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New parent
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I am too attached to my son.. I hate to leave him and go anywhere..I want to be with him 24 hours a day..when I am not with him..I think about him all the time..I wonder if he will forget me ..if he will love me more than anyone..of couse after God...I just worry to much ..I don't know if it's normal
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lovesdolphins
New year, new me, new baby????
- Mar 28, 2007
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Singin4Him
Here I am Lord, send me!
- Jul 31, 2004
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First off, are you a stay at home mom? Has someone told you that you're too attatched to him or have you come to this conclusion on your own?
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I think it is pretty natural to want to be around your little one all the time--it is the way things are intended to be. But, some of your questions, like if he will forget you, are a little intense. I know I went through a pretty rough time after DD was born, thinking about how short our lives are, how fragile she was, fearing that I was not going to be a good mom, etc.
I ended up going to therrapy for a while to help me to sort things out.
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I work full time. I work from home more often so I can be with him. God has blessed me with an awesome schedule so I have no complain on that part. I feel like i am too protective too worried all the time..too much for it to be normal...I mean i get jealous if my son gets along with anyone else be me.. I feel like I should be priority (my husband and I) after God.. of course he is too little to know anything but I feel like i have to start everything right for it to be normal in the future. Again, I might jst be thinking crazy things ..I don't know. I don't want to do anything anymore with friends or family if it doesn't involve my son.
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I may need some christian couseling myself. I don't know it's a lot to think about. Overall, I am just worried about whether I am a good mom or not..I ask myself what if he grows up to think of me as a bad mom....that's why I feel like i have to be with him 24/7 if I am not then i feel like I am going to miss something important.. I mean there a lot of stuff going through my head. i never thought being a parent was this difficult..
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so how do you feel now ...how old you child? Do you feel like you should have done anything different??
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I remember having some of the same feelings with my first born The main one I had was who is going to take care of him if something happens to me. All that kind of thing.
In the end I just don't have time to dwell on those thoughts. That doesn't mean I am stupid and don't take care of myself. I do.
I think I just trust God to protect our family as a whole so that I can be here to watch both of my children grow up.
I don't think your baby will forget you if you are at work. However saying that, I don't work outside the home and have always been SAHM. THis is what has worked for me. I know it's not the same for everyone though.
Under 12 months babies really don't think of themselves as being separate from mother.
You need to learn to let go as baby get's older and let them develop their own relationships (obviously not yet though he is too little of course) otherwise if you don't and always try too hard to protect them they will end up resenting you later on. It's hard to think of that.
Perhaps you need to develop a close network of friends to talk this through and give you some support through this. Maybe even get a check up for PND.
In the end I just don't have time to dwell on those thoughts. That doesn't mean I am stupid and don't take care of myself. I do.
I think I just trust God to protect our family as a whole so that I can be here to watch both of my children grow up.
I don't think your baby will forget you if you are at work. However saying that, I don't work outside the home and have always been SAHM. THis is what has worked for me. I know it's not the same for everyone though.
Under 12 months babies really don't think of themselves as being separate from mother.
You need to learn to let go as baby get's older and let them develop their own relationships (obviously not yet though he is too little of course) otherwise if you don't and always try too hard to protect them they will end up resenting you later on. It's hard to think of that.
Perhaps you need to develop a close network of friends to talk this through and give you some support through this. Maybe even get a check up for PND.
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I agree- I think it's instinct that God placed in us to make sure offspring are cared for. Don't let anyone tell you it's an unhealthy attachment! The fears could possibly be PND... I think many more people get it than are diagnosed. But even health problems can be nature's way of slowing you down to just be with him.
He might be old for this, but when my kids were young I sometimes wore a soft backback around the house, so they were with me when I did dishes and random things. It's hard on your back, but ensures that he knows you're there for him.
I also did some of my paperwork with them on my lap.... that didn't always work out so well. (-;
I think that building this trust and closeness is important, especially if you're working. Did you ever see the stories on the orphan babies in Romania, who were not touched during the day? I'm sure that caregivers are playing with your son... but closeness is important for brain development.
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My daughter just turned two, and it got a lot easier after she turned one. I think it was partly because of the help I received, and partly becuase she began to grow into her own person.
As she gets older, and I realize she doesn't "belong" to me like she did in the womb, it is easier for me to see her as separate. Don't get me wrong, we cuddle many, many times a day, I think about her all the time, and I am about as attached as you can yet. Still, I learned and grew comfortable with the idea that she is her own person, she has her own perspective, opinion, insight, and it is so important for me to teach her how to develop healthy relationships with people outside our home.
It doesn't make me jealous when she likes other people, it makes me proud that she is so loving and open with others! I needed the counseling to help to reconcile my (kind of rough) childhood with the mom I want to be today. You don't have to answer this here, but ask yourself if you maybe didn't feel protected or nurtured when you were young--you might be hyper-sensitive to those needs in your son, then.
I could go on and on, but really, about three months of therapy and a lot of prayer really helped me get through this. You are already a great mom--I can tell because you are asking these questions instead of suffering alone--we all need some help sometimes
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AutumnDreamer
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You can never be to attached to your child! Follow your instincts!
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icbeckyc
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With my first I worked outside of the home and did not have a flexible schedule at all. It was tough. I was just greatful I finally found a WONDERFUL daycare. With my second I got to be a SAHM. Looking back now, even thought my oldest loved her daycare providers, the bonding between me and each of my daughters was very similar. I don't think that me being a SAHM was much better bonding wise. It was better for other reasons but I wasn't and am not closer with one over the other. Both my girls have been close with differnt people when they were infants and toddlers and I think it just helps them in feeling safe and secure and that mommy will make sure they are always taken care of, even if she has to step away for a few minutes.
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marezee
cheeriokeeper
the best advice I got with my first born: "God made you his mother!" So therefore, it was a match made in heaven! And you are the perfect mother for your child!!
Follow your instincts...you know your child best!
And most of all...have fun and cherish these moments, they are fleeting...there will come a time when your baby will be an independent toddler, then a rebelious teen, etc.
Also, take care of yourself, and journal, journal, journal...you may think you will remember everything, but your memory will fade. So right down everything you want to remember.
Follow your instincts...you know your child best!
And most of all...have fun and cherish these moments, they are fleeting...there will come a time when your baby will be an independent toddler, then a rebelious teen, etc.
Also, take care of yourself, and journal, journal, journal...you may think you will remember everything, but your memory will fade. So right down everything you want to remember.
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CrystalBrooke
I'm almost positive I don't care what you think
I only work part time, but the first time I left Emily to go to work after my maternity leave was over, I cried. I hated leaving her, she's all I thought about all day and sometimes I would have to keep myself from crying while waiting on customers because I wanted to go home and be with her so badly.
It's your child, they came from your body..that alone makes for a huge bond. The love you feel for a child is like no love I've ever known. It's perfectly normal for you to want to be with your child all the time, especially since he's your first.
It's your child, they came from your body..that alone makes for a huge bond. The love you feel for a child is like no love I've ever known. It's perfectly normal for you to want to be with your child all the time, especially since he's your first.
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MyaShane
CUBs fan til I die!
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7 months old is still very young, so its natural for you to feel you want to be with him as much as you do. He still depends on you for absolutely everything right now. Your feelings will most likely lessen as he becomes more independent. And every parent worries about being a good parent. Just love him, love him, love him. And enjoy every precious baby minute!
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