hello everyone, i really need some help. i wasnt raised in a religious family altho my parents say they do believe in god. but i never was taken to church or anything like that. when i was around 14 i made friends with a girl who became my best friend and still is now (im 24 now). she was raised in a christian household and goes to church every week without fail. she kept asking me to go with her so i started going to church every sunday, then to bible study twice a week also, i then did the alpha course and then became part of the church youth group. even though i was doing all of that i still did not believe in god or any of it, but i still wanted to go and keep learning for reasons i have no idea why nor can i explain it. when i was 16 i left school and moved away so i havent been to church since then. that was 8 years ago. but... altho i do not believe in god and jesus (i think) i just cannot get them out of my head, i think about god all the time, even if it is to question whether he is real or not. but.. why am i constantly having a battle in my head as to whether god is real or not. i think it is because i feel i need some kind of proof and the whole jesus story seems a bit farfetched to me, i mean walking on water and such... but even with all these doubts and me thinking that this cannot be real and they cannot exist, i find myself thinking about going to church and thinking about god and i do not know why i cant get him out of my head if i dont believe in him and find it so had to believe. i dont understand why i have had my bible for 10 years and still cannot bring myself to throw it out even though i do not believe any of it is true. i need some answers or some help. (im really sorry if i have offended anyone i just really want some advice) xx