Need to get this off my chest...

[angelsgirl]

Warning... this is a rant post!!!

Ugh... I'm not having a very good time of it at the moment!!!
I'm not dealing very well at all... I didn't expect to feel like this. Madeleine is 3 and a bit weeks old. I'm not really coping too well with the lack of sleep (even though she is quite a good sleeper), and she has been very unsettled the last few days. I feel like all I do is hold a crying baby, or put a crying baby on my breast. I'm also not coping with how unsettled she has been the past few days. I had to put her down and walk away the other day... I felt like such a bad mother...

I don't know why i am feeling so bad... Sometimes everything is ok, but then sometimes it feels like I can't do anything right.(Usually at night).
It seems like my husband is much better at being a parent than me. He comes home and within seconds of him picking her up Maddie is all calm and she goes to sleep better with him than me.

I so don't know what to do... I want to be able to deal with all this, but i'm finding it really hard. I have been bursting into tears so easily lately too. My husband has been awesome, but the lack of sleep is getting to him too and we have been fighting more and more the last couple of days which really hasn't helped things at all...

I'm also stuck at home most of the days cause I can't drive due to the caesar. So unless Mum comes up and takes me out, I don't get out much at all.

Does it get better??? People say the first 6 or so weeks are the hardest... and that it gets better after that... is it true???


I honestly feel like a bad Mum cause I feel this way...

 

[JulySheMustFly]

You're not a bad mom for feeling like this. If anything it is a rite of passage into motherhood. It does get better, not easy but better. You find the routine within your family and start to understand the fussing of your baby. You find what calms you when you babe is anything but calm. You're not a bad mom.

 

[bugaboo]

First, let me say congratulations!!

It will get better! Your body is going to need some time to recover, you're going through big physical and hormonal changes right now. And it takes time to adjust to such a huge lifestyle change. Try to sleep when the baby does, that's really important with a newborn. Perhaps a friend or a relative can come over to help with a meal or some housework so you can get some rest. Hang in there, it will get better.

 

[£amb]

It's amazing what lack of sleep does to ya... Both my boys didn't sleep during the night until they were a few months old. Some nights were better than others, but I felt like pulling my hair out. Don't be discouraged! Your body is recovering from giving birth, C-section, and lack of sleep. All those things do not make you feel too nice...believe me, I know...been through it myself... My husband and myself were bickering constantly and that was just due to the lack of sleep. Things will get better, but there are going to be nights (and days) that seem frustrating.

Is there a way you can have your mom come over once in awhile so you can get alittle more rest? It can do wonders to your physical and mental health...


Don't feel like a bad mommy, we all go through this at one time or another.

 

[~Mrs. A2J~]

Have you learned to nurse laying down? That was the biggest thing I think that helped save my sanity in the early weeks. Also having the baby sleep with us helped tremendously too because I could feel when baby started rooting so they didn't get to the point of crying so didn't wake hubby up. Hubby not being sleep deprived helped with things like avoiding bickering. But really, if you haven't learn to nurse while laying down I would highly recommend it cos that way you can rest while baby eats and maybe even get more sleep.

 

[lucypevensie]

You're not a bad mom! You needed to walk away far more than your baby needed you at that moment.

Im my experience with my 2 kiddos I found that the 6-week thing really was pretty accurate. It did begin to get easier. My DD had established a schedule for herself and my son needed some help from me with starting a schedule. For me it was the schedule (a loose one, mind you) which did the most to save my sanity. And yes, learning to nurse lying down was a lifesaver indeed. I couldn't sleep for long periods of time like that but for an hour or so it was fine. An hour of sleep here and there is precious and valuable when you're dealing with a newborn.

 

[EmilyF]

The thing that sticks out to me most is the crying. If she is crying "all the time" (whatever that means to you, I am not doubting you or minimalizing your feelings at ALL, I really and truly understand) get thee to the doctor. Tell the doctor to fix her. I do not believe even a tiny bit that some babies just cry all the time, neither do I believe in colic. The thing we like to call colic is often something else. For Patrick is was pretty severe acid reflux (note extreme vomiting is not needed for a reflux diagnosis). By the time he was on his medicine for 3 weeks, he was a totally different little boy. If the doctor says "it's just colic" tell them to find what is really wrong or you'll need to find another doctor.
This time is so draining. Do not feel bad about how you feel. This is something not enough of us talk about when our excited friends are pregnant. I dealt with near debilitating depression during my pregnancy and dealt with PPD as well. If one more person had told me what a blessing a baby is (as if it were my attitude that needed adjusting and that I just needed an adjustment) I swear on God's holy name they would have gotten at the very least an earful for me.

 

[llghoney]

 

[lin1235]

Good advice from Mopedmom.

I can totally relate! Around 3wks post-partum I remember crying non-stop for about 3 hours one afternoon because dd didn't nap for a few hours and was crying a lot. Turns out she had reflux (we got the diagnosis a few weeks later) - but I totally understand how you feel, I felt exactly the same!

One other thing to watch out for, I don't think anyone has mentioned, is PND (post-natal depression). It often manifests around 3 weeks post-partum - so be aware that what you're feeling could be more than just "struggling", and if so, ask your doctor for some help. It is absolutely treatable!

And it really really really does get better, I promise. The first 6 weeks are really hard IMO, and it's really only from about 12 weeks that I felt back to "normal" emotionally. Now dd is 19mo and being a mom is the most rewarding experience I've ever had - you will get there too!

 

[sparassidae]

Hey, what you're feeling is very normal! Don't beat yourself up, those first 6 weeks can be really hard, but it does get better!

Have you got any friends that can come over for even a little while to help out or even just chat?

 

[Linnis]

Your feelings are very normal. The hormonal crazyness after a baby is born is very difficult. Nobody told me about it after I had DS and I was shocked at how emotional I was. It was worse than being pregnant because I was also sleep deprived.

Keep the baby close to your bed and keep the stuff to change her diaper handy. Get bottles of water and snacks you can eat from bed handy like cereal bars, granola bars etc. Then just camp out in bed - get up only to shower and pee. When she sleeps, try and sleep if you can't just rest.

If she's crying and you've tried everything you can put her down in a safe place and walk away for a few minutes. Then come back and try again.

It does get a lot better after 6-8 weeks. Your milk supply will level out, your emotions will level out, your baby will be slightly more secure.

I took 2-3 showers a day when DS was small. I would hand off the crying baby to Dad and go take a shower with foam ear plugs in. Not only would I feel way more human after showering but I didn't have to hear crying for 10 minutes or so.

 

[Birbitt]

It will get better, both you and your new baby will find a routine that suits you and then things will be more predictable. Until that point comes though here are a few suggetions from me, first sleep when your baby does yes this might mean that the laundry may have to wait for a day or two, or that the dishes won't get done until after dinner....but oh well, your health and sanity are more important right now. Second you need to help your baby cope with her new surroundings remember that your baby was in a very dark, and warm place for 9 months and now she's out in the cold, noisy, and very bright world so keep her warm (but not too warm), provide her with a place to rest where the light is kept to a minimum, and without many loud noises, also you might try a sound box for her when she is sleeping one that has nature sounds or the sound of a heartbeat babies find them calming and it helps to relax her. When our boys were small we had a little bassinet for their naps and it stayed in our bedroom with the curtains closed and when baby was asleep the sound box was on and resting in the bottom of the bassinet basket. This helped them to sleep well, and most times if they were drowsy and I put them in the bassinet they would fall right to sleep. Two other great mommy tools for me were my snuggli (so I could carry baby while cleaning house) and the swing (my boys loved the swing so when they were fussy and I was getting frustrated I would put them in the swing and they would fall asleep there and I could get something done or just calm myself. Hope this helps. And rest assured you are not alone, everyone goes through this once in a while with a new baby, and it gets better.

 

[homeschoolmama]

You're not a terrible mom. You're a new mom and very overwhelmed. It's okay to cry, it's okay to talk about your feelings.

My first was very colicky, cried for 7 hours (screamed more like) a night and I had severe postpartum depression. Having Rabbit was certainly an eye-opener!

Could I ask you - do you get scary thoughts? Like hurting yourself, the baby? Are you afraid to be left alone with her? Any other symptoms that don't seem quite right? Don't be afraid to admit it and get help. There are medications to help with this. And it doesn't make you a bad mom. And they won't take your baby from you either. You're recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and it affects everyone in different ways. You're also coping with broken sleep which is also very difficult when you're not used to it.

Do you have a sling or front carrier? That's another thing that helps. Your baby gets to be close to you and you get your hands free. Though it does take some getting used to in the beginning.

I hope I helped some! I will pray for you!

 

[bliz]

We all agree - you are normal! At that you are feeling is normal, and has happened to almost every mom. Any mom who tells you she never had such problems is very forgetful or lying to you.

Sleep whenever you can. At least, lay down with baby on your bed and nurse her and just remain there when she goes to sleep. If people offer help, take them up on it and ask them to wash dishes or make dinner or do a load of laundry. Let other people mother you so you can mother baby. Drink lots of water, keep taking your vitamins, and when you nurse, use one breast per nursing so your daughter is getting as much of the higher fat content hind milk.

When Dad comes home, let him take care of you while you get a nap.

This is not how this is always going to be. Parenting is not years and years of this. Honest. And safely putting her down and walking away is an excellent choice.

 

[Beth1231]

*Hugs* I'm glad you are getting some comfort and encouragement. It's hard to step out and admit things are not as you thought they would be. It helped me a lot during the awful moments of the newborn stage to remind myself that my body was going through a major hormonal shift. It was figuring out that I wasn't pregnant and my emotions were not going to be haywire forever. Newborns settle into a sleep pattern although it takes time. Learning to nurse lying down (start by leaning over baby and work your way to the pillow from there) helped me so much. I took naps with her a lot. A cosleeper right by the bed helped so much. You are just too tired to get out of bed over and over all night. Especially after having a baby a few weeks ago.

I know it is rough right now. One thing I wish I had done was to call friends and admit that I needed someone to come over and let me take a nap, take a shower or just sit outside in the yard by myself. People like to hold tiny babies. Please do get on the phone and ask for help if you feel you need it. Sometimes an hour away from my newborn was all I needed to come back refreshed and feeling like a "good" mommy again. You ARE a good Mommy. And remember that your baby girl can't go Mommy shopping to compare. You're it, you're her world and she is content.

 

[jennyren]

I experienced the same thing at about three weeks. I was just so tired, and my son never stopped eating. I really wanted to breastfeed but was desperate for sleep, so in the evening I nursed the baby around 7:00. I gave my husband a bottle of formula(expressed milk would have been better, but I was in no mood to pump). I went to bed for four hours (with earplugs) and when my husband was ready to go to bed, he brought the baby to me. I did this for a few nights and then I started to feel human again. The baby never drank much of the formula (1-2 oz) at most and he mostly slept. (I guess when you're not in the same room, the baby dosn't think about the breast as much). My husband was not eager to help, I pretty much had to beg, but man was it worth it! Once he realized I wouldn't be so moody if I got some sleep, he was a little more willing to help out. My baby is 2.5 months now. He mostly breastfeeds but I don't hesitate to give him a bottle now and then. I leave him with dad or grandma if I feel like I'm having a meltdown and I try not to feel guilty. There's a lot of supermoms out there, but I'm not there yet. The meltdowns are getting fewer and farther between now that baby is eating more regualary during the day and less at night.

 

[Neenie1]

Yes, feeling down at 3 weeks is very normal. I had it with both of mine. I think part of it is that everyone who came to visit is "over" the new baby and isn't calling every day or coming to visit, or bringing meals or whatever it is that people were doing when you first had the baby, yet baby is still very very small, and you aren't sleeping.

Do the best you can to have a rest every day. Also I agree with whoever said to learn to feed laying down. Mine used to take up to 1/2 hour to feed, if you did this laying down with eyes shut, it's like taking a nap at the same time.

Also try and get some exercise, if you can take baby out for a walk, also sunshine and fresh air does wonders and seems to help people sleep better at night.

 

[Wrexscar]

Have you guessed, your normal. At about 3 weeks the idea of throwing the boy out of the window crossed my mind. If all you've done is get tearfull and walk away your close to sainthood. My advive is next time your mum comes round to take you out let her take the baby and you stay in and sleep. It's amazing how much of what you feeling is "just" sleep depravation.
You start to understand how it's used as a torture.


after 3 weeks in the wilderness without sleep the devil came and tempted him, and said if you but bow down and worship me I'll ensure you get 8 hours sleep a night for the rest of your life.

Turning stones into bread is easy to resist, now thats what I call temptation.

 

[MyaShane]

Nothing and no one can prepare you for what the first 6 or so weeks with a newborn is really like. Only actually living it can you really understand it. I think as new parents we envision cuddling a warm sleeping baby as we quietly sip coffee in a cozy rocking chair. And when the reality is you at 3am wondering if today’s the day you’ll get a shower, when was the last time you slept more than 2 consecutive hours, and what in the world hot coffee tastes like it can be very overwhelming! Especially when it’s our first. We’re inexperienced, nervous, mentally/physically/emotionally exhausted, and too darn hard on ourselves! The thing is, we all go through a lot of the same things and it’s ok. We learn as we go and do the best we can. Don’t beat yourself up hun, I’m sure you’re going a find job. It’s not always easy to understand what a new baby’s needs are right away but you will get there, and yes, it does get easier!

 

[Leanna]

The thing that sticks out to me most is the crying. If she is crying "all the time" (whatever that means to you, I am not doubting you or minimalizing your feelings at ALL, I really and truly understand) get thee to the doctor. Tell the doctor to fix her. I do not believe even a tiny bit that some babies just cry all the time, neither do I believe in colic. The thing we like to call colic is often something else. For Patrick is was pretty severe acid reflux (note extreme vomiting is not needed for a reflux diagnosis). By the time he was on his medicine for 3 weeks, he was a totally different little boy. If the doctor says "it's just colic" tell them to find what is really wrong or you'll need to find another doctor.

I agree. Crying a lot... need to hear more details, but it could be reflux...

It really does get better though, a lot more fun and the babies get more interesting.