New Sponsor Issue

[madison1101]

Well, I had a really interesting and rough therapy session this afternoon, and talked about my incessant need for love and attention as it is connected to my abandonment issues. I worked on it a lot, processing, being honest about myself, and feeling those wonderful feelings that go with it. It is embarassing to admit I am so needy.

So, when I got home, I called my sponsor to let her know what is going on with me, and I got hit in the gut with the news that she sold her house, which I knew she was trying to do, and she asked me to get a new sponsor. UGH!!!!!!! A year ago, I was let go by a sponsor, and could not find a sponsor. So, I burst into tears after I got off the phone. I was terrified that I would not be able to find someone.

Well, this week at the meeting I go to in the morning a woman gave me her number. She then asked me this morning why I had not called her. So, I called her after I got off the phone with my sponsor and left a message. She called me back and we got to talking about my recovery and my issues. She thinks I am too hard on myself and that I need to say more positive stuff about myself. So, I asked her if she would be willing to sponsor me, and she agreed. She insisted that I do three things. 1. I don't relapse again. 2. I never lie to her. 3. I share at every meeting and I stop beating myself up when I share and share something positive about myself.

I was afraid I would not be able to find a new sponsor because it took me six months to find the one I just lost. God put my new sponsor in my life at just the right time.

I am shaking and must get moving on my housework right now.

Hugs,
Trish

 

[TheMainException]

You do need to say more positive things to yourself...whenever you realize you're saying any negative stuff...stop and remember...it's not true. Maybe an ounce of it is based in fact...but the other million ounces are based upon lies. You are a wonderful person, don't forget it. The more often you say positive things, the more positive you will become, the easier it will be to not want to drink and the more positive people will become as they spend time with you. God is for you.

 

[BobW188]

I won't go quite as far as M. E., though she's going in the right direction. It does help to be aware of our shortcomings. It does not help to define ourselves by them and, as for judging ourselves, you need to keep in mind that there's This Other Guy whose job that is; and who's warned us about what happens when we try to take it over.
Remember what I wrote after your slip? Pay as much attention to what you did right in the days leading up to it as you do to what you did wrong when it happened. Certainly that's so in your case. You held out against stressors that would have broken many of us. You need to be as aware of your assets as you are of your liabilities.
I must say, between last week's Nobody's Home and this week's peremptorily telling you to get a new sponsor, I'm glad to see the last one gone. I don't know if you covered the topic of "Termination" in your training. Let's just say there are ways not to do it. And, just by the way, I hope you and your new sponsor discuss the whole issue of availability and backup. In my early days as an army officer, an old NCO informed me that the two most useless things in the Army were wet toilet paper and a second lieutenant with a map. In AA, it's a sponsor - a support network - that ain't there when you need it.

 

[madison1101]

I won't go quite as far as M. E., though she's going in the right direction. It does help to be aware of our shortcomings. It does not help to define ourselves by them and, as for judging ourselves, you need to keep in mind that there's This Other Guy whose job that is; and who's warned us about what happens when we try to take it over.
Remember what I wrote after your slip? Pay as much attention to what you did right in the days leading up to it as you do to what you did wrong when it happened. Certainly that's so in your case. You held out against stressors that would have broken many of us. You need to be as aware of your assets as you are of your liabilities.
I must say, between last week's Nobody's Home and this week's peremptorily telling you to get a new sponsor, I'm glad to see the last one gone. I don't know if you covered the topic of "Termination" in your training. Let's just say there are ways not to do it. And, just by the way, I hope you and your new sponsor discuss the whole issue of availability and backup. In my early days as an army officer, an old NCO informed me that the two most useless things in the Army were wet toilet paper and a second lieutenant with a map. In AA, it's a sponsor - a support network - that ain't there when you need it.

I will say that my sponsor always reminded me to develop a network of other women, because she would not always be able to get back to me right away. I knew that from my long ago days in AA. I just wish I had not been so dependent upon her. Trust is a huge thing for me, and I have so much trouble talking to total normal AAers in tight spots.

I also knew this day would come, because we discussed the possibility of it when she put her house on the market in the first place. I really did not expect it to happen so soon.

Thanks, Bob, for your positive comments about my efforts prior to my relapse. In talking to my therapist, I reread some letters I had sent him before and after my relapse. He and I agreed that I was on my way to the relapse long before I actually got the bottle and drank. What else is new with that one though?

I am hoping my new sponsor is what I need right now. I also hope I get some serious step work done.

Thanks,
Trish