No escape

[David2019]

Suffering from OCD, it feels like I cannot get out of it. It feels like a prison. A foretaste of hell sometimes. Hopelessness, grief, no joy, trapped forever in a diseased cycle of thinking until you die. I try to suppress the anxiety by indulging in media, overeating and shopping because prayer, reading the bible and going to church will only feed the obsession/increase the anxiety and trap me even more.

Is there hope for me?

 

[Brad D.]

May I suggest neither course of action is wise. Imagine yourself for a moment you are in the boat with Christ. He appears to be sleeping. The waves are very high, the wind is growing to a steady gale. You spend part of your time running back and forth on one hand trimming sail , manning oars, holding steady the helm, but it's futile, you spend the other half of your time running back trying to get Jesus to His feet, awaken Him, doing anything you can to arouse Him from His apparent slumber to save you from this mess, but no matter how hard you try the storm doesn't abate.

Do you see the problem? Do you see you in the analogy? What do you think the answer is? I don't won't to bother you if you think the conversation is futile. I will try to be of any service to you I can and the Lord allows if you wish to go on. If not I understand. I will let you be.

 

[David2019]

May I suggest neither course of action is wise. Imagine yourself for a moment you are in the boat with Christ. He appears to be sleeping. The waves are very high, the wind is growing to a steady gale. You spend part of your time running back and forth on one hand trimming sail , manning oars, holding steady the helm, but it's futile, you spend the other half of your time running back trying to get Jesus to His feet, awaken Him, doing anything you can to arouse Him from His apparent slumber to save you from this mess, but no matter how hard you try the storm doesn't abate.

Do you see the problem? Do you see you in the analogy? What do you think the answer is? I don't won't to bother you if you think the conversation is futile. I will try to be of any service to you I can and the Lord allows if you wish to go on. If not I understand. I will let you be.

Yes, i'm trying the best i can. The problem is that it's An internal problem. Not external. I'm already on medication, and the situation has certainly improved over the years.

 

[Brad D.]

Please don't think I have no empathy. I have great empathy for you. I don't question you are trying. But your testimony indicated that the external things you were doing both from the worldly side of things and the more spiritual side of things to remedy the situation only made your internal situation worse. That is why I said perhaps these two courses of action in the way you are going about it are not wise.

Look I do not hide the fact I am a great proponent of Christ being the answer to so many of these things we think are beyond His reach. That does not mean I advocate you quitting whatever medicine or doctors you may think help at this time. I will leave that to you. But it seems Christian Forums is a place to address the Spiritual side of things and not get medical advice. And I would count what Christ can Do and what the answer may be in Him way more essential than what doctors can do. At the very least allow Him to come in. Put Him on equal terms.

My illustration with Christ in the boat is explained this way. It is not as if I do not not know pain and struggles of many kinds. You would not believe the enigmas and places of utter sorrow and pain and failure the Lord has allowed me to enter into. The Bible though is full of these enigmas. These life dramas. God simply uses these externals to bring us to the internal, Because even if it begins in the internal, those tormenting feelings begin to start expressing themselves in the external. He forces them up out of the darkness so to speak and into the light. So what are we going to do when the internal has caused the waves to get very high, and the winds to get very strong. What will be our decision from that point forward. I think you are finding and we all find what we do with that will mean a great deal to how things go from that day forward.

Early on in my walk with the Lord my old nemesis depression began to creep back in. I soon found myself in the throes of mind numbing, debilitating, painful darkness. I like you tried everything to find a solution for it. There were so many things externally I was doing to fill that hole. And there was so much internally I was doing to try to fill that hole. I wanted so desperately for the happiness and the joy the bible speaks of to fill that hole. But the more I sought it the more elusive it became.

Then there was a day everything changed. One day God gave me the image in my minds eye of me with a lasso in my my hand doing all I could do to lasso happiness. Not matter how hard I tried or how close I came I could never rope it. Time and time again I failed. And then I saw I would never be able to lasso happiness. I saw how futile a life lived like that would be. I saw my very remedy was often the very cause of my deepening pain.

From that day I decided to put the lasso down. I no longer sought Him for my happiness. I came to a place of profound stillness and silence. I laid my search down. I resigned myself to live with depression for the rest of my life if that was His will for me. I was determined to no longer seek Him for my joy. I began to see all kinds of mixture in my life. All kinds of self seeking. I learned the meaning of what it meant to sit and rest. To wait and be still. Stillness brings many things to the cross. The waves are what they are. The wind is what it is. Sometimes we have to learn to sit in the boat, put the oars down, and let the sea take us where it will. That is the secret of the boat. And In being willing to lose our lives for His sake suddenly we find His.

There is of course a thousand details and questions that arise. But I will leave it at that for now. I am here further if you would like.

 

[Petros2015]

I try to suppress the anxiety by indulging in media, overeating and shopping

Try exercise and some thing creative rather than consumptive (art, sketching, painting - there is a hobby thread here where people share some things that bring them joy, check it out and try some). Some of the anxiety may be coming from the things you have mentioned here which are coping or escape mechanisms that work temporarily but are themselves not good for you. Media is mostly people saying how upset they are, or used addictively (doom-scrolling, etc). So, look instead for topics like Mindfullness* that can help you lead a more productive life. A little bit of exercise if you are physically capable of it can do wonders. Just a walk around the block in the sunlight did wonders for me more than sitting on the couch watching TV, because it was the thing that I really needed.

Humans are unique - we get better and better at doing whatever it is we do, so find and do things that bring joy, not temporary relief followed by spiritual discomfort later. Your Father is a Creator - be Creative. What would it mean really to get "good at" Media anyway?

There IS hope, but not from doing the same things over and over that don't work.

"I know it's tough
But you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need" ~U2

That lyric REALLY helped me and still helps me, every time I hear it

*Edit - I have a feeling I don't have the same definition for Mindfullness as what you would widely find on the web. For me, it is taking some time to identify things I need to do that would improve my living situation and then doing them instead of putting them off. Cleaning out and organizing a drawer, my car or something instead of "just living with it" and letting it get worse. Those things can pile up when we are depressed, which makes us more depressed. But solving them and then taking time for enjoyable things lets me enjoy the enjoyable things more when I've done the basic maintenance on my life that my soul wanted me to do. Hope that makes sense.

 

[FaithT]

Yes, i'm trying the best i can. The problem is that it's An internal problem. Not external. I'm already on medication, and the situation has certainly improved over the years.

I have OCD too, plus anxiety, panic attacks and a phobia. I was anxious tonight, on the verge of a full blown panic attack, which has been happening a lot lately. I’m on medication, too, and took an extra Xanax tonight.
My OCD seems to be improved, though, too.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Hey faith, i struggle with panic related things as well and have noticed myself issues lately. let's hope that things eventually get better but whatever is going on seems outside of myself

 

[FaithT]

Hey faith, i struggle with panic related things as well and have noticed myself issues lately. let's hope that things eventually get better but whatever is going on seems outside of myself

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that too. It stinks, doesn’t it? I’m afraid I’ll have a panic attack on Thanksgiving in front of people.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that too. It stinks, doesn’t it? I’m afraid I’ll have a panic attack on Thanksgiving in front of people.

If it makes you feel better i've prayed for calm and believe Jesus has answered, let me know if you've noticed any relief on your end

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that too. It stinks, doesn’t it? I’m afraid I’ll have a panic attack on Thanksgiving in front of people.

also I wanted to add remember you can live your life on your terms, if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to be there, Jesus will always provide a way out even if that means finding a safe place to lay and rest. Jesus is our rest, i just told a friend a can't hang out cause of what i'm dealing with. Jesus will provide rest AND for our needs do not worry just take one day at a time don't even stress about tomorrow

 

[FaithT]

If it makes you feel better i've prayed for calm and believe Jesus has answered, let me know if you've noticed any relief on your end

When Im having one I do a lot of praying but I also take a Xanax so I’m not sure what’s working.

 

[FaithT]

also I wanted to add remember you can live your life on your terms, if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to be there, Jesus will always provide a way out even if that means finding a safe place to lay and rest. Jesus is our rest, i just told a friend a can't hang out cause of what i'm dealing with. Jesus will provide rest AND for our needs do not worry just take one day at a time don't even stress about tomorrow

Thanks!

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

When Im having one I do a lot of praying but I also take a Xanax so I’m not sure what’s working.

well just know Jesus is quick to hear and answer, He loves each of us like sparrows

 

[FaithT]

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving being over, but I’ll probably enjoy myself when the time comes.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving being over, but I’ll probably enjoy myself when the time comes.

ya i'm sure you'll be ok, no sense in worrying Jesus is always with you

 

[FaithT]

ya i'm sure you'll be ok, no sense in worrying Jesus is always with you

I have to keep that in my mind. When I get anxious it’s hard to remember that.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

I have to keep that in my mind. When I get anxious it’s hard to remember that.

trust me i know, just pray through it and have your coping mechanisms built like if envisioning the armor of Jesus is on you helps or some kind of coping mechanism allows you to know Jesus is right there. Like for me i remember the psalm where the bible says that Jesus put David high upon a rock and i envision Jesus like an eagle or the holy spirit like a dove keeping me safe and company as my troubles are far below.

 

[Wyatt A.]

Suffering from OCD, it feels like I cannot get out of it. It feels like a prison. A foretaste of hell sometimes. Hopelessness, grief, no joy, trapped forever in a diseased cycle of thinking until you die. I try to suppress the anxiety by indulging in media, overeating and shopping because prayer, reading the bible and going to church will only feed the obsession/increase the anxiety and trap me even more.

Is there hope for me?

I was just reading this in another post. Might help.



"Write them down on paper, hand written, one by one.
I have found I have no perspective on the size of my fears and cares when they are in my head
Tiny lies, deep in the soul can cast monstrous shadows
Put them on paper, I hope you have the same experience that I have had
Some were not fears per se, but things bothering me
See if this works for you, having them in new perspective outside your head
On the paper, written by your hand
Some I laughed away"


I was reading it in the post "I feel hopeless".

 

[FaithT]

I was just reading this in another post. Might help.



"Write them down on paper, hand written, one by one.
I have found I have no perspective on the size of my fears and cares when they are in my head
Tiny lies, deep in the soul can cast monstrous shadows
Put them on paper, I hope you have the same experience that I have had
Some were not fears per se, but things bothering me
See if this works for you, having them in new perspective outside your head
On the paper, written by your hand
Some I laughed away"


I was reading it in the post "I feel hopeless".

I used to do that and then the notes became a MAJOR obsession. I was terrified someone was going to read my notes and know what I worry about. If I’d see paper on the street I’d have to pick it up or at least go nearby and look at it to read It.
I’d make my hubby drive back into parking lots and even highways to check to make sure my notes hadn’t gotten out of the house, purse or car. It became a real disaster for me.
And I’d write these notes compulsively, all day, every day.

 

[Wyatt A.]

Suffering from OCD, it feels like I cannot get out of it. It feels like a prison. A foretaste of hell sometimes. Hopelessness, grief, no joy, trapped forever in a diseased cycle of thinking until you die. I try to suppress the anxiety by indulging in media, overeating and shopping because prayer, reading the bible and going to church will only feed the obsession/increase the anxiety and trap me even more.

Is there hope for me?

That doesn't mean you shouldn't read the bible, pray and go to church. I there an assistant pastor there you can talk to about it?

It helps to confess out loud, (just by yourself sometimes. Not always to someone else), what's bothering you.

When you confess what's bothering you it becomes disarmed. No matter how hard it is to say out loud.