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Need To Bring Closure....Please Help

grace4sds

grace4sds
Apr 10, 2004
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I hope this is not too long-

I need some input on something that happened to me a year ago that I am trying so desperately to let go of. But, there just has not been any kind of closure. A year ago I was engaged to a man whom I thought was a kind christian man. We were actually friends for 2 years before becoming engaged. After we were engaged 1 month my fiance broke our engagement due to his daughter not wanting him to marry anyone. After a week he realized he was wrong letting her control his life so he wanted again to marry me. I took him back and we were engaged again. After 3 weeks he said he had a temper and feared I would leave him. This guy has no history of a temper and I have to this day never seen it. He would not listen to anything and was very adamant about breaking the engagement saying he wanted the best for me.
While we were engaged 3 of my closest friends were emailing my fiance long emails and constantly wanting to know about our relationship. My closest friend told my fiance negative things about me that were completely untrue. My fiance did not take up for me when she said these things. After the breakup these girlfriends and my fiance continued to be friends and to this day they are all friends. The only thing I know I did in all this is fall in love with this man. Then I lost 3 friends and a fiance. After 6 months my ex fiance wanted to be good friends. It is like nothing happened and I should be a good christian person and forget the whole thing. I just feel like I was wronged and no one feels they should acknowledge or take any kind of responsibility for hurting me. No one has truly said they were sorry. My ex fiance did once in an e-mail but it is just not the same as in person and it didn't sound sincere. I never have any problems other than this with any of my friendships. I have lots of friends. This has just put me in the twilight zone. It just does not make any sense. I am very picky about who I date and when I finally thought I had found someone it just totally floored me. Can anyone make any sense out of this whole thing. Am I wrong to feel christians should be responsible for their actions toward others as much as nonchristians instead of using the "you should forgive me and forget what I did or you aren't a christian" attitude, without a sincere apology. Please help..I really need to bring closure and forget all this.
 

wheels4Christ

Repenting Sinner
Mar 30, 2004
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Sorry to hear about your trial, sister. You have my sympathy and prayer. Rest assure God will see you through - draw upon His limitless power.

If I may offer some opinions, in all three of your examples, he sounds like he is unsure of what he really wants. Or cold feet syndrome or maybe he is overly testing your commitment? I dont really know but I do feel that is just wrong ...I mean seriously the old "I want only the best for you and golly I am not the best for you" is chicken poop excuse for trying to let you down easy. Yeah I did this in high school.

And the thing about your 3 friends e-mailing him to talk about you behind your back? I would evaluate the term friends here. True friends will never ever influence you into doing something you will regret nor will they do things to mess up your life. True Christian friends will never allow you to go against Bibical teaching.

I just feel like I was wronged and no one feels they should acknowledge or take any kind of responsibility for hurting me.
well from your post, yeah, you were wronged. Sounds like a hidden motive on your 3 so-called friends. I would confront just to know why they did what they did.

Can anyone make any sense out of this whole thing.
Nope not without uncertainty. My best guess is in 2nd paragraph.

Am I wrong to feel christians should be responsible for their actions toward others
God still holds us responsible for our actions. We may repent of our sin and be forgiven but the deed done will be still be accountable. If you are able to forgive them without them asking you too... my admiration and may God bless you accordingly. However, if you can not (and most can not) that's a personal choice. But all in all, you deserve a sincere face to face expalation and especailly appology. But dont hold your breath.

Please help..I really need to bring closure and forget all this.
All things are possible through God. Pray for His peace and love for you to pass this trail. Remember, God through Christ is faithful and will not let you endure more than you can handle. We have that promise!

1 Corinthians 1:9 - God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
 
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grace4sds

grace4sds
Apr 10, 2004
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Thank you for your response. It helps hearing others perspective who are not as close to the situation. My choice will probably be not to confront these friends since it has been a year. I did confront my closest friend at the time and she did not acknowledge anything. I have not seen any of my girlfriends for almost a year. I would like to understand it all but I know that is not possible. So, I need to try and learn from it and go on. I just want to put it behind me. Time does help. Your response has helped me understand and confirm some of my feelings. Thanks. May God bless you.
 
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