Needing advice

[Roberto0562]

I´ve been married for 2 years with my wife we have a 7 month old baby girl. We both work. My wife works online and I work as a teacher. So, she stays home and I go to work. Lately we have been having a lot of fights about silly things. Let me give you an example. How we usually work is like this. Since my wife works from home and she takes care of our baby, she usually doesn´t have time to do the house chores. So I agreed to help her with the house shores. So after working, I hang out with the baby so she can finish her work and then she cooks dinner; then I wash the dishes and clean the toilets and swipe and mop the tile. Well the other day she wanted to take pictures of our baby as she was turning 7 months while I was washing the dishes and the tile was dirty. I said “I am sorry but I really want to finish with the chores and I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. She walked away angry.
I have pointed that this chores needed to be done right there on that time, because she wouldn’t be able to do it on her own and I didn’t want to walk into the house after a long day of work and see the house dirty. I also said “we can take the pictures during the weekend”. She said "I have the right to get mad" and she was upset and just walked away. She always has this kind of behavior of walking away and giving me an angry look despite the fact that I am doing my best to serve her. On weekends a cook dinner for us, and I deep clean the house and she sees me cleaning and doing laundry but she wouldn’t approach to say hey can I help you?

The other day I got mad because I was cleaning the house and I found her on the bed playing with her phone. I have to iron my shirts. We got invited to a weeding once and I checked I didn’t have any of my button shirts iron of course because I have forgotten to iron them. I have talked to her about these things but we are good for a week and then everything goes back. I don’t believe in divorce and I don’t want that option because I love my wife. But lately I have been feeling like walking away. I don’t know it’s like she doesn´t appreciate my service to her. She says she does, but her actions deny all that.

I don’t know what to do!!!!!

 

[redleghunter]

I´ve been married for 2 years with my wife we have a 7 month old baby girl. We both work. My wife works online and I work as a teacher. So, she stays home and I go to work. Lately we have been having a lot of fights about silly things. Let me give you an example. How we usually work is like this. Since my wife works from home and she takes care of our baby, she usually doesn´t have time to do the house chores. So I agreed to help her with the house shores. So after working, I hang out with the baby so she can finish her work and then she cooks dinner; then I wash the dishes and clean the toilets and swipe and mop the tile. Well the other day she wanted to take pictures of our baby as she was turning 7 months while I was washing the dishes and the tile was dirty. I said “I am sorry but I really want to finish with the chores and I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. She walked away angry.
I have pointed that this chores needed to be done right there on that time, because she wouldn’t be able to do it on her own and I didn’t want to walk into the house after a long day of work and see the house dirty. I also said “we can take the pictures during the weekend”. She said "I have the right to get mad" and she was upset and just walked away. She always has this kind of behavior of walking away and giving me an angry look despite the fact that I am doing my best to serve her. On weekends a cook dinner for us, and I deep clean the house and she sees me cleaning and doing laundry but she wouldn’t approach to say hey can I help you?

The other day I got mad because I was cleaning the house and I found her on the bed playing with her phone. I have to iron my shirts. We got invited to a weeding once and I checked I didn’t have any of my button shirts iron of course because I have forgotten to iron them. I have talked to her about these things but we are good for a week and then everything goes back. I don’t believe in divorce and I don’t want that option because I love my wife. But lately I have been feeling like walking away. I don’t know it’s like she doesn´t appreciate my service to her. She says she does, but her actions deny all that.

I don’t know what to do!!!!!

What type of work does your wife do online?

 

[HTacianas]

What you are describing is married life.

Small arguments over seemingly petty things are what every married couple goes through. In time you'll find that they seemingly go away on their own, but really it's that the two of you are learning to live with each other.

Even when you think you're wife is wrong, show a little extra patience with her. Things will get better.

 

[cfyahoo08]

I´ve been married for 2 years with my wife we have a 7 month old baby girl. We both work. My wife works online and I work as a teacher. So, she stays home and I go to work. Lately we have been having a lot of fights about silly things. Let me give you an example. How we usually work is like this. Since my wife works from home and she takes care of our baby, she usually doesn´t have time to do the house chores. So I agreed to help her with the house shores. So after working, I hang out with the baby so she can finish her work and then she cooks dinner; then I wash the dishes and clean the toilets and swipe and mop the tile. Well the other day she wanted to take pictures of our baby as she was turning 7 months while I was washing the dishes and the tile was dirty. I said “I am sorry but I really want to finish with the chores and I have to wake up early tomorrow to go to work. She walked away angry.
I have pointed that this chores needed to be done right there on that time, because she wouldn’t be able to do it on her own and I didn’t want to walk into the house after a long day of work and see the house dirty. I also said “we can take the pictures during the weekend”. She said "I have the right to get mad" and she was upset and just walked away. She always has this kind of behavior of walking away and giving me an angry look despite the fact that I am doing my best to serve her. On weekends a cook dinner for us, and I deep clean the house and she sees me cleaning and doing laundry but she wouldn’t approach to say hey can I help you?

The other day I got mad because I was cleaning the house and I found her on the bed playing with her phone. I have to iron my shirts. We got invited to a weeding once and I checked I didn’t have any of my button shirts iron of course because I have forgotten to iron them. I have talked to her about these things but we are good for a week and then everything goes back. I don’t believe in divorce and I don’t want that option because I love my wife. But lately I have been feeling like walking away. I don’t know it’s like she doesn´t appreciate my service to her. She says she does, but her actions deny all that.

I don’t know what to do!!!!!

Show her that she matters more that a dirty tile floor, show her kindness and have fun, build a life together that you BOTH want to live together.

On the table side by side,
The Holy Bible and the TV Guide.
One is well worn and cherished with pride,
But that one is not the Bible, it's the TV Guide.
As the pages are turned what shall they see?
It doesn't matter, just turn on the TV.
Then is the confusion started for they can't all agree,
What they shall watch on that old TV.
So they refer to the Book in which they all confide,
But it's not the Bible, it's the TV Guide.
The Word of God is seldom read,
Maybe a verse or two just before bed.
Exhausted and sleepy, tired as can be,
Not from reading the Bible, but from watching TV.
Then back to the table, side by side,
The Holy Bible and the TV Guide.
No time for prayer, no time for the Word.
The plan of salvation is seldom heard.
Forgiveness of sin so full and free,
We find in the Bible and not on TV.

“They do not love that do not show their love.” ― William Shakespeare

 

[drjean]

I think priority setting is key to a good marriage. The baby will never be 7 months old again, and pictures will help you remember, and the child enjoy later. You snooze, you lose.

Are you a perfectionist by any chance? Goodness dishes and floors can actually go two days without being done and the world does not end. I thought you might wish to know that... you only have to iron one shirt for the next day, if you need time to spend WITH FAMILY?

You have a job so you must be smart... chill, enjoy life as you go through it... when is your family devotional time together? When is your alone time without the baby, out on a date with your wife?

I suggest seeing your pastor or a couples therapist to help you nip these issues in the bud, they won't get better on their own and you two really do love each other. PS she might also be experiencing some postpartum depression!

 

[TalkTheCross]

Hi Roberto... As someone mentioned, welcome to married life, and I'll add with a 7 month old. You obviously love your wife, your child, your family or you wouldn't be reaching out. From reading your post I see that your wife works from home and watches the baby. I'm assuming this work is her job.

First, it's great that you are doing more to help. I'm sure she appreciates your extra effort. At the same time though, even with this extra effort on your part, you get to go to work. You get to leave the house for an amount of time everyday, while she is left to work and watch your new baby. Then when you come home she also cooks dinner, and then finish her work that she wasn't able to get done while she was working.

In this situation perhaps you should put yourself in her shoes in order to understand her feelings. How would you feel if you had to take your baby to work with you? To be teaching and then have to stop your class while you changed a diaper, comfort your baby girl when she started to cry, feed her, and all the other things one does when blessed with a new baby. Then after work and taking care of the baby all day, when you returned home you had to cook dinner, then finish the work you weren't able to get done while at work due to taking care of your baby.

I hope when you look at it this way, you are able to see the "why" of her anxiety. She's probably feeling like everything is on her, as I'm sure you would if the situation was reversed. She see's your work as an escape while she is left to do everything (take care of your baby and work). In short, she's building resentments and these resentments need to be addressed and eliminated before they get worse.

To do this, you will both need to sit down and talk, but only when she is ready. This isn't about you, it's all about her. You need to listen to her, really listen. Let her vent and get it all out. Don't become defensive, angry, or argue, doing this would show her that you don't really respect her feelings. All you can do is show her you love her, you do appreciate her, you care.

This is only a start, this is something you'll have to be aware of and work on daily. If you're not already in a church, I'd highly recommend finding a church family. You are the head of your household. Being the head of the household isn't about being the boss, it's about having the love. From this love you are able to lead, protect, and serve.

Prayers and God Bless...

Also, as a footnote, come home and cook her dinner. Find a baby sitter and take her out on a date. Let her have her time out of the house while you watch your baby girl.

 

[DLovingBrother]

Hi Roberto0562,
They are all correct. This is a Martha versus Mary situation. And you deserve to be commended for helping out because I know fathers who do not do anything to help and on top of that expect to be served. You have the correct bearings, but don’t overdo it. You may have a clean house when you were single, but when you got married you need to start tolerating some dirt, imperfection, and messiness, because another person entered your life. And you might have. When you start to have a kid, that tolerance needs to extend further because as your kid starts to run around and play and spill things you need to focus on the important thing – the relationship. Sometimes, when the baby gets sick, or both of them get sick, you will get a better perspective that the house is less important.

When we had our first son, with a good insight from the Lord, I accepted the fact that the house, cars, and yard will need less care and more priority on my wife and son. And it came at the right time because we started to read up on books on keeping our marriage strong, parenting and discipline, building a strong family. I read many books from the Focus on the Family ministry https://bit.ly/2A95aoA which really helped our marriage and raise sons with a strong faith, one of whom is now in a Christian college.

We started hosting Bible studies every two to three weeks when we moved to our new house and we worked hard on painting the walls, buying nice furniture, and so on. Five years down I saw dings on the wall, spills on the carpet, smudges. These irritated me. But in one of my devotions, I was convicted that the house is a servant, not to be abused, but not to be prioritized over more important things, either. So when I saw a décor with Joshua 24:15 b on it, I hang it on our kitchen. It is a bit out of context but a good reminder to us. And finally, I am pleased to tell you that we have been hosting for 20 years. I always see things in our house that could be better, but the relief comes when I see the pictures and videos of the lives we have touched.