So you won that book - excellent!
You sure make up for any weaknesses in the feeling department with your cognitive skills then! From theology to science to music - wow!
You should start from the beginning and try to imagine a couple conversing about you as you go along. A few chapters on there is more about feelings tactics. And in an earlier entry you had mentioned writing music- what type of musician are you? I play classical guitar.
I would prefer to reserve judgement until I know how it all turns out. I have posted on Christian Forums before, sometimes being helped and sometimes finding that it strengthens my suspicion that I am never going to find God.
Yes you are right to be cautious. You can't rely on people's opinions or experiences to judge whether religion can ever be for you. The vast majority of people have absolutely no idea of what you are talking about when you have no feelings at all.
Looking at it from your point of view, if they deconvert others who were led astray by emotional experiences, than it may not be a bad thing, because those deconverted people may be able to begin again and really find God this time.
I disagree with you there and I have to explain why. There are people who believe God because they have (correctly) felt his love and seen God answer prayers and so on, but for whatever reason they do not have a good understanding of the Bible and christian theology. Could be poor preaching from their pastors/ministers, not enough Bible knowledge, or just not strong in the debating skills arena. They can potentially have their faith destroyed who know enough about the Bible to twist and abuse the scriptures. Those type of people may not be able to come back to faith.
That was the other part of my struggle. I had read books that explained away religion linking it to neuropsychiatric disorders, specifically temporal lobe epilepsy. I had had those experiences most when my temporal seizures were worst controlled. I completely lost those experiences after I had the surgery. Therefore my faith mustn't have been real.... I was one of those cases studies that atheists would love to use as part of their God isn't real sales campaign.
I still struggled after I came back to Christianity, wondering if any faith of mine was wishful thinking or malfunctioning brain cells. However I went back to the same book and I realised they had quoted several prophets completely out of context and fiddled with the scriptures to justify their rejection of Christianity e.g.
Acts 9:1-18 Saul/Paul in theory could have had a seizure, therefore religion is epilepsy-related. The same writer ignored how the apostles themselves - who had walked with Jesus for 3 years had accepted Paul as one of their own when he told them about how Jesus had spoken to him via vision. Peter even accepted public rebuke from Paul
galatians 2:1-14 and praised Paul's writings in one of his own letters
2 peter 3:15-17 . That was my eureka moment. I had read the Bible many times, had a Catholic school upbringing, personal experiences and prayers answered before surgery - and yet I was still able to be so misled. I had not been trusting God's Word,
I had been looking at how I felt/not felt, and whatever people said or wrote I believed them not God. You are doing exactly the same thing right now.
I know that many Christians have told me that feelings are not what matters with regard to faith. I hope they are right, because if feelings are essential, then I may as well give up now, because I do not have such feelings.
They are right. They are telling you what the Bible says.
hebrews 11:1 That applies to feelings as well.
My understanding of the Christian message is that it is not feeling repentant that matters. However, my own experience suggests that there has to be something deeper than merely accepting in a theoretical way that repentance is needed.
Logically, if you do not have any feelings even with during activities you enjoy and personal relationships with people a part of you cares deeply about, why do you think if you truly are a christian you would suddenly get feelings that have never existed for you before?
Doing things for her helps, but she is not always convinced.
Don't worry about that. She might just be grumbling, like when I whinge that he's so unromantic (because his idea of romance is to give me a real stir).... My hubby doesn't even have your excuse.
Now if it helps can I use a metaphor? If you've read C.S.Lewis' books and the classic The Pilgrim's Progress you'll be familiar with spiritual walks.
*Some christians are given a very good spiritual compass with their feelings. Their feelings about God and feelings about their spiritual walk, even discernment about other people is completely spot on in a way not explainable in normal terms. However they only can use a basic guide book and need other christians to read the map for them.
*Other christians have a basic compass that tells them when they're going in the right general direction that usually keeps them on track but they've had a few near misses and/or accidents in the past with those feelings. However they're much better at reading the maps. Some have even read far more extensively so they're planning trips and giving good directions.
* People like you (if you are/become a christian who have no feeling at all), and I - who has a very cracked compass that works in a very temperamental manner, have to study the maps and read all the guide books available to keep us on track. We also have to watch extremely carefully where we are walking because we may not feel changes in weather or temperature, notice poor walking conditions, we may not even notice changing day into night if we don't keep our wits about us. For you therefore it is very important that you find a very good MATURE christian man, firmly grounded in scripture AND gifted in discernment where it comes to feelings when you need a spiritual compass.
For example, looking back over my very backslidden time period I had read and watched some very bad books and movies that I would not have been able to do pre-surgery. Any normal christian would have been absolutely horrified and what I had seen and read. I just didn't get scared by scary movie music any more. I didn't feel as disturbed by scandalous stories any more. The effects of that came later though.
Think hard - have you developed any thinking patterns that go contrary to God's thinking?