Not Happy

[climbinout]

Anyone here not happily married?
We dont get along in an intimate way but do fine in the day to day stuff.
It's depressing to not have someone to be truly intimate with.

 

[heffalump_hunter]

I've much the same type of marriage climbinout. Sorry to hear there's more than 1 of us. My wife is wonderful in most other ways. I've learned it will have to be sufficient for me though it is definately bothersome and inconvenient.

At the same time, welcome to the Fab 40's.

 

[MMXII]

Anyone here not happily married?
We dont get along in an intimate way but do fine in the day to day stuff.
It's depressing to not have someone to be truly intimate with.

Been there my friend. I don't know your children's ages but as a mother I know that intimacy was something I didn't feel I had time for when my kids were small. If you wife is anything like I was at the end of the day all I wanted was a hot shower and bed. This may not be encouraging but look at it this way...the kids won't be home forever. If you can, take some responsibilities off her shoulders...take the trash out without being asked, wash the dishes, cook dinner, do some laundry. Those things, even though they may seem small to you are HUGE to a woman. Don't make her feel like she has one more kid in you.

 

[climbinout]

Been there my friend. I don't know your children's ages but as a mother I know that intimacy was something I didn't feel I had time for when my kids were small. If you wife is anything like I was at the end of the day all I wanted was a hot shower and bed. This may not be encouraging but look at it this way...the kids won't be home forever. If you can, take some responsibilities off her shoulders...take the trash out without being asked, wash the dishes, cook dinner, do some laundry. Those things, even though they may seem small to you are HUGE to a woman. Don't make her feel like she has one more kid in you.

Good point

 

[MMXII]

Welcome to CF and to the Fab 40's.

 

[mesue]

I have to tell you what I tell my husband. I need warm up time. Don't ignore me until my butt hits the bed and then all of a sudden I become some sex godess. There was a saying, or maybe it was a book, a long time ago, sex starts in the kitchen. Meaning, make your affections known well before bedtime.
Also, hug isn't always the start of foreplay, sometimes a hug is just a hug.

 

[Heart of a Seeker]

Very, very good advice!!

 

[PassionateWorshipper]

Take some initiative, not just once, but be consistant. A woman doesn't turn on and off light a light switch (like men often do) she's designed differently. After spending her day focused on everything and everyone but herself, it's difficult to get in bed and then focus on "what is my body feeling?" Geeshe, that can take me 20 - 30 minutes to get in touch with myself, and then fall asleep... too tired...

You guys can help by making an effort throughout the day. Make a list and check it off during the day (just don't let your wife see it)

1. Quick kiss on the lips and a nice long hug before work.
2. Fanny grab before you leave the house.
3. Instructions to the kids to obey Mom today because she's the most important woman in your life.
4. Phone call at lunch "Baby I was just thinkin' about you with no clothes on..." (tee hee)
5. Hold her hand while shopping in Walmart
6. Dinner was great Babe (another big hug)
7. Take out the trash, do the dishes, or vacuum without her asking, or ask what she needs done (I think my husband is so sexy when he does housework for me...)
8. Share what God is speaking to you, or a scripture...
9. ~You get the picture now?~

It's not difficult or even too time consuming. You don't have to be a movie star to grab her attention or have a lot of money. Often a single rose will go as far as a dozen. She needs to know you think about her during the day (good thoughts, glad that you married her thoughts.) If you don't then she probably feels that she's performing a service for you at night. That doesn't feel so good, even if she loves you. This world stinks and makes her feel less than adequate. You get the blessing of encouraging her and building her up.

Also, if you had sex before marriage, that can quench the freedom you should have in the marriage bed. If you haven't already and need to you should both repent together and allow God to cleanse that guilt away.

One other thing, many people have been sexually abused at some point in their lives, mostly as children. If this is the case with you or your wife, you should get some prayer ministry so the Lord can bring healing.

If you're getting along well as friends for the most part, that's a huge, good thing. I think just stepping it up and noticing and affirming her more could do wonders. Give it a couple of weeks and see if she's not responding better in the ring!

Blessings. -PW

 

[MMXII]

7. Take out the trash, do the dishes, or vacuum without her asking, or ask what she needs done (I think my husband is so sexy when he does housework for me...)

 

[JimfromOhio]

In order to have happiness in the marriage, we need to have God in the marriage. People often forget about God. Spiritual intimacy in marriage is about partnering with God. In a Christian marriage relationship, God is at the top and my wife and I are at opposite ends on the bottom. As the two of us grow spiritually, we will move upwards together toward God. Engaging in a personal relationship with God is the first and most important step in initiating spiritual intimacy.

Let me help you as a role of a Christian Husband to "win back your wife's heart". I will start with First Peter 3:7 which is my favorite verse.

I love this verse because this tells me my DUTY as a husband to my wife. This verse helps me make our marriage better and happier !!! "Live with your wives"

The term translated "live" means "to dwell down with," being closely aligned, being completely at home with.

The little word "with" calls for close companionship, deep-down togetherness.

Husbands are the ones who should be cultivating an in-depth partnership with our mates. This word "dwell" speaks of intimacy. It is letting somebody else into your life. In every marriage, there needs to be verbal, emotional, social, intellectual, and spiritual togetherness.

When you pray with someone, what you are saying to that person is, "I recognize you as a spiritually important person. I have time for you. You are a part of my spiritual life. God is not just my God and your God. God is our God." That's spiritual intimacy. It says to the wife, my husband is serious about being the spiritual leader in our home.

Women greatly desire and deserve a husband that will pray with her. Husbands are to study their wives and work tirelessly to promote her spiritual, emotional, and physical well being.

The word for "live" means to "dwell together or to be at home with." Peter is telling husbands that they are responsible for the "close togetherness" in the relationship. Providing a good living should never become a substitute for sharing deeply in life. The husband is to be sensitive to the needs of the wife.

Take it from me, if you want true intimacy and wonderful sex life, LOVE HER.

My wife is beautiful because she is my woman. I married her and I will always flirt with her, romance her and chase her. Husbands need to understand that biblically that godly wife is a woman of great worth, trustworthy, hardworking, diligent, caring, thoughtful, business wise, disciplined, merciful, creative, lovely and most of all she loves God. Her attitude and actions produce a legacy that is praiseworthy (See Proverbs 31:10-31) and demonstrates a joyful freedom. Husbands should take anything his wife say into any consideration.

In the New Testament, the apostle Peter strongly exhorts to husbands to honor and LOVE their wives. If I do not listen and honor my wife, I have sinned against God and my prayers will not be heard and my marriage will NOT be happy.

By using an example from First Peter 3:7, Peter actually suggests that God designed women to be under the protection of a man, benefitting from his strength. And serving women by lending them that strength is one of the main ways we show them a Christlike, sacrificial love.

 

[MMXII]

Amen Jim!!