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Thank you all for your replies.
I'm feeling better about the whole thing today. I think the reason I felt so bad yesterday was because I bought the God Delusion. I felt this intense guilt, not because I thought God would be angry with me, but because I was afraid that my parents would be. I know how strong my parent's beliefs are, so I don't want to upset them, or make them angry, but at the same time I want to be able to make my own decisions as an adult.
Part of the reason for buying the book was to prove to myself that I could make my own decisions, and to help break the indoctrination that taught me to belief questioning the validity of Christianity was wrong, and that doubt was the "Devil" tempting you, etc.
Whatever I do, whether it be remaining a Christian or deconverting, I want to do it because I made the decision, not because I want to please my parents.
Also, I wonder if part of the problem is with my church's beliefs, rather than Christianity as a whole.
I was raised in a fundementalist, Pentecostal, Christian household. I believed in a literal Genesis (creationism, Noah's Ark, etc) until around my late teens, when I began to learn more about science.
I accepted evolution, etc and my beliefs in a literal Genesis fell away. However, it hasn't just stopped there, my beliefs in things like Satan, hell, etc have also gradually fallen away. Now I'm left wondering what I truely believe, whether I believe in Christianity at all anymore.
When I'm sitting in church listening to the sermon, a lot of things that the pastor says, that I used to believe, just seem plan ridiculous to me now.
I'm afraid this gradual process will eventually lead to atheism, which means giving up what I have believed for so many years, and having to face likely disappointment from my family (and possibly hostility).
Tbh, I felt fine about this whole process when it seemed to be happening naturally, it alsmost felt like I was an outside observer just wanting the process happen, rather than having an actualy role in it. But this past week or so I've been actively seeking out information atheism, I even bought The God Delusion, and I've been feeling physically sick and depressed about the whole thing.
Well that's all have to say, I just wanted to talk about this with Christians, who I know will be supportive, and who won't start blaming Satan for causing my doubt.
You were going to hell for posting here in the first place.Oh no!!!!!!
(hey, where's the required giant pointing finger??)
Oh no!!!!!!
(hey, where's the required giant pointing finger??)
(laughing at the "going to hell" posts)
Seriously, I don't think belief can be genuine until it is questioned. I find it appalling when people *don't* question, just accept what they've been told because the preacher or their mother said it. This is nothing but immaturity on their parts. "I know it's true, because Mommy told me."
I was raised in a fundementalist, Pentecostal, Christian household. I believed in a literal Genesis (creationism, Noah's Ark, etc) until around my late teens, when I began to learn more about science.
I accepted evolution, etc and my beliefs in a literal Genesis fell away. However, it hasn't just stopped there, my beliefs in things like Satan, hell, etc have also gradually fallen away. Now I'm left wondering what I truely believe, whether I believe in Christianity at all anymore.
When I'm sitting in church listening to the sermon, a lot of things that the pastor says, that I used to believe, just seem plan ridiculous to me now.
I'm afraid this gradual process will eventually lead to atheism, which means giving up what I have believed for so many years, and having to face likely disappointment from my family (and possibly hostility).
Tbh, I felt fine about this whole process when it seemed to be happening naturally, it alsmost felt like I was an outside observer just wanting the process happen, rather than having an actualy role in it. But this past week or so I've been actively seeking out information atheism, I even bought The God Delusion, and I've been feeling physically sick and depressed about the whole thing.
Well that's all have to say, I just wanted to talk about this with Christians, who I know will be supportive, and who won't start blaming Satan for causing my doubt.
Speaking just for myself (of course):I have a question for you:
While you were gradually changing your beliefs, how often did you study the bible and pray?
I was raised in a fundementalist, Pentecostal, Christian household. I believed in a literal Genesis (creationism, Noah's Ark, etc) until around my late teens, when I began to learn more about science.
I accepted evolution, etc and my beliefs in a literal Genesis fell away. However, it hasn't just stopped there, my beliefs in things like Satan, hell, etc have also gradually fallen away. Now I'm left wondering what I truely believe, whether I believe in Christianity at all anymore.
When I'm sitting in church listening to the sermon, a lot of things that the pastor says, that I used to believe, just seem plan ridiculous to me now.
I'm afraid this gradual process will eventually lead to atheism, which means giving up what I have believed for so many years, and having to face likely disappointment from my family (and possibly hostility).
Tbh, I felt fine about this whole process when it seemed to be happening naturally, it alsmost felt like I was an outside observer just wanting the process happen, rather than having an actualy role in it. But this past week or so I've been actively seeking out information atheism, I even bought The God Delusion, and I've been feeling physically sick and depressed about the whole thing.
Well that's all have to say, I just wanted to talk about this with Christians, who I know will be supportive, and who won't start blaming Satan for causing my doubt.
I was raised in a mix of Fundamentalist/Pentecostal/Charismatic myself... over 20 yrs... so I can certainly relate to that aspect.
I went through a time period of deep skepticism/doubt... Actually I went evil for a few years. And it was through that evil that I became re-convinced of the supernatural world. But that path led nowhere good.
So, now, I'm at a place of trying to be reconciled with the faith of my youth. So that's where I am at.
But we all have different spiritual journeys... and given mine, I'm sure as heck not gonna be judgmental of anyone elses. Whatever path your journey may take you on... my prayers are with you.
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