No friends and almost 30

[kmrichard7]

Long story short I had tons of friends in high school. I met a guy and ran off to get married just out of school. He was crazy abusive and controlling so every friend quickly vanished and I was shipped across country. I made about two "friends" that were highly monitored in the years I was with him.

So I get away but at this point I'm a single mother who just ran across country with no where to go and was homeless so I didn't have time to make friends. It was more important I get on my feet and stable for my child. So I did.

And suddenly I met someone. He was so awesome and we are now years later married. I was so wrapped up in him once he came along I just didn't have time to make friends. I made friends with his friends but they are men so I keep at a good arms distance. It's what we both feel comfortable with.

My husband encourages me all the time to make friends. He encourages me to spend time with other people but at this point I don't know how! I am active in my church and I attend functions. I volunteer at our welcome center and practically everyone knows me. They are all nice and say hi and smile and we even talk for a minute but then it gets to a point in the conversation where neither of us are talking to I awkwardly end the conversation there and that's that.

I see all of these people getting invited to all kinds of things and I've been invited to lunch once in the two years I have been there and that was it.

I come from a drug home and I have a lot of history and maybe that's the reason I shut off but I genuinely feel like these people can see that darkness that came from my past and that they are put off by it. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I need to do the inviting but it just seems like no one is interested. I've mentioned "Oh hey let's go do xyz some time!" and get a "yeah sure!" but nothing ever happens.

What am I doing wrong? What can I do? I need a friend

 

[Yngtex]

Wow, thanks for sharing. I feel for you and will pray for you. I know what you need by needing friends. I have a lot of friends, but none that I can really talk to about the hard stuff.

 

[bhayes]

I hear you. I am 23 and can count my friends on one hand. I was somewhat like in you in that in the beginning of school I didnt want to be tied down with all the social stuff and I didnt want to be distracted or anything like that in school but now I am graduated and no friends. Its not bad but things will change. Remember that God has a plan for you and he will call you for his purpose in his time, and he knows what you need before you do. Just Pray and I will be praying for you to. I think God has calling on your life.

 

[kmrichard7]

Remember that God has a plan for you and he will call you for his purpose in his time, and he knows what you need before you do. Just Pray and I will be praying for you to. I think God has calling on your life.

Yes! I needed to hear this! Thank you!
I will pray for you as well. It will all work for His purpose. I just have to remember that

 

[Yngtex]

I feel for the both of you that you don't have any friends. I have them, but just can't talk about sex and other things that I want to share and get advice on. I guess that's why these forums are valuable. I just sometimes need to talk about my feelings, and share my thoughts, even ones that are difficult to even share with my wife. Thanks for listening and let me know if you need me to listen to you about anything.

 

[rickster]

Meet up dot com is filled with lonely people who are looking for friends. Search for events in your area.

 

[Yoan]

Long story short I had tons of friends in high school. I met a guy and ran off to get married just out of school. He was crazy abusive and controlling so every friend quickly vanished and I was shipped across country. I made about two "friends" that were highly monitored in the years I was with him.

So I get away but at this point I'm a single mother who just ran across country with no where to go and was homeless so I didn't have time to make friends. It was more important I get on my feet and stable for my child. So I did.

And suddenly I met someone. He was so awesome and we are now years later married. I was so wrapped up in him once he came along I just didn't have time to make friends. I made friends with his friends but they are men so I keep at a good arms distance. It's what we both feel comfortable with.

My husband encourages me all the time to make friends. He encourages me to spend time with other people but at this point I don't know how! I am active in my church and I attend functions. I volunteer at our welcome center and practically everyone knows me. They are all nice and say hi and smile and we even talk for a minute but then it gets to a point in the conversation where neither of us are talking to I awkwardly end the conversation there and that's that.

I see all of these people getting invited to all kinds of things and I've been invited to lunch once in the two years I have been there and that was it.

I come from a drug home and I have a lot of history and maybe that's the reason I shut off but I genuinely feel like these people can see that darkness that came from my past and that they are put off by it. Maybe I'm wrong and maybe I need to do the inviting but it just seems like no one is interested. I've mentioned "Oh hey let's go do xyz some time!" and get a "yeah sure!" but nothing ever happens.

What am I doing wrong? What can I do? I need a friend

That sucks, but at least you have your husband and your kids. I am in the same position as you. No close friends. Only 2 christian friends abroad and 2 non-christian friends. Over here, i only have 2 maybe and they don't really care to ask how I'm doing ever. So be thankful and slowly try to gain friends. Idk how to as well hahaha but I'm sure you can.

 

[The_Gaurdian87]

I struggled with depression in my teenage years due to bullying and it's something that followed me into college where I always keep my distance from people and only had a VERY small number of people I would say were friends like one or two. But I am also an only child and being alone never bothered me too much as I always been able to enjoy myself by going to the mall, movies, travel alone. But it wasn't until I got really connected in my churches young adult groups that I made REAL friends and that was only like four years ago. I don't know if you church has like young adult bible study/ connect groups but they are good ways to meet new folks and make friends. I know you said you were on volunteer teams and people know you, have you offered to grab lunch with them and things like that? I am sure some would said yes.

 

[Paloma_91]

This is, unfortunately, one of the things a lot of people struggle with after leaving school (whether that is college or high school). A lot of the friends we make in those institutions are because the environment suits the way human beings bond. You are made to be next to each other, in the same room, at the same time, for a prolonged period of time. You just have to find ways of mimicking this as you go through adulthood.

OP, what are your interests? Do you have hobbies? Find a local group or a group within your church that meets regularly to do those things. Small groups can work, but I found that unless everyone is willing to be very transparent about their lives and also hang out outside of the group meeting, those are very shallow friendships. If you find a group devoted to a particular hobby, you will already have a common bond with those people through your shared interest and things can bloom from there. That being said, sometimes you have to put yourself out there. If no one is inviting you to things, you have to be sure that you are inviting them.

Finally, there may be benefits in talking to someone who can counsel you about some of the things you're feeling. Perhaps a pastor or a general counselor could help you work through the way your life experiences have affected you.

 

[thelordskingdom777]

I want to give you my opinion, but I need to know if it is ok with you first as it is a little bit different from what other posters are saying.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I'd be your friend ... I'm like you..im 25, no friends in real life but I made amazing friends online ... I also think BC I'm so shy maybe its my nervous vibes that turn people off.

 

[Sir Robbins]

I've lost touch with nearly everyone and the only time I socialize is while working... I'm 27 and I'm strangely not at all mad that I'm lonely. People require too much and I just don't want to bother

 

[GodsPlan]

Have you tried going to school? Take something there and you might end up liking someone.