Need to get this off my chest...

[angelsgirl]

Thanks SO much for all the support and encouragement!!!
I haven't been able to get online for a couple of days and it was so nice to come here and find this!
Things have been *much* better the past few days. I had alot of sleep over the weekend (I think I had 12 hours of sleep on sat night... granted it was broken... but it was awesome!!!), and was able to go out with my friends on Friday night without Maddie. (Although I did worry about her the entire time I was out!!!)
Maddie isn't crying as much anymore, barely any at all now. She was just so over tired. I have read a few things about 'tired signs' and she was screaming cause it was too much for her. I was also trying so hard to get her to sleep I think i was making it worse!!!
So now after a feed and a nappy change we sit down in a comfy chair and I put the tv on and I hold her close to me. Within about 30 mins she is asleep. I'm relaxed and so is she. It is amazing what taking your mind off everything (even with a tv show) will do for your stress levels.
I have been putting her in bed with us when she is very unsettled at night. She calms down so quickly being near us and usually sleeps for longer. My mother thinks i'm spoiling her, but I think i'm spoiling me... I get more sleep!!!

So thank you so much ladies... you are all fantastic!!!

 

[homeschoolmama]

Great job, angelsgirl! And no, you can't spoil her. She's too young. It sounds like what you're doing is "attachment parenting" and is really great for children and especially newborns. You're very "on key" to her signs, what she needs and it creates a real good bond between you and your babygirl.

It sounds to me like you're a wonderful new mom and will continue to be as she grows.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Good for you for putting your feelings into words--that's like the hardest thing in the world--because then what we feel is just there staring right back at us.

3 weeks is a typical growth spurt stage (3 days, 5 days, 9 days, 3 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 months, 6 months- IIRC are the big growth spurts) During a growth spurt baby wil nurse and nurse and nurse to build up supply.

I'll pass on the advice I found to be helpful in those first weeks--my husband urged me to think about the time in terms of my entire life- and to remember that 6 weeks or even six months was just an infintsimally short time when viewed over my entire lifetime. He didn't tell me to fix things or to get over it- but gave me permisiion to just be a mess, and the perspective to endure.

This goes to what I've written herebefore that goes all left unsaid---there is a grieving in motherhood- give voice to that grief allow yourself to pass through the stages of grieving. We are conditioned to believe that we are ungrateful for our healthy child if we grieve---but motherhood is a loss (it is also many other, wonderful things)--it is a loss of who you were (you will always forever more be mother of this child, you will never go back to not being a mother), motherhood is a loss of freedom and autonomy, motherhood is a loss of basic needs like eating, slepping and showering whenever you feel like doing them, motherhood is a loss of not having another person need you to survive and live...


It is hard, hard stuff those transitory first weeks, months, years of motherhood. My PM box is always open if you just need an ear...

 

[sparassidae]

Really glad to hear things are looking up, and you have found what works for you both. TOTALLY IGNORE the "you're spoiling her"- do what feels right for you, not anyone else.

I certainly couldn't survive without cosleeping during those early months.

 

[angelsgirl]

It is so annoying though... I was at a womens prayer meeting at my mum's church today, and I am the only one there under about 40. They were all telling me how silly I was to hold Madeleine all the time and not just put her in her cot to fall asleep. Apparently I am creating a rod for my own back...
She's not even a month old yet. How is it bad to not want to have my little baby crying and crying???
I certainly didn't tell them that she sometimes sleeps with us in our bed. It would have been a free for all then! I was just so very annoyed... It really really frustrated me. I finally get to a place with Maddie where we are both happy and getting sleep... and they stressed me out today and I think Maddie sensed it and she hasn't slept since about 3 this arvo... (it's now 7).

And I'm kinda worried about my milk... i don't seem to be satisfying her at the moment. She fusses at the breast, when I know she is hungry. Could I not be producing enough milk for her? Or could my milk not be good enough for her???
I'm not someone who enjoys breastfeeding alot, but the thought of putting her on formula fulltime isn't attractive. Mainly from a there is so much more to do with bottle feeding than there is breastfeeding.
If I pump, can i increase the volume of my milk?

Sorry for all the questions... But I'm a little clueless!!!

 

[Wrexscar]

It is so annoying though... I was at a womens prayer meeting at my mum's church today, and I am the only one there under about 40. They were all telling me how silly I was to hold Madeleine all the time and not just put her in her cot to fall asleep. Apparently I am creating a rod for my own back...
She's not even a month old yet. How is it bad to not want to have my little baby crying and crying???
I certainly didn't tell them that she sometimes sleeps with us in our bed. It would have been a free for all then! I was just so very annoyed... It really really frustrated me. I finally get to a place with Maddie where we are both happy and getting sleep... and they stressed me out today and I think Maddie sensed it and she hasn't slept since about 3 this arvo... (it's now 7).
The number of times my wife comes home from talking to the older women of the church stressed out by thier "helpful" advice. There is a part of parenthood that involves ignoring other people and doing what works for you and Maddie.

And I'm kinda worried about my milk... i don't seem to be satisfying her at the moment. She fusses at the breast, when I know she is hungry. Could I not be producing enough milk for her? Or could my milk not be good enough for her???
I'm not someone who enjoys breastfeeding alot, but the thought of putting her on formula fulltime isn't attractive. Mainly from a there is so much more to do with bottle feeding than there is breastfeeding.
If I pump, can i increase the volume of my milk?

Sorry for all the questions... But I'm a little clueless!!!

As a man the only comment I'll make is providing she's putting on weight, don't worry.

 

[sparassidae]

Regarding the milk thing: as Wrexcar said, if she is putting on weight then don't worry. Obviously you don't weigh her every day, but if she is wetting lots of nappies and not constipated then she's fine. Some babies are neater feeders than others, there is always the 'growth spurt' thing where she may be fussy because she's trying to build up supply.

Maybe she's getting enough foremilk but not enough hindmilk- that's the fatty later part of the feed that fills her up. Solution would be to feed off one breast twice in a row, then the other etc.

Actually just another thought- is she fussing and NOT feeding even though you know she is hungry? If so it may be your milk is letting down quite fast and 'choking' her so she gets overwhelmed. If that's the case then try letting some of the excess 'drip/spray' out to the side before attaching her (sorry if that's TMI, just trying to help )

Try calling ABA if you're still having problems, those are just a few things I thought of.

 

[sparassidae]

AArgh! totally forgot the most important thing I wanted to say- yes your milk is 'good enough' for her! And yes in all likelihood you DO have enough milk for her!

Pumping will increase your supply, but so will frequent feeding. Remember that is is normal for a baby that young to want to feed every hour or 2. It's not a sign of inadequate milk.

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

It is so annoying though... I was at a womens prayer meeting at my mum's church today, and I am the only one there under about 40. They were all telling me how silly I was to hold Madeleine all the time and not just put her in her cot to fall asleep. Apparently I am creating a rod for my own back...
She's not even a month old yet. How is it bad to not want to have my little baby crying and crying???
I certainly didn't tell them that she sometimes sleeps with us in our bed. It would have been a free for all then! I was just so very annoyed... It really really frustrated me. I finally get to a place with Maddie where we are both happy and getting sleep... and they stressed me out today and I think Maddie sensed it and she hasn't slept since about 3 this arvo... (it's now 7).

And I'm kinda worried about my milk... i don't seem to be satisfying her at the moment. She fusses at the breast, when I know she is hungry. Could I not be producing enough milk for her? Or could my milk not be good enough for her???
I'm not someone who enjoys breastfeeding alot, but the thought of putting her on formula fulltime isn't attractive. Mainly from a there is so much more to do with bottle feeding than there is breastfeeding.
If I pump, can i increase the volume of my milk?

Sorry for all the questions... But I'm a little clueless!!!

LOL! I wish there was a book entitiled The Reluctant BReastfeeding Mom....I don't go all gooey over nursing, either- it's completely out of ease and convenience that I nurse (and because I know my personal defects and nursing forces me into a position of constant interaction with my babies).

Can I ask you what color her poo is? Is it seedy and yellow? Or is it kind of greenish? (The color is indicative of the kind of milk she is getting).

Oh--freakin old ladies-according to them I'd have killed my children and made them terrors by now a million times over. Turns out that I have prett darn sweet children who all people, not their parents- love to be around. Grrrrrr......it all makes me so mad- I started to ask about their grown kids lives when they'd start bullying me with their advice- and when it turned out most of their kids were a mess well it assuaged my guilt for being snarky back.

Did you know that there is an epidmemic of attatchment disorders? I have a friend who is a doctor in child psychology and she and I have talked about this a bunch...kids don't get held enough, talked to enough, interacted with enough by their parents. Near constant physical contact is pretty much a basic need (not a want) of a human baby until they become mobile- and even then they need to be in close contact to ensure that they are safe while they navigate their new, bigger world on their own. Human touch fires out love hormones- that allow for optimal brain development and decreases the fight or flight response. Imagine how much better your day goes with lots of hugs from hubby--same is true for baby. Your baby was created by God completely aand totally dependent upon you---by holding her all the time and being in close physical contact, you are just responding to how God designed human babies.

 

[angelsgirl]

LOL! I wish there was a book entitiled The Reluctant BReastfeeding Mom....I don't go all gooey over nursing, either- it's completely out of ease and convenience that I nurse (and because I know my personal defects and nursing forces me into a position of constant interaction with my babies).

Can I ask you what color her poo is? Is it seedy and yellow? Or is it kind of greenish? (The color is indicative of the kind of milk she is getting).

Oh--freakin old ladies-according to them I'd have killed my children and made them terrors by now a million times over. Turns out that I have prett darn sweet children who all people, not their parents- love to be around. Grrrrrr......it all makes me so mad- I started to ask about their grown kids lives when they'd start bullying me with their advice- and when it turned out most of their kids were a mess well it assuaged my guilt for being snarky back.

Did you know that there is an epidmemic of attatchment disorders? I have a friend who is a doctor in child psychology and she and I have talked about this a bunch...kids don't get held enough, talked to enough, interacted with enough by their parents. Near constant physical contact is pretty much a basic need (not a want) of a human baby until they become mobile- and even then they need to be in close contact to ensure that they are safe while they navigate their new, bigger world on their own. Human touch fires out love hormones- that allow for optimal brain development and decreases the fight or flight response. Imagine how much better your day goes with lots of hugs from hubby--same is true for baby. Your baby was created by God completely aand totally dependent upon you---by holding her all the time and being in close physical contact, you are just responding to how God designed human babies.

Her poo is seedy and yellow. And there is LOTS of it. She is a pooing machine!!!

It gets to me the amount that people just give out what they think is good advice and get cranky cause you don't follow it. One of the ladies said that she was like this with her first son, and he was the most demanding baby and kid. Also that he couldn't entertain himself and needed her to entertain him at all times. She let the other one cry and didn't keep him with her and apparently he can entertain himself and is a much better kid.
I thought that was utter cr@p... seriously, that can just be temperament of the kids. And even if i was worried about this... my baby is not even 4 weeks old yet. She needs hugs and cuddles and to be held alot. She was inside me for 9 months... totally like a HUGE long hug!!!

She's not having a good night tonight. My husband just took her. She has alot of wind. Poor baby is in pain.
Is it good to feed her while she is in wind pain? Obviously I won't let her get hungry, but is it wise to put her on the breast to calm her down???

 

[ShannonMcCatholic]

Seedy yellow poop- means that she is getting enough hindmilk

I would recommend, heartily, talking to your pediatrician about the possibility of reflux. I would also examine what you are eating and ow it affects baby. One of my kiddos I could absolutely , positively not eat broccoli-- or it'd be all over for the whole night. Do you know the list of foods which might cause baby discomfort?

I, personally, comfort nurse--but I don't do pacifiers or anything- so I figure that sucking is confort for babe, even when it's non-nutritive. LOL_ I guess for me it's also a laziness thing- I figure whatever stops them crying and requires the least amount of work. But- if baby has reflux--then they are likely going to want to nurse for short little bits very, very frequently-and will be aided by being held uptight after feeding.

One other thing that I thought of--was to ask you if you are able to get her to burp?? I had one babe who took forever to burp-and I really had to work at it-but it made such a huge difference if I would atually burp her, than if I skipped it.

I don't know why people feel compelled to offer unsoicited advice--ever.

 

[Leanna]

I would recommend, heartily, talking to your pediatrician about the possibility of reflux. I would also examine what you are eating and ow it affects baby. One of my kiddos I could absolutely , positively not eat broccoli-- or it'd be all over for the whole night. Do you know the list of foods which might cause baby discomfort?

--fussy after meals
--pulls off when eating and squirms like trying to escape (not necessarily at every feeding)
--gas/wind

signs of reflux... because it hurts!

http://boards.babycenter.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=bcus1252546&tid=259
http://boards.babycenter.com/n/pfx/forum.aspx?tsn=1&nav=messages&webtag=bcus11979&tid=4035

 

[hisbloodformysins]

Warning... this is a rant post!!!

Ugh... I'm not having a very good time of it at the moment!!!
I'm not dealing very well at all... I didn't expect to feel like this. Madeleine is 3 and a bit weeks old. I'm not really coping too well with the lack of sleep (even though she is quite a good sleeper), and she has been very unsettled the last few days. I feel like all I do is hold a crying baby, or put a crying baby on my breast. I'm also not coping with how unsettled she has been the past few days. I had to put her down and walk away the other day... I felt like such a bad mother...

I don't know why i am feeling so bad... Sometimes everything is ok, but then sometimes it feels like I can't do anything right.(Usually at night).
It seems like my husband is much better at being a parent than me. He comes home and within seconds of him picking her up Maddie is all calm and she goes to sleep better with him than me.

I so don't know what to do... I want to be able to deal with all this, but i'm finding it really hard. I have been bursting into tears so easily lately too. My husband has been awesome, but the lack of sleep is getting to him too and we have been fighting more and more the last couple of days which really hasn't helped things at all...

I'm also stuck at home most of the days cause I can't drive due to the caesar. So unless Mum comes up and takes me out, I don't get out much at all.

Does it get better??? People say the first 6 or so weeks are the hardest... and that it gets better after that... is it true???


I honestly feel like a bad Mum cause I feel this way...

Welcome to parenthood!

Everything you are going through is normal! It does get better, at about the 4th month. When my son was a baby the neighbors actually called the police because he was crying for "like an hour" as the police put it. I was so angry i immediately confronted them when the police left, telling them that I don't abuse my baby. It's hard enough as a new mother, but to have such a lack of support. I think if i was concerned about a crying baby I'd knock on the door and offer my support. Apparently the people who called the police don't have children of their own!

The police were fine, just wanted to see him, and I explained to them that I couldn't get him to stop crying so I let him ... uh oh, watch out, about to say a bad word- CRY IT OUT in his crib for a little bit. And once I picked him up after about 30 minutes he was fine.... it seemed that everything I was doing before that just made him more mad and that he was possibly OVERSTIMULATED. The police officers just asked if I had transportation if I had to take him to the hospital and of course my neighbors denied it... maybe it was a different neighbor... who knows, I know I didn't trust any of them after that.

You are going to get frustrated, and sometimes you may need to have a little break by letting him cio for a little bit... for your sake and his. It won't hurt him.

Remember, daddy just came home from work as you said, he hadn't been with the baby for the last 8 hours or so. If you went somewhere for 8 hours, you'd be more refreshed too and able to have a little more patience. Something I have learned after having 3 babies is that they DO feed into how relaxed you are. Don't feel bad if you are not... you will get there.... right now you are learning how to read your baby, what your baby needs, it is exhausting, I know! But in another month or two... you'll know... it'll just happen, and you and your husband will be experts... or so it'll seem.

It has been the easiest with my third baby. My first was just temperamental, second had colic for first 3 months, and this one cried like a normal baby, but was so much easier to console, and the reason is partly personality, and partly that we know what to expect and are just less tense about it. We are more experienced.

It's also normal for you two to fight. Hubby and I fight the worse when we I'm pregnant (which I think he's learned by now and we don't do it as much this time around... and I have better coping skills now. Sleep deprivation is very hard to deal with, especially with a needy and crying baby.

It will get better!

HB

 

[Birbitt]

if you are having a problem with burping or it's taking a while to get her to burp or even if she's just not getting all the gas out here's a little trick I learned with my boys. Now I hope I explain this right because I'm used to just showing people instead of describing it....if you take your 2-3 (depending on the size of baby) first fingers and rub them firmly but not hard up the baby's spine from her bottom to her shoulders several times usually this will produce a very effective burp. We used this method as opposed to the pat,pat,pat,pat,pat and then pat, some more method.

 

[gracepaints]

I'm glad you are doing a little better. The first few weeks are SO HARD. I felt exactly the way you did.

I also second everyone's suggestion to see the doctor about the possibility of reflux. Also, is your letdown still really strong? Do you spray milk? Does she nurse noisily? She could be sucking in too much air and this can cause gas and discomfort too.

 

[Leanna]

Welcome to parenthood!

Everything you are going through is normal! It does get better, at about the 4th month. When my son was a baby the neighbors actually called the police because he was crying for "like an hour" as the police put it. I was so angry i immediately confronted them when the police left, telling them that I don't abuse my baby. It's hard enough as a new mother, but to have such a lack of support. I think if i was concerned about a crying baby I'd knock on the door and offer my support. Apparently the people who called the police don't have children of their own!

The police were fine, just wanted to see him, and I explained to them that I couldn't get him to stop crying so I let him ... uh oh, watch out, about to say a bad word- CRY IT OUT in his crib for a little bit. And once I picked him up after about 30 minutes he was fine.... it seemed that everything I was doing before that just made him more mad and that he was possibly OVERSTIMULATED. The police officers just asked if I had transportation if I had to take him to the hospital and of course my neighbors denied it... maybe it was a different neighbor... who knows, I know I didn't trust any of them after that.

You are going to get frustrated, and sometimes you may need to have a little break by letting him cio for a little bit... for your sake and his. It won't hurt him.

Remember, daddy just came home from work as you said, he hadn't been with the baby for the last 8 hours or so. If you went somewhere for 8 hours, you'd be more refreshed too and able to have a little more patience. Something I have learned after having 3 babies is that they DO feed into how relaxed you are. Don't feel bad if you are not... you will get there.... right now you are learning how to read your baby, what your baby needs, it is exhausting, I know! But in another month or two... you'll know... it'll just happen, and you and your husband will be experts... or so it'll seem.

It has been the easiest with my third baby. My first was just temperamental, second had colic for first 3 months, and this one cried like a normal baby, but was so much easier to console, and the reason is partly personality, and partly that we know what to expect and are just less tense about it. We are more experienced.

It's also normal for you two to fight. Hubby and I fight the worse when we I'm pregnant (which I think he's learned by now and we don't do it as much this time around... and I have better coping skills now. Sleep deprivation is very hard to deal with, especially with a needy and crying baby.

It will get better!

HB

If you let a refluxy baby cry it hurts them, it can even damage their esophagus permanently.

 

[-~Truth_N_Trust~-]

oh angelsgirl, your quite young and a first time mum, you need 'helpfull advice' proof armour! lol, people can't help themselves, especially older ladies who go a bit insane over little babies, they feel the need to pass on some nugget of wisdom!

Those first 6 weeks are hard! While there are moments of pure bliss there are moments of devastation too. Almost every mother will admit to a teary phone call to their mum/friend/hubby/random helpline in those first weeks, as well as the 'walk away from the crying'... I know I did... I does get better, it really does, just hang on for a few more weeks and the easier days should be outnumbering the hard ones!

Also, learn to relax. I'm not being snippy, I mean some relaxation techniques, remind yourself to breathe, to relax your muscles, to have a cup of tea. When you're calm your baby will sense it and be calm too... Also, her being happy with your hubby is TOTALLY normal! It has to do with you and her being in a stress each other out cycle and him comiing home and breaking it! Don't feel bad, she loves you, your her mother and there is none other. God gave you as Madeleine's mother, and He will give you the strength to persevere!

 

[jgonz]

The only thing I can think of that hasn't been touched on in this thread yet is the possibility of food sensitivities. Some breastfed babies are very sensitive to certain things their mothers' eat. One way to start figuring out what might be going on is to do a food diary... You write down everything you eat, and at what time, in one column, then in the other column write down when the baby is fussy/crying/gassy. If there are certain foods that the baby is sensitive to that you're eating, it should be pretty clear in a couple of days.

Dairy/milk is a Huge offender. Nuts, citrus, green veggies (especially brocolli), corn, wheat, Soy... Check out the kellymom site for more info: http://www.kellymom.com/babyconcerns/food-sensitivity.html

 

[Catholic Wife]

I don't think you're a bad mom - just a tired one. I have no advice, just prayers.

 

[angelsgirl]

jgnoz, that is one thing I have thought may be part or all of the problem. She has been more fussy the last few days, and the only thing I can think of that has been different over that period is i've been eating ice cream. And alot of it!!! So I've stopped that... I LOVE ice cream!!! But I will definitely start a food diary. The thing is I'm more healthy now than I have ever been. Seriously... I have lost SO much weight... I'm smaller everywhere (except my belly still) now than I was even before I got pregnant.

I think some of her problem is she gets over tired, and then it is a marathon to get her to sleep. But she won't sleep for more than about 1/2 hour at a time during the day. She is sleeping for at least 4 hours at a time during the night. So at least that is something. And during the day she won't sleep anywhere but with me in bed or in my arms. Is this normal behaviour??? Most of the time i don't mind... she's SO cute and I love holding her. But I need to shower and eat and do some things around the house.