Obsessive thoughts about ghosts

[stella55]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum. I have been struggling with OCD, anxiety, depersonalization etc. for a very long time. I've managed to somewhat control my OCD thoughts over time and they're not that scary to me anymore, but I have this one particular obsession that won't let me go. It's quite specific and connected to spirituality, therefore I decided to ask advice about it on a Christian forum.

It began when I was still a child. As children, we used to tell each other spooky stories about people who would do magic rituals to invite spirits (I don't know if that's how it's called in English, sorry) and who then got killed by those evil spirits, and so on. Those stories scared me, but back then I didn't have OCD.
Now I keep remembering all of these stories and obsessing over them, and I get unwanted intrusive thoughts about "inviting" those spirits, and immediately I start panicking, what if I actually managed to do this through my thoughts. I have this compulsion where I immediately say a prayer after such thoughts. This anxiety gets especially intense during nighttime, or when I'm home alone. Furthermore, every time something odd happens, I feel like it may be paranormal and caused by a ghost. I always try to find some logical explanation, or convince myself that it's only a coincidence, but it's driving me crazy! I am so stressed all the time.

I don't know what to do or think anymore. I only want to be freed of these thoughts and not put myself and people I love in danger. Please help me! Thank you in advance.

 

[Bluerose31]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum. I have been struggling with OCD, anxiety, depersonalization etc. for a very long time. I've managed to somewhat control my OCD thoughts over time and they're not that scary to me anymore, but I have this one particular obsession that won't let me go. It's quite specific and connected to spirituality, therefore I decided to ask advice about it on a Christian forum.

It began when I was still a child. As children, we used to tell each other spooky stories about people who would do magic rituals to invite spirits (I don't know if that's how it's called in English, sorry) and who then got killed by those evil spirits, and so on. Those stories scared me, but back then I didn't have OCD.
Now I keep remembering all of these stories and obsessing over them, and I get unwanted intrusive thoughts about "inviting" those spirits, and immediately I start panicking, what if I actually managed to do this through my thoughts. I have this compulsion where I immediately say a prayer after such thoughts. This anxiety gets especially intense during nighttime, or when I'm home alone. Furthermore, every time something odd happens, I feel like it may be paranormal and caused by a ghost. I always try to find some logical explanation, or convince myself that it's only a coincidence, but it's driving me crazy! I am so stressed all the time.

I don't know what to do or think anymore. I only want to be freed of these thoughts and not put myself and people I love in danger. Please help me! Thank you in advance.

I pray to Jesus that you are protected and comforted. I do not believe in ghosts. Jesus will protect you from spiritual harm.

 

[frank1234]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum. I have been struggling with OCD, anxiety, depersonalization etc. for a very long time. I've managed to somewhat control my OCD thoughts over time and they're not that scary to me anymore, but I have this one particular obsession that won't let me go. It's quite specific and connected to spirituality, therefore I decided to ask advice about it on a Christian forum.

It began when I was still a child. As children, we used to tell each other spooky stories about people who would do magic rituals to invite spirits (I don't know if that's how it's called in English, sorry) and who then got killed by those evil spirits, and so on. Those stories scared me, but back then I didn't have OCD.
Now I keep remembering all of these stories and obsessing over them, and I get unwanted intrusive thoughts about "inviting" those spirits, and immediately I start panicking, what if I actually managed to do this through my thoughts. I have this compulsion where I immediately say a prayer after such thoughts. This anxiety gets especially intense during nighttime, or when I'm home alone. Furthermore, every time something odd happens, I feel like it may be paranormal and caused by a ghost. I always try to find some logical explanation, or convince myself that it's only a coincidence, but it's driving me crazy! I am so stressed all the time.

I don't know what to do or think anymore. I only want to be freed of these thoughts and not put myself and people I love in danger. Please help me! Thank you in advance.

Hi Stella55, What you should do(if you haven't done it already), is to pray over your entire place of residence one time and anoint all the walls and doors with oil and rebuke any bad spirits in the name of The Lord Jesus and ask protection from The Lord, and then leave everything to The Lord; and then from then on try not to watch scary movies or bring home anything that shouldn't be brought home, and not worry about the rest. The Lord protects you from any harm, including any manipulations from bad spirits. God be with you.

 

[Mari17]

I would say you need to use the same strategies to overcome this obsession as you have with your other obsessions. Have you learned how to treat your obsessions using ERP therapy/strategies (ignoring your anxiety and refusing to do your compulsions)? If not, I'd be happy to give you some advice based on what I've learned. OCD likes to latch onto certain things that it knows will bother us, and then make us thing that we want to do bad things when really we don't.

 

[stella55]

Thanks to everyone for your replies and prayers!
There are days when I feel better and calmer and if I am occupied I don't have time for such thoughts. But at night when I'm laying in bed, they may return. I may get intrusive thoughts, and my OCD will say things in my head like "come closer, [demons], I am inviting you.." and then I freak out and start praying to God that the evil spirits don't actually hear this and take it as an invitation. For instance, I have a cat and every time she starts staring at "nothing", I start panicking and thinking that there might be a demon that appeared because of my thoughts. I've been told by someone that you can't actually invite evil if you don't want to, e.g. through intrusive thoughts. Do you think this is true?

I keep praying that only God can hear my thoughts and that he builds a protective shield around me and people I love. But this constant praying is also very exhausting. I understand that this is a compulsive ritual, but I am afraid that if I stopped praying, my evil thoughts will take over me.

I would say you need to use the same strategies to overcome this obsession as you have with your other obsessions. Have you learned how to treat your obsessions using ERP therapy/strategies (ignoring your anxiety and refusing to do your compulsions)? If not, I'd be happy to give you some advice based on what I've learned. OCD likes to latch onto certain things that it knows will bother us, and then make us thing that we want to do bad things when really we don't.

Thank you. I haven't tried ERP. I used to do CBT excercises against other obsessions, and it helped me back then. Maybe I should try it again. I find ERP really challenging because it's very difficult to resist praying against evil thoughts. But I will be thankful for any advice.

 

[Mari17]

You are right! Praying a "protective" prayer is a compulsive ritual. After struggling with numerous obsessive themes over the course of my life, this is one thing I've discovered: You can be free. But it's going to hurt. So, that's a choice that you have to make. Without fail, a religious obsession, no matter the theme, goes like this: "I'm afraid I'm doing/want to do XYZ. I know it feels like an obsession, but I'm afraid I really DO want to. So I need to try really hard not to." [Engage in compulsive behavior, such as driving away thoughts, ritual prayer, etc.]. "OK, I know this is obsessive and I need to stop doing my compulsions. But I'm SO afraid of what will happen if I don't. I'm afraid of disobeying God/ignoring my conscience/doing something evil!"

So, this is the crucial moment: You can choose to keep doing the compulsions, and listening to the demands of the obsession. Because that's the "safe" thing - or it feels safe. But, if you do, you will never break free. What you have to do with OCD is do what feels wrong. It's excruciating, I know, because we are conscientious and that overly sensitive conscience is just hammering at us, telling us that we are doing something wrong if we disobey the OCD. But OCD and our "real" consciences are two different things. They feel the same, but they're different. And I think, if we're honest, we can tell the difference. If we're REALLY doing something wrong, we know it. We're not wondering whether we are, we're not "afraid" we are, we're not second-guessing whether we are. And honestly, if we're really doing something wrong, we probably wouldn't have that level of fear because we probably wouldn't care that much. What those of us with OCD do is get so freaked out by the possibility of doing wrong, that we start over-analyzing to the point that we can't even think straight. I once had the obsession that I was going to pray to the devil. Because of that, I could hardly pray, because I couldn't tell if I was praying to him or not. I was so zoned in on the fear of doing it that I was analyzing every shade of a thought and feeling. Instead of going with my gut and thinking logically - "Of course I don't want to pray to the devil! Why am I even thinking of it?" - I allowed myself to be swallowed by the fear, and the terror clouded my mind.

Basically, those of us with OCD tend to get "stuck" on the fear of a particular thing. It doesn't really matter what - our brains just want something to obsess about, so as soon as one theme passes we often pick up a new one. So how do we get unstuck? By doing the opposite of what our brains tell us. It will feel wrong, and bad, and we'll feel like we're sinning. But what we're actually doing is retraining our brains to listen to our "real" consciences, and ignore the over-scrupulous one. For most people, this thought processing works smoothly. Ours does not, so we have to train it. The scary thing is, when we're in an obsession, we never "know" whether or not it is, so it feels wrong to fight it. I've learned that I usually have to go by feel. Does it feel like an obsession? Then it most likely is, and I have to treat it like one. One thing that's helped me - an idea that I got from Jackie Lea Sommers (look up her blog!!) - is asking God to "cover me by His grace" when I am afraid that my obsession is not an obsession. Then I go ahead and treat it like an obsession. That means:
1. NOT doing any compulsions.
2. NOT engaging with the thoughts (that is, not trying to "figure them out" and basically just ignoring them.)
So, the idea is that you don't "fight off" the thoughts, because you don't really mean them. You just let them be, without acknowledging them one way or another. Obviously that doesn't mean that you agree with them; you just recognize that it's not you bringing on the thoughts. Your OCD is purposely bringing up the thoughts because it knows you're so afraid of thinking them. That's why these tactics (basically ERP techniques) are so effective. Once you show your OCD that you're not afraid of the thoughts, it will stop bringing them on. It sounds SO counter-intuitive - but I've tried it, and it works. You're basically training your mind to stop being afraid of itself. With ERP therapy, if you want to make it extra effective, you can also choose to expose yourself to your fear and purposely make yourself anxious. It sounds weird, but that works too, because you're turning the table on OCD. If you make yourself anxious, then OCD doesn't have anything left to do! But whether or not you purposely expose yourself, I'd at least start with the first two steps. Or push back the OCD as much as you can. Resist doing one type of compulsion, or delay compulsions for a certain time period. Do whatever you can to say no to fear. Any time you can push back, you will make yourself stronger and your OCD weaker.

Wow, that's a lot of information. Sorry if it's an overload. I'm really passionate about this subject, because I know how those of us with OCD go through months and years of torment because we are too afraid to fight it. It's time to change that. Of course it's hard work, and there's lots of fear involved. But freedom is literally right at our fingertips, and all we have to do is have the courage to reach out and take it. It can be a slow process, but if we say no to our OCD one moment at a time, one choice at a time...we will break free of the cycle!

 

[Mari17]

Here are some of my favorite websites about fighting OCD (all from a Christian perspective!):
Welcome
Managing the Haunting Thoughts of Pure O – OCD
http://ocdandchristianity.com/
Also, if you want more feedback about applying therapy techniques to your specific situation, feel free to post again and/or pm me. I've been through similar obsessions so I know where you're coming from!

 

[stella55]

Here are some of my favorite websites about fighting OCD (all from a Christian perspective!):
Welcome
Managing the Haunting Thoughts of Pure O – OCD
http://ocdandchristianity.com/
Also, if you want more feedback about applying therapy techniques to your specific situation, feel free to post again and/or pm me. I've been through similar obsessions so I know where you're coming from!

Hi Mari,
I would like to thank you for taking your time to help me. I'm sorry I haven't replied to your posts on this topic, but I just didn't have the energy to reply. I felt so drained from my own thoughts I didn't want to go back to the forum for a long time. But your words really mean a lot to me!
Now I'm feeling better and I was able to distance myself from those thoughts. The links you posted are very useful, I keep reading them whenever I feel anxious. And I did apply some of the techniques you offered, I tried not to perform any rituals whenever I had a "thought", and with every such thought I ignored, the thoughts became less and less aggressive. The ERP really is a powerful technique but I understand why it's so hard for someone with OCD to ignore the thoughts - we feel as if they will become true if we don't do something about them.

I used to think I had my OCD under control recently, because I hadn't experienced an obsessive episode in a long time. However, now I understand that I was wrong. I did have obsessive episodes, I just didn't recognize them! They have changed their shape: in the past, I could distinguish my intrusive and obsessive thoughts very well, because they were very clear and I could not think about anything else all day long. Now, the thoughts have disguised themselves as "normal" thoughts, that's why I couldn't identify them. I feel like I have hundreds of thoughts running through my head, and the OCD-thoughts are hiding among those thoughts. I don't even notice when I'm anxious anymore, because I'm anxious all the time. Stress and anxiety have become my natural state - I've become a real mess!

Nevertheless, I'm positive I will be able to bring my life back on track. Life needs challenges, and I try to look at my mental condition as yet another challenge I have to deal with.

Thanks again for being so nice to me and helping me!!!

 

[Mari17]

Hi Mari,
I would like to thank you for taking your time to help me. I'm sorry I haven't replied to your posts on this topic, but I just didn't have the energy to reply. I felt so drained from my own thoughts I didn't want to go back to the forum for a long time. But your words really mean a lot to me!
Now I'm feeling better and I was able to distance myself from those thoughts. The links you posted are very useful, I keep reading them whenever I feel anxious. And I did apply some of the techniques you offered, I tried not to perform any rituals whenever I had a "thought", and with every such thought I ignored, the thoughts became less and less aggressive. The ERP really is a powerful technique but I understand why it's so hard for someone with OCD to ignore the thoughts - we feel as if they will become true if we don't do something about them.

I used to think I had my OCD under control recently, because I hadn't experienced an obsessive episode in a long time. However, now I understand that I was wrong. I did have obsessive episodes, I just didn't recognize them! They have changed their shape: in the past, I could distinguish my intrusive and obsessive thoughts very well, because they were very clear and I could not think about anything else all day long. Now, the thoughts have disguised themselves as "normal" thoughts, that's why I couldn't identify them. I feel like I have hundreds of thoughts running through my head, and the OCD-thoughts are hiding among those thoughts. I don't even notice when I'm anxious anymore, because I'm anxious all the time. Stress and anxiety have become my natural state - I've become a real mess!

Nevertheless, I'm positive I will be able to bring my life back on track. Life needs challenges, and I try to look at my mental condition as yet another challenge I have to deal with.

Thanks again for being so nice to me and helping me!!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! I'm so glad you're doing better! You show such a clear understanding of how ERP works - it encouraged me just to read your response! I understand how you feel because my OCD was disguised/in "remission" for quite a few years, but I recently had a bad flare that really discouraged me. Now I realize that I have to be on guard against OCD, and be ready to use therapy tactics on it whenever and wherever it shows itself. It's a long journey but thankfully there is a way to freedom and joy! I love what you said about challenges. It sounds like you have a very healthy and positive mindset! All the best to you in your continued fight against OCD, and in your future pursuits!

 

[Jogger141]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! I'm so glad you're doing better! You show such a clear understanding of how ERP works - it encouraged me just to read your response! I understand how you feel because my OCD was disguised/in "remission" for quite a few years, but I recently had a bad flare that really discouraged me. Now I realize that I have to be on guard against OCD, and be ready to use therapy tactics on it whenever and wherever it shows itself. It's a long journey but thankfully there is a way to freedom and joy! I love what you said about challenges. It sounds like you have a very healthy and positive mindset! All the best to you in your continued fight against OCD, and in your future pursuits!

I agree, it's evident that the positive mindset is there! Very important in overcoming this terrible disorder.. but it's possible when thinking this way!