Please do not interpret my comments in an offensive manner. They are only intended to motivate you to make positive changes in your behavior that will influence a desired outcome. In reading your message I found some confusion and contradiction. You sayI find being single quite joyful. I've never dated, nor have I ever asked a girl out.
But it's really plaging me for so long. Every night, I can say to myself, I'm patient and when the time is ready God shall give me a date, and hence a wife. And being single has it's strengths...
But the nightmares of feeling lonely is now over the top, it's really haunting me.
Well, obviously at this point the single lifestyle is no longer enjoyable to you. It has its positives, but according to you they are now overshadowed by the negatives.
So lets be honest and say that you fall into the "singles sucks" category.
Ultimately you are in charge of your life, with Gods blessing of course (The steps of a righteous man are ordered of God). It is up to you to step out and take action. I will ask you a simple question - Is it the desire for female friendship that is at issue, or the desire for a sexual relationship? If it is only companionship then hey, no problem. Women all over the place need friends and are usually more than willing to comply in that manner. However I suspect that you are probably wanting a little more.
I don't know how many churches I've been to where I've observed singles parked in "singles groups" sitting around, wailing and bemoaning the single lifestyle and frightfully debating whether God has called them to celibacy. Simply, if you have the desire for intimate, heterosexual companinship then he has not. But these people continually pray and flock to the alter and then get mad and end up blaming God for their situation and for not dropping someone in their lap with a big note attached reading "Hey (insert name) here he/she is! this is the person whom I have ordained to be your lifelong mate!"
If your desire is for sexual companionship then there is no shame in admitting it. We are biologically geared to seek out that avenue primarily for the further propagation of our species as well as extraneous benefits such as stress reduction and health.
Modern culture has wreaked havoc on traditional institutions that have historically been reponsible for matchmaking. I believe that one of the only surviving ones is currently Bible College (sorry I couldn't resist that one!!!) No, seriuosly...The problem is not confined to Christian circles. The general dissatisfaction with traditional venues of matchmaking advocates such as family members, co-workers, friends, etc... has been well researched by sociologists/anthropologists and is sighted as one of the contributing variables in internet dating services' rise from public scorn to the most popular trend in relationship facilitation
You say that your heart is hard - how so? Why do you oppose certain women? I believe that it is impotant to realaize the differences (biological, sociological) between men and women when we address your situation. All my calims are based upon generalized statistical information on populational behavior - I'm well aware that there are individuals that don't fit the norm but they are the exceptions.
Men are genetically and culturally geared (in our culture)to pursue looks and sex in a mate. There are demonstrated relationships in every culture between courtship behavior and reproduvtive success. I will now add a disclaimer that in western society however that studies have shown that men tend to be more sexaully satified with what society considers less than perfect individuals(not like total slobs or anything, but perhaps the girl with the not so great legs, etc..). However in our culture thin waists, big beasts, and shapely legs have come to represent reproductive health as well as personal integity. (In antiquity fat people were regarded as at the high end of the social scale becuase it represented their access to surpluss food resources - today it is associated with personal failure and poverty) We are conditioned to magnate towards these individuals becuase they are societies standardof excellece. On a psychological level they also represent a "trophy kill" to the hunter mentality of men. In anitiquity rich men supported large harems of beautiful women more as a symbol of econimic viability and personal prowess rather than a personal love-shack to relieve themselves at will. So we have been conditined to get the "trophy wife" as a symbol of prowess to our male peers.
We often missinterpret the psychology of females based upon our own. But females in our culture do not pursue looks and sex. They are geared to seek out love and security. This also is tied to reproductive success. Their acquisition of a mate is more on a biological level then their male counterparts. They seek out a person who is more financially viable and who can provide them with protection as they are the ones who must bear children. If these differences did not exist then we would not have books such as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"written.
Back to your situation. You seem to either have an insecurity complex and a confidence problem, or you are just too selective in your pursuits. We as males have to contend with the issues that I have previously outlind in this post, but we do not have to be entirely governed by them. You may be looking for a Victorias Secret model so as to affirm your prowess as a male, but honestly which would you really rather have a drop dead gorgeous woman who is only an average sexual partner, or an averagely attractive mate who is a firecracker in bed? I know i'm stereotyping individuals but it is only to make a point that not always what we are pursuing is what we truly want.
If you rproblem is confidence then that is an entirely different matter altogather. What prevents most of us from actively pursuing potential mates is an overwhelming fear of rejection. When a woman says no we tend to interpret that as a rejection of all the things that makes us who we are as males and equate our personal worth accordingly. This is not the case however. A man will often say no to a woman based upon the fact that he percieves her as physically incompatible (looks, sexual attractiveness) with his interests. A woman can do the same for entirely different reasons. How many times have you walked around the mall and observed a very atractive woman behaving intimately (holding hands, kissing) a man that is bereft of any physical attractiveness? Its quite prevalent. Sure women will ogle over the GQ model with the washboard abs in some magazine becuase a rather loud minority in that segment of the population has deemed it applicable. But when it comes to tying the knot and offering themselves sexually to someone - they go with security.
Simply, when the going gets tough she wants someone who can pull in the reins and drive through. I have never had a problem with females being attracted to me. Even though I'm in my 30's going bald, and no longer have the washboard abs that I used to in my 20's. I still have females that would drop what their doing and go out with me in a second. Its because I'm secure. Not so much financially as personally. I am an internal Kung Fu practitioner of 16 years. I have no quams about my personal protection even when confronted with a group of people. I have been in numerous altercations in my youth and have battled muliple opponents. In short not much intimidates me. I can walk into a group of guys and immediately many insecure types become unnerved becuase I am so relaxed and at ease. They interpret my kinesiology as representing that I dont consider them even a remote threat and they are uncomfortable with that. Women pick up on it too and are attrcated to me as such even when many other guys are younger and more attractive.
If you really want to change your life then I would suggest diverting your pursuits from women as a primary motivating factor in your life. If you haven't already, go to college or get involved in some worthwile activities that require you to focus on them. Dont go to do something because you want to "Pick up". When you divert your focus and become involved in worthwile pursuits you foucus in life will change. You will develop security and ulimately be viewed as "sexy" by your female counterparts.
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