Need somewhere to Vent.....

[Lotuspetal_uk]

It's the 4th July and my husband is off work for 4 days.

I was really looking forward to this weekend, he'd made promises that we'd go out as a family but always said that because of work we couldn't do it.

This morning he got up, went straight onto his games console and so I thought, "first day off work, leave him and let him unwind". Our little baby woke up and I got her ready, brought her to her dad and it was just enough for him to take his eyes off his video game and quickly pass a smile at her before going back to the game.

By mid-day and after 5 hours of game play what little Christ-like patience in me is wearing thin. He finishes with his game, packs it up, throws on his Islamic clothes (he's an American!!!!) and goes out to a mosque where the ppl can bearly speak English.

Please someone put some perspective on this because I'm really ticked off right now!! He always goes on and on about how his baby is Muslim, how she's not allowed to have dolls/teddy bears, she's not allowed to watch cartoons, not allowed to have books with pictures in them, not allowed to hear Bible stories. And yet he cannot be bothered to entertain her or spend time with her on his days off. I always have to remember to be an example to him about what it is to be a Christian, always have to submit, bite my tongue to keep the peace and right now I feel like a jackass for not telling him plain and simple that he's following a false doctrine and I'd die first before our child becomes a Muslim. I feel very, very tired of 1 Peter 3:1&2. Why do I have to wait for him to either leave me or cheat on me before I can be free of him? Why isn't there a 'get out clause' in the Bible where those of us who get saved whilst married to the lost can at least leave when staying is causing one to sin (get angry, deceive, lie just to have a normal life)???

Days like this make me really just want to pack everything up, jump on a plane with my child and head back home!

 

[Simcha]

Hi Lotuspetal

It sounds like you're in a really difficult situation, and I don't have any answers. I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you and your little girl.

Am I right in thinking that you're an American living in the UK? Forgive me if I'm making wrong assumptions Is there anyway that you could go back to the States to stay with family for a while, to give you both a break from each other? I don't want to advise you, because I don't really know you and don't feel it's my place, but I am concerned for your daughter, and her future salvation. Maybe you do need to take some drastic steps.

Whatever happens, I hope my words haven't upset you, I just wish I could give you a great big hug.

 

[kimber1]

I'm not clear on teh Muslim religion but wow!! no teddybears adn stuff! I feel your frustration!! and my prayers are with you adn your family!!

 

[Mr.Cheese]

He has a responsibility to you as well. Guys conveniently overlook the scriptures that put them in their place.
If he keeps treating you guys like this he isn't going to have a wife or a baby to raise Muslim.

 

[agapeman]

If feel that you have the right to raise your child in the ways of the true God. if he wants to see his daughter he needs to respect your wishes and follow your lead to get him in right standing with God . Until then i think it is your way or the highway.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Am I right in thinking that you're an American living in the UK? Forgive me if I'm making wrong assumptions Is there anyway that you could go back to the States to stay with family for a while, to give you both a break from each other? I don't want to advise you, because I don't really know you and don't feel it's my place, but I am concerned for your daughter, and her future salvation. Maybe you do need to take some drastic steps.

Hi simchat,

No, you've not upset me at all and I really do appreciate your post. I've calmed down a little from earlier today (pms is a real bummer sometimes ).

I'm a Brit living overseas and married to an American. My family have offered to send for a plane ticket for me to go home as I do get home sick a lot. The problem is that he's only recently returned from a deployment and he laid it on heavily that he'd not spent quality time with his child and that I can visit my family when he's next away. Hence me 'blowing a gasket' earlier. Through faith, I'm secure of my baby's salvation but I get shaken sometimes of the 'grey area' of how our household is. Like my sig, each time I pray about it I get reassured that the Lord is in control but like a spoilt brat I get a little impatient on His timescale for me

Please do keep me in your prayers though.

God bless

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I wanted to thank you all for your kind words. I'm not feeling like the 'incredible Hulk' so much now (had a twix and a little cry earlier, just prayed about it tonight and now am back onto my 'lean-on-the-Lord' mode again).

Just needed to either write it down or something whilst the little one was napping.

God bless

 

[Simcha]

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better, and believe me I know all about pms LOL (should be banned, it is so unfair)

I'll keep praying for you, and you keep holding on to your sig!!!

God Bless

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Wow, Lotuspetal - my heart and prayers go out to you
This is beyond frustrating, this is a real concern. How long since he converted to Islam? Is he new to Islam? What is his response to your Christianity?

Hi P4I

Thanks for your prayers

He's been converted to Islam for quite a number of years now but even to those who were born into it, he can be perceived as being too strict. He was and is bitterly disappointed at me becoming a Christian and even says that he wished I was a Muslim (I don't take offense because I pray daily that he becomes a Christian). He does not outwardly disrespect my beliefs but he does covertly make it difficult for me to freely express my faith.

Which kind of made me lose it today - it's okay for him to put his 'brothers' before his own child, whom he believes was born a Muslim but if I (God forbid) was to do the same thing I'd be a 'bad Christian mother'.

So, I don't know - each time I pray about it, I get the strength to remain but I'm impatient for change as the current situation is becoming more intolerable for me.

God bless

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better, and believe me I know all about pms LOL (should be banned, it is so unfair)

I'll keep praying for you, and you keep holding on to your sig!!!

God Bless

Thank you sis!

It's so true about pms (who ever said it got better after childbirth )

God bless you too!

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hi P4I,

Do you have any Christian friends, church family to be able to talk to or ask for prayers? We all need support from our brothers and sisters during trials like these.

Alas where we're currently living has no strong Christian groups that I feel comfortable with. The other churches in town do not speak English. We've only got just over a year left here and I pray that it goes quickly. All I have here is my prayers, the Spirit, my Bible and a DSL connection So at the moment CF is a God-send as it's the only place where I can fellowship with other believers and have some time away from the household so I can recharge.

I really am skeptical of his beliefs in putting his Muslim brothers first before you and your child... that is a huge concern.

I know, and yet this is all I see in his belief system. The written form of it speaks of one thing but actually living it shows something completely different.

It is amazing how the Lord has carried me through this and all I can ask is that you continue to pray and lift me up, especially during 'down days' like these past few days.

God bless you

 

[coastie]

Lotuspetal,

I am curious about his demeanor toward you and the baby. When you engage in religious conversations, does his demeanor change? Does he listen to you or does he become hostile or agitated?

Does he understand how important it is to you that your baby is raised Christian?

I can understand what it's liek to wait intently on a tour of duty to be over with. I'm going through the same thing right now, but without my church and a good group of freinds to fellowship with, it would be intolerable.

I'll pray for your situation and you and your baby.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hi Coastie,

You asked,

I am curious about his demeanor toward you and the baby. When you engage in religious conversations, does his demeanor change?

Not now but he use to. I guess he was initially intimidated by the fact that I had not converted to Islam when by all accounts I should have done (by his logic) given the amount of reading material that was available to me.

Does he listen to you or does he become hostile or agitated?

He only listens to what he wants to hear. In the past he use to become agitated by the fact that I would question his beliefs. Now he's grown up a little. Yesterday we had a debate about the trinity and the purpose of salvation and it was refreshing that we finished and was able to laugh and chat afterwards. But his heart and mind is closed-tight to even the merest opportunity to consider Christ. All I can do is plant little seeds and pray that the Lord will do the rest - if that is in fact the Lord's Will.

Does he understand how important it is to you that your baby is raised Christian?

I think he knows but he chooses not to dwell on it because he is convinced that the Christian faith is 'misguided' such that he believes I'll convert to Islam and that it wouldn't be an issue when our baby's older.

I can understand what it's like to wait intently on a tour of duty to be over with. I'm going through the same thing right now, but without my church and a good group of freinds to fellowship with, it would be intolerable.

Amen. I have good days and bad days but I really miss the kind of fellowship I had at home. I praise the Lord though for days such as this morning when I can wake up, thank Him for such a beautiful morning and for reassuring me that the Lord is in full control.

I'll pray for your situation and you and your baby.

God bless you Coastie, I'd really appreciate that With how I feel this morning I believe everyone's prayers are being received so thank you

 

[ukok]

LP_UK,

I sympathise with your situation. I feel for you greatly. You are caught between a rock and a hard place. I will pray that your relationship will grow and that as it does, your husband becomes more tolerant and respectful and willing to give more of his time to you and your daughter.

I also will pray that both you and your husband will find a way of raising your child amicably concerning the religious/ Christian/Muslim education that you will present her with as she continues to grow and begins to ask those all important questions like "where did everything come from ?".

I hope that these issues become resolved within your relationship and that they do not provide so much conflict that you are unable to remain together. But if you continue to call out to the LORD in all things, He will guide you.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hi Ukok,

Thank you sis and God bless!

 

[GREG]

i will be praying for you and your young Daughter... your husband only thinks of himself in a lot of ways. I use to do the same thing from time to time. i would play games and never thought what everyone around me thought. i was hurting everyone around me but did not realize it. i will pray for your Husband to open his eyes to you and the lifes he has around him.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

i will be praying for you and your young Daughter... your husband only thinks of himself in a lot of ways. I use to do the same thing from time to time. i would play games and never thought what everyone around me thought. i was hurting everyone around me but did not realize it. i will pray for your Husband to open his eyes to you and the lifes he has around him.

Thank you Greg.

The thing is before I got pregnant I too use to play video games as a source of relief from my job, a way to unwind. But unlike him, if someone came into my room, I'd save where I was at and talk with them. He's always immersed in the gameplay to the point that he's oblivious to stuff going on around him and worse now at the expense of his baby. The other night whilst cooking I asked him to keep an eye on our baby to save me carrying her into the kitchen. But I came into the living room and caught him staring at the tv screen with our child propped up on the sofa. His back was towards our child and both of them were blankly staring at the screen. I had to pick her up, struggle with her high chair into the kitchen and all this with him zombified in front of the tv. And this after us having a chat about what happened on 4 July.

Every time I say to him how this is ticking me off and it gets better for a while and then goes back to how it was before. Or worse, he gets out one of his 'lets brainwash you into Islam' tapes which just causes me to leave the room (like tonight).

Forgive me, I've rambled again.

Thank you for your kind words and keep praying for me.

God bless

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hi Uk,
I just reread your post again and you said,

I also will pray that both you and your husband will find a way of raising your child amicably concerning the religious/ Christian/Muslim education that you will present her with as she continues to grow and begins to ask those all important questions like "where did everything come from ?".

When I got saved this was how I wished any children we had would be raised. I recall that he expressly refused this arrangement on the basis that he felt his religion to be the only way. He believes that a person is born a Muslim and so if we had kids they must only be taught about Islam only.

Now that she's come along after so many years of marriage I've told him that I cannot lie to our child if she was to ask me whether Islam is the correct religion because that is not what's been placed on my heart. The best I can do is to factually educate her but not at the expense of my faith.

Just to explain on what you'd said

 

[allieisme]

He finishes with his game, packs it up, throws on his Islamic clothes (he's an American!!!!) and goes out to a mosque where the ppl can bearly speak English.

What is a mosque? I know that answering a little question like that is probably the least of your worries, but I was just wondering what it was.
I dont even know if I could give you sound advice on this topic. I know that we as wives are supposed to be submissive to our husbands, but I'm just not like that. If my husband does something to make me mad, I will for surely let him know, I just can't sit back and let it boil in my head and just think it will be ok, thats just not my personality. Like this morning, he was off from work, so I let him sleep, and I got up with our girls. He got up at 9:30am he said his good mornings or what have you, and then went straight into our computer room and started playing a computer game for 3 1/2 hours.
Lotuspetal_uk~~I hope all is well with you and your husband now, and hopefully you were able to talk to him about what was bothering you, I know its rough.. Hey if you ever feel like venting, send me a PM or email, but just to forewarn you, you might get some venting out of me too
Allison

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

What is a mosque? I know that answering a little question like that is probably the least of your worries, but I was just wondering what it was.
I dont even know if I could give you sound advice on this topic. I know that we as wives are supposed to be submissive to our husbands, but I'm just not like that. If my husband does something to make me mad, I will for surely let him know, I just can't sit back and let it boil in my head and just think it will be ok, thats just not my personality. Like this morning, he was off from work, so I let him sleep, and I got up with our girls. He got up at 9:30am he said his good mornings or what have you, and then went straight into our computer room and started playing a computer game for 3 1/2 hours.
Lotuspetal_uk~~I hope all is well with you and your husband now, and hopefully you were able to talk to him about what was bothering you, I know its rough.. Hey if you ever feel like venting, send me a PM or email, but just to forewarn you, you might get some venting out of me too
Allison

Hi Allison

I just typed a nice reply to your post and it got wiped out!!!

Anyway, things are better than last week, praise the Lord. As usual I had a chat with him and he is making an effort but what happens after this is that things slide back to how they were last week. But at least for now I can tolerate it.

Before I forget, a mosque is the Muslim's place of worship.

God bless you and thanks.