new here...needed advice

[littleluna]

well if i knew right from wrong..then why did listen to them?

im so stupid. my ex told me any sensible girl would cut her losses

 

[roars]

Hi Luna. I am new here, just joined all I can say is I am a 21 year old guy and I have tears rolling down my face from reading your story. I can't stand it when I read stories of guys doing this to women.

You are not worthless in anyway! I know everyone has said that already but it is true. The only people that should be feeling worthless are the people who did those things. I really wish I had the exact things to take your pain away. I want to make you feel clean and make you know how much God loves you!

I have a small idea how you feel in regards to not being worthy I was in a bad relationship as well and the pain is tough and I used to cut myself to "relieve" the pain... All that it did was make it worse. What really got me through was my church and the people in it.

I am so glad to see you here and taking these huge steps. Its not easy but will become easier as you go along. I think I can speak for everybody here... We want to see you through be here for you.

Remember we asked God how much He loves us, He said: this much, stretched out his arms and died for us... For you. X

 

[makeitwork]

Tenth Avenue North: Losing - YouTube please visit this youtube just click on it...i've been going thru a tough time and this song is really speaking to my soul...(((hugs)))

 

[littleluna]

thank you roars. it means a lot coming from a guy when i feel so dirty and impure

and thank you makeitwork

i dont know what to say. going through a tough time since last night. i even messed up my long break of self injuring.

so scared. had new memories come up too. if i would have dealt with feelings i have felt sooner i wouldnt have had to deal with stuff from my ex and that other guy

 

[roars]

Yea maybe but don't worry about the stuff you can't change try working on the stuff you can change. I am not saying its quick and will happen overnight, but what I am saying is use us that are here for you doesn't matter how stupid something seems ask us or tell us, if you feel comfortable sharing, maybe someone here has exactly what you looking for. I am hoping that somehow we can help you get over these terrible things and maybe even help you make some great new memories with a guy who treats you the way you deserve. With love, respect and equality. You deserve nothing less. If you ever need to chat or are going through a difficult patch send me a message and I will do my best to help you through it. God bless you.

 

[makeitwork]

[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif][SIZE=+3]The Serenity Prayer[/SIZE][/FONT]​

[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]God grant me the serenity [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]to accept the things I cannot change; [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]courage to change the things I can;[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]and wisdom to know the difference. [/FONT][FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Living one day at a time; [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Enjoying one moment at a time; [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Taking, as He did, this sinful world[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]as it is, not as I would have it; [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Trusting that He will make all things right[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]if I surrender to His Will;[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]That I may be reasonably happy in this life [/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]and supremely happy with Him[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Forever in the next.[/FONT]
[FONT=Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif]Amen.[/FONT]

 

[littleluna]

trying to think on these things but it doesnt come overnight. im very confused right now. im so confused why i listened to people....especially him and im an adult (going on 25)

he asked me everyday for what he wanted and i eventually gave in. i didnt always say the right things. i told him things were wrong and against God. so why did i give in?

does God hate me? is that why i dont feel peace? i know in my heart i didnt want to do things but i did anyway. but i knew it was wrong. i knew most of what i gave into was wrong.

i feel so hurt and distant. sometimes i do feel good if i do hear some sort of good spiritual song or sermon. i dont hate God. just feel that he is judging me and wont bless me anymore

i feel so dirty right now

the guy who asked me for things is the reason why i started that "once saved always saved" thread. he is the one who told me that i needed to pray again a few times. he told me my past suicide attempt was wrong and i was wrong to stop talking to
him again and stuff

im so stupid.

 

[makeitwork]

STOP luna...your a good person, smart, worthy, beautiful, and most important a child of GOD!
you are redeemed..you are set free...GOD is not done with you yet...read your bible...the bible tells the truth of who you are. (((hugs)))

 

[littleluna]

haven't been on here in awhile....

something happened again last night. i feel so gross...

 

[Johnnz]

My comments are in bold

trying to think on these things but it doesnt come overnight. im very confused right now. im so confused why i listened to people....especially him and im an adult (going on 25)

he asked me everyday for what he wanted and i eventually gave in. i didnt always say the right things. i told him things were wrong and against God. so why did i give in?

You may have succumbed to continued pressure, but that doe snot take away your value as a person

does God hate me? is that why i dont feel peace? i know in my heart i didnt want to do things but i did anyway. but i knew it was wrong. i knew most of what i gave into was wrong.

There is no way God hates you. He is well aware of your pain and confusion. He wants you to receive his comfort, reassurance and help with rebuilding your life.

i feel so hurt and distant. sometimes i do feel good if i do hear some sort of good spiritual song or sermon. i dont hate God. just feel that he is judging me and wont bless me anymore

We are all in the same category of the undeserving. That's the wonder of God's love. Jesus took all of what happened to you onto Himself on the cross so you can begin life anew, freed from stain and guilt.

i feel so dirty right now

That's common. You have been defiled by his uncleanness, you have been sinned upon. But God's forgiveness and cleansing is total. He does not see you as dirty. Instead Father sees you through the glory of Jesus who has come to you.

the guy who asked me for things is the reason why i started that "once saved always saved" thread. he is the one who told me that i needed to pray again a few times. he told me my past suicide attempt was wrong and i was wrong to stop talking to
him again and stuff

Ignore such unhelpful stuff. He just doesn't know about the effects of abuse. There are far more helpful people around.
im so stupid.

No way. It was a bad time, but there is a whole life ahead of you and Jesus is there to get you back into living a full life.

Bless you
John

 

[littleluna]

thanks John.

yesterday my ex started trouble with me. i feel like my mind is messed up right now. so confusing so hurtful.
when i got home my parents got mad at me over something stupid. im not even a child or even a teenager anymore. im almost 25 and i feel like im less than human sometimes

so then i ended up self injuring.

just so confused cos i thought i was doing so well...i thought i was coming to peace. im not.

i know i have been a little vague here...but anyone can read these posts so im still a bit wary.

im about finished writing my story of other things that happened other than what i mentioned. i thought that would help me but i just feel so awful.

 

[Johnnz]

Is there anyone around who you can get some support and comfort from. You have a lot to cope with alone, and that can get overwhelming more readily without some good support.

John
NZ

 

[littleluna]

it is really overwhelming. i have a few friends but not everyone understands. i go to other forums as well. i have a couple self help books im working on. i have church too. (hopefully)

i guess God is really keeping me going but i still feel like im hanging on by my fingertips......

 

[littleluna]

not doing well today.

 

[littleluna]

someone told me it was pointless to report the guy cos i am an adult

 

[rowantree]

Praying for you littleluna. Reporting is O.K. If that is what you wanted to do then that is right for you. You are very brave. Don't think bad of yourself. I know it is so hard right now but it will get better. God bless you xx

 

[rowantree]

I see you are not doing well today. Wish I was there in person for you. So sorry you are feeling so bad. You are going through so much right now. Praying hard for you. xx

 

[littleluna]

thank you.

i cant stop crying. i just wish things never happened. i was okay. i wish i could talk more/talk to someone but im so afraid.

 

[rowantree]

Your fear is natural littleluna. We all feel that fear of speaking about it when we have been abused. It is like - we want to speak, we need to speak, but we daren't. Have you a pastor/minister/priest (I don't know your denomination) you could talk to? I know it is awful, going through that wishing it had never happened thing. Let the tears come though - you need to cry about it.

I will pray that you can get over your fear of talking to someone. I think you might feel a little better once you can begin to talk. God bless you littleluna.

 

[littleluna]

im so confused as to what is really going on......i dont get it.....i feel so dirty and ashamed of everything.....i feel violated by everything yet i feel so awful that i gave into them....

i feel so damaged and alone. i cant stop crying. i keep self injuring. my eating disorder is back and i dont even care......

im so sorry for whining over stupid stuff when so many people are hurting.....im sorry...