Hello, it's me again! Don't worry, guys, I'm working towards getting therapy. I just... need to post about another Thing my brain has come up with. (I also literally have no friends to talk about these things with--technically no close friends at all due to some stuff that happened awhile ago--so these forums are basically my only outlet.)
Anyway. I'm an amateur writer, I write for my enjoyment but haven't been published yet. Recently, though, I've remembered some scenes in my stories that... I'd had sinful thoughts around when writing them/thinking about them. I think if you looked at the scenes objectively, the consensus would be "that's pretty dark" but basically find nothing all that wrong with them (ie, a longer version of the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Han Solo is "interrogated"). The other thing is, these thoughts that were coexisting with the scenes aren't OCD thoughts, they really are/were bad thoughts.
Now, I've since chosen to repent of these thoughts and take every thought captive (because even with OCD, that doesn't excuse Actual Bad Thoughts). The other thing is, I haven't looked at these stories in a looooong time (except once a few months ago to just look at my old stuff). But I'm convinced I need to delete them.
The problem is, I don't want to start down an obsessive spiral. I've moved one of the stories in question into the recycling bin, but I haven't permanently deleted it. A while back I deleted a ton of music, in a bit of a panic, but now I'm thinking a better alternative would have been to just delete songs as they came up and I decided I didn't want to hear them anymore. Same with this: I don't want to delete anything in a panic, and go down a spiral of deleting a bunch of stuff... buuuut I can't shake the feeling that I need to do something. Darned if I do, darned if I don't.
Anyway. I'm an amateur writer, I write for my enjoyment but haven't been published yet. Recently, though, I've remembered some scenes in my stories that... I'd had sinful thoughts around when writing them/thinking about them. I think if you looked at the scenes objectively, the consensus would be "that's pretty dark" but basically find nothing all that wrong with them (ie, a longer version of the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Han Solo is "interrogated"). The other thing is, these thoughts that were coexisting with the scenes aren't OCD thoughts, they really are/were bad thoughts.
Now, I've since chosen to repent of these thoughts and take every thought captive (because even with OCD, that doesn't excuse Actual Bad Thoughts). The other thing is, I haven't looked at these stories in a looooong time (except once a few months ago to just look at my old stuff). But I'm convinced I need to delete them.
The problem is, I don't want to start down an obsessive spiral. I've moved one of the stories in question into the recycling bin, but I haven't permanently deleted it. A while back I deleted a ton of music, in a bit of a panic, but now I'm thinking a better alternative would have been to just delete songs as they came up and I decided I didn't want to hear them anymore. Same with this: I don't want to delete anything in a panic, and go down a spiral of deleting a bunch of stuff... buuuut I can't shake the feeling that I need to do something. Darned if I do, darned if I don't.