Not much more hope

[Nightstrike]

I just don't see myself having a future.
I'd like to, but I can't. I just wanna blow my brains out already.
Never been accepted by society, and I never will.
What sucks is all I really want is a wife who loves me. Yeah I'm 16, I'm still young blah blah blah.
Just don't tell me i'll find someone. Not everyone does. Tell that to the 90 year old bacholer out there or the 70 year old spinster down the street.
I don't feel worth while.
I'm pathetic. I'm disgusting. I'm a stupid little nerd.
I want to die already, and get this hell over with.
I want to join my Jesus in heaven. I DO want to live, but I can't find much hope.
I don't see myself in 10 years with a beautiful wife in my arms at night in a nice house with the moonlight shining on her face.
Naw, instead I see myself lying in a small apartment room, making 500 bucks a month working almost full time at mcdonalds.
I'm going into mixed martial arts competetion.
I will be breaking peoples jaw's.
However, with my luck I won't get anywhere in that. I'll probably get heel hooked badly and have a next to inrepairable ACL injury for the rest of my life.
Yeah I think on the bad things, I know that.
I still feel like a pitiful disgusting person.
Someone blow my brains out for me, I don't want to keep fighting anymore.
I'm sick of fighting.

 

[Nightstrike]

I was bullied as a child, even a bit now.
I was a sickly child, I was in the hospital for asthma lot.
Had a few close brushes with the grim reaper.
i was moved around ALOT during ages 4-7, and finally stoped moving around 10 years old
iv went to about 7-8 ish different schools now. Never got my social skills.
I am completely socially inept.
I can hardly ever tell if someone is making a joke.
Heck, I'm sitting here writing this cause I have nothing to do.
My two friends are unavailable, and some fake friends are ignoring me cause they are at a party.
I'm so disgusting.

 

[berachah]

A good starting point would be to consider that God spoke everything into existance. We are made in His image and what we say has an impact on our lives and our future.

 

[Zita123]

I think that maybe your expectations are too high?? Maybe if you can try to see the glass half FULL instead of half empty, you could go somewhere. I know, My husband has been a rotten person for the 20 yrs I've been with him. He finally found JESUS and has faith. When he sees all the good things happening now that he has faith he won't stop now!! When he starts to lose that faith again I remind him and he sees what he's doing and prays for it to go away!
Please I'm talking to you as an adult, not as a child ( some people think 16 yrs old is still a child ) You need to show some more faith and then see the results, I don't think that your letting any girls " in ". You probably don't even realize that your doing this. Try to smile alot it really helps, pray more and have a whole lotta faith!!
GOD BLESS YOU!!
Zita123

I just don't see myself having a future.
I'd like to, but I can't. I just wanna blow my brains out already.
Never been accepted by society, and I never will.
What sucks is all I really want is a wife who loves me. Yeah I'm 16, I'm still young blah blah blah.
Just don't tell me i'll find someone. Not everyone does. Tell that to the 90 year old bacholer out there or the 70 year old spinster down the street.
I don't feel worth while.
I'm pathetic. I'm disgusting. I'm a stupid little nerd.
I want to die already, and get this hell over with.
I want to join my Jesus in heaven. I DO want to live, but I can't find much hope.
I don't see myself in 10 years with a beautiful wife in my arms at night in a nice house with the moonlight shining on her face.
Naw, instead I see myself lying in a small apartment room, making 500 bucks a month working almost full time at mcdonalds.
I'm going into mixed martial arts competetion.
I will be breaking peoples jaw's.
However, with my luck I won't get anywhere in that. I'll probably get heel hooked badly and have a next to inrepairable ACL injury for the rest of my life.
Yeah I think on the bad things, I know that.
I still feel like a pitiful disgusting person.
Someone blow my brains out for me, I don't want to keep fighting anymore.
I'm sick of fighting.

 

[Nightstrike]

I can get girlfriends, but the ones that want me only want to do naughty things with me.
Its not even getting a girlfriend, it wouldn't matter at this point in life, because i'll lose that person when I move to go to college.
I'm saying overall hope for the future.
Yes I am a pessemist, yes I do need more faith.
It still feels like I have a huge boulder in front of my face. Here's the thing.
I don't know how to get over it.

 

[thenewageriseth]

I know how you feel. Like my parents and my aunt and others tell me that I'll find someone can I don't believe them either, cuz of society and how I might not find anyone not into naughty stuff (like what you mentioned)...because of the Rap and Hip-Hop,...about being socially inept, I don't know if I'm like that, but I used to crowd people a lot and it was a personal space issue (I really wish I didn't have to go by those rules, even though i would want personal space, which I do, sometimes...it's hard to tell whether or not someone wants personal space...)

It's hard to have faith, but I have to keep striving til' I get what I want. The thing is is that you have to keep an open mind and try to stay positive.

And about boys, also, when I was your age, I started having this crush on a boy who did not really like me and he liked me for my body, I think. And I'm afraid about stuff like that. So i know where you are definitely coming from!

 

[SeekAnd]

Hey Nightstrike,

I just gotta tell ya that with an imagination like yours you have something going for you.

Have you tried some form of creative writing? That is a way to reach people on a deeper social level. You definitely have a compelling way of expressing yourself. If you find a forum to express your thoughts you will attract people who might think the way you do or at least like what you have to say.

Since you have asthma you probably wont be someone who has like 15 or 20 cats. Thats something at least.

 

[Zita123]

You need to find what that boulder is and attack it .. Chip it away little by little.. It will take time to break it down but, I have faith you can and will do it!!
Praying for you!
Zita123

I can get girlfriends, but the ones that want me only want to do naughty things with me.
Its not even getting a girlfriend, it wouldn't matter at this point in life, because i'll lose that person when I move to go to college.
I'm saying overall hope for the future.
Yes I am a pessemist, yes I do need more faith.
It still feels like I have a huge boulder in front of my face. Here's the thing.
I don't know how to get over it.

 

[shakingthedustoffmyfeet]

The good fight of faith. It is a fight that is accomplished by putting on the whole armor of God. Armor is not just something that we put on our posts. It is explained in Ephesians 6. It is the equipment that is given to us by God so that our battles, over depression or anything else, are won.

Life is not easy for anyone. We all get dirt dished into our lives at one point or another, but God stands with us. We cannot win these battles alone. God bless you.

The Whole Armor of God

10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and vthe sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 wpraying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— 19 and for me, that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.​

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