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TenthAveN

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Hello,

Lately I’ve been reading through the Old Testament, specifically about the Israelites being led by God through the wilderness. I’ve noticed that I relate to the Israelites in many ways.

I often struggle with doubting my salvation (and mental illness). However, I think my primary problem is that I am a lover of self. I find that I identify with the first generation of Israelites that didn’t make it into the Promised Land, as opposed to the 2nd generation that entered into the Promised Land. I find that I do not settle for the manna (Christ alone), but that I desire more (feelings, assurance, signs, etc).

I often, like the first generation, forget what God has done (the many blessings in my life, and, of course, forgiveness through Christ), and often yearn for Egypt. I do not trust God enough to lead me into the Promised Land. I am fearful of the obstacles in the way to the Promised Land, and don’t trust in God to bring me to where He wants me to be.

I ask for prayers for the strength and the will to choose to follow Christ, even when the feeling isn’t there, or even when my feelings are completely against following Him. To acknowledge that He is worthy of my praise and life, regardless of where I spend eternity. To sorrow over sin itself and not just the consequences thereof. Also, to trust in Christ alone, and not anything I can do on my part to earn grace. I thank you for your prayers.
 

disciple Clint

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OK so you are not perfect, you experience fear about your salvation, you are working on increasing your faith, that all sound very normal. You need to rely more on head knowledge instead of emotion, read God's word, see how much He loves you and wants you to spend eternity with Him. Trust God, faith comes by hearing (reading) the word.
 
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Jeshu

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My dear friend please know that it hurts Jesus that it is that way but He is glad you can see it as wrong. Go to Jesus in your selfishness and let Jesus trim your big I a little.

This is what happened in my life. When Jesus was first revealed within me my big I took of with my salvation and claimed himself better than anyone else inside of me.

I burned my error of judgement when Jesus cut me down the son of lawlessness i had been in my big I. Always first. Always taking good and destroying it. Also bringing me my pain and robbing me of my crown, time and again.

The word of truth cut him out of me, after first setting me on fire in that self mourning all my misdeeds.

i'm so glad Jesus cut my big selfish I out of me for love for God grew in its place. Loving God sincerely, and not selfishly, is by far the best experience we can have in and with Him.

In My last I

i heard and saw
for myself
what big I's
do best,
replying first
to Heaven's questions.

i heard and saw,
"Me!! Yes, I..!"
answering triumphantly,
ignoring the rest of me,
self-importance rising proudly,
“I.., I.., I..,
yes.., ME!”

i had heard and seen,
“Who is first?
Who deserves to be in Heaven?
Who earned the power, glory and honour over here?
Who is more important?
Who deserves the crown?
Who wants to live forever?”


i heard and saw
that there was
no room
for the rest
of myself,
nor anyone else,
either!


i heard and saw
merely a
swollen ego
boasting
arrogantly
I am
best!


i heard and saw
a marvellous Light
decent from Heaven,
screaming,
my big I lit-up
from hair to toe
aflame!


i heard and saw
in The End
a final tiny
flame flickering,
my big I
blazed out
for good!


i heard and saw
much better
after i had
that 'hiccup'
going up
tho'
 
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Stephanie7

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The Boy with an Evil Spirit … “If You can?” echoed Jesus. “All things are possible to him who believes!” Immediately the boy’s father cried out, “I do believe; help my unbelief!” Mark 9:23-24

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. Hebrews 11:6
Heavenly Father, I pray that You will give this one the faith to believe that You do exist, that You are very real, and the faith to believe that You do carry out Your Written Word. Open eyes and open understanding that You may be heard and understood, In Jesus Name, Amen

When we see the apple seed, God sees the apple.
 
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TenthAveN

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I also struggle with being bold. I cower when it comes to sharing Jesus with others and telling them what’s true. I don’t know if it’s my social anxiety or fear of persecution, or both. I think it’s more the latter.
 
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FutureAndAHope

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I also struggle with being bold. I cower when it comes to sharing Jesus with others and telling them what’s true. I don’t know if it’s my social anxiety or fear of persecution, or both. I think it’s more the latter.

To be honest I find it hard as well. Don't beat yourself up over it though. The way I see it is as long as we are moving forward, trying to make a difference, we will kick some goals for the team, even though we may miss many. God is in control, not even a bird falls to the ground but by God's will, how much more the hearts of the sons of man are held in His hands.

All that said I will pray for opportunities for you to share faith, and boldness in the process.
 
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musicalpilgrim

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I pray for you to know Jesus and his joy and peace in your heart and mind.
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son that all who believe in him will not perish but have everlasting life.
Thank you Jesus.
 
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disciple Clint

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I also struggle with being bold. I cower when it comes to sharing Jesus with others and telling them what’s true. I don’t know if it’s my social anxiety or fear of persecution, or both. I think it’s more the latter.
when you evangelize you need a plan. There are many methods, find one that fits you. You may want to start by asking a person open questions such as, What happens to us when we die? Then ask them why do you believe that? Now you have something to work with because you know where they are on this subject. There are several short good books on this and there may even be information available on line that would help you develop your approach and presentation.
 
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TenthAveN

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I thank you for your replies, and those of everyone else. I always feel condemned and terrible when I don’t share the Word. When I’m working in close proximity to a coworker, I get anxious, and I can never tell if it’s my OCD or the Holy Spirit prompting me to share. I never end up doing so, and i experience feelings of condemnation and uselessness.
 
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disciple Clint

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Good chance you will get over those feelings once you have an approach you are comfortable with and have used it a few times.
 
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ozso

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@TenthAveN I relate well to what you're saying. A lot of that applied to me until recently. Then like a light switch being flipped on, I went from being self abosorbed and complacent to thinking and acting like a Christain. I don't know why it took so long. But the Lord knew that's what I was truely seeking deep in my heart, and blessed me with a transformation. Keep asking for help. This wasn't of my own doing, the Holy Spirit brought about the change.

Also not all are called to be evangelists. I'm very socially akward and hardly talk to anyone verbally. But I'm active on the internet and can spread the gospel that way and leave out tracts and such.
 
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