New member looking for grief support

[deb77]

Hi, my name is Deb. I lost my Mom unexpectedly on December 17, 2006. Subsequently, I went through about a month of ailments myself. Now that I'm physically feeling better, I'm having a hard time dealing with the pain of losing my Mom. I still can't believe it happened. I have family members around, so I'm not alone. But it's affecting me differently than my spouse and children. I appreciate your prayers and words of hope.

 

[TinkerBel]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have also lost people i was close with in oct. and dec. I can;t say I know what you feel because I haven't lost my mom but I will be praying for you. my pm box is always open.
God Bless
Mandi

 

[lavenderskies]

I am praying for you Deb. I still have my mother but did lost my father in 1996. If you need or want to chat pm me anytime.
Welcome to CF!

 

[daisy26]

I'll keep you all in my prayers. My father died in 2002. I understand how it feels to lose a parent. I've also had to deal with being around family members who are affected differently. My mother has really struggled with the loss. It's difficult to talk to her about it though since she still has both of her parents. If you ever need to talk about it just send me a message. I'd be glad to talk.

 

[deb77]

Thank you, daisy26, for your prayers. I pray you will be blessed with the Lord's peace that passes all understanding. I know I need His peace every moment. Sometimes I sense it and can find rest, other times I have a some anxiety and tension and have to deal with that until it subsides. I'm praying that one day the anxiety won't cause physical ailments for me. (I'm also a thyroid patient; and was doing pretty good til my Mom passed away last month.) I'm so glad to meet others that understand and care.

Deb

 

[UnitynLove]

I sorry for you loss sister, you will see her again afterwhile. She is with the Lord, looking down on you.

 

[eveningsunset]

Sorry for your loss....I don't know how you feel because I still have my mother...I lost my daughter in 2001...She was 19...and my heart is still breaking...

 

[deb77]

Thank you everyone in this thread for your prayers. I pray the Lord will bless your kindness. 'eveningsunset', I pray for you:

"Lord, please comfort eveningsunset. We don't have to understand how your peace in our hearts helps us to cope with the pain in life here. You just do that for us because you love us. I pray eveningsunset's thoughts will be edifying and dreams pleasant and sweet. In Your name I pray, Amen."

 

[cottom]

Hi, my name is Deb. I lost my Mom unexpectedly on December 17, 2006. Subsequently, I went through about a month of ailments myself. Now that I'm physically feeling better, I'm having a hard time dealing with the pain of losing my Mom. I still can't believe it happened. I have family members around, so I'm not alone. But it's affecting me differently than my spouse and children. I appreciate your prayers and words of hope.

My mother passed away 2 years ago this Valentine’s Day, I still miss her, and probably always will, but I got some support for the grief I had from a source few consider. Most your funeral homes have either grief counselors or sources for counselors. Consider the funeral home faces this situation several time a day, often seven days a week.
Many churches have group sessions for grief support, where you will find most have the same feelings, and through fellowship, you can grow through the process of grief.

Van

 

[Mimi305]

Hi, my name is Deb. I lost my Mom unexpectedly on December 17, 2006. Subsequently, I went through about a month of ailments myself. Now that I'm physically feeling better, I'm having a hard time dealing with the pain of losing my Mom. I still can't believe it happened. I have family members around, so I'm not alone. But it's affecting me differently than my spouse and children. I appreciate your prayers and words of hope.

(((deb))), my mom passed away suddenly as well, on dec. 18, 2006. i'm on this board for the very same reason you are. i just want you to know that i am praying for strength and comfort for you in this moment, for i understand the pain. may the god of comfort get us thru this...

mimi

 

[deb77]

Mimi, I'm glad you posted to this thread. I'm sorry about the loss of your mom, which was just the day after I lost my mom. I still have moments of feeling a deep sense of loss. I miss my mom and still sometimes can't believe she isn't here anymore. I pray the Lord will comfort both of us, everyday, moment by moment. Feel free to send me a message anytime.
Deb


Van, Thank you for your input about counseling. I talked to a pastor a couple times shortly after my mom passed away and there was a pastor at the hospital prior to that. I think that grief takes some time to go through, no matter how much counseling a person gets. I'm able to cope with this through prayer & Scripture, and support from family and others, like Mimi, who share here at Christian Forums.

I didn't realize that funeral homes offered counseling. I think my family and I were in a state of bewilderment and shock at the time, so we didn't hear everything the funeral director said.
Deb

 

[rushingwind62]

Hi, my name is Deb. I lost my Mom unexpectedly on December 17, 2006. Subsequently, I went through about a month of ailments myself. Now that I'm physically feeling better, I'm having a hard time dealing with the pain of losing my Mom. I still can't believe it happened. I have family members around, so I'm not alone. But it's affecting me differently than my spouse and children. I appreciate your prayers and words of hope.

It is very difficult when you lose a parent. It takes time Deb, allow yourself to grieve. I lost my dad back in 2003 and it was the hardest time of my life. Unlike you my dad had been ill many years and we had to watch him suffer and die a little everyday. That is harder than when he actually passed. Be glad your mom didn't suffer. I know the shock of losing someone suddenly is overwhelming and you think of all the things you wanted to say. But I think she probably knew most of what you wanted to say. She was your mom and she knew you loved her very much. Naturally this is affecting you more than others....she was your mom and there is a special bond between mother and daughter. Just give it time. The pain will never fully leave you but it will get easier. You'll still have your days where you breakdown and miss them but with prayer, God, and family, and friends you'll get through it....God Bless You and my prayers are with you.

 

[deb77]

Dear Rushingwind62,
You are right, I think, about the pain. Sometimes it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just hope it won't always hurt as bad as it does right now. I don't allow myself to dwell on the fact that my mom is gone. I try to look for joyful things in life and it helps me to cope. I want to avoid depression.

I understand the torture of watching a loved one slowly die in pain and suffering, because that's what happened to my grandma, who I was close to. I actually felt some sense of relief when her body finally gave out and her soul went to be with Jesus.

Have you come to a point that you have accepted your loss and the burden of grief has lifted?

Deb

 

[rushingwind62]

Dear Rushingwind62,
You are right, I think, about the pain. Sometimes it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I just hope it won't always hurt as bad as it does right now. I don't allow myself to dwell on the fact that my mom is gone. I try to look for joyful things in life and it helps me to cope. I want to avoid depression.

I understand the torture of watching a loved one slowly die in pain and suffering, because that's what happened to my grandma, who I was close to. I actually felt some sense of relief when her body finally gave out and her soul went to be with Jesus.

Have you come to a point that you have accepted your loss and the burden of grief has lifted?

Deb

Yes, I have. Don't get wrong I still have my days but they are easily dealt with now. For the most part the grief lifted early for me because I was stuck in so long when dad was sick. It is like you said with your grandma, when dad passed I too felt a sense of relief. The thing that was hard for me was being there when dad passed. I still to this day see and remember the look in his eyes when he went. At first I felt almost tormented but now I look at it as a blessing. Because I made a promise to my dad to be there when he went and God allowed me to fullfil that promise. I know some say there is no closure in death but for me there was and I thank God for it.

Again Deb, I say give it time. Don't be afraid of what you are feeling. It is grief working itself out.

 

[deb77]

Thanks, Rushingwind62. I feel encouraged and hopeful. Prayer and certain Bible verses have been helpful to me. We know death comes, but until it hits close to home, we don't know the sorrow of it. God sends us a Comforter. And He has not given me a spirit of fear; but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind. I will trust in Him.
Take care and thanks again for your thoughtful posts.
Deb

 

[Katieg]

It has been 11 years since I lost my mother and I have realized that this grief never will go away – it will just change over time. And it takes a long time – not what everyone else would like it to take – like a month or two!!!! What is wrong with these people who do not understand the pain that is involved with this process. I finally found a book on Amazon.com that really helped. It was an easy read and seemed to “speak” to me and made me understand that what I went through was the “norm” and I was not abnormal or nuts!! It talked about the culture we live in as well and why it makes things so difficult.
The name of the book was Baby Boomers Face Grief but it talked generally about grief and a little bit about why this will be so hard for Baby Boomers.

 

[womanofvalor]

(((Deb)))
I have found that words don't help much during these times of extreme grief. But it does help to know that the Lord is with us. I'm not on this forum much but my precious 23 year old daughter died unexpectedly last March. Then my mom died in June. So I was just in a period of shock for almost 6 months. Losing a parent is a very hard thing because, for the first time, our stability in life seems threatened. My dad died 10 years ago and it took me almost 2 years to really accept the fact that he was gone. We say we do, but really accepting that they are in Heaven and can't come back to us takes a while.
Please don't rush yourself. Grief takes different amounts of time for different people. And I have found people grieve very differently.
I have cried every day for a year over my dear daughter. But my husband doesn't. Yet, I know he is grieving in his own way.
Your grief is still so new and raw--it's only been a few months --so be gentle with you. Cry if you need to or be angry or whatever it takes toget you through these difficult first days.
Keeping a journal really helped me a lot. When i couldn't sleep, I'd either read my Bible or write in my journal. Sometimes I'd write a letter to Erin or a letter to God or just write my feelings down.
I pray that we would have the peace of God that will eventually overcome our sorrow and help us to know He still loves us.

 

[deb77]

It amazes me how we can intellectually know that death is part of life, but we are not really prepared for the grief and sorrow of it. So, my faith, and God's grace, once again prove to be the foundation for my existence, comfort and hope.

One way I cope is to keep myself occupied as much as I can. I'm at home most of time, so my computer is a tool for me in this process. It helps to listen to Christian music on WMP, surf Christian web sites for encouragement and read your posts here.

I also find a diversion, like: watch light-hearted movies/tv shows, play pc games, and visit with my granddaughter on the phone. And I started some early Spring cleaning around the house, so I have a sense of accomplishment, which helps me to realize that my life is going on and I am managing.

Thanks for posting your thoughts & for your supportive prayers. I have been surfing the web for books on grief and I will check out the one at amazon.
Deb