Think about how much drama we keep ourselves free from by treating others with kindess and respect. Think about all the games we don't have to play when we find someone special. Us nice people are so far ahead of the game that we don't have to settle for the miserable people that don't want to be treated like there are special. I'm proud to be a nice guy. If I really love you, you are going to know it. I'll say sweet things, buy flowers randomly, treat you like a princess, and expect nothing in return. I'll also not afraid to poke fun at ya if you say or do something silly. Anyway, I totally reject the whole nice guys/girls finish last. People with that mindset need to up their self esteem levels and stop seeking people that want to be treated like crap.
nice guys/girls finish first
- Thread starter LonesomeTexan
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CoachR64
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You can reject it all you want, but it is still reality. Nice guys get stepped on and pushed around, and ultimately are the ones who hear the dreaded "I just want to be friends" speech.
No one is saying be a bad boy or a be a jerk. But, you need to look at the "bad boy" model and take some thing from it, such as being aggressive (no creepy and stalker aggressive) fearless, confident, and a bit wild (not talking about drugs and alcohol, but able to let loose and try new crazy things.)
There is a reason for the saying that "nice guys finish list," because it is quite often true.
I think every guy should read the book "No More Christian Nice Guy." It really opened my eyes to what being nice vs being good is all about.
Coach
No one is saying be a bad boy or a be a jerk. But, you need to look at the "bad boy" model and take some thing from it, such as being aggressive (no creepy and stalker aggressive) fearless, confident, and a bit wild (not talking about drugs and alcohol, but able to let loose and try new crazy things.)
There is a reason for the saying that "nice guys finish list," because it is quite often true.
I think every guy should read the book "No More Christian Nice Guy." It really opened my eyes to what being nice vs being good is all about.
Coach
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CoachR64
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Also, we merely need to read the book of Mark to see that what was described in the OP is totally far from a description of Christ. He was kind and gentle, yes, but he was also shrewed, sarcastic, confrontational, loud, etc... So many Christian men have been taught to suppress that side of themselves, and it has ruined a lot of good men. We are so nice and kind on the outside, but in our own private lives, we are town apart by frustrations and angers that we keep bottled up inside.
Ever notice that many times when someone is convicted of killing/abusing his spouse, it is often a nice guy who is "the last person you would ever suspect." Being nice instead of being good is a problem. A huge problem.
Coach
Ever notice that many times when someone is convicted of killing/abusing his spouse, it is often a nice guy who is "the last person you would ever suspect." Being nice instead of being good is a problem. A huge problem.
Coach
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I'm not saying to be a complete sissy. What I'm trying to get across is that you can treat the person you love with complete kindess, not have a "bad boy image" or "wild side", and win. The only time you really need to man up is when someone is posing a physical threat to you or the one you love. When you are a nice guy, you don't have to worry whether or not you are calling her too often. You don't have to play games. You just go with how you feel on things like that. As far as getting stepped on, if you really love that person, you'd go out of your way to do things that make them happy.
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Gardener101
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In a *very* good mood...high on tea.
hey sweety. how are ya tonight?
How YOU doing?
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esseJ
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IMHO LonesomeTexan is absolutely right about What I'm trying to get across is that you can treat the person you love with complete kindess, not have a "bad boy image" or "wild side", and win. The only time you really need to man up is when someone is posing a physical threat to you or the one you love. When you are a nice guy, you don't have to worry whether or not you are calling her too often. You don't have to play games. You just go with how you feel on things like that. As far as getting stepped on, if you really love that person, you'd go out of your way to do things that make them happy.
But the nice guy's problem is that he doesn't get that far.
The problem as I see it is that nice guys don't generate the things that generate "attraction" in women. Think about it, how many little girls imagine their future husband as a "nice guy", and how many imagine him as tough, dashing, daring, handsome, and attractive. Now I'm not saying that a nice guy can't be any of those, but most often, he's not.
But the nice guy's problem is that he doesn't get that far.
The problem as I see it is that nice guys don't generate the things that generate "attraction" in women. Think about it, how many little girls imagine their future husband as a "nice guy", and how many imagine him as tough, dashing, daring, handsome, and attractive. Now I'm not saying that a nice guy can't be any of those, but most often, he's not.
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Hmm yea I don't think I have those bottled up issues. That's what made the football field such a great place. Heck any physically activity will do wonders. Plus after all is said and done, I'm a nice guy at the end of the day.
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Blackguard_
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.
Translation: "I will come across as a clingy hopeless Romantic".
Just keep telling yourslef that, Don Quixote...
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and he doesn't get that far due to a combination of things. one is that he's completely afraid to tell a girl how he feels about her. two is that the girl isn't used to getting treated right. three, the guy makes an excuse that he is just too nice, when really he just isn't attractive. All I know is that if I like a girl, I'll do nice things for her and I wont be afraid of coming off as being too nice to be BF material. It's all BS and any girl that makes up the excuse that you are too nice isn't worth the trouble.
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I'm doing alright. I think I'm fighting a losing battle here. Oh well. I tried anyway and I know that you don't have to be afraid of being too kind with someone you like. Who wants a relationship to start with games anyway?In a *very* good mood...high on tea.
How YOU doing?
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Miles
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Absolutely. Nice guys do finish first. Why? Because they have the integrity and guts required to do what's right. Are the perfect? No, but they treat others with respect, they appreciate what they have, and they don't let themselves (or their loved ones) get pushed around. While not everybody appreciates that sort of thing, most sane people do. Bad boys are smoke and mirrors, and they attract attention through negative things. The women who fall for them lack self esteem, and often have major personal problems. The nice guy may get married early... possibly to his high school sweetheart, or he may get married later in life, but he has a better chance of winding up with a quality woman and succeeding in life.
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ido
Adios
LT - good for you. I think it takes a real man to be willing to take the chance. If it's not a good fit, the relationship won't last, but at least then the people involved have put themselves out there and tried. I'd rather have a string of failed attempts behind me than a closet full of "what ifs" at the end of my life.
We all have our quirks, but when we're with the right person, our quirks complement one another, IMO.
I think you're a wise old soul in a young body who just may be on to something here.
We all have our quirks, but when we're with the right person, our quirks complement one another, IMO.
I think you're a wise old soul in a young body who just may be on to something here.
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All women love a man that can make them feel loved. No doubt you can over do it, but if a girl really likes you, you don't have to worry about it too much. It's best if you can keep romantic things original and not cheesey. And yea, you can be a romantic and enjoy watching the game on Sunday too.
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Gardener101
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You have a point, but if you do what he quoted, in 10 years time you will be singing a different tune.
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Apollo Celestio
Deal with it.
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It's all a pain, better to just back out and focus on more important things. That's my self-philosophy.. But for the "nice guy" thing, is it wrong for people to not be themselves?
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Nah hun. You don't know me that well. I'm an optimist. I'm sure whatever girl I end up with will love me even more for how often I show my affection. Just listen to my profile song. That's who I am and I wont change no matter who much the world tries to dampen my spirits.
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