No Joy

[FlaviusAetius]

My life is work, school and losing at games I typically want to enjoy playing. I know I'm a sore loser, I can't enjoy myself because the moment I lose once I'm filled with hatred, anger, and self-hatred. It's made all the worse when I realize how many people can actually have fun with the games I play whether they win or lose. Then there is the fact that this should be the happiest moments of my life where there are no extreme stresses of life, living without fear of paying bills or those responsibilities and yet I'm miserable most of the time.

I don't feel I have what it takes to survive in the world, I just want to lay in bed until I die. I'm suppose to be happy and stress free, if this is the happiest days my life how miserable will my future be? Even with all the support around me suicide is always a frequent thought. In fact all the loving support I have seems to just prove my point, that without them I'd die on the street a talentless loser who will never accomplish anything.

 

[Tigger45]

Philippians 4:6-7GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

6 Never worry about anything. But in every situation let God know what you need in prayers and requests while giving thanks. 7 Then God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus.

 

[Restoresmysoul]

I dont know if we are supposed to be stress free but we are supposed to not let stress get the best of us. Jesus says not to worry about tomorrow because today has enough worries of its own. It took me a long time to learn how to apply that in my life, so be patient. Maybe with patience you will learn it even faster than i did, i'm hard headed.

Anger, i was a very angry man, i would have violent fits of rage, not against people but things, i became very angry and bitter at times. My life seemed to be ruled by anger at times, i though i would never be free from it. But God has helped me become a more quiet and gentle man, and i'm so grateful. And i know he will continue to help me grow.

Don't give up hope, be patient, the fact that you are thinking of these things means that you're on the right road.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

I really want to respond to you and help but I really do not know what to say except have you been diagnosed with depression? I'm not sure if you are on medication or not, but medication can help.

Can you maybe narrow down one or two issues that you would like help or scripture about? I don't feel I have any specifics to really counsel you well.

 

[FlaviusAetius]

Hello, I'm sorry for the late reply. I needed a few days to get out of my slump before I felt capable of typing to other people.

First off thank you for all the posts already here, they've helped in different ways at least for a temporary solution.

@Tigger45: Thank you for the quote, I'll think it over.

@Restoresmysoul: I feel the same way, small failures anger me and successes only provide a short period of happiness. The worst thing is I know I'm getting overly upset over small things that don't matter but it's hard to break this habit. It's almost as if gloomy is a natural state for me and being happy is the one that comes once awhile. In any case, I'll try to remain patient like you have said.

@ToBeBlessed:

Ok, I feel my hyper-sensitivity to failure is what triggers my depression more often than not.

 

[Restoresmysoul]

You're welcome. May the Lord guide us both.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

I found an article that deals with anger and I have cut and pasted part of it below.

"Anger disorders result primarily from the long-term mismanagement of anger, a process in which normal, existential anger grows insidiously over time into resentment, bitterness, hatred and destructive rage. Anger disorders may also be caused or exacerbated by neurological impairment and substance abuse, both of which can inhibit one's ability to resist aggressive, angry or violent impulses.

But, for the most part, anger disorders cannot be blamed on bad neurology, genes or biochemistry. They arise from a failure to recognize and consciously address anger as it arises, before it becomes pathological and dangerous, starting in childhood. Who is to blame for this failure? We are. To the extent our society condemns and denigrates the affect of anger as negative, worthless or evil, ignoring and denying its positive potentialities, we are partly responsible for the subsequent carnage. To the extent mental health professionals continue to avoid confronting anger head on in our patients, choosing instead to try to drug, behaviorally modify or cognitively rationalize anger away, we clinicians too are compounding the problem.

How can we better deal with anger disorders and many other anger-related mental disorders? First we must acknowledge that some anger is a valid, necessary, appropriate and unavoidable human emotion. It is not a question of whether we experience anger as much as how we deal with it. While it is true that our habitually held irrational or unrealistic beliefs and expectations about life can cause us to feel unnecessarily frustrated and angry at times, as Albert Ellis illustrates in his Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), people will always have to reckon with their own anger. Anger is an existential given. An archetypal human emotion. Chronic repression or suppression of anger is counterproductive and, ultimately, futile and dangerous. This is why we as a culture need to encourage the acceptance of anger as a natural phenomenon, and teach children, adolescents and young adults how to manage and express it more constructively.

The same holds true, especially so, for patients suffering (and inflicting suffering on those around them) from mental disorders stemming directly or indirectly from repressed resentment, anger or rage. (See Part Two.) The underlying anger must be consciously acknowledged, accepted, understood and its indestructibly dynamic energy redirected into some positive or creative activity. While it may be driven deeper underground rendering it doubly dangerous, it won't just disappear or go away, no matter how much medication, meditation, intellectualization or cognitive restructuring is done. Our anger is here to stay. The only real question is what we do with it."

Do you think that your hyper-sensitivity to anger may be somewhat caused by resentment or anger that you have repressed over time?'

If you do not relate at all to the article above, please ignore.

 

[orangeness365]

Maybe you just need a different hobby? Playing video games and losing is no fun to me either, so I prefer to watch people that are good at it, like my brother or people on YouTube that create videos of their video games. Before I went on antidepressants I got to the point where I enjoyed almost nothing except barely listening to music. I got depressed thinking about how the only thing I could do for fun was watch or read about stories. I was at the point when no story was any fun to read or watch anymore. My depression coupled with my apathy was really hard to get over. I wish I could say that what got me through it was the Bible, but it was actually spending more time with family, spending a full year on this website, and listening to Christian music. Don't worry about the fact that you're dependent on your family right now. Most people your age still are. Also, don't worry if you're not the best at everything, or talentless, as long as you can get a job it's fine. Not all people are famous actors or actresses or athletes or surgeons from Harvard. I'm still fairly apathetic towards everything and obsessively worried at the same time, but I realized once I was willing to accept the possibility of living as a homeless person, even though I don't think that that is ever going to happen, my worrying became a little less suffocating. There are also suicide hotlines you can call. Everyone outside of my family has called me a loser since I was little, so I can relate.

 

[FlaviusAetius]

Do you think that your hyper-sensitivity to anger may be somewhat caused by resentment or anger that you have repressed over time?'

Honestly, yes. I bottle my feelings and I do feel that getting angry in public no longer gets sympathy for me. I can't even express anger in front of my parents because in their eyes I have so many advantages in life and anything I complain about are problems I make for myself out of laziness or lack of motivation. On a larger scale I do feel this world is awful and seems to prove that we're just soulless animals with arbitrary morals rather than "Children of God", I become so apathetic and hateful that honestly I feel if I was placed in solitary confinement it probably wouldn't damage me the same way it does to other people. I don't know what the proper degree of anger you're suppose to feel, I do know that when I get angry it goes way overboard considering how insignificant my reason can get.


@orangeness365: Thank you for that post, it's nice to know there are other people with the same problems. To be honest my life is pretty similar, I already spend more time watching good players playing games I play more than I play the games myself already. I feel the exact same depression over the fact that I can't personally do things well and am forced to just enjoy it through a secondary source of someone who has actual talent. However I don't want to give up entirely so from time to time I try and fail and that's when I feel completely worthless.

Honestly its any form of criticism, if I'm at work and one of my managers correct me even in the lightest and politest manner I still feel like worthless garbage and get this urge to just go somewhere private and punch my face in a couple of times or hold back the urge to cry.

 

[Restoresmysoul]

Maybe im only speaking to the Choir here, perhaps you already know these things and even so maybe thinking about them may help. Ans as i said before, i too have struggled with anger but the Lord has brought me far and im grateful, but i still get angry at times although i try to manage it by applying faith and by telling myself that i must wait on God and allow Him to help me. Sometimes i feel that humbling myself and admitting my anger also helps me to recover from its grip. I would suggest a quiet meditation in those times when anger is present, try to think about being calm, try to think about waiting on God as David speaks of. I still have my struggles but i think that im growing well, and i think that division and debate is a stumbling block for many of us, i get tired of division and things that cause it, i think it hurts us all in the end.


Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, and do not sin”:[f] do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil.

29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.


James 1:12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

19 So then,[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; 20 for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

 

[com7fy8]

Hi, Flavius

My life is work, school

So, what are you studying in school?

and losing at games I typically want to enjoy playing.

If you face a challenge that is more than your level of ability, then yes it is likely you will lose and make mistakes. So, you can go to a level that is easier while you learn. And once we learn to overcome that challenge, then we are ready to take on something greater - - even though it may beat us, at first. Maybe you are too ahead of your level of ability, "or maybe there is something much more worthwhile that you need to be doing."

If we play chess against a top ability setting on a computer, surely we will lose. If we set the computer to zero ability, the computer will give its queen to one of your pawns!!

I know I'm a sore loser,

May be you are taking on more than what you need to start with, in order to develop and make progress. Also, we Christians understand that not a one of us, Flavius, has the ability to do anything really right, unless we are with God. And God, Flavius, is personal with us; so yes He is personally interested in you. And I have been through all the wear and tear and wringing of not being with God and seeing how frustrating and awful and scary this is, with me trying and failing.

I was sure I would be a teacher, but I was clueless about relating with people. So, of course, I did not make it as a teacher. I needed to start with learning how to love and relate. And this has taken God.

I can't enjoy myself because the moment I lose once I'm filled with hatred, anger, and self-hatred.

If we base our happiness on what isn't going to happen, we won't be happy! I enjoy doing photos. You can see a couple in my album, here in Christian Forums. You might notice I don't have people and pets and wildlife . . . because they pretty much are not available. But I can find flowers and weeds So, I enjoy what I've got.

"be content with such things as you have", we have in Hebrews 13:5.

This is my rule, also, for what I have with someone in a relationship. Only after I got into this principle have I gotten into a really affectionate and satisfying relationship; but it took years of investing in dealing with how the Bible says to relate and trusting our Father to correct me into real loving, which still needs plenty of correction; but we help each other, instead of demanding what one of us is not ready to produce.

Like this, if you demand what you are not ready to do, of course you can fail and get frustrated.

"Start with loving~!!!"

It's made all the worse when I realize how many people can actually have fun with the games I play whether they win or lose.

Well, there are football players who have fun getting a Super Bowl ring, but how long do they last in good condition? And how well can ones handle their money and relating with their wives? And how does such high-emotion competition effect the development of their personality to become gentle and humble for family relating? What good investment is it for finding out how to love? Like the issue of what football competition does for someone, what really can gaming do for you . . . even if you win?

The hardest thing to do is to find out how to love in a relationship. If you feel like a loser, look at the divorce record in the United States!! Every one of us has been a loser, without God, when it comes to finding out how to love.

But it is possible with God, and one of our main worthwhile investments. And this is something God is committed to doing with us, Flavius. So, if we choose to seek impersonal and less personal things, including like competition, this can keep us from connecting and being personal with God . . . because we are going a not personal way.

And anger is a design play to keep us distracted away from finding out how to share personally, and do this with God. So, yes anger is destructive, like I think you are discovering and saying. But only God is able to make us succeed against anger. It helps to confess that my anger is a problem, and it helps to look to God for help and healing, and be open for who can help us . . . even though there are plenty of people who have not been helpful.

Then there is the fact that this should be the happiest moments of my life where there are no extreme stresses of life, living without fear of paying bills or those responsibilities and yet I'm miserable most of the time.

A child needs to grow, Flavius, before the child can get a clue what the child needs to learn. A three-year-old can't "get" that he or she needs to learn algebra So, you are now developed enough to know you have some things to discover, about happiness and dealing with anger. There are people who are maybe even successful in making money and being famous; yet, they do not have a clue that their anger is a problem > their pride has them clouded. Be humble, offer yourself to God.

I don't feel I have what it takes to survive in the world, I just want to lay in bed until I die. I'm suppose to be happy and stress free, if this is the happiest days my life how miserable will my future be? Even with all the support around me suicide is always a frequent thought.

We could be comparing ourselves and our success to ones who are not really happy but only are showing it, Flavius!! Don't go by how things look, in comparison to others > do your own discovering, and enjoy sharing.

In fact all the loving support I have seems to just prove my point, that without them I'd die on the street a talentless loser who will never accomplish anything.

Oh, so you feel a little "dependent"? In the United States, independence is the downfall of many people, so they can't share in their marriages, even. I have found as a Christian, how our Father wants us to need one another, to depend on each other and enjoy being this way . . . so we can be family. So, if you have caring family, this can be very good.

And none of us had anything to offer Jesus. But Jesus the best One is not conceited about being so superior to us, but He wants to share with us as His own family. And we discover how we really can be good for one another. For me, it mainly is just loving with each other, not me being "needed" or some great smart counselor, but just appreciate having ones to share love with. It has taken me until age 67 to kind of get started finding this out. God often gives people more than twenty or so years, for a reason He's been around longer than any of us have

So, I trust You, God our Father, to encourage Flavius with us all, and we all need how You prepare us and teach us and correct us and strengthen us in love.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

OP Flavius..

I guess I will share what is obvious..life is made of good and bad stuff. We have freedom to choose our thoughts, we can select them, to be line up with God promises or not.., look at Philippians 4:8 it is that simple exercise, to put guard on our though life is essential to live victorious with God's help. With His help we can remain calm even in negative conditions. Do not give consent to anyone in your life to make you angry, including self. Keep your emotions in check. Be a pro active thinker ask God for self control and to mature in all other fruit of the Spirit. I am doing the very same and obvious.

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Honestly, yes. I bottle my feelings and I do feel that getting angry in public no longer gets sympathy for me. I can't even express anger in front of my parents because in their eyes I have so many advantages in life and anything I complain about are problems I make for myself out of laziness or lack of motivation. On a larger scale I do feel this world is awful and seems to prove that we're just soulless animals with arbitrary morals rather than "Children of God", I become so apathetic and hateful that honestly I feel if I was placed in solitary confinement it probably wouldn't damage me the same way it does to other people. I don't know what the proper degree of anger you're suppose to feel, I do know that when I get angry it goes way overboard considering how insignificant my reason can get.

Have you tried any books on how to deal with anger and self esteem issues? One nice thing about books is that you learn and it's private. It seems to me that you need some kind of a safe outlet or safe way to express these feelings and process them. To figure out what you are feeling and why. It does help to know and understand, then you know there is a reason for it.

I am praying for you.

 

[FlaviusAetius]

So, what are you studying in school?

History, going to be a social studies teacher in high school because I'm awful at all STEM courses. So while other people become engineers and start off making college worthy money I'll be making 30k for the school district. They might as well spit on a teacher's face after hiring them for the complete lack of respect they hold.

If you face a challenge that is more than your level of ability, then yes it is likely you will lose and make mistakes. So, you can go to a level that is easier while you learn. And once we learn to overcome that challenge, then we are ready to take on something greater - - even though it may beat us, at first. Maybe you are too ahead of your level of ability, "or maybe there is something much more worthwhile that you need to be doing."

Well I have no control over that, the games I play have a system to attempt to make things balanced. The balancing just happens to have me as the weakest link on the team most of the time.

I was sure I would be a teacher, but I was clueless about relating with people. So, of course, I did not make it as a teacher. I needed to start with learning how to love and relate. And this has taken God.

To be honest I don't think I'm a social person and becoming a teacher might be the worst mistake of my life, but it's all I can ever hope to do. No one in the workforce needs a person with a History degree; it's worthless except for teaching I have to be a teacher.

For the rest I don't have a complaint or argument, despite my constant bemoaning I"m grateful for the fact that so many have taken the time to post in a way that shows real concern. Thank you to everyone for that I do appreciate it.

@KnowHisJoy77: I think that is something that will help, I find if I actively try to not get upset then when I do get mad it's for a shorter period than if I let it boil up inside before hand.

Have you tried any books on how to deal with anger and self esteem issues? One nice thing about books is that you learn and it's private. It seems to me that you need some kind of a safe outlet or safe way to express these feelings and process them. To figure out what you are feeling and why. It does help to know and understand, then you know there is a reason for it.

I've read articles, mostly to figure out if what I feel is closer to depression or just regular unhappiness. I should probably read something for self-esteem or anger, I don't have a clue what would be proper reading material though.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

Dear Bro Flavius Aetius,

I have another suggestion and I am sharing because it works for me. I do belong to a support group, very helpful during my pos divorce sadness and mess of emotions and stuff. My ex was substance abuser and staying in the marriage environment was against all that I believe and upbringing. I developed lots of anxiety, phobias, depression, bitterness, anger, you name it I got inside. The support group did help me a lot. If you are not a social person and introvert you can take your time, the group understands and is there to support you. Look in your area for a CR and visit different meeting groups to know which you like better. As much as reading, self help books, internet help and etc can be good, there is nothing like to belong to a face to face group that you have deep connections, no need to wear masks and pretenses, be accepted in a Christian biblical foundation setting, where no one is perfect but Jesus, we are broken people in need of each other. God bless you and I am praying you get in a support group to deal and sharw your stuff! To not neglect meeting and fellowship with brothers and sisters, like I did when I got deeply hurt, isolating myself and having not meaniful relationships made everything worse, in my case. Hope you deal with anger, frustration, pain, hurt and etc soon. Do not wait, okay? Okay.

Adriana, a sister who has been there too.

 

[KnowHisJoy77]

Ps..: English is my 2nd language. I write broke and speak broken too. Hope people understands.

 

[com7fy8]

Know His Joy, what is your first language, please? At times, I enjoy memorizing verses in Spanish and Tagalog.

Flavius - - - I asked what you study, and you said

History, going to be a social studies teacher in high school because I'm awful at all STEM courses. So while other people become engineers and start off making college worthy money I'll be making 30k for the school district. They might as well spit on a teacher's face after hiring them for the complete lack of respect they hold.

While you can be depressed, this can effect what you can do well with, in studies.

I can be paranoid. And while I am getting negative and nasty at people, in my paranoid imagining of things, I can not see things right. But after I get clear, then I can see with love and caring and I can be very creative with the same people I was cursing with my suspicion. So, I think it can be like this, with depression > there can be a lot of negative things which by nature are lies, since they do not tell us the good we can have and do with God.

So, first we need how God makes us strong and wise against anything that is negative and nasty. Then see how He has us discovering

This is possible with God, not what we can aim ourselves at . . . because He is going to bring us to better than our goals can be and what we can see.

In case you stay with history, even with God guiding you, Flavius . . . you can learn how personalities had a lot to do with what has happened in history. For just one example, it was Hitler's personality which had him reacting like he did so he could get himself into being dictator of Germany and hating Jews and doing the war things he did; but, also, his personality made him so he could not do a military operation right so Germany lost the war.

You can get victory against depression, then help others become able to not let their own personalities to be their dictator of their history. This comes with Jesus, "of course", and He does say, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let Him deny Himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me," in Luke 9:23. So, every one of us has our own ego-personality which lets in wrong stuff to spoil how we see things. With Jesus only, we can become creative . . . in His love >

"And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge and all discernment." (Philippians 1:9)

I hated history and language. But now I am interested in loving any and all people. So, it is easy for me to study Spanish and use a Bible to learn verses so I can have good things ready to say to Spanish speaking people. And I had a lady friend on Net who is a Filipina So, I have done some memorizing in Tagalog.

And now that I take more of a personal interest in people, I see in history what it says about people's personalities, and I understand how history often has been decided by the personality of certain people, such as Hitler. This could be a lesson for any of us. What we want to do or think we can do can be because of how we are now; instead, submit to God for His correction, then discover what He makes us become able to do "Don't let your past decide the future."

As a history teacher you can help people understand how they can make good history. You can use personality examples to show how people's own ways had a lot of say about what they did and thought they could do.

Even if you don't get payed much, what you can do can be worth much more than any amount of money can pay for. With God, this is possible. Also, there are simple jobs that pay more than teaching, and you can use your history in a nonprofessional way . . . if you like history and find how you might help people using your background studies.

I think a thorough knowledge of history can help for understanding the Bible, politics, a lot of things. You could be very helpful to friends and family, just by being an expert on the past of America and other countries, so we can understand the news better; but, most of all, is learning how to love so we can be good for one another, in any situation; Jesus in us has us learn how to love > Matthew 11:28-30 > "and you will find rest for your souls," He says, here; so, this is the learning and study we need the most all of us!!

So, this can be what you can get help with, in a Christian Recovery group, like I think Know His Joy is suggesting. But we can do this here, too

Also, like I say, you might not do well in science, now, but studying it could help you later just for reading news so you can understand it, or for something else you can't foresee, now.

The Bible has some very important history lessons. For example, have you read Genesis chapter 22? Especially, look at verse 18 and see what you get about who really is deciding things in history.

 

[FlaviusAetius]

Sorry to come back to this thread with negativity but life's hopeless, I live in complete luxury and yet feel like I should choke on my own blood. I had what was suppose to be a stress free day, no work, no school, went to the movies and had my brother for company. But happiness is just a facade for me, a temporary mask to fool people into thinking I'm fine...normal. It's a skin deep emotion while despair is my core; that's why I feel so inclined to be in this state. I can't even turn to God because too much of believing in Him revolves around faith in the supernatural.

I'm just a rusty tool, a broken pawn piece, a chipped cog in the meaningless machine that is civilization. I just despise people whether they're better than me or my inferior and yet I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts.

 

[xTx]

Sorry to come back to this thread with negativity but life's hopeless, I live in complete luxury and yet feel like I should choke on my own blood. I had what was suppose to be a stress free day, no work, no school, went to the movies and had my brother for company. But happiness is just a facade for me, a temporary mask to fool people into thinking I'm fine...normal. It's a skin deep emotion while despair is my core; that's why I feel so inclined to be in this state. I can't even turn to God because too much of believing in Him revolves around faith in the supernatural.

I'm just a rusty tool, a broken pawn piece, a chipped cog in the meaningless machine that is civilization. I just despise people whether they're better than me or my inferior and yet I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts.

Read your posts and I understand how you feel.

 

[Restoresmysoul]

Sorry to come back to this thread with negativity but life's hopeless, I live in complete luxury and yet feel like I should choke on my own blood. I had what was suppose to be a stress free day, no work, no school, went to the movies and had my brother for company. But happiness is just a facade for me, a temporary mask to fool people into thinking I'm fine...normal. It's a skin deep emotion while despair is my core; that's why I feel so inclined to be in this state. I can't even turn to God because too much of believing in Him revolves around faith in the supernatural.

I'm just a rusty tool, a broken pawn piece, a chipped cog in the meaningless machine that is civilization. I just despise people whether they're better than me or my inferior and yet I can't bear to be alone with my thoughts.

Faith in God is not so hard, it not about supernatural things but is about spiritual things, its about using faith to follow the commands of the apostles. God reveals himself to us as we use our faith to follow Christ. The Lord asks that we live in holiness which is love for Him, and he asks that we love each other too, that's all he really asks of us. The bible teaches us to sow to the Spirit. Sowing is symbolic language that represent how we work within our spiritual life. Maybe you already know these things, i would like to encourage you to seek the Kingdom, that's where we find purpose and meaning in our life. That's what God asks of us and its He who gives us Happiness and purpose.