Need some serious advice....

[NoneyaBiznezz]

Let me start with a little background information and then I'll explain the problem. My wife and I have been married for 8 years this coming October. Almost 5 years ago my marriage was in dire straights, my wife was going off the deep end from some unresolved teenage issues and I unfortunately had an affair. I am deepy repentant and would never, ever do anything like this again. My wife is aware (doesn't know all the details but knows enough) and we have both been to counseling for our "issues". My marriage today is better than it has ever been. I have been truly blessed with a second chance.

About 2 years ago I came to know Christ and his forgiveness. I was raised Catholic and initially returned to the church. My wife practiced as a non-denominational Christian prior to our marraige but tried to give Roman Catholic churches a shot. This didn't go to well due to the strong differences in leadership structure.

Needless to say My wife and I found a very nice, large non-denominational church that is very family oriented. We have attended this church for 7 months or so. My kids are all enrolled in Sunday school classes. My wife and I attend a bible study together and I have gotten involved in a small mens group.

Everything was going great until last week. Here I am standing in the worship service singing my heart out and guess what? The woman I had the affair with comes in late to the service and is escorted to the pew right infront of me!! I had no idea that this woman attended this church. The church is fairly large serving over 3000 people on Sunday. Needless to say, I about fell over dead. This woman never saw me, or at least I don't think she did. I am beginning to think that she attends this church every now and then but most of her family probably attend on a regular basis.

My question is this: Do I leave the church? I have been praying about this all week and am not sure what to do. I understand that I will pay a price for my sin all of my life. Should I expose my family to possibly embarassing experiece? Is this selfishness that prompts me to find another church or is it a desire to grow in Christ with my family with out any constant reminders of the past? What a humbling experience....

I truly don't know what to do. I haven't told my wife about this. I am not so attached to the church that I couldn't leave, I really like it there but it is the first church I have attended outside of the Roman Catholic relm. I don't want to be around this woman ever again. Kind of a strange predicament, justice in some ways I guess.

Sorry for rambling on for so long...

Peace in Christ,

Brian

 

[AirForceTeacher]

Ouch! I'd have to leave. Maybe it's just my weakness or cowardice, but I'd leave.

If you do decide to leave that church because of her, you'll have to talk to your wife about it. Are you able to have that conversation?

 

[bliz]

Tell your wife. This is as much her concern as it is yours. Talk about it together and prayerfully decide together what to do.

 

[Svt4Him]

I understand that I will pay a price for my sin all of my life.

No you won't, once it's brought to the light and dealt with.

I would ask the pastor myself.

 

[cazza]

Tell your wife. This is as much her concern as it is yours. Talk about it together and prayerfully decide together what to do.

I agree with bliz

Always be open and honest with your wife, she will appreciate it. Deal together.

 

[karla]

I would talk to your wife about. If she found out on her own that the woman you had the affair with attends the church you are now going to it may have a terrible affect o your marriage. Be upfront and honest with her, pray together, and decide what is best for your family. My prayers are with you.

 

[Oblivious]

Wow! I would definitely have a talk with your wife and let here know what's going on. Honesty is always the best way to go.

Say you don't tell her - don't you think she'll be alittle suspicious about why all of a sudden you've decided to leave the congregation that you love?

Best of luck to you. You're in my prayers.

 

[Blindfaith316]

On a side note: GOD WOULD NEVER THROW SOMETHING INTO YOUR FACE!! once your forgiven, your forgiven!

that being said, you HAVE to tell your wife, you have to talk about this, and if possible speak to your pastor about it. I am sure that this woman is just as much embarrassed as you are (if she knows) and I am thankful that she also may have found Christ.

I am praying for you all.

 

[OracleX]

This will have to be something between you are your wife. I don't feel that leaving the church would be the right thing. This sounds like a trial that you and your wife need to deal with together. God often brings things back in to our life (or new things) that make us stop and think.

Talk and pray it over with your wife. If you still can't come to a conclusion, seek the help of a pastor or elder in the church.

God bless.

 

[NoneyaBiznezz]

Thank you for all of your sound advice I have been very unsettled for the past week regarding this matter. I am not sure what the correct answer is. I would really like to share this problem with my wife but am not sure how she would react. This stumbling block in our marriage that I am responsible for has never been a good topic for discussion and it has litteraly take years to resolve the hurt feelings. I am afraid my wife might decide to confront this woman and that would not accomplish anything other than more hurt. I truly understand that my sin has been forgive by God but that doesn't mean I don't have to pay the consequences. I am really stuck between a rock and a hardplace on this one. Would it be wrong to just continue going to the church and pray that God will take care of the issue? I have been praying alot and cannot come to a resolution that doesn't seem selfish. If I tell my wife is it because I don't want to deal with this on my own? If I don't tell my wife am I taking the easy way out? If I leave don't leave the church, am I not following the teaching of the Bible? If I do leave the church am I just trying to avoid the reprecutions an confromtation could create?

As you can see I am quite confused but I am trying very hard to deal with this the way God would want me to and not the way that I think it should be.

Thank you for all of your kind words of encouragment

Peace in Christ,

Brian

 

[NoneyaBiznezz]

Blindfaith,

I am also very greatful that this "other woman" has been led to Christ. This brings up an entirely differnt perspective. If I choose to stay at the church could I perhaps be responsible for causing problems in her walk with God? I believe that her family attends this church and would be the center of her support structure.....So many issues...lol

I am sure that God will work all of this out in one way or another.

God Bless,

Brian