Not Christian enough

[pinkelephant44]

My BF just broke up with me because he said I wasn't Christian enough. What the heck? We are not young. He is 47 and I am 44. Both divorced under acceptable reasons. We met through a dating site. When we met he informed me he was a born-again Christian (never really understood the term 'cause aren't we all?) and I told him I was a retired Catholic, a decent Christian and I talk to God everyday. He expressed concerns/red flags in regards to me the third date, because he wasn't sure I was a "real" Christian. So we chatted, expressed opinions, views etc. As we continued to date and chat I assumed he was over his concerns. After 9 months he has now informed me he must be with an Evangelic Christian. Wait, what? You have been Christian for how many years and you just now figured this our? Then why would you even consider going out with me. So for 9 months nothing was real, just a test. I am sorry. There is nothing in that action reflective of God. That is a self-serving, selfish act out of fear. Yes, I am angry. I was judged for several things that rather than ask me about or share he made assumptions and I think that is so far from loving and accepting a person I can't even tell you. Do I have an issue with Evangelic Christians? Of course not, but I would not describe myself as one as my veiws are for lack of a better term "looser" and my means of evangelizing would be through acts and never speech (a tad shy). I am not someone that would tend to take the more aggressive approach to leading folks to Christ. Anyway, I am heartbroken. Everything else was perfect. Never a cross word, talked about everything (I thought), similar goals, I enjoyed every moment of our time together. This is a tough world sometimes and to find someone to walk with is such a blessing, sadly he never saw me.

 

[LinkH]

If you weren't a match for what he was looking for in terms of beliefs and life philosophy, what can you do? Maybe he should have figured that out faster. If you are RCC, are you really 'free and clear' to remarry? What's a retired Catholic?

 

[Sketcher]

He expressed concerns/red flags in regards to me the third date, because he wasn't sure I was a "real" Christian. So we chatted, expressed opinions, views etc. As we continued to date and chat I assumed he was over his concerns. After 9 months he has now informed me he must be with an Evangelic Christian. Wait, what? You have been Christian for how many years and you just now figured this our? Then why would you even consider going out with me. So for 9 months nothing was real, just a test. I am sorry. There is nothing in that action reflective of God. That is a self-serving, selfish act out of fear. Yes, I am angry. I was judged for several things that rather than ask me about or share he made assumptions and I think that is so far from loving and accepting a person I can't even tell you.

At 47, I would consider that pathetic. But how long ago was his conversion?

 

[pinkelephant44]

Thanks for the response. I believe he started his journey right before he got married (He has been divorced for about 4 years), so I would say he has been Christian for 16 years. I would say as he educated himself in regards to what that meant he found the more conservative communities either aligned with how he thought of he simply was most inspired. He used the term born-again but the term evangelic did not come up until a much latter conversation as I was trying to get a handle on what exactly he was looking for in terms of a worship service (he did not belong to a church/community although it sounded like he has tried different ones over the past 16 years). I am certainly no expert on all the flavors of Christianity so I read quite a bit to get an understanding of what it was he needed. Alas no luck on a local church in offering a service format that would meet his needs but I learned a lot about what it means to be an Evangelic Christian and that there were several churches in the area we could check out. Anyway, it feels to me that he is placing the entire burden of his faith on a mate. She can certainly share the burden (bad term but only word I can think of) and she should do whatever she can to help him but in my mind to expect another person to be the answer makes me think that there is some fear and doubts. If his relationship with Christ is most important, why wouldn't he have taken other steps to foster his relationship with him rather than waiting for someone to lead him. Still scratching head.

 

[pinkelephant44]

If you weren't a match for what he was looking for in terms of beliefs and life philosophy, what can you do? Maybe he should have figured that out faster. If you are RCC, are you really 'free and clear' to remarry? What's a retired Catholic?

Thanks for the reply. Good question. I was raised Catholic. Twelve years of Catholic school, mass everyday, etc. When I went to college I had opportunity to meet folks from other faiths, cultures etc. Although I didn't really leave the church at the time, I felt everything I did was mechanical verses really having a relationship with God. I was married in the church but over time I just became more and more...I'll say uninspired. Things just weren't jiving in my mind and I became more and more distressed by the Fortune 500 mentality I was seeing. I could site tons of examples but the end result was simply, I stepped away. I already considered myself a Christian (I know many do not feel Catholics are Christians) but the simplicity of the Christian beliefs (I am being generic here) resonated with me and just made more sense. I am not anti-Catholic by any stretch and of course there are some things that stick with me even today however they are more out of memory for my mother (i.e., she was very devoted to Mary which is common among Catholics so I tend to have a soft spot for her if you will). I assume RCC means Roman Catholic Church. Are you inquiring on whether or not I had an annulment? No, I have not had an annulment because as much as it stunk and probably shouldn't have happened it was a marriage so it's hard for me to grasp the whole never-happened mindset. With that said, if asked by someone to complete the process I would certainly do so. My marriage ended 5 years ago because my ex had committed adultery on more than one occasion and during his last act he literally ran off with someone and I never saw him again. There is nothing I could have done to change the outcome.

 

[seeingeyes]

I'm thinking you dodged a bullet here, sister.

Take a bit of time to grieve your relationship, but don't let this sink you. It could have been worse...you could have married the guy. :/

The Lord bless you and keep you.

 

[iambren]

"When we met he informed me he was a born-again Christian (never really understood the term 'cause aren't we all?) "????

Yeah,I think he made the right decision but he probably let it go to long.

 

[pinkelephant44]

"When we met he informed me he was a born-again Christian (never really understood the term 'cause aren't we all?) "????

Yeah,I think he made the right decision but he probably let it go to long.

Not sure what the question marks are about....if someone has become a Christian they experience a spiritual birth when they accept Christ as their Savior, and thus receive the Holy Spirit within them. As Christians range from conservative to progressive, interpretation of God's word and how to best foster our relationship with him and evangelize varies but they all start with the spiritual birth.

 

[iambren]

Pardon me...I may have misinterpreted what you meant as everyone in the world was born again. In your sentence with "decent" it seemed like you were in a lukewarm place,religion "from afar". So my ????? arose.

"We met through a dating site. When we met he informed me he was a born-again Christian (never really understood the term 'cause aren't we all?) and I told him I was a retired Catholic, a decent Christian and I talk to God everyday."

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I know it sucks now but honestly, be thankful you dodged a bullet. No need for some holier than thou Teavangelical idiot in your life.

 

[RevP]

Your circumstance sounds like this man was more interested in trying to figure you out than who you are. If you are still interested in a mate, I would pray that God sends you one. Let him find you, the old fashion way. Although there were some other intresting comments you made in your initial post, I will just stick with the issue at hand. That man would have been more trouble for you than you could possibly imagine. So it was a blessing in disguise when you both parted ways. So, with that said, I pray that the Lord will give you restoral in your heart and that he may build your faith back up. Start attending regular church services again and get involved, wherever God sends you.

 

[pinkelephant44]

I appreciate everyone's comments,feedback, and prayers.