As the years went on I calloused my heart to people, because people always left me. I became mean and destructive and when I am like that I do not feel empty. I am married, and I love my wife, but it isn't enough to repair me. Yes, I am a Christian and as best as I can convey I love the Lord, maybe because of this emptiness I am living a lie in that regaurd but I do not know how to know any more than what I think in my head.
I am partially wondering why that thought of giving my life to the Lord is not enough. I pray, study, go to church, work in the church, and it just continues.
Mostly people that I become fond of that I meet they are Women and for a time, developing a friendship fills that void until I realize it is only the flesh and I am heading down a dangerous road.
For now I figure this eartly life sucks and some people are fortunate enough to not have felt the way I do all thier life.
Brother you are not alone, I grew up different yet same circumstances. I give you much credit, Lord been an influience in your life that you not fallen down the dark path as I did. Also you know that it's starting to spread to lustful desire. Well done.
I went beyond lustful desire and just recently found god. I been fighting my sins one at a time and found my hardened heart was the root of the problem.
Copying and pasting old post.
"Love is a give and take situation. I gave a trickle of love to people around me, so I have a build up. Also since I not taken steps to open myself to others around(mainly because I judge them) I only get a trickle back. So like a tree starving for water I go into pains. My selfishness always hoped I could find 1 woman to pour all my love into and recieve back, but that is not how it works. Like Jesus said, need to plant many seeds and hopefully get lot fruit back."
To overcome this problem I did two things.
1. Stop downing in thoughts about what I wanted or felt I was entitled to. For only caused discontentment with my life making me depressed.
2. I am in the process of letting my old self die, getting my mental selfishness out of the way and giving myself to the people around me. Really listening and making my friends come first before my own self desires. More seeds of love you sow, more chances of larger harvest of love back. In short crucify(not for real, but mentally) your old self and live the new life built on teachings of Jesus.
EDIT: Duh! There was a 3rd and very important step I took. Prayed for guidance and understanding then followed by asking for strength. Praying is very important too.
About the building lust desire. You know it is wrong to even concenplate it. This passage is what gives me spiritual strength when my body turns against my spirit.
2 Corinthians 12
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I will pray for you bro.
