Non-Christian loved ones

[Luther073082]

I think I've alluded to this before and maybe I need to talk directly to my pastor about it. . .

But I am curious as to if any one of you have had close loved ones who have died and you have known that they are not Christian? How do you deal with that mentally, emotionally and spiritually?

Mom's heart is weakening, and while death is not per se, imminate, it sounds as though it could come at any time. All she needs is one more heart attack, which could easily come.

I mean there is still a chance of recovery and all, but things don't look good at this point.

What really disturbs me is that I got tickets so she could go with my wife and I to see the Iowa Hawkeyes play in their home stadium which has been like a dream of hers for I don't know how long and its just not something we've gotten around to. Well I finally got tickets for it and she E-mailed me and now she's not sure if she wants to go.

Anyways prayers apprechiated with this as well. But I really need to know how to emotionally deal with her not being Christian.

**For the record, her unbelief is definatly not the result of not trying... But she has her personal God whom she's apparently pretty close with (you know the kind that always agree with you.) and she's very unwilling to abandon him for the God detailed in scripture.**

 

[Luther073082]

Update: Good news is she seems like she does want to go to the game afterall.

Still a lot to worry about with the health issues.

 

[Studeclunker]

**For the record, her unbelief is definatly not the result of not trying... But she has her personal God whom she's apparently pretty close with (you know the kind that always agree with you.) and she's very unwilling to abandon him for the God detailed in scripture.**

I find these the most difficult to deal with. I would be willing to bet she is one of those Rod Rosenbladt describes as, 'Broken by the Church.' First and foremost, you need to make sure the conversation is not based on 'you are wrong and I am right.' I spent the last few six years of my Mother's life catechising her. We discussed a lot of issues concerning the Church. However, I was never able to get her to darken the doorstep of a Lutheran Church. There was just too much bitterness. She wouldn't even attend my Son's Baptism. I never challenged her faith, however I would ask her to explain things and often was able to get her to admit she did believe in the basic truths of faith. Sometimes these things have to be approached gently and thoughtfully. In my Mum's case this required unwearying patience and respect.

Don't worry about your Mother's physical heart. If the Lord feels she needs you to help her into the Kingdom, He will preserve her until such time as she finally understands the truth of Scripture and accepts the free gift of Christ. For all you know, she already may be there. Only the Lord can see people's hearts and minds. He will have mercy on whom He will. His desire is also that all would be saved. Therefore, as long as there's breath, there is hope. Keep hope alive.

 

[Luther073082]

I find these the most difficult to deal with. I would be willing to bet she is one of those Rod Rosenbladt describes as, 'Broken by the Church.' First and foremost, you need to make sure the conversation is not based on 'you are wrong and I am right.' I spent the last few six years of my Mother's life catechising her. We discussed a lot of issues concerning the Church. However, I was never able to get her to darken the doorstep of a Lutheran Church. There was just too much bitterness. She wouldn't even attend my Son's Baptism. I never challenged her faith, however I would ask her to explain things and often was able to get her to admit she did believe in the basic truths of faith. Sometimes these things have to be approached gently and thoughtfully. In my Mum's case this required unwearying patience and respect.

Actually you are absolutly correct that she would be described as "broken by the church." When she was a child her family wasn't very well off. And they attended a non-denominational church and she wore the best clothes they could afford to church which where hand-me-downs...

Apparently this didn't sit well with the church and some people apparently started telling her father that he should dress his children better. I am not sure as to what extent this ran within that particular church, I'm not sure my mom knows. It could have been anything from a bunch of people including the pastor telling them to wear better clothes or get out or it could have (more likely) been a few snooty congregation members.

All of this didn't sit well with her father who elected to then just stop going to church. She has not trusted any church ever since.

Don't worry about your Mother's physical heart. If the Lord feels she needs you to help her into the Kingdom, He will preserve her until such time as she finally understands the truth of Scripture and accepts the free gift of Christ. For all you know, she already may be there. Only the Lord can see people's hearts and minds. He will have mercy on whom He will. His desire is also that all would be saved. Therefore, as long as there's breath, there is hope. Keep hope alive.

Thanks. . . I will try to keep hope, but its been very difficult. After she survived her first heart attack (which required a subsequent quintuple bypass and a month in the hospital.) I was thinking that she may be turning. At the time I was in the ELCA and our church sent the vicar at the time to pray with us and to "make sure I ate." (In fact I found out about all of this while on the way home from a confirmation retreat.)

I bought her a bible (an NLT, for purposes of understanding as she said she never really understood the KJV.) and asked her to read the gospels first. I guess in that I made a mistake. . . she apparently started with Luke, got bored with the genaologies and left it and never picked it up again. I tried to explain to her that for her purposes she could skip the geniologies for now . . . but she never picked it up again.

I really got the feeling that God is only important to her when she's or someone else is in trouble. Thats the same way it is with most of my immediate family. My brother is the same way. . . God became real important and he was very receptive after he flipped his truck doing doughnuts and he and his friend walked away with a few scratches. But after that. . . not so much.

I just don't know what to do because I have had no reason to belive that she holds the Christian faith or is really receptive to it. I mean if she dies, I can always tell myself "Well you never know." but that sort of statement always feels like I'm fooling myself. She doesn't know anything about the faith and has never been receptive to it either.

With my dad its easier to say. . . He doesn't go to church so I mean he does sort of have that against him. But he does understand the faith (Roman Catholic upbringing) and he is VERY VERY good at not really making any statements as to where his faith actually lies. . .