Nudity

[delvaughn]

I'm a firm believer that the body is a beautiful thing in all it's shapes and sizes, and it's important to me for my daughters to have a healthy self-image no matter what their bodies look like. However, I also understand the need for modesty and privacy.

Before my girls were born, I read all the books (who didn't, right?). I don't remember which one talked about nudity, but it discusses at what point should a parent stop allowing their child to see them nude (if done at all). It also discussed when to start insisting children be clothed at all times. The general suggestion was to take cues from the child, and when the child begins to show a need for their own privacy, it's time for a change.

Here's my situation. I am now a single parent with a 3-1/2 year old and a 23 month old -- an all-female household. I'd decided to go with this...but my oldest shows no interest at all in maintaining privacy. (She has started asking for names of body parts that we hadn't learned earlier, though.) I'm starting to be more aware of when my children see me dressing or using the bathroom (group potty when potty-training two kids), and I'm beginning to insist that she's at least "covered up" if she has a nightgown on. Still, I don't know if I'm doing too much, too little, or just enough. I want to continue to promote the fact that the body is a beautiful thing made in God's own image, but I also think it's time to start learning about privacy without inflicting unneeded shame. I also am really starting to work on this because neither child is shy and acts like they know no strangers...which is scary in this day and age.

Any ideas, input, suggestions? How does/did your family handle this?

 

[Princessperky]

Well it is a personal thing in a lot of ways. I insist on my own privacy from my 3yoDS and I insist that both kids have underware on, I also don't call it dressed until DD has a long shirt on and DS has pants on, but at no time is there a problem with not being dressed, except you can't go out without clothes, and you can't eat without underware.

We mainly blamed indoor dressing on company ("those are private and we don't show them to anyone, it is rude" (to the someone)) But that puts a damper on exobishionism, which I don't mind, but some do.

Or we say you can't really get things done without clothes on (ever cook naked?)

We try not to make naked seem like a cool thing (I know of many people who make a big deal of it and have giggling fits over nakedness)

Conversly we don't make it to be shameful, just not gonna work outside (like shoes) Or, like at the table, privates are delecate, needing to be away from hot foods and crumbs and such.

I might be a bit overprotective when it comes to privacy, but I have first hand experience with some sickos of the world, and I believe that a healthy image combined with lots of knowledge, and the understanding that you do not touch soemone elses privates, or allow them to touch yours ('cept in special circcumstances drs and mom, and we keep that RARE).

I suppose at some point I will have the whole conception thing which does involve touching . But that is FAR in the futer and so long as I avoid shame associated with private, I figure he will get the difference. (and we will talk with them more later)

 

[Katydid]

Or we say you can't really get things done without clothes on (ever cook naked?)

nuff said on that one...

Okay, well, we have a mixed home which is why we have our rules, girls and boys. But....I would just show that you need your privacy, and I think they will pick up on when they need and don't need privacy.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

hasn't been a big deal here. My son was probably about three and a half or so when he started 'staring' a bit more when I'd get out of the shower so if hubby wasn't home, I'd put a short show on television while I showered to keep him occupied. He's now almost seven and, while shy around others, will streak around the house occasionally if he's changing. We don't make a big deal of it (although I have been known to comment on that white tushy ) Anyhow, my daughter just turned two last week and notices much more than my son ever did. If I get out of the shower and she's in there, she stares at certain body parts and then will look down at herself as if to say, "Where's mine?" I don't make a big deal of it but I do cover up more quickly with here. I've got 25 extra lbs right now and am a bit uncomfy with being stared at She, however, loves to be 'Nakkie' (as she calls it) and will strip whenever possible and, if you are in our house and go to the bathroom without her, she'll let you know in no uncertain terms she is displeased.

Personally, I wouldn't make a big deal of it. When they are old enough, explain privacy. I don't believe we need to make them 'cover up' because at some age they'll become more modest and I haven't had a problem with them wanting to streak in public although I suppose my littlest one would have no problem with that. I just grew up in a household that made me very self conscious of how I looked and I don't want them growing up with that.

 

[Beth1231]

From my own childhood, I have gathered that it's not so much what rules you lay down for modesty or even nudity in the early years but rather the attitudes of mom and dad. Allow me to explain. I have been told by my mother that even as a toddler, I wasn't allowed to "streak" through the house. My diaper wasn't changed in public and mom didn't nurse me in public. I don't remember any of this. I do remember, however, that my younger brother and I were taught to always knock and wait for permission before we came into mom and dad's bedroom and that they would do the same for us. I remember Dad asking me to leave my more "skimpy" summer nightgowns in my room or to put on a robe while I was among the family. Dad also taught me modesty (but not shame) with his simple comments and suggestions when I asked him to take me shopping. Mom was always dressed (or in a robe) and Dad was the same. I believe that what rules and attitudes you choose to instill in your children from the very beginning are usually the ones that mom and dad lean towards when making the later decisions. It's not so much about how the children feel but more how mom and dad feel about modesty. Children tend to pick up on things like that and reply to posts about it later in life

 

[Jenna]

Hmmm.... this isn't really much of an issue in our home. My daughter is 4 years old, and unable to bathe herself. So, she began bathing with me, and sometimes I still bring her into the shower with me if time is running short. Come the day that she is capable of bathing herself, then we will have private bathroom time.

As far as simply being dressed, I've told DD that we have places on our bodies that are simply not for other people to see. I don't shame her, but I do make it clear that other people are not to see our nakedness. She has taken to it very easily, basically because of the example that I set when I dress myself.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I was just at our local park yesterday and I was amazed at the number of naked kids running through the water, sprinkler feature for the kids. Although most were in shorts or bathing suits, seems like kids as old as four and five were naked running through the water. None of the parents seemed to mind but I'd be a little uneasy, I suppose, letting my kiddos bare all in a crowded place...too many weirdos out there.

 

[Princessperky]

Yeah its protection from weirdos I want, not shame, could care less about nakedness, but I care strongly about sickos.

 

[Picture.Of.Obedience]

From my own childhood, I have gathered that it's not so much what rules you lay down for modesty or even nudity in the early years but rather the attitudes of mom and dad. Allow me to explain. I have been told by my mother that even as a toddler, I wasn't allowed to "streak" through the house. My diaper wasn't changed in public and mom didn't nurse me in public. I don't remember any of this. I do remember, however, that my younger brother and I were taught to always knock and wait for permission before we came into mom and dad's bedroom and that they would do the same for us. I remember Dad asking me to leave my more "skimpy" summer nightgowns in my room or to put on a robe while I was among the family. Dad also taught me modesty (but not shame) with his simple comments and suggestions when I asked him to take me shopping. Mom was always dressed (or in a robe) and Dad was the same. I believe that what rules and attitudes you choose to instill in your children from the very beginning are usually the ones that mom and dad lean towards when making the later decisions. It's not so much about how the children feel but more how mom and dad feel about modesty. Children tend to pick up on things like that and reply to posts about it later in life

Very well said!

 

[bostonlass]

Life is so different when it's just girls in the house. I am a single mom of two young daughters, ages 8 and 9. My husband left me when they were 1 and 2 so ever since they can remember we've had a house of just us girls. I've never closed the bathroom door, I don't close my bedroom door while getting dressed etc.

Neither one of them is modest around me but they are around my mom and my sister. My sister had them sleep over a couple of weeks ago and she told me that my 8 year old wouldn't let her in the bathroom to give her a towel even!! Meanwhile I give them a bath still!

When I was engaged to be married, my now exfiance would be over the house when it was time for them to take baths, etc. and they were SUPER self conscious about closing the bathroom door and covering up, etc. They're biggest comment when we split up was "phew...now we don't have to close the door anymore!!!"

I've always taught them ever since I can remember that their "private parts" are gifts from God and should be treated with respect and kept private. I've never gotten into who it's ok to be naked around but they just know instinctively to cover up when they're at their dad's house.

 

[Johnnz]

Help your children to distinguish what is OK and safe at home,and what is suitable elsewhere. Actively discourage shame. We can be appropriately modest as necessary, but shame is a very negative value.

Our children saw us nude as a matter of fact thing. As they became older and mixed with other kids and families they became more modest about themselves. BUT, that did not apply to us. They would still come into our bedroom or bathroom as before until much older. If I had a rerun I would endeavour to keep nudity alive and well within the family much longer.

John
NZ