new at this...

[mbloom17]

hi. i randomly found this place after i typed into my search engine "i feel like cutting" i have been cutting for a year this july. i have recently stopped for two weeks because of my cousin/best friend and my fear of her telling my parents....i do not like myself...which is why i do what i do. im starting college this fall and am scared more than imaginable...i have these urges that come over me....and i go crazy if i dont fulfill them...the other downside is that i recently lost my faith this march after a classmate died in tragic snow related car accident...im lost, im doubting everything i have learned about religion in my 12 years of catholic school, and i hate myself...i dont know what to do...any suggestions...???

 

[ChristInAction]

Aw hun. It sounds tough.
It always is with this addition...
I'm sorry to hear about your friend & how its turned you away from God.
I understand the feeling of lost & doubting, I'm always doubting.
The only thing that broke me away from the numbness & the lost was coming to faith.
Everything happens for some reason. I know that sounds really hard & stupid & will probubly make you mad now but listen to the truth that you've been tought. God loves you. Jesus came & died for you. God standing in heven & crying. He hates to see you hurting b'coz of this. He hate to see you suffer. He's crying out "Come back to me! Please! I love you!"
I dont know but the only thing that really gets threw to me when I feel how you are. Is God's love.
Wether I want to believe it or not. Hearing that God loves me. Its undiscribalbe feeling.

I sounds like I'm going on & on. I'm sorry.
My heart goes out. I really do know what its like. Not for my friend to die. But to doubt & walk alone, numb, scared. Not knowing when the next big pain will come.

I just really want to be there & give you a big hug & tell you it'll be ok.
I just met you but I love you & care about you so much.

Please. When ever you feel like cutting, come on here & talk to us. Or email me. I'm always here to just vent or any advise you want.

I'm glad to hear your trying to stop. Regardless of the reson. Please keep fighting. It might not be tomorrow, But you will beat thing. I promise.

Love & prayers.
Ally (CIA) xox

 

[Jayangel81]

Hi Mbloom17,

Hang in there cutting is really horrible ive had to deal with it and i thank God that he has given me the strength to fight it.

Why is it that you hate yourself? is it because of the things youve done, or is it because you cut?

i know when i was cutting i was doing it to punish myself for being such a sinner and crappy person amonsgt things.

Im sorry to hear about youre friend. Death is just another step in life, dont worry the Lord is taking good care of him/her.

Much love to you <3

in Christ,
James

 

[livingforGod135]

hi. i randomly found this place after i typed into my search engine "i feel like cutting" i have been cutting for a year this july. i have recently stopped for two weeks because of my cousin/best friend and my fear of her telling my parents....i do not like myself...which is why i do what i do. im starting college this fall and am scared more than imaginable...i have these urges that come over me....and i go crazy if i dont fulfill them...the other downside is that i recently lost my faith this march after a classmate died in tragic snow related car accident...im lost, im doubting everything i have learned about religion in my 12 years of catholic school, and i hate myself...i dont know what to do...any suggestions...???

hi welcome to CF

congrats on the 2 weeks, thats awesome!

are u in counselling? u might find that helps

im sorry to hear about your friends death it must have affected you alot, but (and im sure you've heard it before) it doesnt mean God doesnt exist

feel free to pm me anytime

Laura

 

[mbloom17]

Hi Mbloom17,

Hang in there cutting is really horrible ive had to deal with it and i thank God that he has given me the strength to fight it.

Why is it that you hate yourself? is it because of the things youve done, or is it because you cut?

i know when i was cutting i was doing it to punish myself for being such a sinner and crappy person amonsgt things.

Im sorry to hear about youre friend. Death is just another step in life, dont worry the Lord is taking good care of him/her.

Much love to you <3

in Christ,
James

James,
thank you for what you said...
to answer ur question, i hate myself because of the way i look and i have pretty much stopped living my life. my view of myself has hindered me from going on the weekends and even attending my senior prom.
as far as my friend goes. i still have yet to find "a reason" for her death. people still drive to fast and get killed or drink and drive. so a lesson wasnt learned. and i still cut afterwards...so no one really learned their lesson, including me, on how valuable and short life is....
im still trying to put my life together now though...havent for a while...hope i wont...thanks for ur support.
Margaret

 

[mbloom17]

hi welcome to CF

congrats on the 2 weeks, thats awesome!

are u in counselling? u might find that helps

im sorry to hear about your friends death it must have affected you alot, but (and im sure you've heard it before) it doesnt mean God doesnt exist

feel free to pm me anytime

Laura

laura,
i dont quite know how to private message yet...and i dont think i can till i post five times, so this'll do for now
thank you for what you said...it has been two weeks since i last cut. im hoping a serious rebound is not in my future. my cousin threatened to tell my parents unless i called a doctor, but then she decided she was not going to get involved in my life anymore...i do not personally believe counseling will work for me. i dont particularly enjoy talking about my problems, yet im here spilling my heart out now. anyways i dont really know about god yet. im waiting for a sign i guess, not that god owes me or anything, but i want proof that he exists, which sounds horrible i know....i dont know what ill do. thanks anyways for ur post