New to this forum

[Sergeant's widow]

but not to forums in general. For years I have been on other happier types of boards.

It's 20 weeks today since my husband of 40 + years died (June 29) . He was in the hospital for 5 months before that. He had a dissected aorta on January 25, 20008. They operated, and repaired it, but there was so much damage. They wanted me to "pull the plug" in February. I wasn't sure how long was long enough to try and let him heal, but I knew 3 weeks wasn't it. He woke up on Valentine's Day. He was getting slowly better, and then he would have a set back. He got off the vent, and a lot of the meds. He moved to an L-TAC(Long Term Acute Care) hospital in April. He fought so hard to get better. In the end it was infection and pneumonia that took him.

I know he is fine, better than fine. He is in heaven. It's selfishness that bring me here. I don't know what to do. I hate this. I want our old life back. He had retired from General Motors a year before he got sick, and I had been involuntarily retired when the travel agency I worked at closed 3 years ago. We were suppose to be traveling and enjoying this new stage of our lives.

He was still a part-time firefighters, which he had been for 36 years. It was his passion not a job.

I thought maybe I could find some people here that understand the pain and fear that I am going through now. I guess it's true, misery loves company. It's just if I hear one more well meaning person say, "I know how you feel. When my mother/father died, I was....." I know they mean well, but it is not any where close to what you feel when you lose your spouse. I know I lost my father and mother in 2001 and 2004 respectively.

My children and friends try to keep me busy, and I appreciate that, but sooner or later, I come home to an empty house.

I wanted to introduce myself before started commenting on other posts. I will try and do that tonight.

God Bless you and keep you,
Linda

 

[sadheart]

I am sorry for your loss. My husband died of pancreactic cancer July 27th 14 weeks after being diagnosed. This site has helped me. When I can't sleep at night I read what others have been through and post my thoughts. I feel like I can say what I feel on here without making family sad. My husband also retired from GM. We moved from Michigan to TN eight years ago. I pray and read Gods word,this gives me comfort. My husband was a born again christian, God gave him the grace he needed when he needed it. He was not afraid to go and be with the lord. He worried about leaving me but he wads ready. I know he is in Heaven and happy but I miss him so. It does help to be on this site. I checked another one out but it was not a christian site. I found this one and it has been a great comfort because other widows and widowers are praying for you.

You are in my Prayers
Christine

 

[JenLove]

I am so sorry, Sergeant's widow. My husband passed away on August 11th of this year after being critically injured in Iraq on April 10th (he was a Master Sergeant in the Marine Corps). Everyone obviously grieves a little differently, but I do know how badly it hurts. My prayers are with you. God Bless.

 

[singingwife]

Welcome, Sargeant's Widow, and also welcome JenLove. JenLove, our losses were almost exactly at the same time; mine was on August 6. I hurt, I smile at some memories, I wonder at the bad memories(he suffered from cancer long before we knew what it was), and I also have mixed emotions; both being glad to be able to do things I couldn't when he was so sick, and being sad that he's not there to share that with me. I know he's with Jesus and not sick anymore, and I'm thankful that, even though it was only 7 1/2 years, we had an "as-long-as-we-both-shall-live" marriage. Not everyone has even that!

 

[JenLove]

Singingwife I am so sorry for your loss as well.

You are absolutely right that not everyone has the type of marriage you had. It doesn't matter how many years you were married...it only matters how strong and true that marriage was. My husband and I were married for 13 years, but we had known each other literally our whole lives (we grew up next door to each other). It's tough b/c I've never known another...he's just always been there. I miss him so much But I don't need to tell ya'll that b/c I know you all know the feeling all too well. Just know that you are in my prayers, and if you ever need to talk or vent or whatever, I'll be here to listen. PM me anytime.

 

[Learnin'2-4Give]

Hello dear ones,

I too am a widow. I lost my darling husband on March 12 of this year. It was sudden--he was driving his truck for work and experienced "sudden death"--hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. It was a terrible shock. Just 3 weeks short of our 3rd wedding anniversary. I am not a "young" widow--but sure feel like one. I had never been married and had lived with my parents until I married my husband. We asked God to bless our marriage every day, and He most certainly did! We were so happy and made the very most of our time together. I am thankful that we had such a solid Christian marriage--no regrets, no "what if's" or anything like that. It was just such a sudden loss.
I got fired from my job 3 months later--a non-understanding boss. I don't even know what to think about that whole situation. Am glad to not be in that situation! Now I am having some health issues. I think sometimes that I am just dying of a broken heart because I miss him so very much.
I was doing pretty well until my health took a nosedive--got a new job! Sometimes, I do hope that I am dying so I can be with my Lord and my husband. Other times, I think that is selfish of me.
Anyway, I am trying to adjust to this new role--but it is just so hard. I am blessed to have a wonderful church family. I have a sister-in-law who is not being supportive and this is really hard on me. She thinks she is suffering so much because she has lost her brother and doesn't think I'm being sympathetic enough to her concerns. I honestly don't know how much more I can do for her. I have cried with her, went to visit her, called her, gave her Christian counsel, suggested grief groups for her, gave her things that belonged to her brother, prayed with her, etc.... It just wasn't enough for her! She hasn't done anything for me other than whine about her loss. She doesn't understand what I have lost I guess. Anyway, it just makes me weary.

yep, I miss my James Dean so very, very much. I can't believe sometimes that I have survived without him for 8 months now. It's just so hard. And, it is a huge comfort to know he is in Heaven.

I am so sorry for all of your losses. I do understand the pain and loss you're all going through and I pray that God will give us all the peace we need to get through this time.

Blessings,
Juli

 

[CajunQueen]

I am terribly sorry for all of your losses. I am new here as well, and also lost my husband this year. We were married 30 years and he died of a massive heart attack on January 17. I can sympathize with what you all are going through.

Looking forward to fellowship on this forum. God bless.

 

[singingwife]

Welcome, Learning2-4give, and CajunQueen. I'm sorry for your losses. Learning2-4give, you may have married later in life, but you were only married for a short time; you certainly can be considered a young widow! I read in a book called Getting to the Other Side of Grief, that often the "construction" of a marriage takes place in the first decade, so if you are widowed in less than that time, there's an incompleteness there because there was more work to be done that wasn't. And that's really how I feel a lot of the time.
I too look forward to more fellowship here with both of you. Hugs all around.

 

[sadheart]

Its me again , having a hard time. I keep thinking it is getting better and wow it hits me again. Sometimes I wish the lord could take me home. Of course that would not be fair to my chil,dren. My daughter told me that would devastate her. It is hard enough that her father has gone to be with the lord. I just have to quit being selfish and get as close to the lord as possible. I know I am rambling but it helps to write how I feel. I want to welcome the two new widows to this forum. My husband went to be with the lord in July of this year. I think the holidays is hard for all of us.
It does help to be able to read and write to the other widows on thhis site. They remind us that we are not alone. God is with us. I think I will get the book that you are talking about and read it. I hope everyone of you have a nice thanksgiving. You are all in my prayers. I am thankful that the lord gave me a wonderful christian husband for forty years. I should not feel sorry for myself. I should and will praise the lord for this.

Christine

 

[JenLove]

It's like you are taking the words right out of my mouth, Christine. I feel exactly the same way...I think since we lost our husband's right around the same time, we are probably at about the same point in our mourning. I have been thinking a lot this week about just wanting the Lord to take me home. My kids are the only thing keeping me going right now. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad...it's awful, I know. God bless. And welcome Learnin2-4Give and CajunQueen. You all are in my prayers.

 

[Sergeant's widow]

Hello! I don't want to say it's nice to meet you because I wish none of us were here. But we are and I am glad to see you post here.

Christine (Sadheart) you said exactly what happens to me. I think I am getting threw it, and wham, it hits me again.

Yesterday was our wedding anniversary. So many people tried to do nice things for me. 2 friends sent me roses, people called, and my old boss and I went out to dinner and to visit a sick friend, but it just was on my mind so much.

I know my husband, Larry wasn't ready to go. He thought he was going to get better. But when he got pneumonia yet again, and he became unconscious, it was just too much.

At least we all know our spouses are in heaven. I don't know how people without faith and hope carry on when a loved one dies.