Need your prayers, please

[oncewas]

I won't go into ancient history of how I was abused by a trained physcologist, verbally, then sexually, then physically...my husband. Emotionally by my father which I'm not sure he realized until before his death. I have worked through so much and forgiven much and reconciled with my father. It's the church that has punched up all the old hurts. The scars have broken open and I can't seem to close them.

I found a church where I thought I was welcomed, felt apart. When I could I was there for every fuction from youth ralleys to funerals. I was very active and becoming involved in an outreach ministry which had videos and book materials.

I did have the first tape and had let others involved know this. All the rest went missing. I returned the one tape I had. Next thing I know, I have been accused of stealing the rest, along with some money years ago and anything else. All this at the time my father was dying and I wasn't at church but with family.

In the end, most of it came to light and I was cleared, but I cannot bring myself to let it go. It hurts so much. I have fought the single mother/Jezabel complex for years without anyone asking why I was divorced. I refused an abortion. The "church" (7) to be exact held me in contempt until this one and I guess that's why it hurts, I came to love too much. They couldn't hurt me more if they had taken turns with a baseball bat. It keeps me from HIM.

 

[Theresasjourney]

I hear you very much~~I too have been hurt by the church many times..it hooks other deep issues inside and makes it feel so huge.
Even in hurt...communication is key~~go talk to the pastor about your hurt..your pain of how the church treated you...and see what he has to say. Pray for Gods wisdom in diserning the discussion.
I will be praying for you.....don't let enemy hold you back from Gods imperfect family...k..God was using you there...so the enemy stepped in...if you feel it is where God wants you...risk processing it through to resolution with the pastor.

 

[countrymouse33ad]

Praying, oncewas. I'm sorry that happened to you.

 

[oncewas]

Thank you. I have been to my pastor, his wife who has also suffered, they are very suportive and understanding. I have been working through forgiveness of the very few. It has somehow become such a mountain that I know it has come from deep within the past.
Your prayers have calmed my soul. Perhaps my spirit can now get back in control of me. It's the door between me and God I feel the most. I want to get back to where I was in His presence.

 

[whitedove7]

I am so sorry to hear what you went through. My heart breaks to hear your story.

First of all to have peace of mind, is that you need to release, forgive and forgive. Every time that thought comes in your mind in what they did to you, give it to God and forgive them. You are responsible for your heart. God will deal with their hearts. When we don't forgive, this is what the word says:

Matthew 22:37-40 "37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets." That means forgiveness is a big to the Lord. We cannot love god, others or ourselves if we have not forgiven the Lord, others or self. This brings division in a person's life. it brings pain and torment to the person and separation in either of these 3 areas.

Matthew 6:15 "15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." We are told to pray to God, his will, not to be empted, forgive everyone, or he will not forgive us."

Torment will come in the mind:

Matt. 18:32-34 "Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: 33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? 34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him." We are tormented spiritually, emotionally and mentally. This is where mental diseases come out of.

I'm telling you this so that you will be free from the torment. I was also abused in horrible ways growing up and went through a lot of anguish and pain. When I released these people that hurt me from the heart, I was free.

Again, I'm so sorry what the church did and the pain you suffered from it. I learned that when there is people, there are problems. I also learned to be ready to be pierced but not broken. What keeps us from becoming broken by others, is to forgive and separate their sin in romans 7:17. Meaning, when they hurt me, is to separate their sin as paul talks about in Romans 7:17 “17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.”

Being broken by others is when we join in to their sin by taking on bitterness in our heart.

Unfortunately, we are going to be accused because that is one of the characteristics of satan is the accuser of the brotheren. Another word translated devils, is diabolos, and means ‘Adversary, false Accuser...' (I Timothy 3:11, II Timothy 3:3, Titus 2:3). Where ever we see demons at work, there will be false accusations given against those who serve and worship Jesus. That is the nature of devils, that is their whole purpose...
Like their head evil one, the devil, satan, the dragon, etc. who is also alled ‘the accuser of the brethren'... And like father, like son...

Unfortunately, he will use people, even church people, to in John 10:10 to kill, steal and destroy through false accusations. you have to not take on their sin and separate their sin that it is a spirit that is operating in them to accuse you.

When we are not in the spirit, then we are in the flesh which is another spirit of satan to use people to hurt each other. It doesn't mean they are evil, it means they fell into the temptation of thought by satan as said in 2 Corinthians 10:5 "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every throught to the obedience of Christ.

Did they cast down that thought or believed the lie and accused you. Your part is to forgive every time you get a thought, ping or whatever until it is gone.

The Lord loves you and wants you to walk in wholeness. He cares for you greatly. But, you have to be a doer of the word to receive blessings by having peace of mind.