Not strong enough

Gracelands said:

Knw everytime i read your posts i feel very strongly that you are clinging on to the past excessively. Don't make a victim persona your own. It will make you miserable and maybe even give you some warped justification for selfish, narcissistic, behaviour.

You need to move on! If you've hurt people apologise to them and to God then you can stop analysing and justifying on forums.

Your past, guilt, shame whatever is making you weak. Let it go and you will be more than strong enough.

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Annie2 said:

Knw1991, no-one can take you further than where they are themselves. Of my opinion, many 'councelors' here haven't been too far. Depression is much about repressed/suppressed anger, and it's very much okay to finally let it out. Later on, forgiveness and stuff will follow in their due course. But there's time for everything - even for anger.
I had a father, but I wish to quote here Lewis Carroll who said, "In some ways, you know, people that don't exist, are much nicer than people that do". My father left me being a fearful, overly-vulnerable, untrustful, joyless, ..., beaten child.
I fell into deep depression in my late teens, and never really recovered. (In fact, I must have been depressed all my life, I remember feeling sad&empty, somehow detached from normal life since I was 4-5 yrs). Anyway, I was a bright kid and managed to study medicine, even got my diploma.
But it was too hard to deal in the tough world, with harsh people. So I've been on disability pension since my 30ies. I come from an abusive, neglective, violent background. At school I was bullied, later on in my life abused again and abandoned.
G-d spared me from complete insanity. But I never made it, I never really recovered. Nor did I find anyone human to love me. No. For some reason G-d had decided differently about my life: I have to stay on my own, no matter how tough and unfair it feels. Our G-d didn't spare His own Son - that sure tells something about Him, and His Divine Love! This is not sarcasm, I'm trying to say that His Ways are not the human ways. And we just have to accept it. Period. Even if someone's life on earth is suffer-suffering (from a human point of view) from the beginning to the end, it might be going just as He has planned it. At some point, G-d may give you "celestial revelations", or allow you some earthly happiness - but not necessarily. Accept it, or suffer more - and then later accept it.
Knw, I'm praying that our Father would pity you and shower Love on you. <3 Take care, Annie

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whitebeaches said:

I know its hard and I know you don't want to suffer. the good news is youre not alone. god can and will carry you through this. (((( hugs ))))

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Noxot said:

yeah... when the inside changes the outside changes. being in heaven is much better than being in hell. even suffering serves a very great purpose, like a rubber band being pulled back until you let go of the hurt, then you snap very quickly into the light and greatly rejoice. Jesus often comes down to hades to pull us out of it, he is so kind, but if we think our beloved Lord hates us, what a darkness for light we have, therefore believe God loves you and you shall remove the speck in your eye. Faith is a higher reality of existing, it is the Spiritual reality, the higher reality. but doubt is from a lower reality and it keeps us trapped with other evil spirits such as disbelief, pride in human understanding, blindness and ect. a huge problem Christians have is that they are walking by sight instead of faith, therefore the current things they see, traps them in hurt and pain or joy, whichever they are able to see. but if they may see the Lords face then they are free. if we see how the Lord sees, then we shall not suffer. we can be in hell and nothing will hurt us. suffering in this world is something hard to understand until you realize you are children of God and that all things serve us. so do not be a slave, be a princess in the kingdom of heaven rather than a slave in the kingdom of this world. we often go through depression and suffering, so that we are able to see and grow better than we would have otherwise.

you have to understand that there are many people in this world living out robotic lives, drifting through life until the day they die not living how they truly desire to live, according to their Spiritual man who is their real self. depression is a great helper in not allowing us to go through such a blind and apathetic hell. great darkness gives a great setting for light to be so blindingly wonderful, that as soon as you hold on to the light and never let go, you shall greatly rejoice that the small time of darkness you had that was for your good and not for your evil. you may then greatly rejoice in the quickness God provided you in escaping from darkness, rather than having to for 50+ years slowly, little by little, going to the light. you do not have to suffer, that is the truth. you would not be going through what you are going through if you did not see from a higher perspective that it will make you grow up all the better and faster and be an eternal rejoicing to you. God is freedom and he gives us freedom because we are his children and we inherit from him all that he is, do you think God forced you to go through everything you are going through? no, i can guarantee you that you and God made the decision that you would have the life you are now living, you saw all that happened and could happen, saw how great the rejoicing you could obtain by living the life as yourself, and decided that this is the life you wanted to be saved in with the Lord.

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