hey everyone.
just wanted to say that i've read some of your posts and I decided to come forward. No one understands how hard this can be except those who are going through it so we're all in this together. I also suffer from blasphemous, intrusive thoughts about God and I'm still standing. It got to the point where I thought I was going to lose my mind and that I was possessed or something. When I first read the part in the Bible about the unpardonable sin I had the biggest panic attack ever. I thought there was no hope for me and that I was going to hell. But I sought God. I started going back to church and reading my Bible alot and praying and I found out that there was more hope for me than I thought. It's crazy to say but even though these thoughts come to my mind I'm spiritually closer to Christ than I've ever been before. There are some days where I cry and just wish that Christ would hold me and there's days when I'm able to get through, but a part of me is glad that they kinda burst forth because if they didnt, I wouldnt be as close to Christ as I am now and I wouldnt have got saved and turned from my ways and knew most importantly how loving and compassionate Christ is. He loves us and He understands and I know He hears our every cry and feels our every pain. Living with this is not easy and sometimes I feel like we should give ourselves more credit than we do. Doubts and blasphemous thoughts sometimes target me when I'm reading my Bible or even when I'm at church or sometimes when I'm praying but I keep reading and keep attending and keep praying because I know that my Lord loves me. Sometimes it gets so hard and I know it does but we can't give up. I wish I could push a button sometimes that says never think negative thoughts about God again--if I had the chance I would. But these trials will only make us stronger. Some people feel that it's the devil manipulating the mind and some feel like its OCD and some feel like it's both. Sometimes I thought that I myself was truly thinking these things and I felt like the worst person ever. It got to a point where I'd be afraid of thinking bad things about people around me and anxious not to do so, I began to do so. But when it all gets bad I just read John 14. The whole chapter. And I pray. And I know that I have to keep pushing through. The lonliness, the bad days, the tears, the anger, I just have to keep pushing through. Sometimes I would read all kinds of posts and just skim through for an answer. And the only answer I can only come up with is Christ. Just hang on to His words, his love, just remember how compassionate he was and you will be okay. Please pray for me as well. And if the thoughts are blasphemous, what helps is to fight it with scripture. The word is the sword. I read my Bible alot and when I get a negative feeling about God while I say to myself "that's not my God, my God is this and this and this" or if a thought comes up I just tell myself "that's not of me". Thoughts are thoughts and sometimes they come in our head but we can chose which ones to accept and which ones not to accept. I hope this helped. I'm still learning the word and going to church and trying my best to hold on.
just wanted to say that i've read some of your posts and I decided to come forward. No one understands how hard this can be except those who are going through it so we're all in this together. I also suffer from blasphemous, intrusive thoughts about God and I'm still standing. It got to the point where I thought I was going to lose my mind and that I was possessed or something. When I first read the part in the Bible about the unpardonable sin I had the biggest panic attack ever. I thought there was no hope for me and that I was going to hell. But I sought God. I started going back to church and reading my Bible alot and praying and I found out that there was more hope for me than I thought. It's crazy to say but even though these thoughts come to my mind I'm spiritually closer to Christ than I've ever been before. There are some days where I cry and just wish that Christ would hold me and there's days when I'm able to get through, but a part of me is glad that they kinda burst forth because if they didnt, I wouldnt be as close to Christ as I am now and I wouldnt have got saved and turned from my ways and knew most importantly how loving and compassionate Christ is. He loves us and He understands and I know He hears our every cry and feels our every pain. Living with this is not easy and sometimes I feel like we should give ourselves more credit than we do. Doubts and blasphemous thoughts sometimes target me when I'm reading my Bible or even when I'm at church or sometimes when I'm praying but I keep reading and keep attending and keep praying because I know that my Lord loves me. Sometimes it gets so hard and I know it does but we can't give up. I wish I could push a button sometimes that says never think negative thoughts about God again--if I had the chance I would. But these trials will only make us stronger. Some people feel that it's the devil manipulating the mind and some feel like its OCD and some feel like it's both. Sometimes I thought that I myself was truly thinking these things and I felt like the worst person ever. It got to a point where I'd be afraid of thinking bad things about people around me and anxious not to do so, I began to do so. But when it all gets bad I just read John 14. The whole chapter. And I pray. And I know that I have to keep pushing through. The lonliness, the bad days, the tears, the anger, I just have to keep pushing through. Sometimes I would read all kinds of posts and just skim through for an answer. And the only answer I can only come up with is Christ. Just hang on to His words, his love, just remember how compassionate he was and you will be okay. Please pray for me as well. And if the thoughts are blasphemous, what helps is to fight it with scripture. The word is the sword. I read my Bible alot and when I get a negative feeling about God while I say to myself "that's not my God, my God is this and this and this" or if a thought comes up I just tell myself "that's not of me". Thoughts are thoughts and sometimes they come in our head but we can chose which ones to accept and which ones not to accept. I hope this helped. I'm still learning the word and going to church and trying my best to hold on.
Not everyone, even pastors, always understand much aboout religious OCD, but there are those who DO! Praying that the Lord will lead you to someone helpful to you.
