no name yet...

[missionarypoet]

I wrote this one last night, just trying to clear the writing block. I think it came out pretty well though, and I'd really appreciate some advice on it: title suggestions, stuff with the flow, does it need another verse, etc. Thanks.

I'm digging deep
Deep down in my soul
Searching for gems
And finding stones
I'm going so deep
With my shovel of pain
Digging wells of blood
And mining tearful veins
I'm hauling up muck
Hoping to find
One jewel in the rough
From this grisly diamond mine

 

[Marie]

Your poem has really good rhythm!

As for suggestions, the end is good, but if you wanted to expand on the topic, you could find a nice treasure to sum up the end.

For a title, maybe "Soul Searching". ??

Good job!

 

[missionarypoet]

Thanks for the suggestions. I added a last verse. Here goes the whole thing now. The part in bold is new, what do you think? I'll keep your title in mind, but I'm going to keep thinking about different ones.

I'm digging deep
Deep down in my soul
Searching for gems
And finding stones
I'm going so deep
With my shovel of pain
Digging wells of blood
And mining tearful veins
I'm hauling up muck
Hoping to find
One jewel in the rough
From this grisly diamond mine
I'm seeking the treasure
that God put inside me
It's there, I can feel it
I'm going to set it free

 

[Victorian Rose]

I really love the original poem! It is awesome. The new ending you have add doesn't seem to flow well with the rest of it.

 

[missionarypoet]

Really? Do you think it sounds complete the other way though?

 

[oceanofdreamz]

I like the poem the ending you added the new four verses are kinda not right with the poem but altogether it's a GREAT poem