Obsessing With Death/Harm *trigger*

[CarolinaMom]

Okay, not sure how long this post is going to get, but I have been obsessed with death as far back as I can remember. I'm sure everyone thinks about it every once in a while. I, on the other hand, think about it at least 50 or more times a day. I'm not lying AT ALL.

When I'm driving down the street, I think about an oncoming car veering into my lane and hitting me head-on.

Here are just a few more scenarios:

*Driving down the road and a large animal such as a cow or horse running in front of me and killing it and/or myself.
*A bridge collapsing while I'm driving on it, or sitting on one in stopped traffic.
*My husband getting in a wreck and dying.
*My husband getting in a wreck with my children and all dying.
*Someone breaking into our house and killing us.
*Someone coming up to my car trying to get in. (I ALWAYS lock the doors within a second or two of shutting them when I'm alone.)
*Lightning crashing through a window and striking me or a family member.
*The dryer catching on fire and we aren't able to escape.
*In a public place, someone coming in and shooting it up.
*Someone parking beside my workplace with a car bomb.
*Someone robbing me at the bank.
*

I can go on and on here. No matter where I am, or what I'm doing, my brain starts flying. I especially hate the thoughts at night. Sometimes it gets so bad I just start crying. It bleeds into my dreams as well. I have to force myself to think pleasant thoughts. A lot of the time the pleasant thoughts become death thoughts anyway. I ask the Lord to come in and take these evil thoughts away. I believe with prayer and a little counseling, I will be able to stop these thoughts all-together. I don't want to take any medications.

 

[goldenviolet]

meds, prayer, other managing skills. bless your heart. learn to cut off your own thinking into something better. therephy may help too. i did both... i'm not freed from triggers but i usually interrupt these thoughts with prayer and activity.

 

[CarolinaMom]

What does *trigger* mean? I didn't put that in the title. Does that mean I posted something wrong? I'm sorry if I did. If the Mods need to remove it, that's fine. I've never told anyone about this.

 

[goldenviolet]

i put trigger in the title. you didn't post anything wrong. *trigger* means if you are sensitive to triggers, things that make you depressed or think of harmful things, or have bad memories, then you are cautioned.
it gives people the choice to read or not. no worries. i wasn't sure if your post could be triggering, so i added it to be safe. sorry i didn't ask or tell you first.

 

[CarolinaMom]

Whew! Thanks! I never thought to put a caution on my post.

I wonder if other people who think like this can't watch scary movies? I mean, ESPECIALLY the "Final Destination" movies. I haven't seen so many movies because I know someone dies in it. Friday the 13ths, Halloweens, Nightmare on Elm Steets, even Titanic! Never seen any of them. If I do watch a movie like that, I wind up thinking about it for days or weeks afterwards. It seems like the worst parts I never forget.

 

[goldenviolet]

i can't watch scary movies. i'm a huge chicken. bock-bock

 

[1GODALONE]

Yeah, Those "Final Destination" movie messed with me for awhile too. I was constantly obsessing in my mind, about how I could die, in any given situation. But then I remembered that it was just a movie, and that death isnt out to get me. Being alive, in itself, means I have to die. But I just dont care, frankly. I have accepted Christ as my saviour, he is my defender. The reason those movies are even scary is the thought that death means the end of all things. I ride a motorcycle, and I get scared that someone will just run me over in a semi. But what I know is that my time is up when its up, and that Christ will be there on the other side, welcoming me home. "Who can add one day to his life by worrying?". If Jesus is your God, you dont need to fear your death. When you feel those ominous, overcast thoughts of dying, remember, Christ knows that fear, and what its like to die. But he went for us all anyway. God bless you, I will be praying for you.