Not good enough for a social life

[.Mikha'el.]

I'm often asked both on here and elsewhere about why I have become so socially isolated. I'll talk about the fact I still live with my parents and how I feel that presents challenges. I'll bring up the fact that there's no real social opportunity right now other than work, and how I don't care to be overly talkative with coworkers. I also mention that I'm quiet and reserved, and socially awkward. It's all very true as well.

But there's one more very big factor. It's the fact that I find the fact of my current living situation so personally shameful that I don't dare raise it in conversation, and that's virtually impossible to do when getting to know someone. I don't fear scorn, judgement, or ridicule, but in the course of getting to know someone, I cannot help but comparing my life to that of the other person, and feeling so woefully inadequate on account of that. Getting to know people seems to come with it a massive blow to my already non-existent self-worth.

How do I deal with this problem?

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

I' sorry to hear about your problems. I hope God blesses you and offers you a great future.

 

[Tolworth John]

I still live with my parents and how I feel that presents challenges

Why is this a problem?
many people cannot afford to move out of their parents home, often children return home from university laiden with debts that desipite having a well paid job they cannot afford a place of their own.

I also mention that I'm quiet and reserved, and socially awkward

There are two places where one meets and spends time with people.

One is at work. Spend time socailly with them, get to know them, they see you for long periods of time dealing with many different situations and often know you better than people outside work.

The second is at church, getting involved, volunteering, helping where help is needed allows relationships to form.

 

[blossom15]

I believe that good emotional support and healthy boundaries as we are growing up are important for us to develop social skills, and as adults sometimes investing in counselling for extra support to help with looking at social situations or difficulties can be very validating and freeing if you find someone nonjudgemental you can trust to work with.

 

[brinny]

I'm often asked both on here and elsewhere about why I have become so socially isolated. I'll talk about the fact I still live with my parents and how I feel that presents challenges. I'll bring up the fact that there's no real social opportunity right now other than work, and how I don't care to be overly talkative with coworkers. I also mention that I'm quiet and reserved, and socially awkward. It's all very true as well.

But there's one more very big factor. It's the fact that I find the fact of my current living situation so personally shameful that I don't dare raise it in conversation, and that's virtually impossible to do when getting to know someone. I don't fear scorn, judgement, or ridicule, but in the course of getting to know someone, I cannot help but comparing my life to that of the other person, and feeling so woefully inadequate on account of that. Getting to know people seems to come with it a massive blow to my already non-existent self-worth.

How do I deal with this problem?

Always be yourself, courageously, and never compare yourself to others. Each of us have issues, some more hidden than others. As John said, many are living in their parents home. It's actually a blessing. Start noticing things of interest about people that you work with, people in church, etc. and begin there. There has GOT to be some quirky peoples that come across your path, that catch your attention. If/when that happens, just mention how you enjoyed something they just said or did. Keep it brief, and as a starting point for the next time you see them. You have begun a genuine relationship. Keep it casual, but steady. This comes to mind:

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly:" ~Proverbs 18:24

Praying that God guides you and grants you many genuinely friendly moments at work, at church, and elsewhere, as He blesses your life with the blessings of genuine friendships, Mikha'el.

 

[God bless Joshua]

Everything given to your family is a bless from God. Ask God to bless your every steps and let Him lead your way.

 

[Norbert L]

I'm often asked both on here and elsewhere about why I have become so socially isolated. I'll talk about the fact I still live with my parents and how I feel that presents challenges. I'll bring up the fact that there's no real social opportunity right now other than work, and how I don't care to be overly talkative with coworkers. I also mention that I'm quiet and reserved, and socially awkward. It's all very true as well.

But there's one more very big factor. It's the fact that I find the fact of my current living situation so personally shameful that I don't dare raise it in conversation, and that's virtually impossible to do when getting to know someone. I don't fear scorn, judgement, or ridicule, but in the course of getting to know someone, I cannot help but comparing my life to that of the other person, and feeling so woefully inadequate on account of that. Getting to know people seems to come with it a massive blow to my already non-existent self-worth.

How do I deal with this problem?

Find a hobby that you have a skill in and a club that meets regularly which allows you to attend at your convenience. Because being interested in something other than work will allow you to talk about something that you actually have an invested interest in.

 

[Take Heart]

I think the most freeing thing for me was to accept that I was introverted, socially awkward, etc. Because if we don't accept that part of ourselves, we often tend to shame ourselves or beat ourselves down over it and how we wish we were different. Don't get me wrong though, God can most definitely help us grow in those areas and help us become more social. But I think acceptance helps a lot and allows us to live a bit more freely without self-judgement. I also live with my mom and I think, as Tolworth John mentioned, many people still live with their parents. I help out with bills, gas, cooking, cleaning so I see nothing wrong with it. I still very much want my own place and am working to live on my own but for now, during the waiting process/season, I am content. God can help with the socially awkward part. I remember him putting me in social situations, which of course was super uncomfortable for me at the time, and it was Him answering my prayers to be more social/comfortable in social settings. So yeah, it definitely takes a lot of practice, time, patience, and exposure to social events/group setting. Your work is a great way to start interacting more. Skype is another great way to interact with people-preferably Christian brethren- who can help you practice become comfortable socialising and growing in fellowship with Christ.

 

[teresa]

nm

 

[teresa]

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[teresa]

nm

 

[Minoa]

I can relate. I am very introverted, I got social anxiety......and, people at church would not even stay in touch long-term or check in on me either making me question myself. What helped my awkwardness was having a retail job. I still cannot handle cashier work too well socially but shelf stocking isn't so bad, but can talk much better now. Still socially awkward, just far less so.

Went to a pastor at another closer church because the first one seemed stuck up and unwilling to relate on a more human level, sure he sounds nice and stuff in person and says he wants to deal with my marriage issues himself instead of passing us onto another staff----except he never checks in on us or leads us back in (he has our email addresses). I feel forgotten.

Once my small woman bible study got dissolved from the leader quitting the church staff, nobody gets together now. I felt abandoned.

Regarding comparisons, well, at current church people are more socially involving, but the ones who host bible study in their homes...have HUUUGE houses. Not exactly mansions but what we dub "monster houses".
I live in a city where real estate is only for the wealthy few. When husband and I walked to the front gate, I felt "do I belong here? do I really get to walk into this place without becoming judged silently?". I felt like I was in a whole different social class and felt uncomfortable, inferior, poor, sort of felt like running home. I also wondered how they got so rich and what their real-life priorities are. Do they secretly value money more?
And also guilt and shame, as I'm not supposed to feel this way towards other church goers?

 

[teresa]

nm

 

[Celticroots]

I am sorry I don’t have any advice as I am in a similar situation. Living with my mom at 28. I feel a great sense of inadequacy and sadness when I think about the lives of others then mine.

 

[1am3laine]

Sometimes people act like the WORST THING IN LIFE is to live at home with parents but it is NOT.
You have a lot going for yourself.
1. GOD
2. Family
3. Schooling
your doing just fine. You should try to join a church club and this website must be helping you as well with all the support!

GOD bless

 

[teresa]

nm

 

[miss-a]

I moved back in with my mom in my early thirties. I'm also an introvert and had the same fears you express. But I found that as I allowed myself to open up to people, most did not judge me for the situations that caused my financial collapse, but rather for who I was. Yes, I think some did judge me, but I survived quite nicely and I didn't even know the Lord back then. So with God for you, who can be against you? Not anyone who brings value to your life experience.

Also, I like that someone who posted said it's okay to own our introversion. I think introverts are just as valuable to the world as are extroverts. Neither is right or wrong, just different. The extemes of both can be problematic, though. Even we introverts need some sort of social interaction with people. But life doesn't need to be a big cocktail party for us either. There's a reason why we're introverted. That can be a very happy thing. It is for me now, though it wasn't for a long time. I enjoy my friends, the few good friends I have, but I don't see or talk with them everyday. As a true introvert, that would exhaust me. I need my time alone with me, the Lord, and let's not forget the cat! Someone, I think suggested getting a pet. Excellent suggestion. They add sooooo much!

So take an introverted moment with yourself and the Lord and look at all the good things about you and the things you're grateful for. You're gainfully employed, you're good to your family, you have valuable introvert qualities . . . .

Blessings, friend,
a

 

[God bless Joshua]

I'll talk about the fact I still live with my parents and how I feel that presents challenges.

There's nothing wrong to live with parents, many married couples live with their parents in my nation because the husband cannot afford to buy house and have to live with his wife's parents.

If you love people faithfully you should not be ashame to get along with people, we are the light and salt of this world, we should understand nobody is perfect in the society.

 

[Jeshu]

I'm often asked both on here and elsewhere about why I have become so socially isolated. I'll talk about the fact I still live with my parents and how I feel that presents challenges. I'll bring up the fact that there's no real social opportunity right now other than work, and how I don't care to be overly talkative with coworkers. I also mention that I'm quiet and reserved, and socially awkward. It's all very true as well.

But there's one more very big factor. It's the fact that I find the fact of my current living situation so personally shameful that I don't dare raise it in conversation, and that's virtually impossible to do when getting to know someone. I don't fear scorn, judgement, or ridicule, but in the course of getting to know someone, I cannot help but comparing my life to that of the other person, and feeling so woefully inadequate on account of that. Getting to know people seems to come with it a massive blow to my already non-existent self-worth.

How do I deal with this problem?

i understand a little of what you are saying and i found that for me the main reason i felt so self conscious was me comparing myself with others and not let Jesus tell me my self worth. i find that the moment i begin to compare myself with others i become inadequate yet if i let Jesus define me then all is well.

So this is what i do now i find my self worth as a child of God and know that psalm 139speaks true about me and my life as well and hold onto that self image instead of the ones that come up camparing myself with others.

to me this has meant liberation of my low self-esteem and the ability to keep my head up high.

Be of good courage bro the same promises count for you as do for me you can also be liberated from a low self-esteem.

Psalms 139
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.


Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,’
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.


For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand –
when I awake, I am still with you.


If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

 

[Antig]

How old are you OP?