Nowhere to turn

[GreyWolf]

I haven't been on here in a while. I'm sorry I haven't checked in

Well, about six months ago, I attempted suicide. I was in a deep depression, unable to eat or sleep, unable to function. All I could think about was ending the pain. After my attempt, they put me on an anti-depressant in addition to my mood stabilizer.

It was like a miracle. In a week, i was fine. I was my old self again. For the past six months, I have been doing great- looking into getting a job, etc. Even when my counseling center stopped offering one on one counseling, and now only has a group therapy meeting a week, I was upset but I survived. I hate being without a counselor though.

Anyway, I just found out that my insurance company will no longer cover my medication. My old doctor, who was wonderful, left. A nurse practitioner is covering. She says she is 'too busy' to call the insurance company. I told her that without that medication, I would fall into a suicidal depression. She told me that if I did, it would be my own fault. This woman is an idiot. She isn't even a doctor and obviously knows nothing about bipolar.

I can't bear the thought of going to that horrible place again. I would rather die than live that way. I already want to kill myself, and I have no where to turn. I don't have a counselor anymore. I don't have any friends, they all moved away. The few friends i do have, I don't want to burden. I now have no counseling or medication. HOw am I supposed to survive with my illness? I can't go on another anti-depressant bc of the meds I am on for physical problems...I can't imagine even asking this miserable nurse practitioner for a different med if she thinks my symptoms are my fault.

I don't know where to turn or what to do. I could switch counseling centers and go to another one, but I've only heard bad things about the other one, real horror stories. I'd have a different doctor though- but he wouldn't know me either, so how can I be sure he would call my insurance company on my behaf?"

Don't ask me to pray. I don't believe in God. If there was a God, he created me with bipolar- he did this to me, so why should I worship him?

I truly feel that I have nowhere to turn, and I think my suicide in the next few months is inevitable.

I guess I'm desperate for some kind of support, but I think the situation is hopeless.

 

[Alive again]

Greywolf,

pm me the names of your meds and I will see if the drug companies have pt assistance programs where you can gt free meds for low income without insurance for the meds. why did they change from covering these meds???? UGH! sometimes i can't stand insurance companies!

I am glad to see you again and that they have found meds that help you do so well!

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Alright guys help me out

Is it 1-800-4PPA-NOW it is a phone number to help people get medications.

Go to google and type in prescription assistance or 4PPA it should give you tons of web pages for you to do your homework.

The Physicians prescription assistance works if you only make I'd say about $25,000 a year they'll get you your meds.

Call out to Oregon's Human Services tell them you need help buying health insurance and ask them for a sheet of paper listed with phone numbers that helps people get medications and assistance fr paying for healh insurance.

Also, there is 1-800-50-MERK

Do your homework, find prescription assistance.

Consider social security disability, you'll get your meds covered if you get that because you will get medicaid and you don't even have to work.

Also, you might want to go to Michael Moore and get his psyco card and tell the insurance company that michael moore is going to talk to them if they don't cover your meds.

Keep talking to Alive Again she'll help you out.

If your suicidal thoughts won't go away and you can't get your mind to quit having them, that is when you got to go to the hospital and apply for social security disability.

Good luck!

 

[Jeshu]

I haven't been on here in a while. I'm sorry I haven't checked in

Well, about six months ago, I attempted suicide. I was in a deep depression, unable to eat or sleep, unable to function. All I could think about was ending the pain. After my attempt, they put me on an anti-depressant in addition to my mood stabilizer.

It was like a miracle. In a week, i was fine. I was my old self again. For the past six months, I have been doing great- looking into getting a job, etc. Even when my counseling center stopped offering one on one counseling, and now only has a group therapy meeting a week, I was upset but I survived. I hate being without a counselor though.

Anyway, I just found out that my insurance company will no longer cover my medication. My old doctor, who was wonderful, left. A nurse practitioner is covering. She says she is 'too busy' to call the insurance company. I told her that without that medication, I would fall into a suicidal depression. She told me that if I did, it would be my own fault. This woman is an idiot. She isn't even a doctor and obviously knows nothing about bipolar.

I can't bear the thought of going to that horrible place again. I would rather die than live that way. I already want to kill myself, and I have no where to turn. I don't have a counselor anymore. I don't have any friends, they all moved away. The few friends i do have, I don't want to burden. I now have no counseling or medication. HOw am I supposed to survive with my illness? I can't go on another anti-depressant bc of the meds I am on for physical problems...I can't imagine even asking this miserable nurse practitioner for a different med if she thinks my symptoms are my fault.

I don't know where to turn or what to do. I could switch counseling centers and go to another one, but I've only heard bad things about the other one, real horror stories. I'd have a different doctor though- but he wouldn't know me either, so how can I be sure he would call my insurance company on my behaf?"

Don't ask me to pray. I don't believe in God. If there was a God, he created me with bipolar- he did this to me, so why should I worship him?

I truly feel that I have nowhere to turn, and I think my suicide in the next few months is inevitable.

I guess I'm desperate for some kind of support, but I think the situation is hopeless.

Hi Greywolf.
I was afraid that you had already done the job. For you were severely depressed 6 months ago and then you didn't come back on line. Good to hear that instead you have been doing well.

Until now that is.

I feel so angry with the great American dream at times. When desperately sick people are ignored and left to be devoured by their illness.

Yet like doubting Thomas pointed out you maybe able to get your hands on meds again. You know they make you feel better.
I know life is hardly worth living when you are suicidally depressed been there as well survived five years of such terrible downs.

Please for the sake of life - however hard it maybe - get your hands on some medication again.

 

[sherr33]

Check out Catholic Charities sometimes they can help with Perscritptions.

 

[sherr33]

Greywolf,
I dont want to stir things up but God did not give you Bipolar. It is man that fell and since man fell there has been sickness and things go wrong with us its part of this human nature. My God does not do things like giving people Bipolar. My God heals, raises people from the dead. I know that for a fact my husband died twice on an operating table and God brought him back both times. I am not trying to make you more upset just trying to help and give a word of encouragement

 

[GreyWolf]

Sherr, I am not upset with you..I'm glad you can have that kind of faith, but I have never really understood the kind of 'when men fell, sickness entered the world' type thinking- just doesn't seem logical to me. But I won't debate that at this time.

In fact, I still have some meds, I read over my post and I wasn't all that clear (I was pretty upset when I wrote it) When I fell into that awful depression a while back, my old doctor increased my Cymbalta, and it was like a miracle. I came out of it and felt normal almost instantly. I have Medicaid, I am on disability, but the Medicaid has decided not to pay for my Cymbalta. I have my Lamictal and Geadon, but I need that Cymbalta because that was the medicine that pulled me out of hell. It isn't a simple matter of finding another antidepressant- with the meds I take for pain, I can only take two- Cymbalta and Effexor. I have tried Effexor and it doesn't work for me. So w/o the Cymbalta, I will be left w.o an antidepressent or with one that doesn't work. My old doctor, before she left, appealed to Medicaid and they said ok, they would pay for it, now they have reversed that decision. My doctor left- now I am being covered by a nurse practitioner who refuses to deal with the insurance company, saying she does not have time to call them...she also told me "you are fixated on having medication" and "IF you get into another depression its your fault" Where did this person get her degree from? She obviously knows nothing about bipolar.
So that is the situation.

 

[sherr33]

Greywolf,
The Nurse doesnt understand Bipolar. My husband and I just recently changed churches because the church that we where at before because the pastor said when I told him that I had bipolar his words where " You got yourself into it and you can get yourself out". That made me mad and made my husband upset.

I am not going to debate with you either. Can I say one more thing. God made man in his likeness. God wanted to communicate with man and so he made man to talk with him. So when he made man he knew that man was alone so he created the Woman. I dont know if you have a bible but the book of Genesis is very interesting. Even Woman in childbirth that was a curse that was placed on the human race. The Lord really showed me something in the book of Genesis. When Eve took a bite of the fruit from the tree that they where not to eat of , it says she ate and then gave to adam. Some people believe adam was somewhere else in the Garden. I believe that Adam was there the whole time when she was being tempted. He could have stopped her but he didnt and since he didnt you and I where born and a whole lot of others as well, but Jesus came into the World and he died for us died for every wrong that we would ever do. The whips on his back where for every sickness and every disease ever to come to man and the crown of thorns. I believe that was done for the healing of our minds. Just wanted to add another word of encouragement.

 

[angelkiss]

I am so upset at hearing that a professional doctor said that suicidal depression is one's own fault! That person seems to be sitting on the wrong side of the desk.
I know that it seems that you're all alone, but you're not. We're all here for you. If you need to vent, we'll listen. If you feel more comfortable one on one, feel free to pm me anytime.
s and es!!

 

[Alive again]

Not trying to tell anyone what to do, but I have been seeing a lot of info lately on exercise being as effective for depression as meds. Now we all know that bp is a different illness than unipolar depression, but I know when I was exercising regularly I did fell better, so thought I would post this link in case it might help anyone else here.

Greywolf, it may or may not add to the effectiveness of you r meds, but it is something to think about.

For me self care is one of the hardest things for me to prioritize. I have been trying for quite awhile to "find" time for exercise in my life!!! And I don't work! LOL!!! Especially when I am depressed!!!

So here is the link on some research if anyone is interested. . .http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Depression/news_2007/treatment_alternative_8.asp

 

[GreyWolf]

Wow, guys, a miracle has happened!! My old counselor, the one I don't see anymore but who is in the clinic, was in a group with me where I poured out my heart about not having the medicine and how scared I was. She had seen me through that time six months ago.

Anyway, she told me today that my medicine has been approved. She went over the nurse's head to a doctor on staff and got her to call the insurance company! Hopefully, things are straightened out now. Of course, they said they'd pay for it once before and didn't- but I have an advocate now. I am so grateful to my old counselor, I could cry. I thanked her so much and told her I owe her, she said of course you don't. I should have known she'd come through for me.

Thanks to all of you who prayed, I know some people did. Maybe that helped.

Thanks so much for your support. I'm going to stick around this board for a while. Talk to you all soon.

 

[sherr33]

Greywolf,
That is awesome news. I have been thinking about your situation and praying about it too. Hang in there God will work things out!!
Just try to trust him.

 

[Alive again]

I am so thrilled to hear!!! Not only that you have your med approved, but that you will be around more!! Hugs!

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

You see sometimes things just work out, don't forget that, when you are working for something, like getting yourself meds.

Hang in there! That one nurse who was giving you problems, please like try to get her fired, it is only right, complain about her do something, but keep it legal.

 

[angelkiss]

That is such wonderful news! So glad things are working out and that you'll be around more.
Still keeping you in prayer.
s and es!!

 

[Alaskamomma]

I have been keeping an eye on the thead, just haven't responded until now.

Greywolf, I am happy things are looking up for you and I just wanted to say I have been where you are at concerning God regarding the bipolar. I have been so angry with God because I do believe He created me this way. I just haven't figured out why yet. But each day I do the best I can with what I have and try to let go of the past. It isn't easy and some days I still get upset, but as time goes by, I look up to Heaven more and smile.

SO be encouraged.