt me badly so i'm not sure what to think of it.

I almost flipped out in church while having thoughts that I don't need Jesus and I want to go to hell. Now it seems that as soon as I read or see certain things I immediately twitch or jerk in reaction in fear that. I can't help but think this is from the anxiety and has led to some PTSD. I was so happy to seek God before this but now i'm scared to death.

Almost nightly I have nightmares and wake up every few hours in a panic feeling that i'm unsaved. I just feel hopeless and like I have no purpose and that I don't know how to live. I haven't had a good night of sleep since March or April. I'm finally seeing a psychiatrist on Wednesday but pray that God will show me something.

 

[Nickoala]

Trust me a thought is just a thought. I suffer from thoughts also, but they won't control you if you have God. The devil is trying to make you on his side and you won't let that happen. Try saying a prayer daily and go to Confession. You can also talk to the priest and tell him about this, for he will be glad to help you! Just relax when you have these thoughts and remember God will help you with these thoughts! God doesn't want you in Hell. He wants you to be on His side! So don't panic, if you believe truly you will be okay!!
6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
Trust me everything will be alright! Read the bible and go to Mass! Say one Our Father and then one Hail Mary it will help! My prayers are with you!

 

[HighRyzr]

Thanks for the response and kind words Nickoala. I just can't pinpoint the time that I've ever actually been saved which worries me to death on top of these thoughts. It's been wearing on me so long that I feel I've somewhat lost my desire for God but I hope it's just the stress. I really don't know what to think right now to be honest and that scares me. Sometimes I feel like i'm too far gone and need people to pray for me to be saved. God I just wish I knew it would end all of this.

 

[Nickoala]

God does know it! God is everywhere! He is all around us no matter what! Don't be stressed about this because this is a problem God will help you with! He doesn't want to see you in pain and if you ask Him, he will help you! Jesus told us never to worry because He will take care of you. I would recommend going to Reconciliation for that calms me, and go into the bible and search up times God told us not to worry! You will find a lot of stories! And trust me, you have been saved many times! You were saved from sins and that's because Jesus died for you! He died for you!! You were saved from all deadly sicknesses because if you weren't I wouldn't be talking to you! You were saved from birth!! For your sleeping problems I have gone exactly thought that! I had it for many years and I was miserable. Just pray before you sleep and don't worry because Jesus will take care of you! Place all your worries on God and you will be okay! God Bless!

 

[HighRyzr]

Well on top of the thoughts I've had against God lately. I went to the doctor yesterday and they gave me stuff for anxiety, depression, and ocd. Then later I triggered reading something in a store and started having Blasphemous thoughts about the Holy Spirit. I was flipping out trying not to think them and then by girlfriend calls and I have to get off the phone due to the stress of the thoughts. Later she tells me right after that God told her very clearly, without a doubt, to let me go. So know i'm thinking that i'm forsaken by God and have no idea what to do. I love her very much and I don't want to go to hell. I was almost hit by a car after that as well. I don't know what to do and I feel so helpless. I want to trust God but I'm not sure what he's doing or if he's for me.

 

[Nickoala]

Trust me, you are fine! Pray to St Padre Pio, if you don't know who he is look him up and you will see many stories about being healed! I am going to pray right now and I will keep you in my prayers! Trust me, the devil is trying to trick you. The devil feeds off of fear! St Padre Pio said worrying is useless because we are going to go to Heaven where there is no worrying. And those are intrusive thoughts and your brain is in a cycle. Once is leaves one thought another one comes in making you believe it's all real! Pray to St padre Pio and to The Virgin Mary!!! She will bring you immense peace! Read the story on Saint Juan Diego and Mary! It's truly remarkable! Don't worry it's just a phase! Everything will turn out alright!! I'm gonna go and pray for you right now! God bless!

 

[HighRyzr]

I want to believe i'm okay but with these thoughts why would God tell her let me go? She was my only source of stability through all of this and my one true friend. I feel like i'm going to hell and he wanted me out of her life. I've made mistakes with her but I don't want to lose her.

 

[Nickoala]

Everything happens for a reason. God has a plan for you and this is one of the steps. I know it's hard but there is no reason to panic. I was scared once that I would go to hell and I went to confession and it went away. Because I told all my sins and I was forgiven and I was fresh and clean! You just need to have hope. Remember your not alone. I sometimes forget that and right now I'm dealing with worriness also. You just need to stay calm and place all your worries on Him.

 

[HighRyzr]

I'm still confused as to what's going on. Up until 3 weeks ago I couldn't get enough of God even though I had doubts. Since then something triggered (I think I sinned willingly or thought I did anyway) and then I started having thoughts that I don't love God which made me start to feel that I don't. I still wake up nightly feeling unsaved and in a panic. The desire that I had for God a few weeks ago isn't there and that scares me. I hope it's just the OCD and I pray that it comes back as I can't seem to make it.

 

[Nickoala]

Listen, OCD plays mind tricks with you. Once a thought leaves a new thought comes back wanting you to believe it. And then you start thinking is it true?? And your mind goes into a path of acting like it's true when really it's not at all. Start reading the Gospel it really helped me! Trust me I have OCD and I'm healing right now! The Lord will never let you be tempted away if you want to stay with the Lord, then He is going to help you! No matter what! If you are praying to God that you don't want to lose him, chances are that very moment you are growing closer! You are praying to Him making you closer to Him! Do NOT panic it's not true not matter what you think, No matter what! Talk to me if you need any more help! May God Bless you!

 

[redblue22]

Is God out to get you?

Is it all that bad if you really did have doubts or hard feelings about God? Are you not allowed to think things over and experience emotions? Are you required to have high happy energetic positive emotions for God?

Are you required to have 100% trust and perfect love for God? What happens if you don't?

Have you considered taking a break from religious stuff?

Sorry to hear about your girl.

 

[HighRyzr]

Is God out to get you?

Is it all that bad if you really did have doubts or hard feelings about God? Are you not allowed to think things over and experience emotions? Are you required to have high happy energetic positive emotions for God?

Are you required to have 100% trust and perfect love for God? What happens if you don't?

Have you considered taking a break from religious stuff?

Sorry to hear about your girl.

I hope he's not that's for sure lol.

The awkward thing today is we are having a baptism but now i'm unsure whether to do it while having these thoughts.

I may need a break from everything for a while

 

[redblue22]

What if one turns to God and God does not fix it?

 

[HighRyzr]

Not sure what you are trying to get at

 

[redblue22]

I'm not trying to teach some secret lesson. I'm more or less naming some of the fears I hear. Many of the posts seem to be excited panic. You don't have to have all the answers--do you? I don't see the rush. I'm just slowing it down and asking a few real questions.

 

[HighRyzr]

Ah okay I see. Yea you're right about the excited panic because I don't really have any answers at this point which causes me to worry constantly. I guess those will come in time when God is ready. I'm still having panic attacks but getting little moments of peace here and there. I was telling my brother last night it feels like i'm in some strange movie because these events seem so surreal.

 

[lindsey35atl]

I've been tormented a different way the past few weeks. Prior to this I was only having blasphemous thoughts and trying to stop them but all the while I was seeking God. Then I went though a period where things were pretty good except salvation doubts. Since then I've had thoughts pop in that make me question if or how much I actually love God. This of course then spirals into salvation questions which I have daily. Worst of all I had a thought that felt like I "realized" I didn't believe in Jesus which led to me weeping for 30 minutes and asking God to save me. That thought felt so real but it hurt me badly so i'm not sure what to think of it.

I almost flipped out in church while having thoughts that I don't need Jesus and I want to go to hell. Now it seems that as soon as I read or see certain things I immediately twitch or jerk in reaction in fear that. I can't help but think this is from the anxiety and has led to some PTSD. I was so happy to seek God before this but now i'm scared to death.

Almost nightly I have nightmares and wake up every few hours in a panic feeling that i'm unsaved. I just feel hopeless and like I have no purpose and that I don't know how to live. I haven't had a good night of sleep since March or April. I'm finally seeing a psychiatrist on Wednesday but pray that God will show me something.

 

[lindsey35atl]

Dealing with the same thing, I wish we could talk!

 

[redblue22]

I find it hard to deal with certain kind of thoughts. I talk with God about these things and how I feel. Sometimes I felt like I couldn't tell the difference between random thoughts and what I really thought. But what is God going to do? One day I got sick of the whole feeling that God was tricky or out to get me. "You want me to trust you? Fine. I'm going to trust you are strong and can handle hearing all that goes on with me. That is real trust." So I said all the things I was afraid of and stuff I was trying to change and worries about what God might think or do with me.

I'm not saying this is the answer. I still have thoughts that get stuck in my mind that I can't get rid of. I still feel the fear. I sometimes still fight the wrong way and things get worse. I still have panics. But I don't feel a need for all the answers. But in all of it, I feel more like God understands and is on my side. My prayer life is not super exciting or whatever. But somehow things are different. Maybe just a little better for me. I trust God in the madness.

 

[HighRyzr]

Dealing with the same thing, I wish we could talk!

Feel free to send me a PM if you want.