I have some thoughts based on my experience.
First of all, if otherwise you have a good relationship, I wouldn't be so quick to break up or "get over it." Does he show that he respects and loves you in other ways? If so then I think this issue is one that is possible to resolve.
As many have mentioned, you probably just have different needs in your relationship. Honestly in many relationships it is hard for a man and woman to understand each other's needs. You sound to me like you are having a common man-woman relationship struggle here. And all that it may take to start resolving it is honest, open, but LOVING communication.
I hesitate to share too much detail on this, so I'm going to keep it slightly vague and present it in a way that is still respectful to my wonderful fiance.
Over the summer, he was having to travel a lot on a work job. He was working VERY hard, and he was doing it for me. He was far away from me for long periods of time and working long hours. Even though he was doing it so he could earn the money for us to get engaged, plan a wedding, and put a down payment on his house, I started to feel neglected. I am not one that needs A LOT of romance, but he needs even less than I do. I am fairly traditional, so on special occasions like an anniversary or V Day, I want something that shows some sentiment instead of a practical gift. I also desire things like a candlelight dinner or listening to romantic music rather than hard rock. He is just not naturally that way.
I'm not really sure how it comes across to a guy when a girl says that she wants these things or tries to hint around for them, but all the times I tried to say something about it, he didn't really seem to get it. He would say that it was sappy or something like that, or indicate that he didn't think he could do it right. I think his resistance was partly because it was uncomfortable for him, and partly because he was afraid of trying and then doing something I wouldn't like.
But with all his traveling and us not getting to talk often, it finally came to a head because I began to feel very neglected. I KNEW that he loved me. I knew that I was important to him. But still I needed some encouragement. I got really down about it and he knew I was struggling. I didn't want to talk about it right away, but I thought about it some and I finally ended up drafting him a letter. A lot of thought and prayer went into this letter, and I worked for awhile beforehand to make sure my attitude was right and I was doing it for the right motives.
Let me make a very important distinction that you need to understand: if you are doing it out of a whiny, complaining, give-me-what-I-want attitude, it will not be taken well. This is going to come across as you being needy, clingy, unsatisfied with him, and like he doesn't make you happy. A good guy is going to want to make you happy, and he is probably going to feel like a failure and want to retreat if he isn't doing so. Making him feel like a failure will NOT encourage him to do better--it will have the opposite affect. However, if you take the time to refocus your attitude and examine your motives, it will allow you to understand the importance of communicating with him about this issue. Get to the place to where you can truly talk to him about this issue with the goal in mind that it will bring about GOOD change in your relationship. It's not all about you; it's about the two of you. Giving not just to the needs of YOUR heart but to the health of the RELATIONSHIP you both share. You are a team. You need to make it all about your team.
For me, after I had considered these things and straightened out my attitude, I wrote him an honest and yet kind letter explaining where I was at. I started out talking about the positives of our relationship. And then I told him that I understood that romantic things don't come naturally for him, but that they were things I needed from time to time. Then I again focused on the positives of what it would do for our relationship if we made some changes. I told him that it would increase my confidence and security in his love. I assured him that I knew that he loved me but that it MADE MY DAY when he did things to show it. I used an examples he could relate to.
One thing to keep in mind about a lot of guys (and this is an generalization) is that they often have the mentality of, "If I've done/said it once, why do I have to do/say it again?" A lot of guys live with the idea that things are good unless their woman says they're not, while a lot of girls live with the idea that if nothing is said to indicate that things are good, then they must not be good. They view the relationship opposite of each other. He may not understand it if you look at the relationship this way. I said that it was like kissing. I can't say, "Well, I've kissed him once so why do I need to do it again?" Kissing is something that should be done regularly and often because it affirms the other person on how we feel for them. The same is true with romance, although do keep in mind not to be too demanding or expect TOO much from him, especially when he's still confused as to why in the world you want these things.
One thing I said was to use examples of the things he HAD done for me that were romantic and then I explained to him how those things made me feel. Confident, alluring, beautiful, sexy,
special. Then I said that if I never got anything like that it started to make me feel alienated from him.
Overall, though, I kept it on the POSITIVE. I affirmed him at the same time I asked him to help me. I kept it about THE RELATIONSHIP rather than about me. And at the end I honestly and graciously invited him to teach ME what I could do to show him how much I loved him. Because who was to say I was loving him in the way he needed to be loved? Sometimes we don't naturally speak the "love language" of the other person; we have to LEARN to speak it (too bad there's not a Rosetta Stone for that one!).
The result? Well, I got a very sweet message back in which he apologized for his insensitivity. He told me he was determined to learn to do those things that showed me he loved me. He told me that he wanted me to know that he loved me so much and wanted to make me happy. He responded, not out of defensiveness, but out of humility and love. When he came home, he snuggled with me and put some Michael Bublé on the iPod. For Valentine's Day he got me flowers and a sweet card that told me how I was THE MOST important part of his life. He fixed me a delicious steak and bought candles for the table and played soft music: all his idea. What's even more interested is that after he started doing these things and saw how much they delighted me, he started to realize that he liked them more than he thought he would.
Keep it positive. Keep it all about the TWO of you and the health of your relationship. Ask him humbly if you two can both learn to speak each other's language. And then try and let him try and be patient with him while he does. Don't throw in the towel until you've tried a different approach.
Feel free to PM me if you want anything more specific.
