Newlywed Help

[remluf]

Hi! I'm new to this site and I don't usually ask for advise about personal problems like this online, but I didn't know who else to ask. My husband and I are both in our mid-twenties. We got married last June and from the first week, I knew something didn't seem quite right. We had sex on our wedding night, and it was great and I really enjoyed it, but then the next day we left for our honeymoon at this really great cabin in Montana and we didn't have sex at all the entire trip. I tried initiating it myself and still was turned down which was incredibly frustrating. Since then, we have had sex very rarely in little spurts. I always initiate and when he does finally respond, we will usually have sex every night for the next 2 or 3 nights, but then we have dry spells where he says it's too much work and compares it to having to exercise or do chores. He isn't out of shape at all and doesn't have a problem wanting to do physical activity like take walks in the park or things like that. He does admit that it feels good and he enjoys it when we have sex but it always comes back to being too much work. He always makes sure to say it has nothing to do with me and that he is attracted to me, but it's still very frustrating. We have a very good relationship other than that, we almost never argue and we really enjoy spending quality time together. I just feel like this is an emotional need that isn't being met and I end up feeling bad every night on my way to bed because I know it will probably be another night he will say no. I've tried talking to him about how I feel but he doesn't seem to understand that this is a need for me. From what he has said, it sounds like he thinks of sex more as an activity, like playing a video game or taking a jog. He doesn't see it as a way to connect at all. We only have sex a couple times a month on average, but I feel like I need for it to happen more often than that. I just don't know what to do or who I can talk to about it. This isn't the sort of thing I could just bring up to a mentor at church and have a casual conversation about. Please help!

 

[akaDaScribe]

This is a really cool personality test I used to give my students when teaching interpersonal communication and basic business communication.

The trick to taking this test is to tell the truth when you take it. Don’t give answers you think you’re supposed to give, but how you really feel about it. For example: If you don't really care about being late, don't say you do because you think it's the right answer, just say it's not important to you if that's the truth.

Take this test and write down the four letter personality type. He him do the same. Then read about your type and read about his type and he should do the same. Talk about it with each other.

If you want to post the personality types here or pm me with them I can probably help you look at some strategies without having to go too far into our personal business.

Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory

There are many different ways to group people, this just happens to be a well-established one. These tests can be very accurate. But it should never be about putting yourself or others into a box. Instead, by understanding where someone is coming from, you can better communicate with them.

Full disclosure: my type is INTP XD

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Do you know if he's watching inappropriate content?

 

[remluf]

Thank you for your reply! My husband got INFJ and I got ENFP.

This is a really cool personality test I used to give my students when teaching interpersonal communication and basic business communication.

The trick to taking this test is to tell the truth when you take it. Don’t give answers you think you’re supposed to give, but how you really feel about it. For example: If you don't really care about being late, don't say you do because you think it's the right answer, just say it's not important to you if that's the truth.

Take this test and write down the four letter personality type. He him do the same. Then read about your type and read about his type and he should do the same. Talk about it with each other.

If you want to post the personality types here or pm me with them I can probably help you look at some strategies without having to go too far into our personal business.

Personality test based on C. Jung and I. Briggs Myers type theory

There are many different ways to group people, this just happens to be a well-established one. These tests can be very accurate. But it should never be about putting yourself or others into a box. Instead, by understanding where someone is coming from, you can better communicate with them.

Full disclosure: my type is INTP XD

 

[akaDaScribe]

Did you guys learn something about each other? I'm going to look them up now. then I'll respond more. But did it help you to understand him a little and help him to understand your needs?

 

[akaDaScribe]

Also, how accurate were the results?

I'll wait for you to respond before I give my take.

 

[remluf]

Also, how accurate were the results?

He was very strongly introverted (I think around 80%) and the rest were less than 10% for him. I was very strongly feeling (60%) and somewhat extrovert (30%) and the other two were less than 10% for me. The results were interesting to read and a lot of it seemed to match our personalities well, but I'm not sure how to apply it to this situation.

 

[akaDaScribe]

did you just read the categories or did you read about the personality types? Try these links

Personality Types | 16Personalities

ENFP Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving

INFJ Introverted iNtuitive Feeling Judging

You can use google for other sites as well

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi! I'm new to this site and I don't usually ask for advise about personal problems like this online, but I didn't know who else to ask. My husband and I are both in our mid-twenties. We got married last June and from the first week, I knew something didn't seem quite right. We had sex on our wedding night, and it was great and I really enjoyed it, but then the next day we left for our honeymoon at this really great cabin in Montana and we didn't have sex at all the entire trip. I tried initiating it myself and still was turned down which was incredibly frustrating. Since then, we have had sex very rarely in little spurts. I always initiate and when he does finally respond, we will usually have sex every night for the next 2 or 3 nights, but then we have dry spells where he says it's too much work and compares it to having to exercise or do chores. He isn't out of shape at all and doesn't have a problem wanting to do physical activity like take walks in the park or things like that. He does admit that it feels good and he enjoys it when we have sex but it always comes back to being too much work. He always makes sure to say it has nothing to do with me and that he is attracted to me, but it's still very frustrating. We have a very good relationship other than that, we almost never argue and we really enjoy spending quality time together. I just feel like this is an emotional need that isn't being met and I end up feeling bad every night on my way to bed because I know it will probably be another night he will say no. I've tried talking to him about how I feel but he doesn't seem to understand that this is a need for me. From what he has said, it sounds like he thinks of sex more as an activity, like playing a video game or taking a jog. He doesn't see it as a way to connect at all. We only have sex a couple times a month on average, but I feel like I need for it to happen more often than that. I just don't know what to do or who I can talk to about it. This isn't the sort of thing I could just bring up to a mentor at church and have a casual conversation about. Please help!

Hi; do you guys read the Bible and pray together daily?

John's First Epistle chapter 1 speaks of vertical, Godward relationships, as being the perspective of interpersonal ones.

 

[Mountainmanbob]

Hi! I'm new to this site and I don't usually ask for advise about personal problems like this online, but I didn't know who else to ask. My husband and I are both in our mid-twenties. We got married last June and from the first week, I knew something didn't seem quite right. We had sex on our wedding night, and it was great and I really enjoyed it, but then the next day we left for our honeymoon at this really great cabin in Montana and we didn't have sex at all the entire trip. I tried initiating it myself and still was turned down which was incredibly frustrating. Since then, we have had sex very rarely in little spurts. I always initiate and when he does finally respond, we will usually have sex every night for the next 2 or 3 nights, but then we have dry spells where he says it's too much work and compares it to having to exercise or do chores. He isn't out of shape at all and doesn't have a problem wanting to do physical activity like take walks in the park or things like that. He does admit that it feels good and he enjoys it when we have sex but it always comes back to being too much work. He always makes sure to say it has nothing to do with me and that he is attracted to me, but it's still very frustrating. We have a very good relationship other than that, we almost never argue and we really enjoy spending quality time together. I just feel like this is an emotional need that isn't being met and I end up feeling bad every night on my way to bed because I know it will probably be another night he will say no. I've tried talking to him about how I feel but he doesn't seem to understand that this is a need for me. From what he has said, it sounds like he thinks of sex more as an activity, like playing a video game or taking a jog. He doesn't see it as a way to connect at all. We only have sex a couple times a month on average, but I feel like I need for it to happen more often than that. I just don't know what to do or who I can talk to about it. This isn't the sort of thing I could just bring up to a mentor at church and have a casual conversation about. Please help!

Well even at his young age his doctor would probably give him the little sex pill?
They really are pretty amazing! (use only if and as prescribed)
Seems that a young couple should (at least) get together once a week?
If he takes that pill a couple hours before take off time -- he should be more than ready for the flight.
This is one of those cases of -- use it or lose it.
Good for old guys too.
(Ladies are always included).
MB